justscrolling765

[justscrolling765]

Curious Question

Does anyone else keep getting art commissions asks from fanfiction.net? I got some old fics there long since abandoned but keep getting messages from people asking I assume they are bots but you'd think fanfiction.net would do something about it....

[justscrolling765]

Confession: I don't think people realize how much of a godsend it is to find someone else to talk about this niche fandom you're in or heck when you found someone in the same fandom and can bounce ideas off each other seriously there is nothing I love more than finding someone to talk to about a fic of mine and asking them what they think of these ideas or just bouncing off ideas in general it's so much fun not to mention really helpful or maybe that's just me...

[justscrolling765]

Fennic: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground. Fenris: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

The prequel to Inquisition...I honestly just want to see how other people's Hawkes would play or react to this character if they were in the game...

[justscrolling765]

I don't wanna sit here and act like I'm a professional or anything, because I'm not, but as someone who has had to do a lot of work to overcome trauma and reconfigure my brain more or less from the ground up, there's a lot I have to say about Solas's mental state

We know that Solas was essentially used and abused by Mythal for millennia. Even if he wasn't under a geas, he was twisted from his purpose by being made to fight, and then created the Wolf's Fang which was used to make the Titans tranquil and started the Blights. He made those choices himself, but it's important to understand that no choice is ever made in a vacuum. She took advantage of his vulnerability when he was given a body after however long as a spirit semi-existing peacefully in the Fade, and moulded him into a weapon.

He is broken, because Mythal broke him. I'm not incapable of seeing why she did what she did because like I said, no one makes choices in a vacuum and I could write about her for a long time too (in a similar way to how I have had to do myself in my own life in understanding why others abused me). He was so traumatised by everything that happened and he was trauma bonded to Mythal pretty much from the minute he gained a body. Trauma bonds are not about love. He definitely interpreted it that way, as most people do, but that's the weapon abusers use to keep the victim under their control. Abuse abuse abuse show a scrap of love and then abuse some more. If I just take it, I'll get the love/attention I need. I will earn it, because love is suffering, and I have to suffer to earn getting my basic needs met from my family/friends. Mythal, as his creator, was the one who he would've attached to in a similar way to spirit Cole/human Cole.

Trauma bonds are pathological. Mythal made him believe that if he did as she asked, and kept supporting her, then eventually he would gain her favour and they would be able to free all the elves, and he'd be able to live according to his true nature, which is one where he doesn't have to fight. (Remember his personal quest in DAI? He actually kills the rebel mages for corrupting his friend--another Wisdom spirit--into Pride.) In reality, she was just using him. She always kept the bone just out of reach for her lapdog. The line from Rook where they say (paraphrasing here) 'you know, I was actually excited about getting your approval... That's how you do it, isn't it? Keeping giving little scraps of approval to keep someone loyal, and then you turn around and betray them' is so telling too.

Where--or from whom--do you think he learned to do this?

It literally reeks of a pathological trauma bond and honestly, with how isolated, 'grim and fatalistic' Solas is, it is not a surprise that he's so broken.

Solas, essentially, is little more than a lap-dog to Mythal. He followed her like a lost puppy, because especially in his early days, that's kind of what he was. You have to remember that most of the insight we get about Mythal is from Solas's perspective, and he is not a reliable person when it comes to her after so long being repeatedly terrorised and twisted and manipulated. There are several instances where he describes being betrayed by her, and mentions some of the things she did, but he never quite holds her fully accountable and ends up directing his rage elsewhere. (The parallel between Mythal/Solas and the rebel mages/Wisdom is important here.)

This awesome post by @mythalism only reinforces this. He is so messed up in that scene, he is broken, he is holding the Wolf's Fang up, trying to give it to her because it symbolises the burden he has carried for thousands of years trying to avenge her death. He never wanted the Fang, like he never wanted a body. Mythal just stands over him, fully aware of what she did to him, and only getting him to stop because Rook petitioned her successfully, and the reunion with the more benevolent Mythal within Morrigan tempered her anger. She was a goddess, with the unequal power dynamic, right to the end.

