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[k-meshus]

Ecstasy

Chapter 1: Prologue The lukewarm air coming from the vent above me left a tingling sensation on my face. After I got used to the rippling effect, i brought my self to bring my eyes open with great difficulty. Though the room, that I didn't know how I got into was dimly lit, every refraction of light was a great pain to the eyes, everything felt a lot bright. After my eyes adjusted to the surrounding light, I found out I was lying on a hospital bed, getting fed through a small tube they call a glucose, which I found its constant dropping very irritating. I was alone. There was nobody that came to check. Maybe I've been here for weeks, months or even years. And they all just gave up on me. As that freakish thought crept upon me, I heard footsteps hurrying towards the room I was in. I saw the white gown of a tall, middle aged doctor enter. Closely followed by my mom, whose face was showing a mixture of emotions. Fear, relief and anxiousness. Which all turned into a face of disappointment the next second. Maybe that explained it. Whatever it was, whatever I did...it was not good. Chapter 2: Tickets To Nothingness 4 months ago I grabbed the bottle of pills from under my bed as I hurriedly tried to leave for school. I'm not a morning person. I dont get up early, always late. I hear my mom repeatedly shouting my name from the other room. The pounding pain in my head was too obstructive too answer her. I made a low groaning voice to let her know I heard her. I dragged myself down the stairs and into the car after I kissed her bye. The ever so annoying questions about my mood from dad were what always greeted me when I entered the car, or anyone and anywhere for that matter. "Nothing," I gave my usual reply. Unsatisfied with the answer as always, we drove out. I got in to class swerving the everyday rant about my lateness from various teachers. But I first made a detour to the bathroom to take 2 blue, round pills and went to class. I made my way to the back of the class and sat back. Felt a tugging to my right. I turned to see the smiling face of Mary. My first friend I made when I moved to this school last year. She was short, a bit chubby and almost always in a good mood. You'd always see her laughing or talking with anyone she thinks is fun. She was very approachable. "Look alive!" She said laughing for whatever reason, grabbing her seat next to me. "I would if I was" i replied, beaming at her. She knew I was on some thing from my slurred speach. She didn't make any comment about it, as it was the norm to go to class high. "Ugh. Math and physics back to back on a monday! Its the Worst" she exclaimed. I nodded in agreement. I was never the one to talk, bring up ideas or getting involved on pretty much anything. I'm just there to give my opinions and observe other's. And see them get to a decision whether i agree or not. "They never fail to bring the days to the worst," I said. "And there you go," she said, softly laughing and setting up her books. "What do you mean?" I asked even though I knew where this was going. "Your thoughts, and these things you say that are generally not...uhh what's the word here? Not bright I guess" "Did I lie?" I asked. "Well no but, you know? Somethings are better not said. Better kept in. Whether the truth or not," she said, still smiling. "Yeah yeah. Whatever you say," I replied The dreadful monday classes finally came to an end. As I was lifting my bag to leave I heard my name and turned around. It was Nate. A shorter than average guy with face as clear as milk. "Wanna go to the game zone? Get your ass kicked on some playstation soccer?" He asked. "Sorry I got places to get to. Been a really tiring day." I lied. "Alright maybe tomorrow then," he said, heaving his bag to leave. "Sure" I replied to his back. I didn't have places to go. I just honestly wanted to get home to my bed. Not that it was better than school, but at least I'll be alone. Nor was it a much tiring day than the others. I don't notice the days passing by. They all seem like an endless hour. They've all merged together to create an endless loop. Their lines blurred. As I was running low on my tickets to nothingness, I made a detour to my friend Lukas's house. He was my plug. I don't know by exactly how much but he was a bit older than me. Tall, dark skinned and fit, he was a cool dude. He wouldn't sell anything he doesn't believe in. Or anything you can easily overdose on. He was one of those rare dealers thats not in just purely for the money, but also for other people's timely joy. I rapped on the door thrice. I saw his face emerge from the kitchen through his cracked window. He opened the door to let me in. The place was shabby but enough. Light coming from two lamps on either side of the house, a ragged mat was what greeted you on your first step in. But a bright white light shines from the kitchen. That was where he usually operated. He never really seeked much luxury. He was a simple guy. As I entered, the smell of multitude of pills in all different shapes and sizes was suffocating. There was a small bottle of yellowish liquid on the small table that supported itself against the couch. Whatever it was it clearly was not orange juice, since there was a syringe lying next to it. "I thought you met your creator," he said making his way back to the kitchen. "I figured you might come so I was just prepping your stash" his voice came, through the sounds of opening and closing drawers. "Yeah, been a week right? Didn't have much time to get around. Your stuff been lasting longer" I said, Grabbing a cigarette from his TV stand. "I keep telling you, quality is what I seek," he said, coming from the kitchen holding a small plastic bag with smiles on his face. It was true, his supplies were never disappointing. After I lit the cigarette and took two, long, well deserved draws from it, I asked, "So what's in the bag?" "A bottle of xannys, small bag of mollys, 3 tabs of 450ug acid, and on the house, two rolls of mj." He answered. I took another drag, grabbed whatever money from my pocket and gave him. We both know it wasn't enough. But he also knows I'm never late to pay my debts. "Don't get yourself killed Luc. Or worse, go to jail," I joked, as i got up making my way to the door. "You'll bail me out homie," he said, before I closed the door. Mine and Lukas's relationship was not a dealer-buyer relationship. It was more like "a friend who sold drugs and I buy it from him but we don't hang out much" kind of relationship. I dropped the cigarette on the puddle by his door and made my way home. "Where were you?" Was the question that came from my mom as I got in. "I met a friend from my old school and we were catching up," I lied. "You better not be up to something funny," she warned. "I never am", I said proudly opening my room door. She never trusted me. She once caught me smoking a cigarette on the backyard. Well, not exactly caught red handed but she smelled it as I was making my to the bathroom to wash up. I knew it was obvious so i didn't bother lying. I just admitted it. But even before this she never trusted me. I don't know what she thinks I'll be doing but she wants to know where I am and what I am doing every second. "Dinner!" she yelled. "I've eaten," I yelled back, as i started crushing a pill which Lukas didn't tell what it was. I made it's way through my nose and lied back on my bed. I heard a message from my phone and took it out to reply. But I couldn't type a word. Something from inside me was holding me back. Then I realized it was the pill doing its job. My muscles were uncontrollable. My jaws clenched and I histerically laughed at my own disability. It was a little scary since I've never taken anything with similar effects. But I completely trust Lukas on my life. He wouldn't sell me anything he thinks is harmful on small doses. Getting to the bathroom was difficult but manageable. I sprayed some water on my face, and saw my eyes were dilated and bloodshot red. I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and saw my dad was there. "Hey," I said, through a slurred voice walking past him to the sink. I always talked in low and slurry voices even when I'm not high. And people can't tell the difference anymore. "How's class?" He asked, for the sake of it. "Good," I replied for the same reason. "Dont forget your homeworks," mom warned. I ignored her and went back to my room. I laid back again and stared at the cealing. It appeared to be zooming in and out. Colourful patterns everywhere on it, easing my anxiety filled and overthinking brain. Whatever this drug was, whatever it cost, it gave much of the feeling I look for. Not exactly joy or laughter or a general euphoria. But the feeling of nothing. Yes that feeling where your mind doesn't proccess anything. Your entire body is just resting. Or better yet, completely turned off. Where you lie where ever you are and think of... nothing. That feeling. Whether it lasted 2 seconds or 2 hours was what I sought. And what I currently got.