kaizostuck

[kaizostuck]

📂📂

During one especially flighty run where Roxy managed to avoid a lot of conflict, things ended with her being made into the cocksleeve of some powerful beastie. She ended up spending well over a week with a cock running through her entire body and no way to do anything to escape or trigger a reset. Fortunately this beast was so strong nothing dared steal its property, and so Roxy was relatively safe. To her credit, Roxy held onto her consciousness during this time as best she could, to scout out as much of her world as possible. Unfortunately she can only remember vague snippets of the things she saw. The things she felt and tasted, on the other hand...

[kaizostuck]

Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have

[kaizostuck]

Guuuuh... I’m still here.

I’m always still here.

[kaizostuck]

Captchalogue your Gamecube for alchemy purposes!

Uuuuuugh. You hate Captchaloguing your consoles. Honestly you hate Captchaloguing in general these days, but you suppose that, if you manage to succeed, you’ll be able to make something out of your Nintendo Gamecube, even if that thing is just another videogame. Honestly you kind of feel like getting Wario World, that’s the sort of thing you could probably beat before you get bumrushed by monsters later in the week.

But, before that, first you’ll need to captchalogue the thing. You swallow as you watch the card get trapped inside a plastic bubble around the size of your fist. Goddamn… this one’s gonna be rough. In an instant, it attaches by a thread to the previous slot on your ANAL BEAD Fetch Modus, before it and all the other items in your inventory make a trip several inches deeper into your rectum. You slam your hand on the bed repeatedly as you try to endure the stretching of your butthole. This would be so much easier if your anus’s elasticity wasn’t always being reset!

[kaizostuck]

Roxy: Room Inspection

Your name is Roxy Lalonde and... uuuugh, you’ve decided today you’re going to go out and try to do some alchemy, a feat that will ALMOST INVARIABLY BE RENDERED POINTLESS, even if you do succeed, as the likely possibility of death will reset your life to about an hour prior to this moment. You’d like to say you’ve become numb to that fact, but that is PATENTLY UNTRUE.

Due to the high quantity of monster attacks originating from your windows, you have elected to discard the VAST QUANTITY OF WINDOWS in your possession, saving only the one that you accidentally damaged in the process. On your wall is a considerably sized CRACK, one that you could potentially turn into a HOLE using the combined might of a good throw and your BORDERLINE INDESTRUCTIBLE NINTENDO GAMECUBE. Honestly that thing could probably protect you against some of the UBERMONSTERS that hide right outside your door, but alas, your Strife Specibus is assigned to Riflekind and Fistkind, ruling that option out for the time being. And besides, you wouldn’t want to damage your dear Nintendo GameCube!

On your desk is your Laptop, on which you have received some INTERESTING MESSAGES, the types of which are not typical of your usual TIME LOOP, which you think may be a lead of some kind for making progress in your game, something you would dearly like to do.

Additionally, behind the STACK OF PLUSHES, is your closet, which contains a number of QUESTIONABLY ALCHEMISED OUTFITS, which you can’t help but love despite the fact that they cost you all your grist.

Speaking of which, in order to alchemise, you’ll probably need to defeat at least ONE monster on your way to the LOUNGE. Ideally you would like to find a way to kill the VORACIOUS BASILISK just outside your bedroom door, both for practical and cathartic reasons, but you’d settle for anything at this point.

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, what do you do?

[kaizostuck]

Quick Inventory Check

Strife Specibus (Riflekind, Fistkind): One (1) Rifle, with absolutely no bullets.

Modus Operandi (ANALBEAD MODUS), in order of First Out: Solarcucker Parasol, Empty Bottle, Half Bag of Peanuts M&Ms, Zero Suit.

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you’re getting ready to head out!

[kaizostuck]

((Lack of updates because I’m looking for a good cross-section the Lalonde household. Anyone know where I can get any?))

[kaizostuck]

Okay, okay... whew... I said this was gonna just be a lazy day in my room, but those two maybe-imps have me interested in doing alchemy shenanigans again.

...I’m gonna risk it!

[kaizostuck]

Then I shall endeavor to learn more from her and hopefully catch you in the next loop!

Good luck with the babies! Name one after me, okay? :p

gushingskirtflipper

well, i mean… the thing is, our game wasn’t anywhere near as bad as yours! and like, our monsters just tried to mess around with us at first, but they only ever fought us! they never did anything like that to us.

oof… i mean, the problem is that it always ends badly for you. that sounds really awful, i’m sorry.

