kaitlynreardon

[kaitlynreardon]

wow, a year later and i still can say that idgaf for birthdays. i feel like i only wrote this a few months ago.. not a who,e year ago.

my 18th birthday is in a few days and god i dread it. although i am great full for another year on this planet it’s more the socialising i dread on the day. i am someone who doesn’t need to talk to people daily to feel social, i don’t care to be social i like sitting in my room listening to music and watching movies. i can’t wait for when i’m older and live alone so i can wake up on my birthday and ponder around my house listening to music and end the night possibly watching my favourite movie and cooking a home made meal for myself.

birthdays

as i got older i realised how unimportant my own birthday was to me. i hate the attention, socialising and the forced excitement i have to show over a gift i’m not overly fond of... i just hate everything about it.

i never really understood why birthdays were such a bid deal to some? i mean really who cares that you’ve completed another year on earth?

idk maybe i’ve just lost my spirit..?

my birthday is tomorrow, i turn 17. i am not excited. i haven’t really thought about it either, this year has flown by. by the time i know it next week will be Christmas!?

i think what i hate about my birthday so much is that i do care.. i get worried no one else will care and forced myself to believe that if i don’t care, i won’t care if anyone else cares. but that’s not the case. i don’t care about my birthday BUT i do care if others care about it..?

almost like if someone doesn’t say happy birthday to me i get really upset about it??

i don’t know why i’m like this.

[kaitlynreardon]

do people that only listen to their liked songs on spotify actually exists...?

do people also really only listen to playlists that spotify create??

HOW?

i need a playlist for each day of the week, each emotion i endure and activity i part take in.. eg. work, sleeping, party, walking, getting ready and much more 😳

[kaitlynreardon]

bedroom

my bedroom is my sanctuary/personality.. i don’t like people seeing my room as it is almost like personal to me. my room is me, the real me. i don’t like people seeing the real me for some reason?

my walls are covered in music and movie posters, i have a stack of cds with some of my favourite artist/albums and a collection of dvds that i enjoy! i like to collect those things as they are sentimental objects that represent the things i am into.

i believe you can find out a lot of things about someone just by their room, for example.. if their room is plain and boring... well that kinda speaks for itself. and then ofc people with character in their room... you get the point?

idk why i am telling you this but there’s a glimpse of my room for you😁😁

[kaitlynreardon]

ME AND WHO⁉️⁉️⁉️

[kaitlynreardon]

60s music (perfection)

i tend to have a lot of free time as i don’t leave my house very often, and with all that free time comes a lot of music. it breaks the silent barrier i have of me sitting in my room alone nearly every hour of every day.

listening to music a lot of the time makes it very easy to get board of 1 or 2 genres so i keep my options wide when it comes to genres. one of my favourite genres is 60s motown music. there is something so nostalgic about the music, although yes i wasn’t even remotely born in the 60s (not even my parents were) i still enjoy it a lot!!

they just seriously don’t make music like it anymore.

[kaitlynreardon]

highschool

i dropped out of high school maybe 5-6 months ago, and let me tell you...

best decision ever. i enjoyed school solely because of the friends i had, i had (still have) the best friend group ever. and i had no fuss masking new friends. i always worried when we would get our timetables out for the year that i wouldn’t have friends in my classes! but i never had that problem it always worked out.

but when it came to the actual education i found it very difficult. i was struggling with my mental health severely and it definitely had the biggest impact on my education. it started by me not going to school every now and then. till i got addicted to it LOL. i rarely would show up to school and when i would i was always skipping classes. somehow i continuously got away with it and was never pulled up on it..?! so i thought in my mind i’d keep skipping school as their was no consequences.. little did i know 🤣 it put my education at risk of course! i would miss so much class that i wasn’t learning anything and then when it would come to the test i would flank them and fail. it got to the point that i’d get a 30% on a test and i was happy with it.

i failed every single class due to my attendance and results i was getting. i didn’t pass one class for the last 3 years i attended high school.

i also had a part time job at kfc, i became a workaholic and would work till 11:30 sometimes even 12am on a school night, and with all that it lead me to be so drained i wouldn’t have the energy to go to school.

i’m not one to reach out for help. i don’t like people trying to help me because i’m what one would call a perfectionist and not one person would know how to fix my problems.. including me. as i mentioned in a recent post i don’t like the attention either so i just would never ask for help, in hopes they’ll come to me.. but no one did.

my parents began to hassle me of course and made me talk to my coordinators. they were all talk when i told them about what i was going through.. they never helped me instead sent me to see the school councillor where i would sit with a younger women in a room with fidget toys and bullshit inspirational posters... school councillors are a joke btw. this women sitting in front of me had no idea what i was going through and even if she did how could she help me?? she was probably only a few years older then me tbh. regardless i would show up to these sessions every week where she would recommend me breathing exercises and getting fresh air.. like seriously ??

i was sick of it i was sick of the teachers that were only there to get pain and that’s it. i don’t think i came across a teacher that really cared about us. just money driven. i attended term one of year 11 (barely). and then term 2 came round and i just never showed up, that was it. i was done with highschool and i didn’t even know it .

i don’t regret dropping out of highschool at all. not one ounce of me wishes that i didn’t dropout. i know god has me on the right path🙏🏻

[kaitlynreardon]

i love ryan gosling

[kaitlynreardon]

birthdays

as i got older i realised how unimportant my own birthday was to me. i hate the attention, socialising and the forced excitement i have to show over a gift i’m not overly fond of... i just hate everything about it.

i never really understood why birthdays were such a bid deal to some? i mean really who cares that you’ve completed another year on earth?

idk maybe i’ve just lost my spirit..?

my birthday is tomorrow, i turn 17. i am not excited. i haven’t really thought about it either, this year has flown by. by the time i know it next week will be Christmas!?

i think what i hate about my birthday so much is that i do care.. i get worried no one else will care and forced myself to believe that if i don’t care, i won’t care if anyone else cares. but that’s not the case. i don’t care about my birthday BUT i do care if others care about it..?

almost like if someone doesn’t say happy birthday to me i get really upset about it??

i don’t know why i’m like this.

