kasewichser

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BETTER MAN (2024)

Remember, this might feel good, but this... this is what matters.

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Imagine you KILL your dad and then you perform a Michael Jackson DANCE NUMBER and ask for SEVEN MILLION dollars and then you YELL at your wife who DIVORCES you in front of your MOM and FRIENDS and then you get caught for having the GEMSTONE GOLDEN BIBLE and you SHOOT three of your childhood friends and tell them you had an EX-BOYFRIENDS CLUB with your dad and you KIDNAPPED men your MOM dated and one of your FRIENDS shoots you in the HEAD and you ask them for PRAY for you and you finally DIE

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Instead of traditional vows, you two have come up with your own unique expressions of love.

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You look dumb with them glasses on. Why you even wearing 'em?

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They silenced you, Dean. 

I’m so sorry for the weird English I was just translating from the Spanish dub 😭😭

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do you think lori milsap and aimee leigh gemstone ever lezzed out

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Rating The Righteous Gemstones characters by how much of the Bible I think they’ve read

Jesse - probably the first few pages, skims it for sermons, maybe knows a few quotes off-hand, knows the general order of events 4/10

Judy - tried to read it once to show up her brothers and got bored immediately, but does know more hymns and psalms than Jesse and Kelvin 4/10

Kelvin - probably read through a whole version of a Bible for kids when he was young, remembers bits and pieces, but always pulls from it for his youth group 6/10

Eli - has definitely read through it, likely more than once, and can pull quotes without looking 8/10

Baby Billy - I want to say that there’s no way but he did make Bible Bonkers, so he at least looked up enough stuff to make his prototype 2/10

Amber - has read through it and can quote it, probably has a verse as her phone lockscreen and has Bible discussions with a group of her friends 8/10

BJ - has not read it all the way through but looked up ‘important chapters of the Bible to know’ before meeting Eli for the first time, maybe does some research about interpretations in his spare time 2/10

Keefe - read through the whole thing within the first year of knowing Kelvin and took notes to ask Kelvin about, DEFINITELY read all of the Kelvin Gemstone Prism edition 9/10

Gideon - read a few verses when he was younger, has now read through most of it, maybe skipped around a bit 7/10

Tiffany - I think she would but she can't read, probably listens very attentively when someone is reading it 1/10

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"Back up off me, son, if you know what's good for you."

The Righteous Gemstones | 04.05

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the righteous gemstones having to stop dead in its tracks because of the reality of evangelical homophobia to be like

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Kelvin Gemstone - The only bitch serving cunt for Top Christ Following Man of the Year

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This is the kind of thing Baby Billy would have on his Facebook. No doubt about it.

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The Righteous Gemstones + Would You Fuck a Clone of Yourself?

Bonus Martin:

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The Righteous Gemstones - 4.01: Prelude

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kissy monsters ;_;

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serious lack of gemstone sibling art it makes me sick

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Walton Goggins as Baby Billy Freeman in the trailer for The Righteous Gemstones season 4

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i love when they make the couples wardrobes match