kayliindoesntcare

[kayliindoesntcare]

The Art Of Security

It starts with you. That may sound very clique, especially when speaking on the topic of security within ones self. Honestly however, there is no other real sense of security in the world. Now this is coming from the girl that tried everything. From money to internet clout, I used every avenue to try and fill the void I had. At the time, what I didn’t understand was that there were things from long ago that created that void, and until I addressed those things I would never find the new things that could truly fill the void. I feel a few things played a part in this, but it all boiled down to a lack mentality that I didn’t realize I was feeding. By lack mentality I mean the mindset that led me to believe I solely was not enough. Comparing myself to others or listening to what others think of me and taking that as bible were only adding fuel to the fire I felt was burning away all the beautiful parts of me. Giving people the role of God in my life was almost the death of me. Then I realized (slowly but surely) that no one knows me better than I do. I spend every second of everyday with myself, and no one else on this earth can say they have that much experience with me. The moment you realize you are all you need for you, you will see the things in your life shift for the better.

For me personally it took the magic of something that has hit the mainstream more recently, the power of manifestation. I’m pretty sure I was telling myself I was enough for a solid three months before I actually started to believe it. Picking up little habits like constantly reminding yourself about the things you encompass that add light to this world, can help shift your view drastically. On that same note, Reminding yourself that every single person walking this earth is flawed and you are no exception can bring a great deal of improvement as well. Knowing we are all flawed will leave you major room for acceptance. There is no way for you to be perfect. That realization strangely enough led me to a more compassionate stance. You realize that being harsh to yourself AND others reflects horribly on your own self-image. Become content with the fact that no one is perfect and suddenly like magic, everything is okay.

A few pieces that also moved the gears in the machine that was my insecurity were things like the people I surrounded myself with, the things I would entertain, and the narratives I allowed to live in my reality (aka Outside factors). It made me sad to realize that almost everyone I had in my life fed my insecurity drastically and consistently, and I allowed it. People who would, for example, debunk my dreams or plans I made for myself simply because it sounded too big for them to see me actually accomplishing them. They were having a major effect that I didn’t even recognize. I found myself within a handful of romantic relationships with people who were actually no good for me or my mental health at all. I had to release a lot of people from my life including friends, family, and exes.

My relationship with myself would not grow even though I was watering myself with love and positive thoughts because I was blocking the sunshine with a forest worth of negative people. People do not take kindly to being released, especially if they benefit from your presence. However, if you already know that someone around you is no good for your well-being, let go and watch yourself grow. And no I don’t mean cut every single person off (of course use your own discernment) but be able to be reliable enough to yourself to say “I don’t have to endure unnecessary pains or traumas for loyalty’s sake” That being a struggle alone assured me that I didn’t have to question my loyalty to others, I needed to improve my loyalty to myself.

Everything left me with this perception of myself that I simply couldn’t be secure. It wasn’t like I couldn’t make money or get likes. It was more so a feeling of me not being able to be alone. I was believing the people who said I couldn’t follow my film dreams or make any money from writing. Trying to progress whilst accepting stagnation is borderline redundant, granted while I was on this hamster wheel it was subconscious. No one gets themselves mentally stuck on purpose, and strangely enough, that isn’t a concept that is socially accepted.

Changing these aspects can be difficult especially on your own. After what has felt like 21 years of comfortable living in my insecurity, I’m just now starting the journey and it’s exhausting. As soon as I think I’ve accomplished my goal, I find myself slipping back into the dark abyss. It is my belief that consistency and persistence can turn anything into a habit. It is also my belief that having self-worth and mastering the art of security is a habit worth picking up.

[kayliindoesntcare]

The Energy Is: Temperance

When I first started on my spiritual journey, I would see all of these synchronistic numbers and had no clue why. Every time I looked at a clock, the time was 11:11, 4:44, or 2:22 to be exact. Looking back on my situation, I had every reason to have my angels alarming me. Everyone in my life at the time was not only toying with my livelihood but gaslighting me about it simultaneously. Of course, as a grown woman I understand I’m responsible for staying in an extremely toxic relationship for almost a year, calling a girl who consistently showed me I was a place holder MY “best friend”, or letting family (whose place it really wasn't in the first place) convince me to change my plans I had set for myself moving forward. I am not apologetic for the season in my life that was, and to be honest, it was a very necessary one. Mental awareness is a blessing, even when accompanied by a body that's desperately trying to retreat to the bliss of ignorance.

