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WHOA

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I live for those pics of cats that got onto sports fields on live tv

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Amazing Snow Chonkers

Photos by Sämpy

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normal ocean creatures: ah. viva la sea. the blue, it is harsh but it is my love. i am a magnificent creature in a magical place

the deep ocean weirdos: i don't need oxygen to survive. i haven't eaten since the fall of byzantium. i have 300 eyes on my eyeballs. its been 14000 years since I've bumped into another life form. I'll kick anything's ass. nothing can kill me not even death

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‪How to tell if you’re Bi:‬

‪You have an atomic number of 83‬

‪You’re pentavalent‬

You crystallize into repeating cube shapes‬

When your surface is exposed to oxygen it oxidizes into a rainbow‬

You are mildly radioactive with a half life longer than the age of the universe‬

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It really says something about how society treats children that today I told a 13 year old I was proud of her hard work and she nearly cried into my shoulder.

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For the last decade or so, I’ve been routinely attending a ride-on lawnmower race. I’ve always wanted to participate, but the high cost of used mowers is better spent on more practical vehicles, like literally anything else. Sometimes, though, the universe sends you a message. And in my case, that message came in the form of an awkward leg of a huge trade-in scam.

Picture, if you will, the humble redneck. They await the approach of big, fast domestic mowers. John Deeres, Cub Cadets, even weird modified Chinese stuff they looted from Aliexpress. There is jubilance, but that soon comes to an awkward hush. An unfamiliar engine note approaches.

My International 1480 combine harvester, all ten tons of it, is barrelling down the highway at a clip somewhere between “tepid” and “jaunty.” Even though I have shown up for a race, I am sandbagging a little bit, making sure that the bets get settled against my vehicle before I show them the might of a fully operational monster such as mine.

Technically, there is no violation. I had looked at the rulebook from every angle in the previous year: it has the correct number of wheels, the proper agricultural intent, and with precise work on the tiller, it can even (poorly) mow a suburban lawn. Is it modified? Oh yes, yes indeed, but I see the nitrous bottles poking out from the rows of Kubotas at the starting line.

And when I leave the starting line, it is a thing of beauty. At least for a few milliseconds. It seems that the wizards at International Harvester simply did not comprehend of a situation in which the frame of their combine would be launched into the air by means of one thousand eight hundred foot-pounds of supercharger-bolstered torque. I had erroneously believed that the loose soil of the rural community would let the wheels dip in, but now I am facing directly into the sky, having twelve o’ clocked hard on my wheelie, shooting flames from my exhaust and whirling vertical blades of death towards the grandstand.

It’s not about whether you win or lose. Sometimes it’s about how many pages you add to the rulebook.

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50% of comments on any given vegan recipe in the world: i was TERRIFIED this would be DISGUSTING and HEALTHFUL due to the fact that it did not contain any bacon. my husband was like WOMAN, WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING ME? when he saw me put something in the oven that didnt contain a whole hog but luckily it turned out edible! LOL i added 6 eggs and some milk and subbed the margarine for rendered lard so my husband wouldnt divorce me. the kids liked it too even though it wasn’t exactly like pop tarts :) 5/5

other 50% of comments on any given vegan recipe: i substituted 9 types of gluten-free flax meal for the flour. instead of the margarine i used opium and instead of the sugar i used something i found in a meteorite. added some essential oils too. really aligned my chakras 5/5

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Always reblog when I see this video

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I haven’t stopped laughing at this

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“I live in the north of England, I’m used to freezing cold temperatures”

Oh honey.  That’s what the pilgrims said.  They mostly died.