I… GUESS I can accept your apology.

Unless you’re secretly one of the monsters trying to find out my secrets and weaknesses in which case I rescind my apology and offer middle fingers, but until proven otherwise I’m happy to trust you blindly and get you back on my next loop.

That said, you didn’t have, like, an unusual happenstance today that caused you to message me out of the blue, did you? Because if I could figure out what caused this loop to be different, that’d really help me out!

[kaizostuck]

gushingskirtflipper

well, i mean… the thing is, our game wasn’t anywhere near as bad as yours! and like, our monsters just tried to mess around with us at first, but they only ever fought us! they never did anything like that to us.

oof… i mean, the problem is that it always ends badly for you. that sounds really awful, i’m sorry.

I... GUESS I can accept your apology.

Unless you’re secretly one of the monsters trying to find out my secrets and weaknesses in which case I rescind my apology and offer middle fingers, but until proven otherwise I’m happy to trust you blindly and get you back on my next loop.

That said, you didn’t have, like, an unusual happenstance today that caused you to message me out of the blue, did you? Because if I could figure out what caused this loop to be different, that’d really help me out!

[kaizostuck]

Fetch Modus, more like Stretch Modus.

#JustInventoryManagementThings

...ow.

[kaizostuck]

I want to be more drunk, but I’m not even buzzed!!

One time I tried pulling up the carpet to huff the glue, but I think the carpet is stuck down with a non-narcotic adhesive. Is that... is that the correct terminology?

...I wouldn’t be contemplating such things if I was good-and-proper drunk!

[kaizostuck]

Are we going to get to see any of these oft-mentioned bad ends eventually? :3c

Who is this? …Why is this? What is this?!? No, really, I don’t even!

[kaizostuck]

...I... I’m really starting to get the feeling that you guys got much better classes than I did if all this is news to you.

I just don’t want an escape from a gang of Ogres to be punctuated by me waddling away from them leaving a white trail behind me and inevitably falling over and slowly rolling down a shallow incline. I just don’t!

gushingskirtflipper

hmmm… so, you know that for a fact? have you gotten pregnant before too, or are you just assuming things? my dad taught me to try every thing once, even if i thought before hand i wouldn’t like it!

Urk, no! I-I mean, not as such, anyway…

I-I’ve just experienced things… LIKE pregnancy… before.

[kaizostuck]

...You know what, I can’t actually argue with that. It’s airtight, and I kinda hate how much of a point you have.

At the very least, it’ll be nice to vent. I-I’m definitely not telling you everything, no way, but I... GUESS I could at least answer the question.

Hot fucking dammit I don’t even want to put it into words. I should be fucking numb to this given how many times it’s happened... I mean, at this point I’m pretty sure ‘cum inflated’ is a fucking status effect, so maybe you’re familiar with it... but holy FUCK that stuff gets heavy FAST!

gushingskirtflipper

hmmm… so, you know that for a fact? have you gotten pregnant before too, or are you just assuming things? my dad taught me to try every thing once, even if i thought before hand i wouldn’t like it!

Urk, no! I-I mean, not as such, anyway…

I-I’ve just experienced things… LIKE pregnancy… before.

[kaizostuck]

No no no, I ran out of bullets during my quest to get to a Return Node! I actually got a kill or three during that, buuuut mostly I was just using my rifle for suppressing fire. I... suppose it could still be useful as a club, and MAYBE I’ll find some bullets for this thing as, like, loot, but somehow I doubt they’ll be the right caliber.

Then again, videogame logic should mean I can just pick up any ammo and it’ll magically fit. Either way, while my first priority is on mapping out the best path to the next Return Node (which I’m about 90% done with!) and practicing it to perfection, I’m gonna try and end my next run with as much loot as possible, so I don’t leave myself high-and-dry for the next one like I did last time.

But, yeah, if you’re a monster, you shouldn’t worry about that, and if you’re not, well... I guess I’ll be happy to have someone I can consider a friend!

[kaizostuck]

You can :3 all you want but I am NOT telling you those things!

gushingskirtflipper

hmmm… so, you know that for a fact? have you gotten pregnant before too, or are you just assuming things? my dad taught me to try every thing once, even if i thought before hand i wouldn’t like it!

Urk, no! I-I mean, not as such, anyway…

I-I’ve just experienced things… LIKE pregnancy… before.