kawaiichaospup

[kawaiichaospup]

Quick update on my daughter. My fiance thinks she has radical attachment disorder which makes sense since she cries when I leave the room for the bathroom. She always falls asleep around him and I love it because that means she feels safe enough to sleep. We've decided, in order to try and get rid of or lessen the disorder we're going to put her in the bedroom, she gets a little nursery. We're moving my desk to the living room and her pack n play to the bedroom. I finally get to make a little nursery which I'm SO HAPPY about because I wanted to do that but we were homeless and when we weren't we only had one bedroom but since I'm more comfortable in the living room anyway might as well make use of that room, right? I'm gonna put "Welcome Home Little One" posters on the walls and other posters. I need to get her a new nightlight because I don't know what happened to hers. I'm hopefully going to be getting a little TV with some movies for it and I'm going to put that in her room so I can just put a show on as background noise and she'll be okay for a little bit herself. At 4 months this kid could self soothe but now she can't because DCFS said it was wrong 😒 now she can't self soothe at all and she's one. Ughhh I hate not being able to use my own rules on my child. She doesn't go to bed until 10:00 PM because she takes an hour-long nap at 7:00 PM. She takes 4 naps, one an hour after she wakes up which is around 5 AM or 6 AM so about 7 AM, another one around 1 or 2 PM , a 3rd at about 4 or 5 PM, and one at 7 or 8 PM but my fiance and I are going to try and get her schedule to match ours.

This whole mothering with DCFS and a foster parent is irritating especially when this freaking foster parent are either extremely early, foster dad picks my daughter up 5 minutes early so I decided I'ma head downstairs 10 minutes early because hes not even supposed to be able to get upstairs without me letting him in, foster mum will literally drop off my babygirl 15-30 minutes late. Although on Friday foster dad was 30 minutes late picking her up and on Saturday foster mum was 15 minutes early which I was trying to use for cleaning and Sunday she was 30 minutes late picking her up. It wouldn't be an issue if they didn't complain about everything we did like leave a pizza box with no pizza on a clean counter because "it was there for 2 weeks" no it wasn't, it was there for a night. She tried to say she had to show me how to wash my daughter (she didn't) and how to make her bottle (I was a new mother and never had to make my siblings bottles, my grandma or mum did that) it's just so AGHHHH!!!!! It's like when I'm late because my phone alarm didn't go off and my phone didn't ring when called, I'm the bad guy but when she brings my child 30 minutes late almost every visit if I were to say something I'd still look like the bad guy. It's starting to get to me. It's like she doesn't care if my fiance and I have plans and need to have our daughter on time instead of early or late.

[kawaiichaospup]

Stresslaxing, something I've been doing hella as of late. On Saturday I walked down the street to the church to see if I could talk to the bishop, then after I got back to my apartment I went to the gym and jogged ¾ of a mile, after that I went and cleaned my fiance and my bedroom almost completely, right after the foster mum dropped off my daughter and she was here until Sunday night. She dropped her off 15 minutes early and then picked her up 30 minutes late which would be fine if I didn't have a system for things. I like to wake up (depending on the time) 2 hours early and clean before we get our daughter but this time I was cleaning one room in 3 hours and 45 minutes and it still isn't completely done. After my fiance goes to donate plasma I'm cleaning the rest of the house. I had a breakdown too last night because no matter how much I do it's never enough and I feel like my small hands are carrying the weight of the world but my arms are tired and failing everyone, my fiance, my daughter, my parents (my mum seems to think because I'm a little into psychology and I'm an empath that I'm also a therapist. I'm 20 years old.) my friends, my dog who I need to take from my mum's before she d!es. Anyways I wanted to show off my art and rant a bit. Everything is so heavy.

[kawaiichaospup]

I thought the best feeling was a cup of coffee and a perfect husband in the morning or breakfast in bed. I think now that the perfect feeling is having your child who's been in DCFS custody for months asleep in their pack n play while your getting cuddles from a perfect partner. He might not be completely perfect but he's mine. ❤️ My babygirl is in her pack n play, sleeping, she just woke up for 10 minutes and I rocked her back to sleep, she's in the living room and currently so are we as we went to my mum's for 5 days while our friend and their partner house sat for us because they're cool like that so we pulled out mattress from the bedroom and put it in the living room but I decided I like it there until I'm comfortable leaving my daughter in another room by herself, which won't be for a while. I love my babygirl and my husband, they're my Beautiful Things.

[kawaiichaospup]

I love posts like this too. I also love posts that show someone got out of bed, either way, no matter the progress I'm proud of whomever did anything.

You got out of bed? Yay!

You brushed your teeth? Yay!!

