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Im in it to win it
Are you???
......
Always have been
4 yrs 2 divorce lawyers
1 and half divorced
.....
Story time
My daughter said something savage the otner day
Something along the lines of we, her brother, her self and me are livin our best lives now that her father is gone
I looked up from the fridge surprised look on my face and said woooow, she started laughin we both were laughin, there has definitely been more laughter the more we move forward, just us three and its goood
I miss you
I think ill always miss you
In our past lives, our futures, our lives we live now, we were always ment to be
In any world there was is to be, we were always supposed and ment to be
Damn me for sounding silly like a total dork for believing such things
I trully believe that there are bonds that just cant be broken
Nomatter how hard we try
Yeah
I am yours
Can i keep you???
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I still think of you and always will
Thanku for comin into mylife when you did
You made mylife better just by bein you
Things in mylife were so messed up, total fukkness
So muchso i understand completely why you had to leave
Things finally did start to get better
Me and my kids are doin so much better, happier
We truly are, absolutely
I also understand we three still have alot of healin
Even as i move forward in mylife witoutu
Your love is wat i will always be dreamin of
You will always have miheart, Always
I wish i could tell you how much you actually changed my whole life around
Because you did inspire that change in me and in mylife and my childrens lives
I miss you
Always and Forever
Me to You
Great Blessings your way
Merry Christmas You
....
I do
I do still miss you
From the first evening we said our hellozz
I truly believe you will be one of my last thoughts when i die
You and my two kids
Absofykkinlutely
.....
I finally realize after all these years
That nomatter the time, nomatter the distance, nomatter of my rollercoaster feelings
There is only one feeling thought that still remains
You
......
Thats my truth
.....
One more thought before I try to sleep
I fell for you, hard, fast, undeniably, most cheesiness
This feelin for you never did go away, at least not for me
Five years and counting
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Do u know how much i wanna quit feelin this way twards you???
For years, past all other feelings, this one still remains, after all this time gone
It is still you
I am still thinkin of
The one i will always miss
From the moment my eyes laid upon you
My heart was taken away, my mind blown
You are the one my soul longs for
My dreams filled wit your very essence
Your a reality my fantasies dream of
I feel so foolish to feel this way still
Mymind my heart still dreamin
Of You
*sigh*
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My words
My thoughts
My heart
Everything ignored
Yet
My dream is you
My fantasy is you
Such a fool is me
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I will Always think of you
I will Always want you
End of story
May you find your hearts desire
Your happiness
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After all this time, i still feel you
I realize that every word you said to me
Was accidentally conveniently
The Exact words to touch my heart my soul
You seem to always know wat to say
To Every girl you meet
So charmin
Unspoken promises of thy heart
Promises in the deep dark night
Promises dreams fantasizes
Words never spoken
Words promises you were never ment to keep
So many girls, many loves, you have forgotten
So many girls, loves, who will forever remember You
Such a cruel man you are
To make so many fall for who u are
Ur heart is every womans dream fantasy
May you find your hearts desire
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Its simple yet so complicated
I was married when met the guy
When i met him, i felt something, really felt something instantly meeting him
I told my x i wanted a divorce of after almost 20 yrs
My x was a drunk, a mind and emotional manipulator, he used and abused me
We had two children together and my children lived in a horrible life livin under that roof
That guy askd one simple question, 'why stay inna loveless marriage?', 'you are hurtin your kids', and he was right
I asked for my divorce, it took 4 years and two separate divorce lawyers to get my divorce
I fought hard and very long for my divorce
Who would stay thro that fukkd up mess
I dont blame him, not at all
Things were bad when i askd for my divorce and things got so much worse when i did ask
My mind and emotions were everthing everywhere, who would stay thro that???, nobody
I dont blame him for leavin
It does hurt he left, i thought he loved me, even tho he never did utter those words
Ive been divorced for almost a year and a half and me and my two kids are goin better, much better, we have our bumps in the road but we are all healing from wat we all individually went thro
Ultimately, my kids are happy witme for my decision
