justhere4research

[justhere4research]

and just like that the depressive episode is overrrr

WAR IS OVERRRR THE VIBES ARE BACKKKK

[justhere4research]

i appreciate him sticking around when im in this state of mind. im so lucky to be withsomeone who stays near me reguardless. i love so him much im so so lucky

[justhere4research]

i dont feel deserving of love. not when i treat people like this

[justhere4research]

i never meant to be a bad person

[justhere4research]

i feel so terrible everything is going so well for me why am i still struggling. i feel so bad. i feel terrible for all the people ive hurt during my moments of anger/sadness. i never meant to hurt anyone. i want to be a better person. ifeel bad for struggling when im so privileged

[justhere4research]

booooooooooooooooooooooooo

[justhere4research]

im so self centered holy shit

[justhere4research]

i wish i could give 2020 me a hug dude

i feel like that was the year shit went bad. i wish i could tell her that things get better and life is worth living. bipolar nevr gets easier but we learn to live with it. idk. i still cant believe i was gonna kill myself at the ripe age of 11. i feel guilty for my mania.

ive had the best day, nothing has gone wrong why am i so miserable. i wasnt even miserable 20 minutes ago but now i am. like unreasonbly low. why ami have suicidal ideation rn for the first time in whaat 2/3 years??? damn you delirous mania

ive been weaving in and out of mania symptoms for 2 ish weeks now so im due for a major episode here shortly #shootme

[justhere4research]

boooooooooooooooifeellikedeath

[justhere4research]

manic as hell send help

[justhere4research]

im soso lucky to have him-and he seems to have no idea why. like bitch i love you so so much you hold so much value to me in my heart wdym 💔

idk im feeling sassy

[justhere4research]

i miss my boyfriend i want a hug. like nothings wrong i just want to be intertwined

idk im like 78% asleep rn

[justhere4research]

i want to smoke copious amounts of weed rn 👩‍🦯

[justhere4research]

Your Song - Elton John

I've never been one for religion, or belief for a higher power but i'm so lucky that fate guided me to this love- this bond. I don't know if its something larger than me or sheer concidence but its something I will never find again. I'm so lucky to have this connection with someone. I trust him with my whole being. I can't even explain it. The fact that I, the selfish person I am, found him, the kindest soul I've ever met. I still don't understand how he sees something in me. I don't have anything to give, or pretend to be. I don't really even have a sense of self. But he- he sees something in me. He adores me. I don't think its warranted, I don't believe I deserve it. The connection we have, I'll never find again. I'm lucky to get to have this connection and feel these feelings. I'm lucky he chose me. I choose him and will always chose him. He's not ashamed of me, he embraces me, he wants our relationship to be known. He cares about my feelings and acknowledges my needs. He cares more than anyone I've ever known. Currently we still on FaceTime, he's been asleep for a good 40 minutes and I can't stop crying. Never in my life have I been loved as much as he loves me. He loves me. i see it in his face, he loves me. It's real, it's there and i know it. I'm crying because I haven't been a saint in my life, but fate gave me a gift I don't deserve. I don't deserve him, his kindness. He wants me to be loved outloud. Damn.

I'd go to the ends of the earth for him. I don't know how fate brought us together but I'm so lucky. I'm not a saint, I never claim to be but I'll be damned. A love like this, a true love at that is so so rare to find now-a-days. I'm commited to him. I love him unconditionally and there is nothing he could ever do to make me stop loving him. I love everything about him. I love his smile. How his face lights up and his eyes sqint a little, I adore him. I love the gap in his teeth, though he protests I love it. I love how he talks with his hands when he's really passionate about something. I love his hair, and how its always perfectly styled. I love the dark, rich tone of his brown eyes. I love how cognitizate his is of my feelings and how I'm doing. I know I'll never find love like this again. I know how rare it is, and I know I don't deserve it but dammit I'm so grateful I have it. I don't want any other person, I want him. I chose him now and I will always choose him. I want him to know that he is my first and only choice.

He always mentions how he used to be an asshole, and how he still holds guilt for it. But I'll come to his aid- he is the kindest most real person you could ever talk to. No bullshit, he's the most sincere person I've had the pleasure of talking to. I want him to know its okay. It's okay to fuck up. It's your first time living this life and be a human. It's your first time in this world. He doesn't give himself credit for all the kindness he sheds onto people who don't deserve it. He only credits himself for past mistakes. The people surrounded by him don't uplift him the way he supports them. Irregardless, he stays true. He stays genuine. Despite all the shit they put him through and how they treat him he always treat them with an overwhelming amount of respect. I can't help but fall in love with the person he is. I don't want to ever lose him. I hope one day he sees himself the way I do. I hope one day he acknowledges the beauty of his character and how he's changed my life for the better. I genuinely mean that.

[justhere4research]

in 2025 i want to

• prioritise self discovery and acceptance

• become a wiser, more insightful person

• write write write !!

• work on my temper, approach to others

• be more civil, and live day-by-day instead of focusing of what’s yet to come

[justhere4research]

things i like, that i actually like

earth tones

BOOK STORES

thrifting

MAXIMALISM

stained glass windows and lamps

ren fairs

psychology

calm music

1980s indie movies

long skirts

earth tone outfits

doja cat I STAND BY THAT

guitar

crystalsss

art history

developmental psychology

funky rings/jewelry

1950s advertisment artstyles

vintage stamps and currencies

idk that whole rant was lowk manic as hell pls ignore me

[justhere4research]

i love him i need him to teleport NOW NOW NOW