justyesterdayoncemore

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Also dating life update

Havent hooked up with anyone in 8 months

Havent been on a date with anyone in 5 months

BUT

I have talked romantically with a dude 2 months ago

YIPPPEEEE SINGLEDOM

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Lol havent blogged in a hot min

Coming at you live from my flat sitting on a couch and on my Macbook Air M2 that i got for free from graduation

this macedonian motherfucker doesnt grind my gears but he shats when he wants to, occasionally you could say. and i like him (mainly cause hes hot) but he is so wierd. i think the thing that offended me the most was that over Snapchat (lol) he said "youre just a good time waster" and im like EXCUUUUUSEEEE ME. you think i bat an eyelid about you? think i spend brain cells on you? PFTTTTT fuck off. you want me to want you so bad youre not as smooth as you think

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Reasons to stop thinking about that Jewish motherfucker

Red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Talks to multiple women at the same time (said he was just being nice; texting other women but never met them; had a girl call him at 11:30pm while I was in bed with him and said she calls because she doesn’t have that many friends and that he barely listens)

Likes his existence to be validated by other women

Is a liar by those actions, suppresses his guilt level and justifies it in funny ways

Is fucking rude to me and disrespected me

Lovebombed me

Ditched me on a multi day hike

Called himself bb and baby through text

Does not care to define the relationship we had before or during travel

Is arrogant, up himself

Emotionally manipulative (hugged me in a backpacker lodge only to finger me)

Gaslighter

Some other bitch can have him

He will never meet someone as nice as me

If he contacts me out of nowhere it’s because he needs something from me

Remember, just because they wanna see you doesn’t mean they like your personality. You have that thing between your legs

Doesn’t ask questions about me or my life, in fact makes it clear that he “wasn’t talking specifics”

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I fucking hate the last guy I dated.

He had better taste in music than me, was smarter, stronger, everything whatever and he looked down on me. Jokingly called me a whore, said “the bitch can clean up” when I wore a silk skirt and told me to “shut the fuck up” as a joke. Bro I can’t fucking stand this.

I hate listening to this beautiful music and remembering him!!!! Agh!!!! Get him out of my mind!!!!!!!

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Stay single and you’ll see the benefits

Don’t flirt with men

Don’t talk to men romantically or flirtatiously

Dont fucking DATE ANYONE

You’ll see the benefits

Just fucking focus on yourself

Will get back to you in November 2023.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Men are disgusting and stupid. They like women that are pretty and can hold a conversation and can do housework for them wtf whereas women are attracted to resources, security and intelligence. Men aren’t attracted to an independent woman, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

Please note I am going through a man hating phase

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Good bye Matthew.

Today in August 22nd, 2021. I have spent years, days and hours thinking about being in your hands but that is no longer the case. Yesterday you did something that hurt me. You didn’t want to call while driving to school. I thought we were on to something.

You know what love feels like but not what it is, the milestone it takes to get to be in love. You haven’t grown up and supported yourself outside of your parents home. You don’t have any higher purpose outside of gaming. You don’t care about anyone, any sense of place or purpose beyond yourself, you just have a gaming addiction.

I like to be with someone who I can grow with, who can appreciate the effort and thought I put into them by reciprocating it back. At the moment I feel hurt. My head is filled with white noise and a lot of anxiety. I don’t naturally smile.

And dear future of any man, I know my sex appeal. You cannot have it because all you are is an abuser. I love the class ones of Princess Diana, Christy Turlington and the likes. We do not go after men who do not grow with us.

I am done growing with someone who has a pretty face. It doesn’t last long. You don’t evolve and grow with me at all. You are meant to be with your crush. I know it, I can feel it. It even manifests in your crushes on fictional characters like Korra and Taliyah and Catra. You will both get married and be happy. You both have safe professions and are each other’s level of fucking boring, fashionless cringe.

Yea maybe to some extent I think I will regret not marrying you. But you have neglected me so much to the point I feel nothing, I’m not even hurt. I am reason and logic.

Truly I hope you get someone to love. I don’t regret anything and I don’t think I’m missing out on anything because my purpose is fulfilled into something else. I am destined to make art forever, to give meaning and equality to the planet.