[kaitlynreardon]

stand by me

i remember vividly watching stand by me a few years ago with my dad sister and stepmum.

at the time my sister and i were enduring abuse including emotional neglect, guilt tripping and having to deal with our dads mood swings/multiple personalities. and our drug addict of a stepmum who was definitely not the nicest of people !

stand by be me was some sort of an awakening to me as the characters in the film too had a shitty relationship with their parents and were all going through different situations. it made me feel as though with all the things i was suffering with/going through i could be happy and find something that could distract me from everything.

And that’s when i grew a passion for movies, it was an escape from my own reality. i too grew a love for music and my life possibly became “better”. i had found something that distracted me from my own life.

the film stand by me later became my favourite film. till this day and i’m sure the rest of my life it will be my favourite film!

it’s as though i have some sort of sentimental connection with the movie, it’s almost like i was apart of the movie. that’s how much i consumed the movie it became apart of my life. one day i watched it twice, and then i would go on and watch it the next day and possibly even the next.

no other film has ever really made me feel that sense of connection.

it is the perfect film in my opinion

no real plot except for a few kids with messed up home lives seeking validation by going on a mission to find a dead body that belonged to a boy who had gone missing. and then not long after the such experience the group of boys drifted apart and no longer were in contact with one another.

in a sense i relate the plot of the film to the human life, as though everyone is constantly trying to seek validation from others.. to make up for the soul of one who never got it in the first place. or maybe they did? and it’s just how the human brain works.. the need to impress others from their doings? why do we as humans care so much about what others think..? no one has it figured out. no one knows anything so why do we care!! this is everyone’s first time living, not one person you meet has completed the cycle of life.. we all live a completely different life, through every persons eyes is a completely different perspective of life then yours. we have different goals/passions. don’t let someone’s criticism disregard the concept/,meaning of your own life.

the film taught me about the relationships you have throughout your life and how easily one could disappear forever, never take it for granted.

[kaitlynreardon]

why do i feel like someone’s always watching me?

possibly a few years ago i became a very superstitious/paranoid person.. in particularly i always sense someone is watching me. everywhere i go no matter what i’m doing i feel someone watching, for example my bedroom looks out to our fence and behind the fence is my street and every time i look out my window it’s almost like i see someone quickly bob down so i won’t catch them looking through my window.. that’s how bad it is.

i walk around my house and i see a human like figure except it’s empty (possibly a shadow of someone) in the distance just standing there.

when i’m sitting in my bedroom there’s never been a time where i haven’t felt someone watching me, it’s not the type of feeling of having a camera on you though it’s more of a spirit/figure watching in the corner.

although it’s weird because i don’t know a lot of dead people (if any) that would chose to watch over me in their afterlife. however that being said i feel as though i’m not afraid of the mysterious thing watching me as though they are their to protect me...?

anyways what i’m trying to really figure out is why i feel like this, it’s like no matter where i am there is ALWAYS someone with we, watching me.

what sparked this paranoia? who is it? what is it? why are they watching me? i must know, and i must know if anyone else feels this way??

[kaitlynreardon]

i ponder sometimes why one (me) could have such an extensive taste in music..? if someone has the answer to that please let me know.

like how do i go from listening to elvis presley to playboi carti..... and that’s just one example

was i born with such great music taste? like how did this become?

music gives me a sense of pleasure that nothing else could ever duplicate.

i don’t remember the day i decided i really liked music it just kinda came about me? i mean sure i’ve been listening to music my whole life but never like how i do now. i can’t complete simple tasks without it. i’ve created playlists for each mood/activities i part take in. i explain to my friends and family how much music impacts me and the significance it has on my day to day life and no one seems to get it. so how come i’m so different from them is what i wonder? sure we all have different passions and dreams that make us unique to one another and that i get... but how come music doesn’t have a great impact on their lives too??

in each scenario i fantasise about in hopes that will be my future, music is always involved. i hope to have a passion for music the way i do now in 50 years time.

the real question i have for my future self... do i still listen to playboi carti? LOL

[kaitlynreardon]

i remember a few years ago my dad and i were having a movie night and he put on a movie called “goodfellas”... he said to me “i think you’ll like this movie” god he was right. Goodfellas is the best film i have ever watched. i have watched many movies but never have i seen one that compares to goodfellas! the soundtrack, the actors, the plot and even down to the camera angles of the film is perfect. after watching that film i grew a love for the 1960s american gangsters. AND robert de niro. anyways thankyou dad for showing me Goodfellas✌🏻

[kaitlynreardon]

so recently i’ve seen on a few people’s spotifys that their playlists are the exact same as mine… i realised that that’s because they are my playlists 😹i was mad that they are taking credit for a playlist that I CREATED but then i saw asap rocky said “if people wasn’t trying to imitate you, your doing something wrong” so shit i think i’m doing something right in my life🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ still doesn’t mean you should copy someone’s whole playlist and try take credit for it.. do they think i’m slow? i was going to eventually see they stole my entire playlist. i suppose they are only playlists and maybe not a big deal… anyways i love my fans 🙏🏼🙂😆🫶🏻 bless

[kaitlynreardon]

this #lucki song is disgustingly underrated

[kaitlynreardon]

It's my 6 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[kaitlynreardon]