keepthechangeplease

[keepthechangeplease]

I'm thankful we shared so many memories together. Your uniqueness, fun, goofiness was so infectious. Im so broken but thankful for everything you and I created. we made an environment where we could be ourselves, I'll never find someone like you , who could be as comforting and loving. At this time, I know it's best just to leave you alone; at this time, I know the only thing I can do is sit snd wait. dream and pray for you. All I want is for you to be happy, whether with or without me. I don't care. I waited to hear your voice memo. I knew I couldn't breathe if I heard it at work. It hurts so much seeing your one go. I never wanted to hurt you or ruin everything we were working towards. I'm so sorry for only asking you when things were falling apart. At that moment, I just really felt and understood the gravity of the situation. We were so happy !!! But I ruined it all... You are irreplaceable; I will never forget. You are the most special person In my life. I'm so sorry for hurting you and not telling you the truth. I'm so profoundly sorry. Today I just want to say im sorry , and that im thankful that I got to experience who you were. Im so thankful for the kassie I experienced 💔😔

[keepthechangeplease]

In this time if solitude. I want to reflect and work on myself more then I spend time on my phone. Im honestly m quite sick of who I am as it has ruined my relationship. Created hatred between a girl that I thought Id share the rest of my life with. Everything went wrong from one factor. Me. I am too quick to jump to conclusions, I behave impulsively without thinking at times and I believe in others so much more then I do myself. I am tired of being so bitter of my situation. I am tired of who I am today. Im tired of complaining about things but not being devoted to my craft or my faith as much as I am to my laziness and my comfort. Im tired of who I see in the mirror. A dishonest, nothing to show for broke man. I am so angry with how I think, how I worry so much about what others may think of me and how the little things get to me. As i work on myself. by june my goals are to be; patient, one thousand percent honest with others and speaking my mind no matter if it ruins relationships. I am sick of crying, im sick of getting the longs texts detailing how much I have messed up. The problem has been me. I am the problem. Im tired of who I am. Im tired.

[keepthechangeplease]

The girl I loved, PEARL

The way we met

Was like sun meeting ocean at sunset

But that wasn't the day I fall

Coz in between there was unreachable wall

But somehow i reached the wall

Realized I had breached tha wall

Now there was just her and me

And our conversation started like waves in sea

We talked alot

Now I'm just lost in my thought

I realized she's so me

My efforts are what I wanted her to see

Then I gradually started weaving a dream

Thinking so, made my heart to gleam

But somewhere I knew it wasn't possible

But tried to remove all the obstacle

Now she knows what I felt

Its just me and my dream, is what left

It wasn't her mistake at all

Coz she was facing her worst downfall

But now I know what I actually want

And written it in my mind with beautiful fonts

Now she had no trust in any of guy

But I want her to trust me, I don't know why

I want her to love me

Believe me, Trust me.......

I'll love her even more she has ever imagined

But I need that chance to atleast begin..

I'll be there for everything

I'll dance for her I'll sing

I'm going to wait for that girl

Coz she's my pearl.........

[keepthechangeplease]

the tiles are so cold

how do you know which is warm.

the ground isn’t flat

the feeling of stepping correct

unknown.

foreign.

yet the void consumes.

[keepthechangeplease]

we don’t control anything. the idea of doing everything in your power to doing something just for it to crash by the will of God. dying hopes. expectations sent to the graveyard. future self. know… without Gods approval there is NO plan. there just wont be. and that’s okay. but know God controls everything and you just have to listen. no matter how much you may feel this is supposed to happen. fighting God isnt right. submit. there is no way a human could swim against a rip current so why think you can go your own way with God. Jesus has a plan. believe it or not. the story is written.

[keepthechangeplease]

day 2

you left me behind. released me. but I ? I am not ready. Do I have too much hope ? Am I delusional? perhaps I should wait a couple weeks. if im still in the same boat as im in now… then I know you moved on and found someone else. Everything just feels weird. my days feel so grey. at times it doesnt feel worth it. I just hope Jesus sends people my way who are good for me. Though it is bittersweet, I’m happy that you found someone that makes you happy and are able to spend a lot of time with them and this time.

[keepthechangeplease]

💔

[keepthechangeplease]

day 1

today was hard , long periods of silence and isolation. thinking of what you’re up to. how things are going with you. even if its just one day. was happy to see you at bible study. the lesson was good and its important to really be mindful of who you are in God and what you represent. just reminiscing of our cooking dates and your bomb shrimp scampi. i was so close to buying alcohol but i kept strong. i’m trying hard to keep it together but it gets so quite sometimes. we’ll what happens. wishing you a good night and great day tomorrow with your best friend.

miss u

[keepthechangeplease]

to be so lucky , is to know you. to be so privileged is to have you. Tonight is so hard , the color in my eyes have vanished. the scent in my jacket is my liquid ivey. your pictures and your songs are my medicine. oh how i miss you, oh how im sobbing on me knees in the shower begging God to comfort you. I made such a grave mistake. I made such a terrible decision and it feels like glass shards are in my lungs every breathe without. im so so sorry for my actions towards you kass. im here just holding the jacket i let you use and it feels like a inhaler. the tears running down my face. how i wish i could make things right. how i wish you were here. im going to miss you so very much. your laugh. your smile. my heart aches knowing the pain I caused you.