Truly, I have to say, I am so happy to be single and married to a purpose, to myself. I will love you from afar and it will always hurt a little when I look at pictures of us. But truthfully I do not care about anything unless it is realistic. Nothing hurts me these days. I am driven to creating value.

I will never bow down to you. You are a basic white male who needs validation from other lowlife white males and chases the cheapest Asian girl he can find. You waste time with friends who don’t work, get paid by the government. Wake the fuck up you’re a man child living in his parents house. You’ve brainwashed me. You mean nothing to me because you don’t care about anyone. Until you found me, a high value Asian female to validate and manipulate. You do not deserve me at all. After all the pain you’ve caused me, I’m never surrounding myself with you.

I will not simp for you

[justyesterdayoncemore]

Hypothetical tinder profile to myself

Hi I’m j, 23 years old.

Recently graduated, currently a graphic designer with interests spanning the intersection of arts, media and technology. I love to investigate, and provide value to communities. This would be in the form of social media management, graphic designer, product design, ux design, publication design, brand design.

I love connecting with people but have had anxiety and insecurities that prevent me from meeting people. At heart I love talking and learning new things.

My biggest weaknesses were thinking too much. As of recent I’ve been channelling my energy and negativities into my strengths and making myself productive. I also relied on others too much for my emotions. I am very good with my emotions and writing and expressing it in art and books.

Lately been on a journey of healing, amongst a pandemic. I love analysis and getting into deep critical thinking. And I love others who love to explore. Usually the professionals I’m attracted to are also creative and crazy, like designers, account managers, salespeople, writers, musicians. I am attracted to the crazy artist because I am one.

Recently dated someone who wanted to become a teacher. His father is a steam consultant and his mother is a teacher. He wants to date someone like his mother, keeping her trapped and doing redundant things. His father has advised him to man up and ditch one of his friends. He let go of one of his childhood friends because they were just pulling him down, which is true. He is safe but not fun. I like someone with the same kind of fun as me.

Teachers are safe and scapegoats of modern society.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I just stayed up til 6am crying

Boys. It was about boys. Never date boys. Focus on yourself and your mum lady!

[justyesterdayoncemore]

23, personal life update.

I’m keeping this post as true, direct and simple as possible.

I’m still trying to get a better job but I am so enveloped into my dating life because it is utterly confusing.

It’s 12:07am, on a Saturday, Aug 22, 2021. My mind is the healthiest it’s been since I’m free from university and only recently enjoyed, not only being single, but not having any friends. I still remember this one guy telling me when he heard that I play League of Legends on my own, that it was “sad”. Not only did it not make me normal, but I was insecure and it has taken me a lot of courage to stand up for what I really want.

I’m 23, I know what I want. If I didn’t know, I would be ridiculous.

In all honesty, I miss my ex boyfriend a lot. Not a whole fucking lot - that’s language I used to say. But I’ve developed hobbies that, in some way, add value to communities and places like makeup and games. These are experience oriented hobbies that measure happiness based on quality not money or fame.

I miss him because he cared about me a lot. We still talk almost every day, I’ve avoided him for 18 hours maximum once, maybe a day. But he has never let me go and I can never let him go.

He is my first love and I wanted to marry him, though he is far away. The pain eventually arrived. There was a reddit LDR post that said “LDR’s are lonely, I would advise against it” and it is true. You need to put yourself first before an LDR works.

I’m not insecure, I don’t deflect and I know my value. I know that there are men out there who are attracted to me simple because I’m single and I look attractive. There are things I stand up for. Things that I want.

Being alone is fine, its just that eventually you get really lonely. You get really pissed off. You deal with it and it drives you mental because you don’t have anyone.

One thing my ex said to me that made me sad, when we broke up, he wanted to try and date a girl that basically refused him and was not interested. He told me “I want to pursue ___ and that might take years”. I was extremely upset to hear that while he was painful he was revealing his true desires. My gut feeling is that she is his “one that got away” and he will continue to pursue her until she says yes, even if she is interested in someone else. I played right into his hands and got the boyfriend experience. We played games together but he never wanted to play on the Australian server. It cracked me. He only wanted to be with me because I was a girl, and fair, but it made me sad when he wouldnt love me in my love language.

