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@academia-lucifer
This profile loves black kittens. If you don't love black kittens, get the hell off my blog now!!!
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- Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)
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very close to deleting everything, packing my books and running as far as my feet take me
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I tried to make poetry out of it- this knot in my chest, the clock ringing inside my head as if announcing my peril. I'm sorry I couldn't. Anxiety holds me hostage and I swear I thought I could call it blue and make it rhyme with flowers and names and people. But the beating of my heart is too much, it's all too much.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
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My life feels like a time lapse and a slo-mo all together
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Sometimes I feel my lungs expanding and it exhausts me
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one step at a time
Start with drinking one more cup of water than you usually would. The next day , make your bed. A couple of days later, alongside the water and made bed, eat a fruit and vegetable. A week later begin journaling on Tuesdays and read a chapter of a book every night. Months pass and you look back to see that while slow, you’ve developed 5 new habits. There might be days where you don’t want that peach and others when reading is not on the table, but that’s okay -that’s healing. And it doesn’t have a linear timeline. Everyone is going to experience it differently because everyone is different. Sometimes we get this surge of motivation and then maybe for a week or two behave exactly how we wish we did . But then it becomes mundane, you lose the motivation and burnout, never to pick up that book again. This happens because you don’t give yourself enough time to acclimate. You toss a newborn into water and expect it to swim. It’s easy to become overwhelmed, even by seemingly good things. So go easy on yourself and take it one step at a time
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Maybe you weren't a terrible person, maybe you were just fifteen.
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i am just a girl and i don’t know how to talk about the things i love.
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“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”
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