As a side note, on the potential romance element between Mythal and Solas, I read an excellent breakdown of it on Reddit a while ago about how out of character it would've been for Solas to keep something like that from a romanced Lavellan, especially in Trespasser when he comes clean about his plan/past. I can't find it now because it was pre-Veilguard release, but it made a lot of sense to me. Solas and Lavellan never have a love scene in DAI because Solas didn't want to 'lay with them under false pretences'. Lying about who you are when sleeping with someone is nonconsensual. You can't consent to sleeping with someone if you don't know their true identity, and someone who knowingly lies about who they are to get into your pants is a sexual predator. For someone who led a slave rebellion (no doubt many of them being sex slaves), and a former spirit of Wisdom, Solas would've been well aware of this. In the unsent letter from Solas to Lavellan he says he came so close to breaking and desperately wanted to stay with them as Solas, with the implication being that that is where he planned to sleep with them once he'd come clean. But because he stops, because he's still unable to forgive himself or release himself from his trauma bond with Mythal, he breaks away, and they never have sex.

Bottom line: Solas would've been honest about it. Especially that. As the Inquisitor says, he can't lie about his heart.

And it's why the Solas/Lavellan romance is so powerful because quote, 'you change everything'. Solas thought he knew what love was, that love was loyalty, devotion, worship, etc. It's not just his plans or worldview that Lavellan changes. Lavellan sees him for who he is, without the mantle of Dread Wolf, and because of that he's able to express his true nature to her, even if he's not being totally honest in Inquisition. Lavellan got much closer to the real him than most, as he says, and changed his understanding of love completely. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business, an unresolved trauma bond, and his crushing sense of duty to the past is what keeps him from taking that final step towards letting go of it entirely. Trick also says Solas doesn't think he deserves love, which tbh is kind of a hallmark trait of people who have survived abuse.

And honestly? Call me a simp but I think he really was trying to get the Inquisitor to stop him. He saw himself being unable to let go because he was so broken and burdened by his guilt, and knew he couldn't save himself--was too proud to admit that he couldn't, because how pathetic does it make him look? And how could he stop now without rendering all the damage he'd wrought pointless? Yet here was someone who had changed him right down to his core, who understood him in a way few people ever had, whom he trusted, whom he loved in a way he hadn't loved anyone else before. It took him 'centuries' to build up rapport with the members of his rebellion. The man doesn't not know how to form attachments without trauma, and suddenly he forms a strong one with someone who loves him completely and without condition. It's a jarring change.

Lavellan says that maybe they're being prideful themselves, refusing to see their own folly. But I think in admitting that they might be wrong, that it might be wishful thinking borne from misguided love to a truly terrible person, they've rendered the point moot. It shows self-awareness, which isn't folly.

If anyone can make Solas understand true love, it's Lavellan. Lavellan loved him when he was being his true self. Lavellan loved him after his betrayal was revealed. Lavellan loved him when his guilty conscience and terrible actions almost destroyed the world. Lavellan loved him because they knew the real him, and knew that his heart and spirit were broken, and knew that their love would endure, that their love would heal him.

And that's exactly where they end up. Healing the past, soothing the Blight, and loving one another completely.

[justscrolling765]

PREQUEL TIME YOU GUYS! If anyone is interested...

*Solas and Fennic skipping stones on lake*

Solas: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Fennic, whispering: Take that you fucking lake

I may do a rewrite for the sequel if this gets another traction who knows though...

Fennic: I made tea.

Solas: I don’t want tea.

Fennic: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Solas: Then why are you telling me?

Fennic: It is a conversation starter.

Solas: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Fennic: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

[justscrolling765]

Fennic: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground. Fenris: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

The prequel to Inquisition...I honestly just want to see how other people's Hawkes would play or react to this character if they were in the game...