You brushed your hair? Good job!

You washed your face!? Amazing!

Took a shower?!? You're amazing!

Went outside for 5, 10, 15 minutes?!?!? I'm so proud!

Did things you needed to outside? Keep it up princess/prince/hun!

[kawaiichaospup]

Me on Tuesday and Wednesday when my dom fucked me 4 times and fingered me 4 times in 2 days.

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[kawaiichaospup]

I agree with not locking baby food up as long as it's not people stealing for their baby dolls that look real iykyk

[kawaiichaospup]

I love reassurance and gentle reminders bc baby I am traumatized lmfao

[kawaiichaospup]

This but also "I look normal but I draw hentai" "I look normal but I'm actually hypersexual and don't wear panties 90% of the time"

[kawaiichaospup]

Not to be pornographic but you should lay your head on my chest so I can slowly play with your hair and scratch your head and caress your neck until all your muscles relax then I'll kiss your forehead

[kawaiichaospup]

Reminder this is an 18plus blog

[kawaiichaospup]

I've regressed a lot lately so I wanted to do a couple things

My name is: Chaoss

Please call me: Axle, Chaoss, Apollo

I'm from the United States

My birthday is August 12th 2004

I think of myself as cute but crazy

I'm into drawing, anything arts and craftsy

I love reading

I'm good at art

I usually spend my time on Amino roleplaying, reading smut books, or watching YouTube shorts

My Favorites

Emoji

🥺 or 🙄

Food

Ice cream, usually chocolate or strawberry ice cream

Animal

Cats or foxes

Game

Hide and seek

Anime

Black Butler or Diabolik Lovers

Character

Kanato or Alois

Youtube

Layze

Artist

Confidence moment ✨ Myself ✨

Colour

Pastel Pink, Lavender, Baby Blue, and Black.

[kawaiichaospup]

ANONYMOUS PDA MEME

💖: i have a romantic crush on you!

💜: i want to make sure you’re happy

💙: i have a friend crush on you!

💚: im a little jealous of you

💛: i just think you’re cute!

💘: i wouldnt say no to a platonic marriage

👀: im too shy to talk to you

💗: i want to give you a hug!

💋: i want to kiss you!

💪: id fight someone if they talked shit about you

🔊: im really glad i started following you!

💬: we should talk more!

💭: i think about you a lot

👏: everything you say is great wtf…

🎧: you have excellent music taste!

👑: your blog aesthetic is lovely!

🚨: you intimidate me

[kawaiichaospup]

I have multiple personalities and I can draw them as pictures pop up in my head thinking about each one, this is Winterneko, she's more of a cat, kind of where my pet space stems, another one is Shadowneko who basically acts like her sister and is a polar opposite of Winter. Winter loves the sun and lounging in it where Shadow absolutely loves the snow. Then there's Atlas who is our protector, they only come out when I'm too drained or angry so we don't lose our shit, she's protected our husband as well a few hundred times, he can fight but we prefer him to not. Then there's me, Apollo, I'm more of the main alter but we also have dead name who locks themselves in a box so they don't go psycho on others. I'm more of an empath, Atlas is an energy vampire blocker, she doesn't get affected by other negative empaths, Winter gives off calm, positive, and safe energy, Shadow gives off more of a fuck off vibe.

[kawaiichaospup]

I drew YUNGBLUD in his album "Sex Not Violence" with a cigarette and smoke that made him.

[kawaiichaospup]

Getting fucked so hard you cramp is painful but fun. My daddy and I finally have a place to live, we have a nice new apartment, and it's a lot bigger than our old one, like aloooooot, it still has only one bedroom but it's better by a long shot. Our tub is bigger than a normal one, there's a Jacuzzi and a pool that are also 2× bigger than normal pools and jacuzzis, our tub has a shelf connected in it. I'm so happy. It's a lot less stressful than our other one where I literally had a kid ask me "can I smack your ass?" When he looked like he was 10. That shit ain't okay, I haven't had any issues with people here, other than the fact my fiance accidentally hit a kid with a door to the outside world on Friday night.

We've fucked twice already, Saturday and today, and I told him that after I shave my pubic hair, I want him to eat me out. I had to safe word for either the first or second time in our entire relationship, things got a little too rough and I honestly felt so bad but he assured me that it's good that I safe worded and that he was proud of me for using it and for taking so much. 🥺🩷🖤 I love him so much

[kawaiichaospup]

Happy Valentine's Day!!

[kawaiichaospup]

Ughhhh I'm horny as fuck right now >∆< Need my dom to fuck me so hard I can't walk for a year 🥺 I also just need praise right now because I have been feeling down and stressed lately