kahndagaming

[kahndagaming]

So I don't know if this post will make any sense, but I wanted to record this piece of the journey I've made with youtube/content creation so far. I'll probably look back at this later and compare how I'm feeling in the future? This'll probably be all over the place, but oh well.

First off, I've dreamt of being a content creator since I was...nine? I started out wanting to do some cinematic videos using my stuffed animals (I was nine, it's what I enjoyed), then it moved into gaming for a long time when I discovered minecraft. I wanted to make gameplay videos, but I didn't have any clue how, so I didn't. I found the booktube community shortly after and came so close to uploading videos (I had recorded a few). It just never quite worked. I always got distracted and started pursuing something else, but this dream of creating something was always there in the back of my mind.

Side note. I've struggled with this thing since I was in high school: impostor syndrome. I always feel like one of these days, someone will finally understand that I don't know what I'm doing no matter how much success I have. I could theoretically be the best at what I'm doing, but I'd still feel like I'm just faking it and everyone will find out some day. It makes me feel like I don't deserve the good things I've gotten in life. This'll be necessary to know for later, promise.

So this past December/January, I decided to do it. I'd just been through the toughest time of my life but I made it through partially because of content creators. I wanted to give back to the community and also finally go after that dream. And this time I did it. I've posted ten videos as of now, and I'm proud of them all in different ways. I've only managed to get 8 subscribers, and at least 6 of them are my loved ones, but my work is out in the world now, and people are enjoying it.

Today, I had this moment where I was watching a video from 100Thieves, and I realized I have a place in the gaming community, however small it may be, and I actually felt deserving of that place. I don't know how it happened, but the impostor syndrome was gone for a moment, and I believed I really had something to contribute to it all.

I had goals going into this thing. I wanted to get comfortable with talking because I'm quite socially anxious and needed more experience with that sort of thing. I still want to make friends within the community, because it would be sooo fun to nerd out over stuff. But I never imagined I'd learn how to lose the impostor syndrome, if only for a moment.

If you've read this far, thank you for listening to my ramble. I'm nowhere near done on this journey, and I still have big plans for it all. I guess I should link my YouTube and Twitch channels in case anyone wants to check them out. It may be a minute before I get to put out videos, but I'll be streaming in the meantime.

Have a good day or night or week, and take care of yourselves. <3 Kahnda

[kahndagaming]

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I just got to record a YouTube video for the first time in a month (school has been so busy) and that was honestly so refreshing

[kahndagaming]

okay fuck ALL personality type indicators u know of just forget them right now I have a new one for u and it’s really good

reblog and put IN THE TAGS!!!!! what ur costume was on ur first halloween (or like,, the first one u had a costume for)

[kahndagaming]

also I have...never actually used tumblr before (besides just kinda browsing quite a few years ago) so...let's see how this goes

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Resistance preparations have begun

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Support system

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ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

[kahndagaming]

You are allowed to rest. You don’t need to be productive all the time. You can’t be productive all of the time. Let yourself rest

[kahndagaming]

“To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee

“Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen

“The Diary of Anne Frank” by Anne Frank

“1984” by George Orwell

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone" by J.K. Rowling

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“The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald

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“Fahrenheit 451” by Ray Bradbury

“Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte

“Animal Farm” by George Orwell

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“The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger

“The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak

“The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” by Mark Twain

“The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins

“The Help” by Kathryn Stockett

“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wadrobe” by C.S. Lewis

“The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck

“The Lord of the Flies” by William Golding

“The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini

“Night” by Elie Wiesel

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“The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett

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“Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” by J.K. Rowling

“The Giver” by Lois Lowry

“The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood

“Where the Sidewalk Ends” by Shel Silverstein

“Wuthering Heights” Emily Bronte

“The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green

“Anne of Green Gables” by L.M. Montgomery

“The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” by Mark Twain

“Macbeth” by William Shakespeare

“The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo” by Stieg Larrson  

“Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley

“The Holy Bible: King James Version”

“The Color Purple” by Alice Walker

“The Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexandre Dumas

“A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” by Betty Smith

“East of Eden” by John Steinbeck

“Alice in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

“In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote

“Catch-22” by Joseph Heller

“The Stand” by Stephen King

“Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon

“Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” by J.K. Rowling

“Enders Game” by Orson Scott Card

“Anna Karenina” by Leo Tolstoy

“Watership Down” by Richard Adams

“Memoirs of a Geisha” by Arthur Golden

“Rebecca” by Daphne du Maurier

“A Game of Thrones” by George R.R. Martin

“Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens

“The Old Man and the Sea” by Ernest Hemingway

“The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes” (#3) by Arthur Conan Doyle

“Les Misérables” by Victor Hugo

“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” by J.K. Rowling

“Life of Pi” by Yann Martel

“The Scarlet Letter” by Nathaniel Hawthorne

“Celebrating Silence: Excerpts from Five Years of Weekly Knowledge” by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

“The Chronicles of Narnia” by C.S. Lewis

“The Pillars of the Earth” by Ken Follett

“Catching Fire” by Suzanne Collins

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” by Roald Dahl

“Dracula” by Bram Stoker

“The Princess Bride” by William Goldman

“Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen

“The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe

“The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd

“The Poisonwood Bible: A Novel” by Barbara Kingsolver

“One Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

“The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger

“The Odyssey” by Homer

“The Good Earth (House of Earth #1)” by Pearl S. Buck

“Mockingjay (Hunger Games #3)” by Suzanne Collins

“And Then There Were None” by Agatha Christie

“The Thorn Birds” by Colleen McCullough

“A Prayer for Owen Meany” by John Irving

“The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls

“The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” by Rebecca Skloot

“Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“The Road” by Cormac McCarthy

“The Things They Carried” by Tim O'Brien

“Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse

“Beloved” by Toni Morrison

“Slaughterhouse-Five” by Kurt Vonnegut

“Cutting For Stone” by Abraham Verghese

“The Phantom Tollbooth” by Norton Juster

“The Brothers Karamazov” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“The Story of My Life” by Helen Keller