i pray to God for healing in all areas of your life. I pray the lord keeps us connected, im so fortunate and grateful that i’m not blocked and let go of. i just want to hold you so badly. I pray Jesus takes care of you and expands your horizons. you are so talented you have no idea how much of a blessing your voice is. I’m so excited to see what you’re gonna do and how you’re gonna become what you say yourself out to be a singer, songwriter producer I have so much faith in you as I’m writing this message. Tears are just flowing. My heart knows how special you are. I have believed in you since the beginning you have so much potential and I pray that you know that you are amazing and that you are nothing short of spectacular. You are so special.

during this time of space, I will journal every day. I will do things every day, then will better myself and better my future I’m not doing this for you, but because I want to set a foundation for a family and if that family may be started with you. I’m so be it I will give you as much space as you need. Just know I am here waiting for you thinking about you always and forever you are my biggest reason why I try so hard. You are the reason why I want to be better and not who I was yesterday. I’m so thankful for your life. I’m so thankful for your personality and you’re amazing heart. I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for who you are what you bring to this earth I’m so grateful and lucky to know you I feel like it’s a privilege to see you and to spend time with you. You are the greatest thing in my life. You are my half you are my partner in crime that I would give the world for that I would take a bullet for you complete me in so many different ways without the sun. The Earth is a revolve and that is how I feel without you although I have jesus there’s nobody I rather see you or spend time with or talk to you than you you captured my heart ever since I was a kid. I’m not gonna let go of you. I’m stubborn and I really want you. I will be here waiting just know every day. I’m praying for you and that God heals your pain that I’ve caused you. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done and I’m so sorry for all the times I’ve made you cry. I’ve made you feel down. I pray that you know I feel terrible and that I feel so so so shameful of how I made you feel. I pray God is with you at all times and that he comfort you in your darkest moments.

I love you with all my heart. im here. whenever you need me.

[keepthechangeplease]

God please take away this fear

[keepthechangeplease]

things are going well but im searching for more.

wish I could see or read the things youre going through.

no contact yeah but we were so crucial to each other. i wonder how ur doing :/

[keepthechangeplease]

This semester, I want to commit to doing well in math class. I don't know if it's a dumb idea that I decided engineering as my major when I have been terrible at math my whole life. Perhaps I am doing this cause of the money, but I genuinely find it interesting and would like to learn how to create things specifically in music, like how keyboards are made synthesizers, and drum machines. It's a good fit. I need to do well in math. I need to actually like it and do well. I'm tired of being an average or even below average student, which is funny to say, despite what happened in the past with my outlook on education and college, but here I am.

[keepthechangeplease]

Today was alright. had a good time playing drums and making beats in the am with the homies. I honestly felt very lucky to be in a good space. School is in session. just motivated to succeed. I think of you everyday still. I look at our videos. i see ur face. Despite all things my brain likes to fixate on the good. call me crazy but I just am not ready to forget all the things we went through. Love between God and I come first. Tbh. I dont want to date for a very long time. Im really scared. Im nervous. I just think im not that special. Every girl to me seems to always have guys lined up so if one doesnt work they go to the next. I just pray for a connection made of life time. I pray I just find someone who doesnt see life without me possible. Im optimistic but i have my days where I believe the worst of my culture.

It makes me sad how you have blocked me on every platform. I cant see at all how youre doing just the looks at church.

i wonder what had happened to your car. I think you went to the dirt or something or the wrap is different.

well anyways sleep is calling me.

today was a good day.

[keepthechangeplease]

idk why but ive been dreaming alot and see you in my dreams. i hope ur doing okay. it makes me sad u dont go to the youth events. ur apart of the family. ik its hard to see me but itd be nice to hi at least once n a while. 😔

[keepthechangeplease]

just read what you said and yes. i still try to search for you still too. i still look through my album of you of the 4 thousand photos. I would be happy again to talk. to just reconnect and see how youre doing. not too long ago i saw ur stream with ur friend in the chain game. i forgive everything too. i let it go. i let the past be the past. i ofc hurt too. doing so much with one person is a blessing idk if ill ever feel again. i just want to feel that connection. Will I ever meet that satisfaction with God ? idk. hopefully. but i know i felt practically married when were together. idk i guess im just trying to say. everything that happened, happened for a reason. im thankful for what you and I shared and yes I do very much love you too. will we ever cross paths again in the future ? maybe how knows . i do very much like who you are. i really enjoyed a lot of moments with you. i miss u. just started school. everything reminds me of you. i hope we can speak again lil bear.

[keepthechangeplease]

I would be lying if I said I dont think of you still. Id be lying if I said I dont ask others if you went to church today. A part of me just still holds on to some of the good things. The enthusiasm we shared for music. The enthusiasm we shared for just doing things we thought were fun. I miss it. I miss us sometimes. I started going to therapy. A lot of things to work through but hopefully one day ill feel strong enough to date again. I dont regret a single thing.