kaijuconfessions

[kaijuconfessions]

When I was seven I went on holiday to a caravan park and there was a family next to us that had a boy and I could never play with my sister and I'm a trans guy so I wanted to play with boys and he sexually assaulted me and I never told anyone but it made me super turned off to sexual stuff and I was basically ace the entire time I was in highschool and I was super stunted like socially and when I got on testosterone it made me so horny and I hate myself for it

[kaijuconfessions]

i'm sorry that this is just. gross and not really fucked up but it has been eating away at me for months. you don't have to post it. but for the past couple months i've been masturbating to videos of men shitting. and i hate that i'm doing this i hate it i'm so disgusting but i can't help myself. if anyone i knew found out even my best friends i would die. the shame is going to kill me.

[kaijuconfessions]

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts, most of them are about incest but especially with my one cousin who is my only family at this point, and sometimes I think the thoughts are right. If we were both drunk and they started something for some reason (Not that they would. They wouldn't) then I think I'd go along with it and let them fuck me. I'm vile and I hate it.

[kaijuconfessions]

My friend asked me to be her best man and she asked two others she also considers her best friends, and i declined and so did one other, i used the reasoning of my legal name thing as an excuse tho. We still organised her Bachelor party, but every single one of us is against her marriage. I mean her fiancé sucks, like he is okayish to meh on his own but they are not good together. He is too insecure and in return keeps her down and only cares about his ego, she doesn't realize her own physical limits and is lowkey self destructive and there is a giant list why everyone apparently agrees they should just NOT marry.

The problem is i bonded with her one friend while we were sitting sober in the backroom and talked about how little we connect with her anymore and we kinda don't want to attend a marriage we disagree with. I feel terrible about the abandon but we told her to break up for four years now. On several occasions. And i kinda internally lost it over her voicing she hopes she can have an open relationship once they married. It's delusional af from her. He would never agree (even tho he cheated on her twice, but he is so insecure next to her he would never let her sleep with someone else, he also voiced that) and she might as well not marry and try an open relationship before that or yk just leave him... I am now thinking about having that talk with her or just bailing on the whole ass wedding. Which is also so badly planned that i doubt it will actually happen.

[kaijuconfessions]

ok. soooo, im allergic to stress. sounds impossible, i know. it took 1.5 years of allergy testing and medication trials to find out im not allergic to a gotdanged thing. but. i used to get full body, anaphylaxis inducing hives, but now im on an injection once a month that helps a lot. so its like. really fudging ridiculous.

[kaijuconfessions]

Confession time that sounds like I'm not taking the gravity of my actions seriously enough but it's actually just that I've processed and told this story a LOT. Yeah I'm a bad person in it. Bear with me:

So this last year I had a MESSY fling with my 9 years older flatmate (early 20s/early 30s). It started when he slept in my bed and then made out with me one night, DESPITE him having a dead-in-the-water relationship that he had not yet ended. We both felt awful about it but I was already so fixated* on him in other ways (*possible borderline personality disorder, possibly just infatuation + overthinking it) that I let us continue dancing around each other for another two weeks - before things got even further out of hand, he shut down, i shut down in response, i took space from him, and he finally broke up with his girlfriend.

After that we kept SAYING it was a bad idea to pursue things between us, agreed on it multiple times, but kept on playing in that space anyway. Eventually we became fwbs or fuckbuddies or a situationship or something for like a month. It was fantastic and terrible. His ex wouldn't respect his requests for space and got in his head, he couldn't handle emotional intimacy of even the kind that goes hand-in-hand with having sex, I was in a bad headspace and couldn't handle when I needed more emotional intimacy than he could give me, and at like two different points we both said 'i love you' and then walked it back - i was drunk and didn't even know if i meant it romantically or platonically, and the next night when he said it, he, apparently, was sleep talking.

Anyway on account of like. All of That, plus our unrelenting guilt of having hurt his ex, he called it off. We were tense for a while and then cleared the air, picked up the pieces, kept being flatmates. THEN i got attached again, we started dancing around each other again months later, once again had a conversation about all the reasons it was a bad idea (including having different needs at the time), kept dancing around each other anyway, and then despite the fact that he was clearly meeting his ex gf again and he furtively brought her home once, I still went "ah fuck it I'm moving soon anyway" and we spent the last week of my tenancy hooking up again, cuddling, playing Baldur's Gate 3 and sharing his bed. I moved out yesterday and we hugged and promised to stay in touch. He was a fantastic flatmate and also the most toxic relationship I never even had. I didn't even know what I felt about him. Still honestly don't but I do know I have learned no lessons from this. Like i would love to say i will never enter a situation like this again but god. I have no standards and no self-esteem so I probably will.

BABE

[kaijuconfessions]

When I was 12 I was being groomed, and on another app that has since shut down I was friends with this girl who was 9 (turning 10 that year) and my groomer convinved me it was okay to date her and erp with her and I did and I feel so incredibly guilty about it, even though it was 6-7 years ago. Like it genuinely eats me up inside and I can't sleep because of it sometimes.

