keepthechangeplease - Tumblr blog

[keepthechangeplease]

things are going well but im searching for more.

wish I could see or read the things youre going through.

no contact yeah but we were so crucial to each other. i wonder how ur doing :/

[keepthechangeplease]

This semester, I want to commit to doing well in math class. I don't know if it's a dumb idea that I decided engineering as my major when I have been terrible at math my whole life. Perhaps I am doing this cause of the money, but I genuinely find it interesting and would like to learn how to create things specifically in music, like how keyboards are made synthesizers, and drum machines. It's a good fit. I need to do well in math. I need to actually like it and do well. I'm tired of being an average or even below average student, which is funny to say, despite what happened in the past with my outlook on education and college, but here I am.

[keepthechangeplease]

Today was alright. had a good time playing drums and making beats in the am with the homies. I honestly felt very lucky to be in a good space. School is in session. just motivated to succeed. I think of you everyday still. I look at our videos. i see ur face. Despite all things my brain likes to fixate on the good. call me crazy but I just am not ready to forget all the things we went through. Love between God and I come first. Tbh. I dont want to date for a very long time. Im really scared. Im nervous. I just think im not that special. Every girl to me seems to always have guys lined up so if one doesnt work they go to the next. I just pray for a connection made of life time. I pray I just find someone who doesnt see life without me possible. Im optimistic but i have my days where I believe the worst of my culture.

It makes me sad how you have blocked me on every platform. I cant see at all how youre doing just the looks at church.

i wonder what had happened to your car. I think you went to the dirt or something or the wrap is different.

well anyways sleep is calling me.

today was a good day.

[keepthechangeplease]

idk why but ive been dreaming alot and see you in my dreams. i hope ur doing okay. it makes me sad u dont go to the youth events. ur apart of the family. ik its hard to see me but itd be nice to hi at least once n a while. 😔

[keepthechangeplease]

just read what you said and yes. i still try to search for you still too. i still look through my album of you of the 4 thousand photos. I would be happy again to talk. to just reconnect and see how youre doing. not too long ago i saw ur stream with ur friend in the chain game. i forgive everything too. i let it go. i let the past be the past. i ofc hurt too. doing so much with one person is a blessing idk if ill ever feel again. i just want to feel that connection. Will I ever meet that satisfaction with God ? idk. hopefully. but i know i felt practically married when were together. idk i guess im just trying to say. everything that happened, happened for a reason. im thankful for what you and I shared and yes I do very much love you too. will we ever cross paths again in the future ? maybe how knows . i do very much like who you are. i really enjoyed a lot of moments with you. i miss u. just started school. everything reminds me of you. i hope we can speak again lil bear.

[keepthechangeplease]

I would be lying if I said I dont think of you still. Id be lying if I said I dont ask others if you went to church today. A part of me just still holds on to some of the good things. The enthusiasm we shared for music. The enthusiasm we shared for just doing things we thought were fun. I miss it. I miss us sometimes. I started going to therapy. A lot of things to work through but hopefully one day ill feel strong enough to date again. I dont regret a single thing.

[keepthechangeplease]

🥹

[keepthechangeplease]

i hope you come to church today 🥺

[keepthechangeplease]

all i want is to share this with someone who can’t live without me

[keepthechangeplease]

why’d u disappear, i wanted to talk to you more 😞 anyways i miss you too. i hope youre doing okay & im always thinking of you.

sunday we can talk more and about ur new sampler 🥹

[keepthechangeplease]

Sitting here in my room, wishing I was on a walk or doing something creative. I tend to dwell on the past, but I'm trying hard to accept what has happened. I know people aren't perfect, and it was wrong of me to hold it over your head for so long, I'm sorry. I know we weren't the healthiest relationship, but a part of me can't stop thinking about how much we just understood each other. You told me I don't get you so often, but I wonder if that was just to make me do more. I guess I'm just missing what was once so special to me. God has spoken many times to me over the past weeks. He made me aware that my purpose is in the church. I want to find the next assignment. I just want to heal. Right now, the idea of a relationship scares me cause of how vulnerable one can be. I wish I could say things have been good, but the truth is, I feel like I've been running with my head cut off. You are such a big piece of me. I hope we can reconnect in the future. At the end of the day, you were the only person who was always there for me. I don't think I'll ever forget about you, which scares me. Will I ever discover someone as affectionate and caring as you? Will I ever find someone as adorable and dorky as you? I guess right now, I'm just figuring out where to go next, I am usually pretty good about finding direction, but right now, God has to be still; right now, He is isolating me. Till we meet again, bear 😔

[keepthechangeplease]

https://www.tiktok.com/@anonymous_reflection_/video/7357228445895511327?_t=8meTUNNlhl5&_r=1

[keepthechangeplease]

i think of u everyday. someday i hope u i can see u the same once more

[keepthechangeplease]

i wish you a happy birthday 🥹

[keepthechangeplease]

i felt like a part of me died when i separated from you.

my grandma just died

my friends dog we thought was about to die and is now surviving

my uncle chilo is in the hospital and hes gonna die relatively soon they’re saying

why me God?

[keepthechangeplease]

alone in my thoughts, pondering about what coudve been.

I know this pain wont last forever but I wish it was a pain I coulda shared with you. At least we woulda been together.

I still think about our last time talking. I wish I could have hugged you. Carresed you while you spilled your heart to me. I trully never wanted to leave you. I just dont know how to be better. I dont know how to heal from the past yet. I say forgive and all this yet, im having a hard time. Kass i miss what we had. I get upset thinking about all the times we had that ended well cause I know its rare finding someone that cares so much like you.

I knew i was sick ,

i knew i was messed up because why would I be so irratable with you, why would I be so cold?? The truth was, I was trying to put my heart to the side. And just be there thiking all would be good. truth is i was just scared. Scared of losing you. Scared of listening to my brain telling me," You have a check engine light on; YOU NEED TO SEE A MECHANIC" I was afraid. You are and always will be the one who will make me fold. You are the best thing that happened cause you pushed me to want more out of myself. You pushed me to want ME be better. I love you.

this song is just the perfect song that makes me think of us in highschool. you on the vibraphone and me on the drums.

idk if im delusional but you were the puzzle piece that gave me sanity and im scared ill never find someone like that, im afraid i dont want another relationship cause what might go with it.

I know you hate what you did. I forgive you, I forgive you. Im sorry for being so hard on you and making you feel bad for things that werent your fault.

[keepthechangeplease]

i keep finding myself checking for you, i feel like im going through withdraws and it hurts. I hope we one day things can go back to the way they were