karainball

[karainball]

Continuation of the relationship after betrayal.

Any relationship is always a job. Work on ourselves, on our perception, habits, and so on down the list. We are often forced, if not to change completely, then to adapt to the person next to us, in the hope of preserving what we have already built. We try to do it, but sometimes our efforts are not enough. People are leaving. Or, worse, they remain, committing an unthinkable act, undermining our trust. Can betrayal be forgiven? And whether it is necessary to stay with someone who has already wounded us.

Is it worth trying to keep in touch with the traitor.

The question, of course, is ambiguous. On the one hand, I want to immediately cut off my shoulder, slam the door and, proudly raising my head, leave without letting a tear roll off my face. After all, it's true, who needs such a liar in life.

However, on the other hand, is everything that happened before really going to disappear so meaningless? No more talking until morning, no walks along the embankment and gatherings in your favorite cafe. No us and nothing of ours. Is it worth letting an absolutely exhausted rage cover your eyes or come to a decision together? In fact, they lose their right to vote. But you still deserve an explanation. The blame for the act lies with them, but for your relationship on both of you.

Is there any justification for this?

And again, you can talk for a long time. It is impossible to give a simple answer. There were probably reasons. But talking about it often quickly descends into accusations. Sometimes even to you. You see, you were cold and distant, fixated on your work/family/friends/new partner, and they didn't get any attention or affection. In fairness, they may be right about something.

But do you deserve a knife in the back after a bad month? A question they hardly think about. Do not take to heart everything that a person has said in desperate fear of losing you. But I don't advise you to completely deny their every word either. At least take out the experience for the future and stop torturing yourself with mental monologues about what you did wrong.

Both are to blame for every conflict.

The favorite song of all traitors. Dividing the blame into pieces and it is already harder to get angry at them, isn't it? After all, you are not saints either, you probably forgot about the anniversary a week ago, which you never celebrated or answered the call after the fourth ring, instead of the usual third. No, of course, there may be sins hiding behind your shoulders. But to raise this topic only after talking about their betrayal is pure manipulation. You are adults who can calmly discuss all disagreements, no one has tied their mouths before.

Will help from outside help?

A really good advice is to ask for help. The installation "do not take out the trash from the hut" has outlived itself as well as the huts themselves. Perhaps you will rise from the ashes together, holding hands and being confident in each other like never before. But it will take a very long time. It may take more than a year or two until you regain the lost trust. It may also never come back. You can really fight for happiness and lose. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that your time is up. And sometimes it's clear from the very beginning.

Maybe you will need help only in the future, in a new relationship, with a new person. Not all the restless things can be repaired and certainly not everything is worth it. There is nothing shameful in not trying and throwing away something that has already failed you once. The main thing is not to transfer this experience to others and allow yourself to understand that someone injured you just like that, and someone will not do it under pain of death. The previous damage should be a teacher, not a companion.

[karainball]

and there’s only one thing that comes to my mind. 

“i’m broken, i’m damaged, i’m a mistake that goes alive”. 

and it isn’t a lie.

that the realest thing i’ve said in my life. 

i admited that i always denied. 

i left my hopes on happy ending behind.

 i’m not a princess, i’m a dragon, 

that mess everything up around. 

that always on the way of that people truly haunted. 

just a duty, a need. 

just a nasty scar that never stops bleed. 

picture you never smile to. 

a person you never describe as a “good”. 

or not even a homan, just a little monster that lives in the illusion 

because learnt while ago that reality is too cruel

[karainball]

I hate people

not as a teen with bad behaviour 

as a girl who has to hold her breath 

to not to freak out, it’s kinda hard to confess

I hate when they are around, 

hate when they are in my house

hate that they get my parents’s attention 

and hate when my parents try to start a conversation 

hate when they touch me

hate when they breath the same air

hate when their voices don’t let me sleep

hate when they wreak my plan

I hate people for ghosting and ignoring 

I hate people for being too annoying 

I hate them in distance 

I hate when they come close

I hate when they listen 

I hate them even worse

than I can tell 

I hate people as an one of them 

[karainball]

Is it necessary to forgive insults in order to move on?

Initially, the answer to this question may seem unambiguous to us - of course. After all, how else can we continue our journey in this harsh life with such a burden on our shoulders. However, is this really what is holding us back? How much do bad memories affect our lives? And do they have any effect at all, because this is far from our only concern - to look at our scars and think what caused them.

Many argue that forgiveness is the only way to healing.

They're probably right about something. It is possible to treat damage, the presence of which you do not recognize. But this does not mean that all paths lead to the same end. In order to start working on this part of yourself, it is enough to see and allow yourself to feel the pain that was inflicted on us earlier. It is not necessary to immediately rush with noble speeches that you have already let it go and do not hold a grudge against those people at all. At the very least, this is most likely not entirely true. As a maximum, it's not really healthy, hiding your feelings, pretending that you overcame it, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to live through the trauma and, subsequently, really let go.

Forgiveness is a skill we've been taught all our lives.

The idea that holding a grudge against offenders is almost a sin is laid down to us from an early age. Many parents said the hackneyed "be smarter / taller than them" and the like. Like, being offended by fools who call you tolstoy is a thankless thing. And even if they don't teach you to tolerate such an attitude towards yourself and encourage you to defend your borders, there will always be a couple of smart guys who will immediately call you a snitch. Understanding and forgiving immediately begins to sound like a better prospect.

In adult life, the rules do not change, only the methods change. Loud name-calling turns into obsessive advice, and accusations of snitching turn into stories about your hypersensitivity. At some point, it may really seem that the efforts to explain his condition, which has noticeably worsened from such verbal sparring, are in vain. It's easier not to be offended at all, that's why the whole team is spoiling the infusion.

Forgiveness is not for those who hurt you, it is for you.

Again, how to look at it. Of course, this idea sounds beautiful. Like, I'm so conscious of losing interest in constant whining about you and flourishing in my forgetfulness. Our option is still just to let go. And what about those nights that I cried into my pillow nonstop? Or tons of ice cream, which I ate my grief with? Surely all these sacrifices are for nothing. I'm kidding, obviously. But there is a fine line between not allowing a person to treat you badly and throwing tantrums like a young child.

And what if the abuser is a member of the inner circle? After all, they will never know how much I don't like their jokes about my failed personal life. "But I should just leave it in the past. I'm doing this for myself, not for them". However, for some reason this song doesn't calm me down at all. Someone will continue to behave in this way, maybe already with someone else, if I stop all communication with them, and new people will endlessly forgive them, for the sake of the illusion of the opportunity to amuse their ego with new achievements in the practice of "empty chair".

Is it worth trying to step over yourself for the sake of peace?

Ultimately, every person is different. Someone really needs to let go of the situation, let their resentment disappear and try to forget everything. And someone needs a reminder that the injury inflicted on them is not their fault at all. That there is a culprit in the world, and he has every right not to forgive him. A kind of power, I can stop being mad at you, or I can continue, I took these reins. People don't have to heal in order to eventually forgive or vice versa. The main thing in this situation, in any case, is yourself. Your feelings have been hurt, and trust has been undermined, and what to do next is up to you.