kateneedsablog-blog

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I go back to work tomorrow.

For the record.

I had/have covid and pneumonia.

But this is what I did last night. I needed to feel pretty. I needed to use my favorite Broadway show audio.

[kateneedsablog-blog]

So, I love the sims.

What do the sims and this photo (photo taken via wikipedia) have in common? Not much. Except...

I play the sims to build. The creativity to make building and art and a cozy home (that I'd never be able to afford IRL) is comforting and distracting. I love it.

My great grandfather was an architect. He helped create the building above.

I have no connection to family, for the most part. I don't like most of them (I said what I said) and am no better with them in my life as I am without. Besides a few cousins, an uncle, and my godmother (who isn't even blood), I'm totally cool without. So to find any connection to family I can is kind of fun, yet weird.

As someone who doesn't want to build a family, it's not important to me to build that connection. But when I find it.... I can't particularly ignore it.

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As a photographer, I feel like I should be including my photos in my blog. This was Watkins Glen, NY. Oct 2020. My fat ass walked uphill, 600 some steps, a mile high, post rain, in a mask. Not as impressive now, but in Oct 2020 people thought I was insane. That's fine with me. Vaccines were just becoming regular, and I needed out.

I couldn't stand doing nothing in Florida, I needed some damn nature and some exercise. So, that's what we did.

My mom is my travel buddy. She and I are the ones who basically do any form of travel together. I love it. I just also would like to travel without her. But, alas, as the previous mentioned posts subject, I am broke, and she usually helps with costs.

Flight points are a bonus, at the very least. And at this point in my life I was unemployed and sitting on my ass every day.

I dunno, my guys, gals, and non-binary pals. As I sit here, my umpteenth day of covid knowing I also have an infection of some kind (sinus or upper resp) I just kind of miss hiking through a uphill mountain with fresh rain and slippery leaves.

I'm also in a perpetual panic of "what if I don't take any good, artistic, inspiring photos while in Europe??? Centuries old, amazing building and all this art and.....My photos are touristy. I don't think I could handle it" Scared to not make amazing art shouldn't, and wouldn't, stop me from taking art. But when you only have once chance at it...... the intimidation of it all.

This is a note for all (aka none) of the young kids out there. You'll never stop second guessing yourself. You think you'd be feeling great and confident and totally secure in your choices in by the time you reach your 30s.... but holy fuck did I realize how wrong that was. We all do. And I know I read it when I was a teenager saying "that definitely won't be me" Crush those thoughts now. Do it. Squish them like bugs.

Cause it's true. It'll always be true.

[kateneedsablog-blog]

Just popping in to share my favorite couple ever.

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Oh hey, me again. I figure I should also introduce myself, to, well, myself. And my one follower who has known me for about nine years now.

I’m Kate. duh. 

I’m currently 31, single, attempting to date, and overall a weirdo. I love star wars and marvel, I don’t do many exciting things, and I’m a photographer. Honestly can’t wait to share my photos across Europe in the next few months. I’ll be going to London for four days before embarking my cruise.

We leave southampton, go to Portland England, Cork (Cobh), Dublin (Dun Laoghaire), and Belfast Ireland. Kirkwall, Inverness, and Edinburgh Scotland. Brussels/Bruges, Belgium, and two days in Amsterdam, Netherlands.

I’ve never been to Europe before so this is very exciting to me. I’ll be on the Disney Wish cruise in March, but I doubt I’ll even get off the ship. It’ll be cold and I’ve been to the Caribbean plenty. I would rather explore the ship.

Anyway. More about me (my favorite subject)

There Isn’t much to say. I’m a traumatized, struggling woman who just wants to feel some importance in some way. Don’t we all? This is just what I’m trying to deal with in all my glitz and glam of practical minimal wage glory. 

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Let’s try this again, shall we?

I created this account at the peak of the pandemic, almost exactly two years ago. With only one post that I have since deleted. Not entirely relevant, nor did it particularly matter as an introductory piece. If I had kept up with it, I think I would have kept things. 

Am I only starting this up again because I bought a new keyboard with very nice clicks? 95% of the reason. The other 5$ is because it’s almost 2:30 in the morning and I’m a week into my first time having covid. I think I did pretty damn well for making it until July 2022 for having my first round of it. 

And let me say

Thank the maker that I’m vaccinated. 

I don’t think I’d have survived this well without having a vaccination and booster.

And I’m not handling it well.

I have a gnarly cough, I have to call HR in the morning to extend my medical leave a week to recover. I have only small bursts of energy and have spent almost the entirety of this time in bed. I’m tired all the time. I can’t breathe. My 02 levels have gotten as low as 90, as high as 97, but I regularly sit at around 94. Could be worse. I’m doing well in comparison to countless others. I’m very aware of that, don’t get me wrong. But it still sucks to have. 

I have no sense of smell and taste which is really dehumanizing. I didn’t realize how bizarre it would be to eat with no concept of what I’m actually ingesting. I don’t want to eat because I can’t enjoy it. I mix textures together as much as I can to make it not mundane. 

I’m also aggressively clenching my jaw. Can’t seem to stop. Been having water in my mouth to force me to relax. Hydrating has been difficult.

I feel awful for my roommates. One, who shares a wall with me, can hear me coughing non stop and I can only imagine how annoying that is. Probably a little worrisome when she hears the desperate gasps for air  between struggles.

My other roommate is a complete germaphobe (rightfully so) and I swear my existence in the apartment is the worst thing for her right now. I try and stay out of the common areas as much as I can. I feel guilty for needing food. Stupid, I know. I just hate being a bother.

I’m not looking forward to trying to survive working. I don’t know how my physical strength will be by the time I get over all this. I think the longest I’ve stood at a time has been maybe twenty minutes. I’ve barely bathed. (That’s literally my goal tomorrow, a shower) But other than that, I’m just trying to survive mediocrity as a 31 year old single woman who can’t afford to own or even rent her own place while working an entry level job. You know, The Millennial Dream Nightmare. (Don’t judge me if I continue to blog and include vacation photos and other things, I’m a vacation replacer and getting to travel for basically free in the upcoming months because my dad’s in kidney failure and can no longer go)

Ta-ta, my darlings. Until I decide I want to do this again.