jxkegyllenhxxl

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

ugh why must I be always so repulsed by my own vulnerability but I find it very moving and impressive if other people are vulnerable with me????

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

when im at my wedding and some distant in-law family member asks how i knew my bf was “the one”, im going to show them this glass shrimp he gave me for valentines day

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

debating if it would be funnier to have a bumper sticker saying "my other ride is a [exact make and model of the car the sticker is on]" or "my other ride is a [equally shitty but different car]"

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

BEHOLD

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i said it was my favorite piece of media that i’ve hyperfixated on since the tender age of 12 and have not let go of since. i didnt say it was a Good piece of media

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

*does this to you*

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

making fun of americans is pretty much always ok if youre not doing it in an edgelord “you guys have so many school shootings” way or acting like we’re the only country that has racism. but like posts about americans and hamburger get me every time

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

Americans genuinely cannot comprehend how seriously Europeans take partying. I didn't comprehend it until I was there, and able to observe how all European infrastructure is built around supporting the public right to cross three national borders to go to an illegal rave in a world war ii ruin while chain-smoking and drinking Club Mate. this sounds like a joke but I'm not kidding Europeans never mention it because to them it's normal, Americans never mention it because we can't conceive of a world where bars don't bodily throw you out the front doors at 1:45am to drive home drunk (the busses stopped running at 10pm and there are no trains) because if they don't they will be fined millions of dollars by the city and raided by police for violating the municipal Gay in Public ordinance which persists on the books of the "most progressive city in the country"

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!

Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

Think about why you love your friends. What comes to mind first? It probably isn't things like "I love how they have a job" or "I love how they get good grades." Instead you might be thinking about their compassion, their sense of humor, their perspective, their passion, their values, their mindset/attitude or their intelligence. So don't let yourself or anyone else reduce your worth to your productivity alone. We're all far more than that!

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

i am indifferent towards your shoelaces

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It's dishonest work and it's a lot. And nobody needs to do it

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it's strooping absolute wafel

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

i think abt the part in the golden compass where it was noted that if your daemon chose to assume the form of a fish or some kind of ocean dwelling creature you could never leave the water again. at best you could dock, maybe walk a bit away from the shore, but that's it. chained to the water because your physical soul form commands it.

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

[jxkegyllenhxxl]

Jef Bourgeau