keeper-aeolus

[keeper-aeolus]

a comic about different types of storytellers

[keeper-aeolus]

I'm- I'm such a fucking lesbian. Oh my god I'm gay.

[keeper-aeolus]

Girlfriends

The very first time we watch TV together, I place myself on the edge of the couch. Close, but not enough to touch. You just barely touch my leg with your knee, so I worry a little less about touching you. We move more centrally on the couch, our legs are touching, eventually you lean on me, and I put an arm around you. We get so comfortable we don't go on our date.

I spend the next two days with family but only think of how I will see you again on the third day. I think of how you are someone I could see introducing to my family.

The third day comes, and I see you again. We get a little closer, cuddle a little more. We go on a walk to a beautiful place that reminds me of my mother, and I am so happy. On the way back, I reach out and grab your hand (I had told my friend my only goal this weekend was to hold your hand) and we walk hand-in-hand back to your home. After we return, we watch a little more TV, and I say I'm tired, so we retreat to your bed and cuddle, very close, and I feel my heart skipping around. After a while, I tell you I want to kiss you, and we share two chaste little pecks. I'm not sure if you wanted to or not at this point, honestly. We continue cuddling and eventually we run out of time, so you walk me to my car and I give you (another) goodbye hug. You give one of your cute little giggles and a look, and kiss me (now I know it wasn't just me that wanted to).

I try not to bring up seeing you again so soon, but I think about it every day. You mention you might come to my city for an event with your friend, and maybe we could go together (there it is again, that excitement). The week rolls on, and towards the end of it you ask about not only coming to see me, but spending the night. (Of course the answer is yes.)

Friday comes, I leave work early to clean up my apartment and get groceries, things I know you like. You meet my cats and they immediately love you (just one more good sign to add to your many). We cuddle, share some kisses, eat together. You ask if we can change into comfier clothes and my heart skips a beat (I'm still not completely sure we're going to sleep together - I'm so scared of scaring you). We cuddle more on the couch and since I'm finally wearing shorts (I'm usually not comfortable enough to) I can feel you, skin on skin. When it's time for bed you head towards my room, we brush our teeth, and we learn what feels comfortable as we cuddle to sleep.

For the first time, we spend an entire day together. I make us breakfast (only fuck it up a little bit) and we ponder what to do with our time. We decide to go to a little store of curiosities (it's awesome), then the mall (we both find things!). You hold my hand during most of the drives. After our mall crawl, we go back to my apartment to chill and your friend reaches out saying he can do dinner. We meet up with him and his other friend and they are very good people, easy to be around, just like you. You had originally planned to go home today, but it's too late so you stay another night (I can't say I'm disappointed).

On the way back home, we sing in the car (I'm comfortable enough with you), and continue back in the apartment and get ready for bed. We lay down and hug, facing each other. We kiss, more, more, more. They are shy at first, but we become braver. (I am so surprised that someone could want to kiss me so much.) We spend so much time kissing, my doubts slowly fall away, away. Slowly, carefully, I move on top of you, not breaking the contact between our lips. I listen carefully to the rate of your breathing the whole time (I'm still scared, but you say you'll stop me if anything is too much. I trust you). I put my hand just below your collar bone and you move it where we both want it to go. I move lower, and the sighs and sounds you make are so, so beautiful. You're quiet, like me, so every sound I hear, I treasure. After you come down from the cliff's edge, we hold each other, and eventually drift off to sleep.

The morning comes and it's a lazy one for us (time well-spent). Breakfast is made again and we listen to music for hours (I love how comfortable you look). Somehow I work up the nerve to ask you about us, and we decide: girlfriends.

And then, the future.

[keeper-aeolus]

every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

[keeper-aeolus]

Girlfriends 🥰

[keeper-aeolus]

We're dating?? We're dating!

[keeper-aeolus]

taking off a mask to reveal what lies beneath as a romantic gesture is overdone, and besides i want to see the romantic or even platonic potential of protecting someone's identity beneath the mask, without any expectation of ever being allowed to see what's under it. picking it up and holding it gently to their face when it's knocked off and they're in danger of being exposed, without trying to catch a glimpse of what they "really" look like under there. throwing yourself in front of them to hide them from view while they put themselves back together without taking advantage or looking back to see what you're protecting. learning to read them by body language, tone of voice, and behaviour so well that you never need to see their face to feel like you know and understand them.

[keeper-aeolus]

“The best part of your life will be those small, nameless moments you spent with someone who matters to you.”

— Unknown

[keeper-aeolus]

well have you considered that maybe the unstoppable force is in love with the immovable object

[keeper-aeolus]

I think this one might be good for me.

[keeper-aeolus]

I wish i could be normal about affection but my love language is merging souls

[keeper-aeolus]

Some of your books make it seems like you believe in actual literal magic, do you? ()

I can write down a few words and make people thousands of miles away, whom I have never met and will never meet, laugh tears of joy and cry tears of true sorrow for people who do not exist and have never existed and never will exist. If that isn't actual literal magic I don't know what is.

[keeper-aeolus]

I'm so mentally ill lol but ALSO these circumstances are not great for mental health.

[keeper-aeolus]

This never could have been intentional. I'm so sorry.

[keeper-aeolus]

ill figure it out <- common utterance of a girl who is completely fucked

[keeper-aeolus]

So many irrational urges in my turbulent brain.

Tomorrow. If I feel this way tomorrow, then I can act on them.

Just not today. Please let me not act on them today.

[keeper-aeolus]

Fuck, I think I'm going to cry.