katia-lima

[katia-lima]

"the last thing you ever need to give me is an apology" the guilt ate her up every day. it consumed her. standing in front of him and telling him all this now took every ounce of willpower she had. she never wanted to hurt him by reliving it all, part of it was to prove that it was never to spite him. he had every right to hate her. she hated herself. "i know..." she mustered in barely a whisper. "you don't deserve excuses, you deserve the truth. i love you, and i'm not asking you to love me back or anything like that, but i would never have done that shit if my head wasn't all fucked up. deep down you know that. it doesn't excuse or justify it but i need you to know that i wasn't in any right mind. it kills me that it happened." she didn't ask or expect anything from donovan, she never would. she said her piece and if he wanted to tell her to fuck off and never speak to him again she would honour that even if it would drive a stake through her chest. the mess was hers and hers alone. "i'm sure david spun a whole different story to you but i promise you i'm telling the truth." she begged him to believe her "i'm sorry, donovan. there's never going to be enough sorry's in any lifetime that would ever be enough. if you never want to speak to me again, i get it."

Donovan shook his head. "It was unnecessary and petty. I'm sorry." Despite everything, his mother taught him to be respectful. He didn't want to let her down and he wouldn't. Once she began, he nodded and tucked his hands into his pockets -- where they quickly clenched into fists. It was hard. Going back to this place. The betrayal that was there. She stopped and his gaze set on her, a brow raised. "That image is stuck in my head," he said, letting out a deep breath. "Seeing you tangled up in our sheets, your hair all messy like I loved... My head didn't want to believe what my eyes were perceiving. I loved you so much, I would have accepted any excuse." He let out a chuckle, mostly because he knew he still loved her. Probably always would. "I didn't know it only happened once. I didn't know about the manipulation or sadness." He shrugged. "If I could have been home sooner, I would have."

[katia-lima]

for a moment she let herself believe that they were still happy, still married, but she didn't dare to linger in that fantasy for longer than an instant. katia walked alongside him, further from the crowd and perking ears. "i deserve that" she added at his biting comment "i want to start by saying that i don't expect this to change anything, donovan. i appreciate you hearing me out but i also know that you owe me nothing. anyway, you remember what it was like when we first met, a whirlwind followed by our marriage and a close group of friends between us. then you got called away and i leaned on our friends and i guess that was my first mistake. i didn't see it. david was so supportive at first and the longer you were gone the more he started to be in my ear telling me these things..." she stopped to face him and paused to gather herself "i don't know how he did it...more time passed and he was everywhere. just there, in person, on my phone, social media...he had managed to isolate me from our other friends. everywhere i turned, there he was telling me you were gone and you were never coming home, or that you were dead. he started with small advances, stuff i didn't even notice to begin with and one day on a bad day i crumbled. it only happened that one time and as soon as i saw you it felt like all that brain fog was lifted. i felt fucking sick and disgusting. i would never have done that if i had a clear mind but i still did it and i have to live with that, and you deserve to know that none of it was to spite you. none of it."

"Golden Guard, alright," Donovan joked, shaking his head as the reality soon began to sink in. He still loved her, he was still mad at her, but mostly his mind was still boggled by how she let it all go. Glancing up, he nodded and then turned in the direction of the lake, proposing silently that they could talk and walk. "I appreciate that you know it was shitty and probably one of the worst moments of my life, thanks." Though that came off a bit petty, so he sighed. "I'll hear you out on everything, I promise."

[katia-lima]

"yeah, you never know, that could be the equivalent to a key to the city here. the golden guard of huntsville lake" their back and forth was welcomed. it was nice to see him in a more relaxed state. katia gave a nod in agreement of going thorough the motions but stopped suddenly, she hadn't expected that "if you're sure then we best go get a seat away from nosy neighbours. before i start, i really want you to know that this isn't me trying to blame someone else or justify what i did. what i did was shitty and i know that i can never change that, but i do want you to know all sides, you deserve to at least hear it from me and make your own decision"

“A whole golden whistle, huh? Shit, you’re right. That makes it all worth it.” He chuckled some, forgetting for a moment where he was and who he was talking to. It just felt like old times. “Not bad. Going through the motions, I guess…” He shrugged. “Last time we talked you said you wanted to tell me your side of things? I kinda shrugged it away at the time but… Turns out, I wanna know.”