I'm 19 now and she'll be 17 next month and our friendship ended messily (mostly due to me not understanding social cues because my autism wasn't diagnosed) in 2017 and I don't know where or how she is but I wish she knew how sorry I was. The whole reason I don't show my face on the internet anymore is because I'm paranoid that she follows me and starts telling people that I "dated" and tried to erp with her when she was 9 and I was 12.

And I know that sounds really bad and like I'm trying to make myself a victim when she was the victim in the situation and I should have known better but. I dunno man. I feel so, so bad.

[kaijuconfessions]

idk how to even begin to give full context here so to make a long story very fucking short

my best friend chose to end his life a couple months ago. he was the biggest part of my life, one of the only people I still saw irl. I knew him for almost 20 years. I lost my virginity to him. he was the person who knew me best, and who I love most. he is quite literally one of the reasons I’m alive today, and I can’t help but feel this overwhelming guilt, for a lot of things but mostly bc I wasn’t a reason for him to stay. and it’s selfish to want him back and I know that, but. I’d sell my soul to any devil just to hold him again, to tell him I love him, to hear him laugh. I just fucking miss him

[kaijuconfessions]

shoutout to the anon who said they like anal but don’t participate cause of IBS

same. So much so 😭

solidarity, my friend. Glad I’m not alone in that lmao

[kaijuconfessions]

Is this blog discontinued?

It’s both discontinued and continued. We’re back babes!

[kaijuconfessions]

I sent the school bus thing. Can you actually not post it.

I just remembered my family and school friends have my Tumblr.

Please, do not post it.

Please

You got it!

[kaijuconfessions]

recreational ritalin use makes me lactate & thats a turn on for me

Propranolol would make me do that if I was like, in a part of my life where I could lactate

[kaijuconfessions]

big fan of getting fucked in the ass technically, but i dont let anyone cause i have IBS -_-

OOF

[kaijuconfessions]

Yooo tv level family drama anon. I got a small yet huge update. Bring the wine out for this one. Lord knows i need some rn

Okay so, me and my sister met up for dinner yesterday with my two boyfriends and her platonic partner to kinda recap everything and stuff. During the meal my sis got a call from aunt bitch of all people. My sis's partner held the phone up to her (sis) ear while she signed to us what aunt bitch was saying.

To keep this from being longer then my last ask, heres the short version. Aunt bitch is not only divorcing her current husband but shes planning on marrying an rich old dude she met YESTERDAY

Now its no secret thats shes low key a gold digger but daaammmnn we didnt know she would do this.

And you wanna know why the dude agreed to it? (Btw we learned this through aunt bitchs soon to be ex husband #8 i think literally like 5mins after aunt bitch hung up) He has multiple kinks that he only wants satisfied with younger women. To give an idea of what those kinks are please read this very small list.

Armpits

School girl uniforms

Feet

And so so much more that i know no one wants to hear (soon to be ex husband #8 owes us all money after that conversation)

Oh also my other aunt, lets call her aunt nurse cuz she well a nurse, called me only a few minutes later to tell me thats theres a new family rumor that aunt bitch is a drug dealer on the side. And she gives one of 'her' kids heroin often

Thats not confirmed yet but aunt nurse is 90% sure that the second thing is true and is why one of my cousins is not doing too well lately.

Basically, tldr

Aunt bitch is getting divorced again and is planning to marry a kinky old rich guy.

Aunt nurse thinks that aint bitch is giving one of her kids hard drugs, specifically heroin.

Also theres a rumor in the family that aunt bitch is a drug dealer on the side.

In not weird and crazy news, my sis is getting married to her platonic partner (i forgot the better term sorry). Apparently they've been engaged since before the halloween get together but didnt say anything cuz we were all too busy gossiping about aunt bitch.

I'll see yall in like a few days with the good good stuff

[kaijuconfessions]

I just needed to offload this from my chest. My dad has several mental health issues none of which he has taken help for. Currently he lives as a hoarder, hoarding pets. He has over 60 dogs all over his house. They piss and poop everywhere. None of them are neutered and they multiply like crazy. He has spent all his money taking care of them. He is in severe debt right now. He refuses to give them away and keeps asking for more money. He also has had cancer in the past and refuses to go for his checkups anymore. I'm scared his plan out of this mess is to kill himself with cancer and leave us this mess as an inheritance. My mom has been heavily abused by him his whole life and is completely trauma bonded to him. Will never leave him for anything in the world. I'm depressed and jobless. I don't know when things will start looking up for me. It feels like life has left me behind.

I’m so sorry 💜

[kaijuconfessions]

one time in high school, a girl was trying to kick me in the balls, and after repeatedly telling her not to, i told her that if she tried again, i'd smash her head into the concrete wall. she replied "you can't hit me, i'm a girl" and tried again. i smashed her head into the wall, breaking her nose. the dean called my mom to tell her about what i did, and she defended me, saying it was justified.

Sometimes it’s okay to hit girls. Like in self defense.

[kaijuconfessions]

I don't really think cannibalism is wrong. Like i rationally understand that there's cultural taboos around it but deep down when i hear somebody called a cannibal i just go "yes and". I won't kill anyone to eat them don't worry im still against murder but if there's another way to obtain human flesh why not

I took a criminology class in hs and we had a section on survival cannibalism and like I don’t wanna sound flippant but meat is meat is meat