kalevala568b

[kalevala568b]

We owe everything to Lan Xichen, let's all be very honest. 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏💙🤍

“The only mistake he made in his life is you! You dare tell me…. you dare tell me you don’t know.”

Lan Xichen being the best brother had enough of his brother’s dumb boyfriend.

[kalevala568b]

[kalevala568b]

Your parents can love you and still be shitty abusive parents. They can mean well and still fuck up. They might fuck up without even knowing it's abuse.

Sometimes I think about how, when I was 5, my dad would make grilled cheese sandwiches and cut them into dinosaur shapes for me. Other times when I was hungry, he would refuse to feed me at all, because he decided that 5 was old enough for me to cook for myself when he didn't feel like doing it.

I think about how he taught me to swim, and fish, and (yes) throw a ball. In the summer, at night, he would wrap me in a huge comforter and carry me around outside to show me the constellations. But I hated being left alone with him because he was often bad tempered, mean to me for no reason, and I couldn't count on him for basic things like food.

Sometimes I think about how my mom raised hell in my high school principal's office in front of multiple faculty members because they weren't complying with my IEP (disability required accommodations). She always saw red if someone else laid a finger on me, even figuratively. When we were at home she screamed at me for things I had no control over and said I was using my illness to get my way.

I think about how she bought me art supplies and paid for lessons for all of my hobbies. She attended every single concert, performance, and game. I don't think I went a day without being told she loved me while growing up, and she constantly told me how proud she was. But I could never trust her mood and she could go from loving mother to terrorizing me before I knew what was happening.

My parents love me but I still flinch if someone in my vicinity washes a dish a little too aggressively. My parents never intentionally traumatized me, but my nervous system never knew the difference. Neither of my parents saw anything they did as abuse; they believed they were good parents. It wasn't until my mom was in her mid 60s that she grasped that her own childhood had been abusive, too.

They're not bad, irredeemable people. They're complex people with a lot of their own trauma who lacked many skills necessary for good parenting. I could hate them for it, but I don't. I'm not obligated to forgive them, and I don't think I have, and I don't know whether I ever really will. My parents damaged me a lot in ways that have affected my whole life, and I still have good memories with them.

[kalevala568b]

confession

[kalevala568b]

Dracula (Bela Lugosi) playing poker with Santa, 1940.

[kalevala568b]

THE FRANCHISE 2024・1x01 Scene 31A: Tecto Meets Eye

[kalevala568b]

Diego is on his way

[kalevala568b]

You know what I just realized? Lan Wangji didn't just have the same Wen brand on his chest as Wei Wuxian, but he also had (nearly) the same whip marks. Since Madam Yu whipped Wei Wuxian with Zidian, leaving behind scars, before he died. And Lan Wangji now has both. It's probably nothing but my brain can't let go of this parallel. If Wei Wuxian was brought back with his old body, he and Lan Wangji would have matching Brand and Whip marks.

[kalevala568b]

Unfortunately, for some of us, we face inconsolable loss in life, we decide to live & fight on during those difficult times in our lives, not because we are brave, but because we believe there is hope.

And this, this is what hope sounds like.

💔💙🤍

Grey

My tea's gone cold,

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window

And I can't see at all

And even if I could, it'd all be grey

It's been... a while. A long while since it happened. Lan Wangji used to keep track of the time since, but the countdown muddled into itself eventually, like the grey left behind after too many bright colors have been mixed together on a tray.

Lan Wangji used to love grey.

He loved the excited, curious grey in his beloved eyes, loved how such a simple color could reflect emotions and thoughts so beautifully.

But the grey right now, the one he's surrounded by, Lan Zhan hates it.

It's been a while since it happened, but it's still the first thing Lan Zhan thinks about when he awakes in the morning.

He had had a fight with Wei Ying, something small and ridiculous, in hindsight - but it riled them both up so much that a mild inconvenience devolved into a screaming match for tens of minutes, uncharacteristic as it was for both of them.

It had been a long, grey, rainy Wednesday and the argument escalated like the storm outside. Eventually, tired of it all, Wei Ying had picked up the keys to his car and slammed the front door shut behind him with a line of expletives to follow - and it had been the first time Lan Zhan had ever been glad he left.

But then, he got a phonecall. It was the middle of the night, after he'd calmed down, and he was about to call Wei Ying to come back home and make up after that stupid fight.