These days he doesnt automatically check Snapchat, or do what I want because were friends not a relationship. Being single has granted me clarity and lessons that will live with me forever. Thank you internet for being alive forever. Some kid is gonna read this and be confused but I don’t care.

I realised he is changed and hurt. I feel that he doesn’t put me as a priority anymore, that he wants to pursue other women but he can’t because he talks to me all the time. We don’t voice call either, or see each other’s faces. He in fact doesn’t want to show his face, which to me tells me we aren’t on the same level of thinking.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

You’re 23, know your saviours and know your enemies. Don’t bs.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

6 months since my last semester. What now?

My last semester was legitimately supposed to be in 2019. But I was so overworked, confused and stressed to the point I hated myself. I was in a relationship and felt like I was in jail.

I took a weird year off, depressed but still studying one subject a term. I wasn’t mentally ready to graduate and didn’t have my support system set up.

I finished my last term. This is how it went.

I broke up with my bf, went on Tinder to date older men who could give me life and experience advice. Though I’ll never see him again, we dated for 2-3 months and the wisest advice I ever got from him was “You have to go out and physically meet people otherwise it becomes harder to make friends”.

Lockdown was lifted, I threw myself at new and old friendships. I didn’t listen to my ex, my male best friend or mum, I listened to him. I was spending my student discount travels, meeting folks, eating out. Truthfully I had done everything young me and old me has ever wanted and felt so incredibly tired.

He rejected me. I was lonely, mentally torn and had assignments to hand in, job applications to fulfil. He was a psychopath, narcissist and womaniser. Addictive personality.

Mentally recovered and in happy singledom, I realised 3 things:

1) establish a routine and stick to it. Don’t lose it, discipline yourself, the moment you stop, the moment you fail. Be harsh and honest with yourself, it only helps you mature quicker. You don’t realise how centred your days were around uni until graduation. That’s why you delayed finishing. You will never get anything done if you don’t have a routine. Set goals.

2) Be straightforward and direct, that’s how being an adult is like. Don’t beat around the bush. Cherish people who value your time but don’t beg for people to be with you.

3) You’re 23, know yourself and know the world through your lens. Heal your issues, your soul. Keep learning and learn forever. Do it in your style and never let others tear you down. You know how you get things done. Get it fucking done. Know what you like and own it. Have a purpose that isn’t money and you will be happy. Your mum is your fucking best friend.

4) self care and boundaries are sexy. Learning to choose what you want for yourself is amazing. Girls who have vegan diets and focus on their skin care are amazing. People who have opinions and care beyond themselves.

I’ve thrown yourself at every opportunity university gave me. I don’t regret a single thing.

There’s only a few things I regret.

1) not being attractive enough. I reeked of insecurity in my aura and fashion, I didn’t attract people of my kind and I was okay with that but still never found my tribe. Be the best version of yourself every day and you will attract what you are.

2) have a social hobby like a sport. I would ideally love to get into a sport to meet people and sweat it off. Activities link people together.

3) delayed too many personal projects. I was obsessed with hooking clients instead of leaving a good impression.

4) think like the industry. The moment you decide to get into industry, you have to grab every opportunity you can. No one waits for you, say you’re a designer. People believe in you because you believe in yourself.

5) if you can, connect with people physically. Dots create lines and connect. Continue to jump from one place to the next. Look forward and not back. Document everything.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I really fucking miss the feeling of a good friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had one.

My ex told me that I had bad digital manners and that I appear desperate. I fucking hate hearing that but I guess it’s true.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I hate that men talk to me to entertain the possibility that we could date. I don’t have a single genuine friend from childhood. I know others have it worse but that doesn’t men my problems don’t exist. It kills me inside when I don’t have anyone to talk to. Just typing away in the void.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I’m 23 and I think I have anxiety

No more hiding behind closed doors. I have finished university and want to be a graphic designer, marketer and content creator. A storyteller who does all those things.

I’ve been blogging since I was 13 on tumblr - on and off - using Instagram, then creating multiple instagrams. Twitter and whatnot. These things like ‘branding’ yourself is tiring. There needs to be a strategy to it all and I’m not sure if I’m ready to show the world how bad or good I am.