I’ve been called everything from arrogant to naïve. I accept both humbly and am thankful to be both. I watch people kill themselves trying to be something for fickle people who have no real importance on their individual lives, and then get hurt about the bad outcomes they receive after exerting all of their energy to people who could care less about things they don’t really benefit from. I believe it takes a good deal of arrogance to know who is and is not worth your time, matched with a good deal of accountability on your part. Regardless if the other person is ever accountable for the part they play.

On the other hand, however, to maintain your own inner light you want to hold on to your naivety. What’s the worst that could happen by taking chances. I trust myself more than any other person I’ve ever met on this earth. I’m 22 years old, I’ve met a good deal of people so far. When I think back to any time I genuinely depended on myself, I got the job done. Others usually find ways to complain and deflect when you ask for (or they offer you) assistance. Some have a hard time staying off their high horses. That was a direct shot at specific family members. Let’s be clear. Nobody owes anyone a fucking thing. Unless you are someone’s parent, you don’t have to fucking help them, and it’s likewise in an opposite scenario. On the other hand, Naivety in relationships when other people are involved is deadly. You can’t trust people as far as you can throw them, or see them, or hear them.

Now when I speak on the temperance card, it resonates with nothing but an energy of balance. If you can find the fine dance between naivety and arrogance, you’ll find yourself manifesting bad bitch energy. Nonetheless, you will become a target. A triple threat of sorts, if you can do this dance while also being yourself. Everything in life is to be accomplished in taste. To hell with what’s popular or what will appease the crowd, this isn’t their fucking show. You are living YOUR life. But I promise you, they’re going to watch anyway. So temper thy self in your ability to chameleon your emotions with your circumstance, and make it primetime television.

[kayliindoesntcare]

Deciding Before Meditating

When I think back to mistakes I’ve made over the years there is only one mistake that I could think of that is worth reflecting on, seeing as I’ve done it a few times now. I found myself in this cycle of cutting off or ghosting friends without considering their feelings and having a conversation with them about it. If I’m honest with the narrative I was pretty immature at the times of all the situations I considered, and have grown a ton since these situations accord. However, these situations have taught me some valuable lessons I’d like to share. For the sake of the thorough review, I’ll exclude any actions or situations that may have triggered my reaction to cut off, and simply focus on alternatives to doing so.

Communicate!

A power that I’ve always had but didn’t realize was the power of perspective. Without perspective, you fail to fully understand the situation you’re in. Perceptive thinking is a fundamental part of critical thinking, so if you aren’t adapt to stepping outside of yourself in a situation I strongly suggest you start practicing now. Understanding is an essential part of communication, and communication is the only route to conflict resolution. You can not ever fully understand a person until you live their full life, which will never happen. You have to accept that passing a judgment before you attempt to understand or even perceive a situation fully will only lead you to chaos and possibly an argument. Give situations all of their angles even when your emotions don’t want to let you, and you’ll see how much easier it is to understand, communicate, and even get your point across to someone you're frustrated with.

The Power of Problem Solving.

The act of conflict resolution seems to be wildly unpopular these days and honestly, there is no one to blame. We can not control the conflict and chaos the world offers us when we step outside every day, but we can temper the chaos in our inner worlds by practicing conflict resolution where we can. I’m not saying become needy or drag out problems beyond their necessary bounds, but tomorrow is not promised and we should cherish those we DO have. Outside of emotional fulfillment, avoidance can be a very unhealthy reaction to conflict in certain situations. Some conflicts have to be addressed or they can very easily become dangerous as you don’t know the mental wirings of the next human. I won’t ever advise anyone to try and reason with a crazy person, but in a situation like that, your conflict resolution could easily be protecting yourself with boundaries, etc.

Just don’t be a dick.

Not only is compassion a natural healthy human requirement, but it’s also become a societal requirement these days. To survive in this society we live in 2021, you’ll have to be compassionate to some degree. Anything that is a problem has a movement, with a ton of people behind it who care. You are alive to witness the land of pc culture therefore if you want to thrive in this land you also must be pc. If you are not sensitive to people’s feelings you will quickly find yourself becoming an outcast. Unless you are completely manipulative in which case you may find a community of like-minded individuals like yourself somewhere if you’re lucky.

In Conclusion, It is important to meditate on the situation before you make a final decision about someone. You could be passing a judgment without being fully informed on what is really going on, which requires perspective. Human connection is essential to exist and thrive in this society, so conflict resolution will be vital. Also having a lack of compassion can affect the energy in a negative way for you and others. Overall it’s best to make logical choices over-emotional when it comes to other people, emotions will always be unreliable.

[kayliindoesntcare]