justawholebunchofrandomnumberan

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

ok WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WIYH HEADPHONES am i just getting cheap shitty pairs or is there a genuine fucking obsession with bass like I DO NOT WANT MORE BASS I LISTEN TO MORE THAN JUST DRUM AND FUCKING BASS MAN

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

genuinely how the fuck do u comfort people. like how. i just can't do it. my friends come to me woth troubles and i make a complete fool of myself and they leave feeling worse. i see them talking in a server about it and i just can't go in and say anything cos i know I'll just make it worse. like i just. what the fuck do i say????? it's ok??? they know it's not. it'll get better???? they don't believe that. like i mean. not to like be a huge cunt but . auugh. is this a deeper problem where I'm looking at social interactions like a puzzle. is that what this is.. i just haven't experienced enough people venting to know the solution to that puzzle. am i just stupid. people comfort me when I'm down and they're just like miraculously good at it and it's like wiah holy shit but when i try and do it it's just like. an overbearing feeling of "I'm making their day worse by speaking rn" i just cannot. there is no way to go about comforting people. i can't handle it or something lik. fhcks sake. I'm so pissed off at myself for this. I'm so fucking mad. i should've said something. i should've just sguck mt ugly ass face in and said hey bestie it's ok i believe in u. if i had been on the recieving end of that god knows it wouldn't have helped but it would've bbeen fucking nice to see yk. just like oh this guy is also here and she cares. that's nice. I'm a fucming idiot. what am i even doing. what's the fucking point. I'm so fucking mad this is the one thinf i can't fucking do. u spend all these fucking years tryna figure out how to navigate social interactions and ofc there just has to he one aspect of them u can't manage and it just happens to be one of the most important ones. fuck off with that. fucking bullshit. whatever man. fuck this. next time I'll say something. i swear on my fucking life. even if it's only sending one message and being like. i believe in u. or it's ok. or just something man. i love these people i can't keep making new friends and then ditching the group chat temporarily whenever they start pouring their heart out about something. i hate this so fucking much it's so fucking stupid. fucked up and fucming stupid. fuck everything

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

type of mfer to post first drafts of poetry about hot chocolate i made at work

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

the store was empty,

and i was alone.

i turned my back to the doors of the bakery

that were letting so much cold air in

i made some hot chocolate for myself

not using the machines

because they put too much milk in

i stirred it vigorously

after putting too much chocolate in

and when i lifted it to my face to blow

i saw the swirls of my stirring

and the little bits of chocolate glittering

and the overhead lights reflecting

on the still wavy surface

and i saw a galaxy

oh ye i also wrote a poem ig i write poetry now

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

MIGHT post some if i think they're good enough might also write them directly onto tumblr and post the very first draft who knows lol

oh ye i also wrote a poem ig i write poetry now

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

I'm a littlw poet i tbink ig

oh ye i also wrote a poem ig i write poetry now

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

oh ye i also wrote a poem ig i write poetry now

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

what I'm listening to rn

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

new banner and pfp the banner i don't drink monster i just think it's neatly ordered into the flag of my people

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

the melancholy is so powerful and prevalent within me 2day

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

favourite thing to do is making a post on this blog that was inspired by a post a reblogged on main so now my zero followers are getting thoughts that have no context

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

i listened to the first episode of the silt verses a while ago and have had this really weird thing where i've been thinking about it loads but haven't wanted to listen to more.

idk if i just don't like the podcast format or what. cos i listened to fucktons of night vale and loved that (although have also taken a huge break from listening so idk).

actually ye i took a huge break from that maybe i just dropped podcasts for whatever reason. i should pick them back up. starting with night vale and silt verses i reckon.

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

going on break an hour and a half late and feeling like complete shit soloing the tills ready to die white hot rage suppressed for every fuck ass customer that comes up to me but it's ok cos I'm a huge fucking masochist and i can't stop grinning

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

the things is I'm not at all inclined to do anything about it cos like. it's just normal, and it has been for as long as i can remember. i feel fine cos it's the only thing i can remember feeling. fine is just a default state it's not "fine"

sometimes i see posts or i have people tell me that doing "x" or feeling "x" or whatever "x" might mean u have depression and then "x" is something i do/experience extremely consistently. sometimes is also uncomfortably frequent

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

sometimes i see posts or i have people tell me that doing "x" or feeling "x" or whatever "x" might mean u have depression and then "x" is something i do/experience extremely consistently. sometimes is also uncomfortably frequent

[justawholebunchofrandomnumberan]

i have got to get spookier