k-tae-k

[k-tae-k]

blog

Hi. I’ve never really been into using Tumblr, but I have no where else to share my story, so here I am.

I won’t be sharing my name, but I think I’ll go by Bee. I’m not sure why, but okay.

I’ll start by saying that I’m demisexual, which may not seem like a hard thing to deal with it, but with my family it is. I found out over a year ago, when I developed my first crush on a girl. I knew I still liked boys, too, so I figured I’m bisexual. I told my siblings, and for the most part they accepted it. My parents on the other hand, didn’t like the idea of me also liking girls.

Later on, more recently, I figured out that I’ve dated a few boys, but never truly liked any of them. And that I’ve only ever liked one girl. That’s what led me to believe that I’m demisexual. I won’t ever tell my parents this, because I know they won’t understand it.

I’ve liked one girl, and I even got to the point of loving her. We dated, for I would say around 4 months. It started off with me posting one of those anonymous things on my Snapchat story, and she said something. I remember it saying something along the lines of ‘I like you, but you won’t like me back because I’m a girl’. At first I was like, well yeah, I’m not into girls. But after that, we were texting and I started picking up on how she was talking to me. I slowly started liking her, and I eventually asked if it was her that said that, and she said yes. Not long after, we decided to date. We didn’t live near each other, so it was just an online relationship, but I was okay with it.

About a month into the relationship, we would have small arguments. We realized we’re both depressed, and had a lot of issues mentally. It caused a lot of issues between us. By the time it had been 4 months, I started understanding that our relationship was toxic, but I loved her. I explained what I was feeling, and how we just didn’t work together, and she understood. I cried so much when I broke it off, because it hurt me so much.

It’s been almost a year since the breakup, and it still makes me cry to this day, but I try not to think about it too much.

There’s only one other person I’ve fallen in love with, and I’m still in love with him. We aren’t dating, and we probably won’t until I can finally live closer to him. I’ll start by saying we met last summer, in July. I was in my home state visiting family at the time and he added me on Snapchat. We got to talking, and I evolved a crush on him. Then, I was at my (now ex) best friend’s house, and told her about him. It’s my second biggest regret of my life, because they started dating. It didn’t take long for everything to get messed up, because once I got back to where I live now, I got caught up in her drama. Something about her so-called gay best friend getting her pregnant, as if that’s a thing that just happens, but the gay best friend was telling me something and somehow she knew we were talking and questioned him about it. He got mad at me, thinking I told her, when in reality I didn’t. I’ve known for a while that she’s a toxic friend because my real best friend always pointed it out. Anyways, back to the story. I told the guy I like about it, and they broke up. Not long later, he told me he’s always had feelings for me and it shocked me. But then he said we shouldn’t be together since we live 3 states apart, which I can understand. It hurts, a lot. But he said we’ll be together eventually, which gives me hope, but I also know there’s a chance that it’s false hope.

Anyways, that’s all for now I think. I’ll talk about my trashy friendship with that one girl later on.