katieandkaseyskozykorner

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

Hey.

I miss you.

You are going to have surgery soon and I hope it goes well. I love you and would die if anything goes wrong. I hope you do well and that it makes you feel so much better. I have wished I could help you for so long. But this is like one way I cant. Which sucks.

I just cant wait to see you again. And i hope the surgery helps you.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

I wrote a more organized thing and my phone deleted it so here's take two.

I love you so much. And I miss you so much. And like I said, I read your texts in your voice and I literally had a dream last night about eating Japanese food with you (it was a fucking weird dream honestly like later we were in space and about to smoke before I woke up?).

I also support the living together, succulents, etc. plan. That would be so nice.

I've been weirdly worried about you since you moved out tbh. Like are you eating healthy meals? Sleeping at least 6 hours a day? I want to mother you lol.

I have been doing a lot of nothing. I bake and cook. I'm constantly just giving people cookies and cakes because I make them with no desire to eat them.

I go to stores just to walk around because I get bored at home. I keep applying to jobs and going to hiring events and getting nothing. So I'm getting all of my medical records and sorting them to apply for disability. Even if I just get SSI, it would help and I'd get medicaid which I desperately need in February.

I've been going to therapy for a month now. It's so hard and emotional but I like my therapist and I finally get why people go to therapy. She gave me info about places you can go to just break things and I kinda want to do that.

I'm doing Khan academy to study for the TEAS. I've talked to my therapist about it a bit and I've decided on Respiratory therapy as a major/career. I've always known I wanna be in the medical field but nursing is too emotional and irregular so no to that. But I'm happy with this choice. Considering everything with Anne, I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner.

Daisy is as obnoxious and spoiled as ever, but I love her. Littlefoot is still old, deaf, and blind but he seems really happy lately. He even wants to play fetch sometimes.

Oh, today I went to this "canine carnival" and got to pet a ton of dogs. That's the most exciting thing to happen all week, besides the hurricane, which was mostly just a pain here. Our power was only out for a little over a day but we just got cable/internet back tonight. So many trees fell, it's crazy.

That's it. I miss you. Sorry I rambled. I can't remember if I'd told you any of this so you got it all.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

i miss you

I miss you. I miss knowing what is going on. Hearing about you and Daisy. I feel like Im lacking a part of me without hearing from yoh everyday. I know my schedule doesnt make things easy. Im sorry about that. I love you so much. And I wish I could be there and be closer. I wish we could live in a cool house amd open a tea house or something and live in a cute apartment and smoke weed and have suculents. OH amd sam likes to cook so we can keep him around for that. We can all move to Washington! Lets all go start life over in Seattle!

That would be the dream right?

Work is stressful. My clients (we cant call them patients because we are voluntary) are basically all highly paranoid schizophrenics with auditory and visual hallucinations. We have been having a lot of aggresive ones too. Yesterday when i wasnt there thankfully a client full on beat another one up so bad they are in the ER still. it was a small girl. beating up a man. Its scary. Living away from parents is scary. The uncertainty of everything is scary. I wish it wasnt. I keep trying to hold my shit together but its just hard. I cant adult. And I dont think I wamt to do mental health anymore. I really think I might want to do customer service forever. I really Really do.

I miss you. I love you. Please tell me how you are doing. Please fill me in om everything.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

Katie 3/2/18

What can I say about life. It’s stressful.

March is a hard time. Like my PTSD is on rampage. Birthfathers bday is this week. Anniversary of rape is coming up on the 19th. I got the court papers and police records from it out of hiding and found out  that my evidence was never inputed into records and I’m just so mad. It’s probably made my episodes even worse this time around. I’m just not doing good with it. I’ve gotten under my desk at my internship to have a panic attack. I carry around a tangle toy, a fidget spinner, and putty at all times just so I can calm down. 