Ultimately, my kids love me but they hurt from my own betrayal to them, i stayed wit a man that hurt us all and i in turn hurt my kids cause i was so very unhappy -thats guilt i have to live wit for the rest of mylife-
I am movin forward, i have to, no other choice
But if i could share mylife myheart wit that oneman, i would move heaven and earth just to be loved by him, i would, inna heart beat, no questions askd, none needed
Noman, not even my x touched me feel the way he did, him and his sillyazz dorky lame cheessy already used pickup lines, makkin me feel like we had this once inna lifetime connection, god he made me laugh and feel wanted so kind so sweet a smartman he was wise, he fukkin felt so different from others before him, fukk even the people who tried to come after him, did he ever actually mean anything he said to me i dont know, i will never know, and i still think of him constantly, everyday
I still like a dreamer wait in the same damn spot we met, everynight for the past 5yrs, yeah im lame imma dork im silly to even still be there, do i believe he will come back, yeah probably not but i still dream that he would
But at the same time i am tryin tryin to open up and talk to other people but i have been really hurt forra really long time and i am still healin on that pain from my x so im not gonna be quick to get inna relationship because there are issues i have to work thro, i might end up alone because everyone, men women, wants to have that relationship witme but i am still workin thro my issues, seriously tho
I wanna be inna relationship, i do, i really do but im not gonna just let anyone in mylife
I am healin
I am still searchin for something i think i can never have
Love
Real sincere love
Someone who actually really means it when they say 'i love you'
Someone who absolutely truly wants the best for me
I have givin to much of my self to all the wrong people in mylife
I am so heartbroken and in pain
I need to heal before i can think of love, sillyazz me, sayin that when all i want is to be loved now
Just know that i do see more happier days than i use to, predivorce, as well as mykids
And i absolutely thank that guy for comin into mylife when he did, hell i wish he came into mylife sooner, maybe later, i wish we had met under different circumstances
He will always be
My unfilled dream
My fantasy man
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Will you ever notice me
Will you ever love me
Have you
Ever???
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I find my self drifting towards people, souls, that remind me of you, I literally feel the pull
I honestly think imma be single forra while, a long while most likely
Cause at this time and place in my life
I may want someone in my life but I don't need anyone either, I am not inna rush, not anymore
Living on my own has been rough, no doubt, but I have been doing so since forever anyways
Before my divorce everything was fukkd up and when I met you life got better forra moment in time
Things got so bad when I told him I wanted the divorce, really bad
Two lawyers and four years later, I finally divorced and I'm sitting on almost a year and half single
I am able to be more happy now, wit just me and my two adult kids, nobody else, just us, three
There is more laughter in my home than there has been in years, a lot of healing from past pain
It makes me really see the tru pain I caused my two kids by staying in a loveless marriage
We three are doing so much better, just us three, it's goin to hard to find someone who fits wit us three
I do talk to people not much tho, it has been hard to open up, I don't know if ever really could
I don't know if I will ever find someone who will accept me for all my faults, my dark spots
********I'm not done writing*******
***My thoughts***
I just got to go do stuff for my home and daughter cause, ya know, I am a mom, mom stuff to do
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I am postin here again because my phone been messing up and i was forced to factory reset, i thought i backed up everything but i obviously lost everything, every feelin every word i wrote down for the past two years, my writtings aint great but i think i popped out some niiic stuff every once and a great while, it is killin me everything is gone, everything
Do i think anyone pays attention to my words, no i do not, my words my feelings falls on deaf ears
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Goin thro my divorce and missin you has really beat my heart for years, years
And after all this time, i do, still miss you and i cant help that
You will always be my one, the one i hold in my heart for the rest of my life
You will always be the one i dream of, always
Forever and a day, amen
I am such a foolish one still crying because
I miss you
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There is a light witinme
It is there
Glimmin in darkness
I know i sound lame
Honestly tho, i do
But yet
Anyone who is closest
Knows
My light has begun
To shine
Amongst the darkest of nights
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As korny as it is
You Are
My perfect drug
For me
Regardless of time
You are
Will always be
My heart
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