When I lost my closest friends, it was the most crushing blow I ever felt, my self-esteem was in question. It was a toxic relationship and I was the most cost-effective person ever. It took me 3 years, a long distance relationship and lots of full-time university to grow myself and be comfortable with who I am. I just don’t want to be creeped on by men. It will happen and it sucks but what can I do?

Growing up now and being cautious of the internet, I never want to put my real face on there as it can be used for a deepfake. I know there are way too many data points out there already on us, to determine who we really are, therefore I would like to conduct my work privately and never show my face. It’s tough to grow out of the realms. My behaviour stems from a field of insecurity I had in highschool, making everything silent and quiet. I love everyone around me and I’m trying to save up for a house, and if only my friends realised that then it would work.

I also think I’m never good enough and have to push myself harder. This is a driving force within me that makes me ambitious but it is also dreadfully painful. You can’t think properly at all.

No one truly understands me, who knows the pain I’ve had growing up. And this isn’t to feel sorry for me, I know we all have our growing pains and we’re all different and struggling but I truly am so different from my peers. I come from a Vietnamese family of refugees, with a grandfather who was a noble lieutenant. In Australia, he was very adored by his community and I was raised incredibly proper. Now, as a Vietnamese kid, not many people understand where I come from and my background, only the ones in high school but they are also quite rare. Many of them arent close with me because I’m not that Vietnamese.

White people see me as a different and Asian people know that I’m not that Asian, even in the Western community. I wish to be accepted for my personality and attitude not my skin colour.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

I started this account when I was like 13-14 because I had real friends following me on my personal tumblr. By real friends I mean people I knew in real life. At the time what people thought of me was so important.

I’m 22 going on 23 in a few months and as I’ve gotten older, I think there’s not enough energy and time to care about others. There’s only a few people who really enjoy who you are and even then, they might change.

Idk why but I really miss my old friends from high school, L and R. I dont wanna say their names because it kinda shakes me. I give them too much power over me. But yea I miss the tough and good times, overall, I miss them a lot. But I dont wanna go back to them and say hello or anything because at the moment the friendship is just very one-sided. I miss the past and miss them but they probably dont miss me. This feeling is very temporary, comes and goes. No one can every replace the good times I had with them then. Now its just about moving on. It’s 2021. I’ve wished one of them a happy birthday each year but they dont do the same for me. So yes very one-sided.

It’s painful to look at memories from back then because we were all mature to a degree but some of us weren’t.

[justyesterdayoncemore]

2015 me vs 2020 me

I’m writing this straight after my previous one.

2015 me

I had found the best group of friends. Nervous for the future but happy for the rocky road to be together. I thought I was confident, finding happiness and friends, shy, loved being silly, tomboyish fashion with a distaste for feminine clothes, thought I’d never let my hair down for an eternity, wanted to keep a lot of things secret online like my glasses and the way I looked. Didn’t plan to change a fb pic and don’t use social media. My friends exposed me to new content, ideas, places, I relied on them for fun and happiness. Cared about making people happy to the point I was probably stepped on. Compromised a lot of personal traits. Had a private instagram account that none of my friends knew about. Didn’t trust anyone with my feelings. Found it hard to grow closer to some people. Never used emojis. Never had a study desk.

2020 me

I don’t talk to any high school friends daily, I talk to a few people for different reasons to keep me sane. I’m sheltered, private, quiet, am more straight forward with the truth. Trying to develop hobbies and interests, be less boring, be a more interested well-cultured person with stances. I’m learning to deliver bad news in a good way, to stand up for myself, and to not want to compromise on what people want about you. Accept the truth is better than a lie. I pick and choose who I want to be around. Accept that I am different and that I love having bleached light blonde hair, a makeup lover, painted my nails which are long. Find confidence in my daily activities embracing that I need to be confident about my knowledge level. I like games, drinking with the right people. I’m struggling to find confidence in the real world, about what I look like, think, and not be afraid. I am culturally and socially aware but not a trendsetter. I have access to Netflix and Disneyplus.

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I still complain I don’t have any friends, but who does anyway? They all fake!