Sam is cool. We are at 8 months this month. We keep having fights because we don’t see each other enough. His car is broken and I’m busy as fuck. But it’s like am I busy or do I just need that much down time to recover from people. Anyway he’s really sweet. And he cares about me. We had a really big fight over instagram but it’s taken care of. We just have that one thing but I’ll check out etsy. Looking for maybe a day one too...

T is out. He’s in IOP now. He came out as liking dudes more than girls. And that he is into girl things and doesn’t know how he identifies. While I am so so so happy that I could be a part of this for him and he literally said that when he had to put the top 3 things he was most greatful for I was on the list I just like can’t. Part of me still is like HEY YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS INTO DUDES. It’s just kinda a little hard at times. I knew it happened but that was still a very long relationship and it doesn’t feel 100% ok yet. IDK. I’m going to go with him to the local PRIDE group though. It probably could be good for both of us. 

Work. Is the same. Retail. Minimum Wage. I left work last Saturday and went to the ER because my flash backs were so bad. Tyler met me in the ER. I didn’t come into work on Sunday. I’m just so glad I document everything or I’d be out a job a long time ago. 

I want school to be over. I’m just done with it and I know that’s super first world problem to say but it gives me so much anxiety and I’m in traffic for like 3 hours on that day and it sucks and that is the most petty thing on here but whatever. And my phone won’t hold a charge. Little things I can’t complain about but I’m just gonna throw here. 

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

Kasey 3/2/18

I haven’t written on this blog in forever but here’s the basic rundown of everything in my life that kind of exploded at once

1. Dillon decided he wanted to talk to me and I thought it was genuine friendship but it turns out he just wanted to fuck me while he was in town and I still feel so betrayed over what happened at that party that I’m still so anxious about calling rape even though it clearly was. So I kind of freaked out and there’s no one I’ve been able to talk to about it so it just keeps getting worse and I’m so angry all the time and keep breaking down over the entire situation - from that to the rumors and everyone turning on me and losing my entire friend group and job I’d had for 9 years. I feel like I’m going to explode sometimes.

2. Rhiannon. I’ve only known her since August maybe and she’s apparently my best friend now? She deserves a entire post honestly because I’m so confused by her. She keeps getting me stuff. She’s visiting me soon. We’re seeing fall out boy together, she bought my ticket. It’s all a lot very fast and maybe I’m just not used to having friends but she’s overwhelming me.

3. Work. I’m basically a cast member but with no benefits. I have to think about wdw all the time and it’s kind of painful. I missed two days because I physically didn’t get out of bed for them. But now I’m full of a massive amount of energy so I’m catching up on the class videos.

4. I’m about to start seeing a new psych because my old one kept overmedicating me and shit. My hair is growing back and I can eat again and my skin is a lot clearer but I’m still really unstable (and I’ve gained back almost 20 lbs of the weight I lost). But I’m nervous because he’s not covered by my insurance and it’s going to be so expensive and I hate doing that to my parents when I’m still not going to be working until after April 5. I know he’s a good doctor though so it’s not too bad.

Umm so that’s what I’ve had going on. Sorry it’s so long.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

I found your twin.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

no point on dweling on the past feeling that were feelings don’t last. let go let go and you’ll be free If you hold on you’ll hurt indefinetly. boys are boys and you’re not interested in toys you older and have goals so you let go It’s easier to leave and have room to breath so you let go and you leave

You just liked him a little bit it doesn’t matter that he didn’t like you one bit you can let go and you can  be and you can be and you can be

no point on living on dreams thoughts that weren’t real don’t last let go let go and you’ll be free If you hold on you’ll be living a fantasy boys are boys and are stuck playing with toys you’re building up your life so you let go It’s easier to leave and have room to breath so you let go and you leave

You just liked him a little bit it doesn’t matter that he didn’t like you one bit you can let go and you can  be and you can be and you can be

No point on being so sad depression just makes you feel bad let go let go and you’ll be free If you hold on you’ll be in you’ll act madly boys are boys and you want one who shares their toys you’re gonna be amazing so you let go it’s easier to leave and have room to breath so you let go and you leave

