justatypicalmindboggler

[justatypicalmindboggler]

I never wanted to call this condition a gift for I cannot alter the fact that I am just part of the handful who are fortunate to have the moral and financial support that it takes to conquer this, at certain times, debilitating illness. However, I cannot deny as well the intuition that this disorder just made me become extraordinary. I never thought that I could love the habits that drained the energy out of me such as a kilometer walk-jog, working out, and cleaning my room which orderliness never lasts for a whole day. I never thought that I would appreciate myself even more with how I look, how I smile, even how I write, which I still suppose is less of an eloquent writer. But I just hold onto our brain’s neuroplasticity; always finding for ways that I can make it mightier and sharper. There are times that my mind just never rests, allowing it to work round the clock, and all the more that I attest: “masarap matulog nang pagod.” I love how the highways in my brain just never ceases to preoccupy with the information that leads itself to where I can reflect and assess how neurotic I can become. Honestly, I love how I get to see the possibilities of falling down, that I cannot afford letting it happen, unless I get too complacent. 

I don’t know how and when it can be gone but I really wish it wouldn’t. For I never want to go back to that disposition where I am nothing but a stuck up gear in the shelf that no one wants to pick because of its rust and creaking sounds. I’m better off to be in the zone of spending out all my energy than finding myself getting more tired from waking up from another sleep. There may be times that I get beyond of who I really am, but I just wish that people can become more welcoming and embrace my tendencies of becoming a lot more spontaneous. I wish, that when I go free falling with my emotions, people can still manage to catch me before I hit the ground; for I cannot bear seeing the same scars that has always been there. 

I hope that tears won’t be a stream that washes out these dreams; in my life that is yet to be redeemed. So I guess, there’s a way to be extraordinary even in the days that are ordinary, and see myself as my own version of a legendary.

[justatypicalmindboggler]

Indeed, miracles have attested itself when You called me yours even at the time where I’m falling short in my faith and service. For in those times that I felt weak, you made my family my enduring strength; all the more that we became undaunted. When I sinned hard, You cleansed me in Your word, even made me your vessel. When I felt uncertain of the future, you vividly pictured the plans you’ve set for me, amazingly known to me how mysterious, yet graceful You are in your ways. When I wanted to end it all, you put me to a new place to start over and connected me with people I didn’t know would care, and as kindhearted as they are, You’ve helped me get through the year with nothing but the courage to show up. When I became insecure, You’ve taught me to love myself even more; that in every vulnerability, I can become nothing but kinder, compassionate, and humble to confront the opportunities of me becoming invincible more than ever. When I worried how to make ends meet, You’ve given me the overflowing blessings so I can also share the grace with others. 

When I got lost of words, You’ve brought me a new wine where there is power and freedom to speak of Your Kingdom. Where nothing but love, charity, hope, and faith prevail in the hearts of those who believe. 

“Make me Your vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever You want me to be. I came here with nothing, but all you have given me, Jesus, is a new wine out of me.”

That in both bitterness and joy, a new fire ignites to lighten up Your omnipotence

[justatypicalmindboggler]

Perhaps you just need to slow down

to clearly see your pace

where you are

where you’re going

how you’re doing

what are you really doing

Enough to realize that all this time

you’ve been in a terrible haze

so you allow yourself to take a step back

to avoid another setback

So where do you really go

when it’s been hasty and cruel

and you can’t seem to find

the applicable rule

to the heart and mind that heavily full

So get up you fool

because to tell you honestly

you’ve been far ahead everybody

just not where you thought you’re supposed to be

[justatypicalmindboggler]

tumblr tuesday: stop and smell the flowers

So yesterday was…yesterday. But why should roses have all the fun? Let’s all just take a moment to stop the scroll, smell the flowers (metaphorically, at least), and maybe we can collectively dream spring into existence. (Southern Hemisphere, I’m sorry. You’re warm, and so this missive is not for you. But please enjoy the pretty art regardless).

~

@humblbee​:

@gryffoon​:

@flowerishness​:

@histsciart​:

@japanese-plants​:

@havekat​:

@dame-nostalgique​:

@wahopuke5​:

@lilblueorchid​:

@nh-art​:

@jigwaltz​:

@maymaymakes​:

@swan-bones​:

@rabbitinthemeadow​:

@duxuebing​:

[justatypicalmindboggler]

Naaalala mo ba no’ang minsan ay nasa itaas ka na bahagi ng lupa? Tinitingala, maituturing na iba sa kanila, nagtatanong, “ano nga bang meron ka’t, bakit ka nariyan?” Sasagot ka pa lang, sisigaw para marinig nila sa baba, natalisod ka na sa bato. Bumulusok pababa, mabilis, nakakahilo, nakakamanhid. Nakita mo na lang sarili mo, nasa patag na lupa ka na pala. Sila? Ayun, tinitingnan ka mula sa itaas. Hinahanap pa nga e. Malawak ang paligid, nakakasilaw, naghahanap ng tutulong sa’yong tumayo. May sumaklolo, pero dahil sa liwanag ng araw, hindi ko matanaw. Sasama ba ako sa kanya? Saan ba ako dadalhin? KILALA BA KITA? Teka, ang sikip ng dibdib ko, ang bigat ng ulo ko, hindi ako makahinga. Wala akong magawa kundi kumapit sa kanya habang hindi pa rin tiyak kung saan ako pupunta. Binigyan ng tubig, pinakain ng tinapay, saglit akong pinahimlay. Medyo maingay pero di naman masakit sa tenga kasi mukang pare-parehas lang ang tema. At ayun na nga sila, tulad ko, pilayan, sugatan, pero pilit pa rin tumatayo tinitingnan ang mapa sa harapan. Babalik ulit sa pinanggalingan, na may baong tubig at tinapay para sa mahaba-habang lakbayan. Saan? Di ko rin alam. Kailan? Siya lang ang may alam. 

[justatypicalmindboggler]

Today has been overflowing. I’m currently in a productive headspace while confronting my personal issues which amazingly gets resolved on its own. However, most of the time, I’m perturbed how it would turn out. Would I be able to live up to it with all the negative thoughts, bitterness, and frustrations I fail to let go? Then I realized that maybe just like any illness, it’s best that I sense it earlier to keep from getting worse. It’s just part of the diagnosis which in turn can be treated with regular assessment and a substantial dosage. The pills of courage, compassion, constructivism, and humility, prescribed by God, our great healer.

O, God, help me let go of the things I can no longer control. Perhaps there’s a reason for unfavorable events to attest that there is no point in blaming other people, neither myself. Those events unceasingly teach me that kind of humility to accept only the challenges that are within my capability so that when the time comes that I am already capable of the bigger ones, hurdles and roadblocks will no longer be a great deal.