[katia-lima]

"i don't know, it could be quite the honor. you might get a gold whistle out of it or something" she joked giving a small smile "i've been okay. not much to be more or less about. how have you been?"

"Mmm, something about being crowned king of the small town lifeguards doesn't feel like the honor you're making it into," he said, a slight smile on his face. "How've you been, Kat?"

[katia-lima]

"look on the bright side, you're the most overqualified lifeguard in the world. no one is going to drown with you around"

@katia-lima / closed event starter / katia lima setting: the lake

"I don't think I've been on lifeguard duty since high school... Feels silly to be back at this after everything."

[katia-lima]

[katia-lima]

Kaya Scodelario for Country & Town House

[katia-lima]

outfit appreciation → SUSIE GLASS in THE GENTLEMAN

[katia-lima]

end

seeing him smile, even if it was faintly, had her feeling like they had found neutral ground if only for tonight. the hostility and cruelty she had been met with previously was expected, she never held that against him. "you didn't need me to help you" if you asked katia, she would say that donovan had never needed her to help him. "you're friend is lucky to have you in her life" she won't ruin it. katia stared out to the ball unfolding in front of them and gave a nod of her head "i don't expect anything other than that. the fact you're willing to even have a conversation is more than what is deserved" she looked back at him "i wouldn't tell you anything other than that" she confirmed. not wanting to keep him from his friend, she let out a sigh and finished her drink "you should get back to your date. your plan shouldn't be for nothing."

[katia-lima]

seeing him smile, even if it was faintly, had her feeling like they had found neutral ground if only for tonight. the hostility and cruelty she had been met with previously was expected, she never held that against him. "you didn't need me to help you" if you asked katia, she would say that donovan had never needed her to help him. "you're friend is lucky to have you in her life" she won't ruin it. katia stared out to the ball unfolding in front of them and gave a nod of her head "i don't expect anything other than that. the fact you're willing to even have a conversation is more than what is deserved" she looked back at him "i wouldn't tell you anything other than that" she confirmed. not wanting to keep him from his friend, she let out a sigh and finished her drink "you should get back to your date. your plan shouldn't be for nothing."

A faint smile of his own appeared on his lips. He didn’t want to think too deeply on it. Just seeing her smile again was good. Donovan never liked to be mean. As much pain as she caused, he still felt horrible for being horrible to her. “You helped me feel bold.” He gave her a brief glance then faced forward again and nodded. “Thank you. My friend needed help and I just wanted to be there for her.” Shrugging, he turned around and faced the dance floor, taking a sip of his drink. “Alright… I just want to talk, okay? Nothing more and nothing less.” He gave her a look. It was more a warning for himself than even her. “Complete truth, okay?”

[katia-lima]

Kaya Scodelario for GQ Portugal May/June 2024

[katia-lima]

the guilt of everything in the past ate her alive every day, it was exceptionally cruel in times like these when she faced donovan. she wanted nothing more than for things to back to how they were. however, she didn't deserve that and he deserved better. he always did deserve better than her. seeing him with someone else felt like the sharpest of knives twisting in an already infected wound. the faintest of smiles found its way onto her face "good, being bold always suited you" the confirmation about her suspicions brought her no pleasure. this one was a cover but that didn't mean she wouldn't see him with someone at some point, she had to prepare for that. "your secret is safe with me." she answered, taking the opportunity to sip at her own drink. her heart sank at his admission, knowing fine well that she was a large portion if not the whole reason for his unhappiness. "me neither" she admitted herself. she hadn't been happy since donovan, that was what it all came down to. he made her feel happy and loved and it was all destroyed because someone managed to seep into her soul and poison it from the inside out. "we can talk about it when you want. stop by my place and we can sit down."