You just liked him a little bit it doesn’t matter that he didn’t like you one bit you can let go and you can  be and you can be and you can be

it doesn’t matter that he didn’t like you one bit you can let go and you can be happy.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

maybe you don’t love me the way that I love you 

I’ll try to keep my eyes set on a different point of view

And I’ll stop waiting for you to come around

I’ll leave the thoughts behind me that you and I will ever be 

I’ll try to learn those games alone

Never learning how to win but I’ll try

You and I are to awkard to talk/ It’s never gonna happen because we both have a mental block there’s no such thing as love When you’ve never been loved by anyone 

Maybe you won’t keep standing by my side I’ll try to forget how nice if felt to have you right by And I’ll stop obsessing about how cute your smile is I’ll leave the thoughts behind me that you and I will ever be I’ll learn to sit at the bar alone Only one not drinking but I’ll try 

You and I are too awkward to talk It’s never gonna happen because we both have a mental block  Theres no such thing as love  when you’ve never been loved by snyone Msybe you don’t wanna run away from me I’ll try to wait for you to come around and say hey And I’ll stop obsessing over every little mistake I made I’ll leave the thoughts behind that you and I can’t be  I’ll learn it’s possible just wait and seee You and I are too awkward to talk It’s never gonna happen because we both have a mental block theres no such thing as love  When you’ve never been loved by anyone

You and I maybe are the the perfect awkward ones 

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

A Friendly Reminder

- Deadpool is insecure - Deadpool has chronic pain - Deadpool is submissive in bed - Deadpool is pansexual - Deadpool lifts up his mask so Hawkeye can read his lips - Deadpool is a blonde - Deadpool’s initials are WWW - Deadpool had an abusive father - Deadpool’s mother died from cancer - Deadpool fell in love with a teenager - Deadpool left her because he didn’t want to hurt her - Deadpool had a daughter - Deadpool didn’t believe she was his because she was too beautiful - Deadpool had to be dragged away from his daughter’s dead body by Cap and Wolverine - Deadpool carries Hello Kitty band aids - Deadpool is good with kids - Deadpool can’t be killed by Ghost Rider because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong - Deadpool hates himself - Deadpool used to curl up in a ball and mumble about his skin hurting - Deadpool is married to the queen of the undead - Deadpool reads his own comics

Conclusion: Wade Winston Wilson is a beautiful man who must be protected.

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

I’m screaming at the top of my lungs I’m falling for you Leaving hints like little bread crumbs Can’t you catch my clues I’m talking my sweetest words Hoping you fall for me too.  Leave me weak in my knees Every time you speak to me. Can’t see right through how I feel about you. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs  How I feel about you You make my heart skip a beat Can’t you feel that too I’m trying my very best To make you fall for make you fall for me too/ Leave you stuttering words Every time you speak to me Can’t you see right through how I feel about you. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs Please fall for me too You make me want to hold your hand Don’t you want that too I’m waiting as best as I can For you to want that too Leave me standing here waiting Every time your near Can’t you see right through how I’m waiting for you. Oh boy its true,  I’m waiting  Oh waiting for you. 

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

Toxic

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

I know it kinda sucks but it helped me process

chourus: I don’t care if you think I’m crazy I don’t care if you think I’m lazy I’m not living for you anymore I’m not trapped by your power Not living in your tower-unescapable

2 long years I gave you my all You tore me to peices You let me fall Uncoditianal love came with a judgement Fought like a punishement  We built an undestructable wall. Chorus  I tried to reason  You fought back so hard Building a fortress, passing out tortures  Making me feel so fucking small I’m done with it all, done with it all.

Chorus.

I fought back your power  Escaped the tower Broke down all the walls Letting you in was my mortal sin I’m never going back Whenever you call. 

Chorus x2. 

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

OHMYGOD

[katieandkaseyskozykorner]

Disney World: Land of Smiles! ✨