When he heard the phone, Lan Zhan had smiled, thinking it was Wei Ying, and their thoughts and intentions had synchronized, like they often seemed to do.

But no. It was an unknown voice on the other end of the line, telling him Wei Ying had gotten into a car accident (because of a drunk Wen Chao, Lan Zhan later learned, that never did any fucking time for his crime anyway since his daddy's too high up in politics to obey the law) and that the paramedics did all they could, but it had been too late. The bastard had fled the scene and left Wei Ying in a ditch to die. He hadn't even had the decency to call the ambulance.

And that was it.

Wei Ying was gone, and Lan Zhan hadn't even told him "I love you" once that day. Hadn't kissed him, hadn't held him - had only made hurtful comments in a ridiculous fight that had no reason to turn out the way it did. They never fought. Why had it happened that day?

Lan Zhan had been wondering since.

The world moved on, somehow. It always does. The world moved on after his mother died, then his father. Now, the world has moved on without Wei Ying too.

But Lan Zhan hasn't.

He gets out of bed every morning at 5 am sharp, greeted by the loneliness of his apartment, tearful as he always dreams of Wei Ying and what never came to be.

He makes two cups of tea. One for himself, the other...

Then, he goes to work.

Today, he hasn't. He knows brother will cover for him. Brother is the only one who knows what happened, why Wei Ying was driving in that storm and why Lan Zhan has stayed in a psychiatric facility for three years, on strong medication for both his self injuries and his declining mental health.

Now, he is in bed. It is raining outside, and it's foggy and dark. Just like that day.

But your picture on my wall,

It reminds me

That it's not so bad

Not so bad

He has a framed picture of himself and Wei Ying on his nightstand. It's the only thing there, beside the lamp that he never turns on because Wei Ying always said it hurt his eyes.

Wei Ying is smiling brightly in the picture, and he's so beautiful that Lan Zhan's eyes fill with tears every time he looks at it. Brother had said it would help him to hide it. Lan Zhan never could.

Wei Ying had asked some lady on the street to take that picture. It had been the day Lan Zhan proposed, a sunny, warm, May Sunday in the park, with trees in bloom.

They'd met in that park many years ago. Lan Zhan had thought they could marry there too.

So much for that.

It's quiet in his apartment and nobody ever visits him.

That's why the knock on his door both surprises and annoys him. He wants to stay in bed and grieve and waste away, not have to turn down some random door salesman or religious preacher.

He drags himself down his bed with difficulty and displeasure, and he is ready to yell at the poor sod that dared bother him despite his polite upbringing. He has taken this day for himself and his suffering and he will not let anybody take it away from him.

But when he unlocks the door, his knees almost give out and he almost loses balance entirely had it not been for his quick footing.

Because at the door there was no salesman and no Jehova's witness. There, just a little bit more mature, but still familiar and full of life, was Wei Ying, his beautiful grey eyes full of love and nervousness and tears.

"Lan Zhan." He greets and Lan Wangji feels the world tilt on its axis, shaking from within its very core.

He is frightened and confused and angry and happy - and before he knows it, Wei Ying is in his arms, and he fits so perfectly there that it could only be him.

They crumple to the floor in a mix of tears and limbs and Lan Zhan can only pray, though he's given up religion many years ago, that this is not a dream and it's either reality, or he's died in his sleep and this is his heaven.

They kiss and Lan Zhan takes Wei Ying's hand, happy to feel the engagement ring still where he'd left it.

He'd always wondered why the corpse he had been told was his lover didn't have it.

[kalevala568b]

[kalevala568b]

[kalevala568b]

Nandor, the Relentless IS Wei Wuxian!!!! Ladies & gents!! 😱😱😱😭😭😭💙🤍💥 #WWDITS #MDZS #intersection

[kalevala568b]

The food will be ready soon.

[kalevala568b]

Wasn't gonna post these cause they've already been posted here before, but I came across these elsewhere, I am bored and they are big!

[kalevala568b]

The general public: "Alright, 2 lads standing next to each other, one's taking off the coat."

Mdzs fans: "Holy fecking Jesus, KILL ME NOW....!!!!!!!"

😭😭😭😅🤣😂🤣😆💀💀💀💙🤍

[kalevala568b]

[kalevala568b]

#This all happened under 10 minutes in the first episode of the first season btw