He found it hard to be beside her. There was always this part of him that wanted things to just go back to the way they used to be— they’d laugh and people watch— she was his best friend. He wanted her to be his best friend forever. It stung. Still. Even after all this time. He smiled toward the ground. She was right. Her next words finally caused his gaze to switch to her face; finding a mixture of hurt and sadness there. So it did hurt. Oh. It didn’t feel as good as he wanted it to feel. Not at all. “I’m just as bold as I used to be,” admitted softly. “You caught me. Just don’t blow my cover.” He had to hope and pray she wouldn’t as he turned around to take a sip of his drink. “I’m not. I haven’t been happy in a long time.” And that was the sad truth of it all. “I want to know what happened. Not here. Not now. But I want to know why you did what you did.”

[katia-lima]

he still thought the worst of her, he was entitled to do so, but the surprise in his tone didn't go unnoticed. "that's what i said" she agreed, her eyes fixed on the crowd. how they got to this. once inseparable and now this, it turned her stomach. "donovan, you're a lot of things, subtle is not one of them. nor should it be, your boldness is part of your charm" and that charm was real good when he wanted it to be. seeing him in town now after years apart had katia's memories of him flood her brain like the clearest hit of dopamine. she watched donovan's date chat away to someone "she is and it would be" she nodded in agreement with him. it felt like salt in the wound and katia knew she wasn't in any position to point that out, but she was sure donovan could see it on her face. katia looked over to him "regardless of all of that, i hope you're well" she genuinely meant it "i hope you're happy"

Now that wasn’t exactly the response he was expecting. “No,” he stated, the surprise still threaded into his tone. “No, it doesn’t.” Little moments like that made it hard to maintain his anger. That and the time that passed since it all happened. He felt like he should still be angry and disgusted… Mostly he was just sad. Don blinked, a little more surprised by what she had said next, and tilted his head in interest. “Maybe I’m just a little more subtle now. I keep my feelings close to my chest,” he replied, knowing that wasn’t true— but also being impressed that she noticed those little details about him. “She is beautiful. Fucking it up would be a pretty bad thing.”

[katia-lima]

katia let him have his dig at her, what was she supposed to do? argue with him? he was right and she was in no position to say otherwise. "i'm sure you felt worse. me seeing you here with someone else, doesn't compare." she would never discredit him or his feelings. those eyes of his, they held so much "your hand doesn't quite go where it should at the small of her back" she answered plainly "you're overly cautious like she's not yours to touch. not a date cautious but something else. you've always been more than that, you're normally more open"

A small muffled noise left Donovan’s lips then. “I understand the feeling.” Bringing up the past again, but that was only because it still hurt horribly. Sometimes, when he looked at her, all he could see was her body tangled in his sheets with someone else. He raised a brow, his gaze still set forward but beginning to smile. He couldn't help it. She was too observant. When she finally turned to look at him, he did the same and looked at her. “Oh, yeah? How so?”

[katia-lima]

she was making moves to stay out of his way when his hand caught her arm. she stayed forward and held her pokerface as much as he was holding his, only donovans hand on her arm indicating that they were even in a conversation. "doesn't make it any easier to watch" she admitted, quiet enough that it was only between them "it's none of my business if you're dating, but i don't think it is a date, not in the way people around here would think" she answered, her head turning to him "your body language is off around her"

Sure, this arrangement was a bit forced but he was pulling out all the stops. Even as hurt as he was, that didn't mean he didn't like to see things working out in love for others and Steph was a good person. She deserved to be seen and cared for... But it was exhausting. That couldn't be helped. He stopped by the bar and exhaled, surprised to find someone leaving as he arrived. Katia.

She must've seen it all. He should feel proud about that but he was anything but as his hand instinctually reached out to her arm to stop her. "Relax," he said, facing forward so he wouldn't break his character before he released her. "It's just a date and it isn't what you think."

[katia-lima]

Kaya Scodelario Gif Pack

In the source link you will find 52 gifs of Kaya Scodelario in Ep. 1 of The Gentlemen (2024). These gifs are 268x150. Kaya is a Brazilian-British Actress with Portugese and Italian roots so please keep than in mind when using! Like & Reblog if using please!

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