[justscrolling765]

Fennic: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground. Fenris: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

The prequel to Inquisition...I honestly just want to see how other people's Hawkes would play or react to this character if they were in the game...

[justscrolling765]

me while writing very niche fanfic: there’s literally no way that, like, anyone is going to read this. you are writing this for you and you alone. you must accept it. you must be zen about it. you must expect nothing except the validation that comes of being able to go back and reread it yourself when you’re in the mood for this kind of fic.

me after posting said very niche fanfic: (obsessively checks ao3 every thirty seconds)

[justscrolling765]

The two best reasons to ship anything are:

1.Incredible, deep and detailed narrative themes. The parallels that seem to hit just right, the narrative foils that they can be to each other, the intricate dynamic that's both extremely complex and easily understood. The juxtaposition between something that's harsh and undoubtedly toxic, with the softer undertones, the parts where you read in-between the lines and find a mutual feeling of loneliness from both parts, their intrinsic understanding of each other comes from the mere fact that they're each others mirrored reflections and shadows. In the end both sides will be together forever, and you as an audience can clearly see their tragedy laid out before in a path that blurs pure anguish and tender romance

2.It would be so fucking funny

[justscrolling765]

If anyone is interested here's the newest chapter of Marine's Roger...part 2 of Egghead.

Kuzan: How many kids do you have? Ann: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

[justscrolling765]

Mythal and Solas spoilers/Solavellan ending mentioned

Comprehensive picture post

This right here is why I can never see Mythal and Solas as two people who were "doing it".

The way he is holding himself like a broken child. The body language, the actual language, screams a bond akin to that of a mother and a son not of former lovers.

She "pulled him from the Fade" and twisted his purpose from a spirit of wisdom. He has been in her service until this moment when she releases him. You know the Vallaslin he BURNED off his own face? Mythal's.

GOD I can't scream about this enough.

In contrast the body language towards a romanced Lavellan...the only one we hear him call his "heart"

[justscrolling765]

You know who you are!!

when ur talking abt headcanons w/ ur friend and they start typing for a really long time

[justscrolling765]

big ass spoilers / Solavellan rant

The whole 'follow him into the fade' good ending or whatever was EXACTLY in character for Nimriel LMAO. Sooo I should be happy??? I just...feel like he placed too much importance on Mythal - so much so that she is the only one he listens to in the end. I think the whole he whole solas x mythal thing absolutely killed Solavellan for me guys :') I 100% don't care if Solas had past lovers but damn. I mean would love to COPE and see them as parent-child? Or (worse) she groomed him and he still fawns over his abuser - which is icky but makes sense with Mythal's wretched ass character. But the whole thing just gives me romantic vibes between the two - you don't call your buddies 'love' or like...pine away for them. Everything Solas did and did not do was for Mythal. It makes sense (I guess) thematically but for my Lavellan..that would break her heart lmao. She deserves someone who would feel that way about her alone - not have her be a second choice, or a sit-in for some lost love. If the mythal / solas thing is platonic, that's different and it's a good ending for my girl. She would understand 100% - she loves Dorian more than anyone else in the world (platonically). But if Solas is just hung up on his ex-lover...fuck that. Nimriel deserves better than that.

[justscrolling765]

There's wholesome ships and there's toxic ships, but I'd like to coin 'sodium chloride ships', where the individuals involved are both horrible and dangerous people, but somehow being together renders them surprisingly well-adjusted (if a little salty).

[justscrolling765]

Sentinel of being silly :D

[justscrolling765]

Okay, question: what is the best part of writing/posting fanfic online? For me is diving deeper into de lore and the coments (an inbox notification makes my day, really)

[justscrolling765]

Finally at Hachinosu!!!

Kuzan: Ann, I think we have a problem. Ann: What, the fire? Kuzan: No, the- wait, what fire? Ann: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting.