justanotherhumanmess

[justanotherhumanmess]

Size Equality

One of the activities I find most annoying is shoe shopping. In case I haven’t made it obvious yet, I was born female and I identify as female. I’m somewhat tomboyish in that I hate wearing dresses and don’t usually go out of my way to look stereotypically “girly”. However, I do like to wear shoes in fun colors or boots that aren’t grey, black, or camo colored. Unfortunately, I wear a size 12 in women’s shoes.

What lead to this current post? I went shopping yesterday, for winter boots. I live in New England and we had our first major snow storm of the season this weekend. My current winter boots have no cushioning and wearing them for more than a few minutes at a time kills my feet which isn’t good if you might need to spend 30+ minutes shoveling out your car multiple times throughout the winter.

For most people, shoe shopping is pretty easy, whether or not they enjoy it. They walk into any shoe store, walk to the section they like to shop in (men’s or women’s), browse for a shoe they like in a color they like, then ask for it in their size, try it on, and buy it if it fits and they like it. I don’t have that kind of experience. I go into a shoe store, walk to the women’s section, and find that every shoe or boot I like only goes up to size 11. Then, I get told if I need a 12, I need to go shop in the men’s section for a size 10.

For women who’ve never had to go into the men’s section to find shoes for themselves, it’s not fun. The colors are typically varying shades of black, grey, or brown. When there are colors, they always look like whoever picked them out was color blind. Of course, shoes are expensive so who wants to pay a shit ton of money for something they don’t like.

So, I’ve had to resort to buying shoes online. Unfortunately, that means I don’t always know the quality of what I’m buying or how they’ll fit until I get them. I just don’t understand why stores can’t carry shoes in every color and style in all sizes... I mean, I’m sure there are men out there who would prefer to wear some of the styles and colors available to women. 1) They’re shoes... can’t we stop stereotyping genders and assuming men like boring colors and all women like bright colors? 2) Shouldn’t everyone be able to buy a new pair of shoes that look good and are comfortable for them? 

[justanotherhumanmess]

Trapped

I’ve come to realize that a job in child protective services is not for me. I can do the job and I enjoy working with families and helping them, but my introverted nature means that the face-to-face demands of my job wear on me. Add to that the fact that the specific state that I work for doesn’t allow it’s child protective workers enough time to properly document encounters with clients and refuses to allow overtime for such tasks, but also won’t permit face-to-face contact after regular hours (which can be approved for overtime) means that I’m having to work way past my clock out time for free just to get my work done on time. Not only that, but I’m so busy trying to catch up and close cases on time, that I don’t have time to work on new cases coming in until its time to close them and so the cycle continues.

I told my boss the other day that I have started to look for another job. It irritates me to give up on this job... I don’t typically quit things... I’ve always been a “keep trying until you succeed” kind of person. Unfortunately, this job is stressing me out to the point that I’m going to break if I keep going. I know my own limits and I’ve reached them.

Today, I was chatting with some co-workers in my unit and informed them that I’m actively looking to move on to a different job. One of those co-workers was assigned to look out for me as I started this position and I think that co-worker is taking my decision to move on personally and as a reflection on themselves. It isn’t their fault, they honestly did everything they could to help me and I am eternally grateful for that assistance... but in the end, I have to do what’s best for myself and my state of mind. When I was talking to my co-workers, one of whom started shortly before I did, one of the things I mentioned was that I was tired of hearing people tell me it takes years to learn this job... which is the comment that set off the co-worker who was assigned to look out for me because that co-worker had said that to me multiple times. It wasn’t so much the statement that irritated me, but the invalidation that came with it. It was like, every time someone reminded me it takes years to learn the job, they were telling me I would just have to suffer through the stress and anxiety for years and just learn to cope with it. Maybe some people can do that, be miserable for years on end just to earn a paycheck, but I’m not one of them. 

I’m in my early 30′s and have spent a lot of time by myself due to my introverted nature so I know myself and my limits better than most people. I enjoy helping people and guiding them through things and I’m very good at explaining complex things to people of all learning levels and abilities... but I can only handle people in small doses, one-on-one and this job usually requires dealing with whole families for hours at a time.

In my entire life, I’ve never stayed at a job for less than 1 year. Even my very first job as a cashier in a grocery store lasted a year and then every job since has lasted 3 years or more so to leave this job after only a little over 6 months should be pretty revealing.

I think part of the problem too is that I live in the United States and, in this country, you can’t make good money just doing what you love unless you love something like being a doctor. 

In all honesty, the thing I want to do most in the world is sell books. I spent two years up until I took this job working part-time in a bookstore and I adored it. The people I worked with and the customers (for the most part) were amazing. Books, reading, and my imagination are the only things I could ever depend on. My family has never shown any interest in the things that interest me, I start talking about bands I like, languages I want to learn, or hobbies I want to try and their eyes glaze over and they nod along just to be polite. To me, nothing makes me happier than reading a great book and then talking about it with other people or putting an amazing book in the hands of someone who hasn’t read it before. I lost that when I took this job and there’s nothing I regret more. If I get the job I recently applied for, I’ll have the ability to work part-time in the bookstore again and my bosses there have already told me they’d love to have me back. Someday, maybe this country will get to a point where people can do any job they enjoy and be able to survive on the paycheck without having to work themselves to death or work multiple jobs... wouldn’t that be amazing?

[justanotherhumanmess]

Mental Illness

I’m currently watching a documentary on HBO called A Dangerous Son and it’s really sad how few services exist for kids, and people in general, with serious mental illness. I’ve encountered this myself as a child protective worker. I’ve already encountered two families that are struggling to manage children with serious behavior issues and are struggling because their kids aren’t exhibiting these behaviors in school and therefore can’t be referred to services.

Imagine having to call law enforcement to help you manage your child because they’re being so violent you can’t control them without risking harm to yourself, them, or your other children. Often these parents try reaching out to mental health crisis services but are told they either can’t help or there are no beds available... so then law enforcement is the only option to keep everyone safe. Law enforcement personnel are trained to deal with criminals, not the mentally ill... they don’t often get the training necessary to effectively calm down someone who is having a mental health crisis. A relative of someone very dear to me was shot and killed by police because he was having a manic episode and suffering from delusions that people were trying to harm his family members and he was trying to protect his family from these perceived threats.

People have talked recently about defunding the police and some people incorrectly assume that means disbanding police departments.... what it really means is assessing how much money police departments need to do their actual job of responding to and addressing criminal activity and reallocating unnecessary funds toward taking services the police should not be doing off of law enforcement’s plate and putting it toward establishing services that should truly be handling them... like mental health crisis services.

Imagine if everyone who needed mental health services could get them in a timely manner? In the state I live in, the waiting list for mental health services, even just seeing a counselor one-on-one, could take months... how is that helpful for someone who’s suffering from a serious mental illness or thinks they may be suffering from a serious mental illness and is seeking help? The United States needs to put more funding into social services and less into militarizing the police... I think we’d have a lot fewer unnecessary deaths of mentally ill people and a de-stigmatization of the mentally ill... most of whom are never violent.

[justanotherhumanmess]

Killer Workout

Like most people these days, I don’t exactly live the healthiest lifestyle (I like fast food and pizza and don’t really have time to go grocery shopping or cook... also those nifty little meal delivery services don’t really work when you live in a little town and a closed-to-deliveries apartment building). As a result of my less than stellar health habits, I tend to try to find ways to fit in exercise and healthy eating where I can. Unfortunately, my attention span doesn’t really lend itself to running on treadmills or riding stationary bikes... I can always think of a thousand things I’d rather be doing: reading a book, watching Netflix, playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons... the list goes on.

Over the years, I’ve come up with clever ways to overcome my boredom when exercising with a little help from technology. For example, when Nintendo came out with the Wii and created games like Wii Sports and Wii Fit... I jumped at them and enjoyed them quite a bit (particularly when my mom got a little too into Wii Sports bowling and ended up posing like she did when she bowled competitively in real life and looked like a demented flamingo that wasn’t all there).

Living in New England, there are very few times of the year where the temperature is comfortable enough and the weather nice enough to warrant going outside (at least in my opinion) but when I moved to an area that was low-traffic and had nice looping roads, I’d often go for walks. To stave off boredom during these, I’d either meet my mom and walk with her (she lives pretty close to me and I walk right by her connecting road on most of my little adventures), or I’d listen to music or an audiobook while playing Pokémon Go. This actually worked out really well since I’d end up walking about 3 - 4 miles every time just to make sure I got to all the PokeStops I could on my route.

My newest attempt at getting in healthy shape (not lose weight... just get healthy) is once again assisted by Nintendo in the form of their Ring Adventure game. I played the game for about 10 minutes on its moderate workout setting (because I’ve been lazy recently) and I was sweating and ready for a nap. I like that the game forces you to stretch and cooldown before and after playing and there’s a nice variety of exercises to choose from with the potential to earn a wider variety as you play. Also, I love that this game incorporates an actual video game adventure component... so you’re not just playing for a workout but playing to defeat monsters and achieve in-game goals.

My ultimate goal, when COVID-19 is finally under actual control is to mix playing Ring Adventure with my all-time favorite form of exercise: swimming. Unfortunately, I just don’t feel comfortable yet going to swim laps in the gym so I have to make do with whatever exercise I can get within the confines of my home and town and, right now, Ring Adventure is turning out to be an awesome option. I highly recommend it to anyone that, like me, gets bored with traditional methods of exercise and is looking for a fun and interesting way to get healthy.

[justanotherhumanmess]

Books... Wonderful Books

If you’re a book lover, especially one who loves fantasy books, I highly recommend reading anything by Charlie N. Holmberg. She always puts a unique spin on traditional ideas.

I originally got into Charlie N. Holmberg’s books when I read The Paper Magician trilogy. In the series, magic can only be done with man-made items: metal, glass, paper, plastic, fire (man made fire, not natural fire), and lumber. The protagonist of the series, Ceony, dreams of becoming a smelter, a magician who works with metal. Unfortunately, due to a lack of interest in paper magic, Ceony is forced to become a folder... a paper magician... if she wishes to do magic at all and, once a magician is bonded to a material, that is the only material they can work with for the rest of their lives. Ceony opts to pursue magic and learns that being a paper magician means you’re magic is only limited by your imagination. The books in the series are: The Paper Magician, The Glass Magician, and The Master Magician. There is also a spin-off novel: The Plastic Magician which is very good as well.

Another fantastic book by Holmberg is The Will and the Wilds. This book takes a strange turn on tales of faeries and mystical creatures. The protagonist is a bit of an outsider in her small town... more interested in studying the fantastical, mythical creatures that live in the forest surrounding the home she shares with her father. When she finds her life bound to one such creature, she must learn more than she ever wished to and risk her very soul to free the creature or risk both their deaths.

Followed by Frost is one of my favorite’s of Holmberg’s works. I listened to the audiobook for it. What would you do if, through one careless mistake, you found yourself cursed to be colder than the coldest winter forever? What if your body was never warm but you couldn’t die? So cold that food froze the moment it passed your lips and even boiling water cooled instantly at your touch? That is exactly the predicament that the protagonist in Followed by Frost finds herself in. Followed by a fierce snow storm that threatens the lives of those where she lives and instantly freezing everyone she touches to death, she must search for a way to break her curse... if she can.

[justanotherhumanmess]

Struggling

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I started a new job in May (during the height of COVID) as a child protective services investigator. Obviously, this is a pretty complex and chaotic job but I’ve always loved investigating things and trying to dig out the truth of things. I did fine during training and I handle the field interviews and interacting with families fine but, lately, I’ve been struggling with the time commitment of the job.

I got sent out on my first time sensitive investigation last week... for a family with 6+ kids who were all in different areas... the closest an hour from my home and the furthest 2+ hours away. Unfortunately, I was working with an on-call supervisor who wasn’t being very supportive and who’s mistakes led to me being out in the field an hour longer than I needed to be.

Then this week, I learned that I’m going to be on call for a full 24 hours on Christmas Day which is the only day of the year I get to spend with my mom’s side of the family.

I’m sure all that seems minimal in the grand scheme of all the horrible things happening in the world right now but it all compounded for me last week and this week and is making my question whether I made the right decision to take this new job or not. I certainly get to help more people in my new job then I did at my last job (I was an advocate at a crisis center that helped victims of domestic and sexual violence). In my last job, I could only give people their options and some resources and hope the information helped them. In this new job, I actually have the ability to help people, to get kids out of dangerous situations. My bank account also appreciates the significant increase in income I got by switching jobs.

All that being said, I’m also under a lot more stress because I’m trying to learn a job I’m completely unfamiliar with and the supervisors aren’t used to dealing with newbies who have never had any opportunity to observe day-to-day office tasks so they forget that there’s a lot myself and my fellow newbies couldn’t learn because of the offices being closed due to COVID. We got to shadow people on investigation interviews but we didn’t get to see the more miniscule investigation tasks like calling family members or requesting medical records and stuff like that, so I’m trying to learn it all on the fly as I go and I’m so worried about messing something up or missing something important. 

I’m trying to work my way through my stress and doing the best I can at the job but it’s been tough recently. I’ve been playing a lot of Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town along with listening to audiobooks. Hopefully, I’ll adjust to the change in time commitment and things will calm down a bit for me.

[justanotherhumanmess]

Lack of Understanding

One of my biggest sources of frustration is my lack of understanding of things that seem to make perfect sense to other people. Flirting in particular. In general, I understand the concept of flirting but I seem completely incapable of picking up on when people are flirting with me. The only exception to this is when I’m on dating sites because usually, if someone is messaging you, it’s because they’re flirting with you.

I’ve been single since high school and occasionally I decide to dabble into the dating pool to see if I can find someone who piques my interest. However, I don’t think people realize how insane trying to find a decent date is. I don’t know if men experience the same annoyances that women do when it comes to finding a date and flirting online but, if you’re a man and want to discuss the similarities and differences, I’m really curious to hear your perspective because women put up with a lot of shit online.

For example, just this morning, I got a message from a guy who complimented my smile. Seems a pretty good way to start things off, right? Then the small talk started... a couple sentences about him sipping coffee and a response from me about how I never much cared for coffee but loved hot or iced tea. Now, in my mind, there were a lot of places that conversation could have gone. He could’ve asked, “What’s your favorite type of tea?” or “Why don’t you like coffee?” or any other innocuous follow up question. Instead, I get “Are you curvy?”. Men, when women message you on dating sites, do they go immediately to questions about your body type or the size of parts of your body within the first few sentences? Because I’ve never asked a man about his body at all in any conversations but oh, I’ve been asked everything from my bra size to how big my ass is by men messaging me.

Apparently, I’m not the only woman who experience similar things on a day-to-day basis. Every day, women swimming in the dating pool have to put up with everything from lewd questions about their bodies and sexual preferences to unsolicited dick pics. From what I understand, men don’t put up with anywhere near the ridiculous crap women are expected to. And, what’s more, men seem to think we should find this attention attractive.

Also, why do men seem to think it’s okay for them to ask women to be friends-with-benefits when said woman has clearly stated she wants a serious relationship? I get that some people like the no-strings-attached nature of the whole fwb concept and are happy with such an arrangement but why does no one seem to think being propositioned for such a relationship would be insulting to someone who’s not looking for that kind of thing? It’s like saying, “You’re good enough for me to stick my dick in but not good enough for me to want anything real with you.” How could that not be insulting?

I just wish all men would be respectful enough to treat women the way they deserve to be treated... like people who are more than their bodies.

[justanotherhumanmess]

New Tech

This post is my very first entry written on my new laptop. Unfortunately, my valiant Toshiba which had seen almost 10 years of writing, games, and Netflix has been in slow decline recently. It was beginning to take too long to load things, videos would crash right at all the best parts, keys on the keypad would stick when I tried to type and, worst of all, the track pad has never fully worked right. Since my second laptop ever, when I was around 13-years-old, I have always had a Toshiba and I loved them... every single one of them. All of the Toshiba laptops I ever owned still work to this day... it is mostly the hardware that eventually gave out just from normal wear and tear. My Toshiba’s seemed magical... no matter how many times I accidentally dropped them or had something fall on them, they never seemed to get a scratch and always worked just fine afterwards.

Given the above, I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed I was to discover that Toshiba doesn’t make laptops anymore... at least none that I could find in any of the usual stores. So, when it was time to hunt for a new laptop, I was forced to look beyond my favorite brand. There was no way in the seven hells I was going anywhere near a Mac... I hate Macs. They’re obscenely expensive, a pain to customize, and they break if you so much as look at them wrong. Then, when they break... you have to sacrifice your soul, chop off an arm and a leg, and empty your bank account to get them fixed. It’s insane. I love iPhones, iPads, and iPods but I loathe Apple’s computers... they’re a terrible waste of money in my opinion.

So, given my aversion to Macs, I obviously went browsing around for a new PC laptop. I hate Dells too... they’re cheap pieces of garbage. I’m used to Windows so I deliberately avoided anything that wasn’t a Windows operating system. Eventually, I landed on an HP. Specifically, I opted for HP’s Omen gaming laptop because it had the memory and processing power I wanted but also because, being a gaming laptop, it was guaranteed to have excellent graphics and sound hardware... and it does. The screen on my Omen is so amazing... I can’t even begin to tell you. Also, the keyboard is backlit in almost a rainbow color scheme and looks badass. So far, I’m very happy with my decision.  

[justanotherhumanmess]

Book Recommendations

If you’re a fan of books, you’re going to enjoy this blog. I’m always reading at least three book at a time: 1 audiobook, 1 physical book, and 1 ebook. I also used to work at a bookstore and I love recommending books to people so please feel free to shoot me a message asking for book recommendations. I read just about everything but non-fiction.

Today’s recommendation is a relatively long series and doesn’t seem to be very well known: Jodi Taylor’s The Chronicles of St. Mary’s series.

The Chronicle of St. Mary’s series is 22 books long and consists of a mix of full-length novels and a few novellas. It’s a great series for people who enjoy dry, sarcastic humor (the series is set in England and the author is British so it’s just chock full of British humor). St. Mary’s is an organization of historians that “study history in contemporary time” (do not call it time travel). It’s an amazing series full of strange and hilarious characters. It’s also a great series for history buffs, particularly those who love ancient history... you’ll get a lot interesting information and some comedic relief along with it.

I’ve heard that people struggled reading the actual, something about a lot of typos and grammar issues but I can’t speak to whether that’s true or not. I listened to the audio books through Audible and adored them. The narrator was fantastic and is exceptional at differentiating all the characters with very specific tones and accents. She even subtly adds slight German or Russian accents to characters that are originally from those countries. 

[justanotherhumanmess]

People Being Unnecessarily Difficult

Today’s post is about how people make other people’s lives unnecessarily difficult. Why do they do that? I mean really, most people have jobs and, most of the time, doing our jobs involves doing things that we wouldn’t necessarily do otherwise. I work a State job... as a child protective services worker. Now, no one ever wants me showing up on their doorstep and I get that but really, do they think I have nothing better to do with my life than darken people’s doorways and say “Hey, someone thinks you might be abusing your kids, do you mind if I poke around in your life and make sure you aren’t abusing your kids”?

For those of you who’ve ever had a run in with child protective services (CPS) in whatever state you may live in, I’m sure it wasn’t a fun experience for you no matter how conscientious and amazing the social worker might have been and I’m sure it was a nightmare if you had a social worker with no sensitivity at all but that social worker didn’t choose to be there, in your life, poking around. I’m a CPS investigator... it is literally my job to determine whether child abuse or neglect has occurred and how CPS can help the family to ensure the abuse or neglect doesn’t happen ever again. I became a CPS worker to help people, not just kids but entire families but I don’t really have any choice in going to people’s homes.

In the state I work in, the flow of CPS goes like this: 

1) Someone calls CPS intake to report that they think a child is being abused or neglected by a caregiver or someone else close to them. In some states, anyone over the age of 18 is required by law to call in suspected abuse or neglect of a child while in other states only those deemed by the state to be “mandated reporters” through their work are required by law to call CPS. I highly recommend checking out your state laws to figure out if you’re a mandated reporter. 

2) Intake then determines whether the circumstances may constitute actual abuse or neglect and if the caller has enough information to act on the report. Again, the definition of abuse and neglect differs from state to state. In some states, spanking might constitute physical abuse while in another it may not and in still another it may depend on how the spanking was given (i.e.: open hand over clothes vs. belt to bare bottom). Also, if the reporter doesn’t know the child or parents’ name, address, or contact information, CPS can’t really find them an investigate.

3) If the report is credible, a caseworker is assigned to go investigate. Ideally, the worker goes in without any preconceived notions  about whether abuse did or didn’t happen and, in my state, I actually have to think up alternative hypotheses for the report. So, if the report says that dad broke his 12-year-old kid’s arm, I have think of all the non-abusive ways that kid could’ve broken their arm: falling out of a tree they were climbing, jumping on the bed and falling off, slipping on ice, etc.

4) The caseworker checks everything. We go to every house the kid resides in and talk to everyone. We contact medical providers and schools to ensure the kid’s attendance is good and they they’re up to date on their medical check ups. We talk to friends and family members to find out if there are any concerns about the family. We talk to local law enforcement to see if there’s any domestic violence going on. We do all this hoping to find nothing... because obviously we’d rather that no child abuse occurred.

It is this fourth step that led me to make this post today. I poke around in people’s lives as part of my job and I don’t blame people for not wanting me to do that... I wouldn’t want a stranger poking around in my life either but there is no need for people to make my job any more difficult than it already is. And not just in my job but in many other professions as well... we are just doing what is required of us because of the position we hold. I’m required to poke around in people’s lives, in places and things that may seem unrelated to the specific incident reported, because if there are factors that led to the incident, they need to be prevented. If there are other safety concerns, I need to help the family address them so they never have to deal with CPS in the future. People look at me and see the person who’s going to try to take their kids from them but that is the last thing CPS ever wants to do because A) it’s not good for kids to be separated from their family unless they’re being harmed in that family and B) do you have any idea how much paperwork and stuff goes in to removing children from their families? A lot... and C) doing so involves going to court... who wants to spend any time in a courtroom if they can avoid it?

Today, a family I was working with was upset that I had to get involved with their lives because a mandated reporter called in an injury to a child that was the result of an accident. I didn’t have a say in the mandated reporter calling intake, I didn’t have a choice in intake deciding the incident needed to be investigated, I didn’t decide to be assigned as the one who got to investigate, and I certainly didn’t make the rules on what I have to do to meet state requirements for a complete and thorough investigation. Yet, I’m the one the family was mad at. I’m the one who’s supervisor they wanted to call. And the weird part is, the parents in this family both have jobs where they know how CPS works on an internal level so they knew why I had to do the things I had to do and ask the questions I had to ask... yet, instead of letting me go in, do my job quickly and efficiently, and then get out of their lives... they decided to stop cooperating. Nothing makes any investigator, CPS or otherwise, more suspicious than when the person being investigating says “I’m not cooperating with you anymore”.

I don’t get why people get mad at others just for trying to do their job correctly. If I do my job correctly, it means that everything is above board and no one questions that incident as anything but an accident in the future or that the family gets help, support, and resources if they need them. I think of all those poor retail and supermarket workers who are out there right now, putting their health at risk so that the rest of us can get groceries and go shopping, yet they get screamed at, spit at, and even attacked or shot just for following their employer’s policy to instruct people not wearing a mask to put on a mask... it’s a fucking piece of cloth... wearing it will not kill you but it could cause you to kill someone else... put it the fuck on!

How can people be so self-centered to not empathize with the person who is just trying to get through the day, follow the rules of their work, and make the money they need to survive? How can people think that they, as an individual, are so important someone would want to make their life difficult just to be screamed at and abused for it? 

My job is to protect children and help families... you would think people would be on board with that, you’d think they’d want to help prove they didn’t abuse their kids or get help and support if they did abuse their kids. It’s not even my decision to make... I have to talk over every decision with my supervisor... I can’t just walk into a home and go “nope, your kids unsafe here, I’m taking them away now, have a good day!”. No, those decisions have to be made by me, my supervisor, an assistant attorney general, a bunch of tools to help measure risk and safety, and the laws of the state in which I operate. And it requires paperwork... and going to court... and testifying... it’s not a one and done thing.

Look, we don’t have to like the rules that dictate how people behave in their jobs but we do have to respect that people are just trying to earn a living and not get fired for disobeying their employer’s policies and procedures. I don’t think it’s asking too much to try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and be a little more courteous and understanding before we blow up at someone just for trying to do their job.

To those of you who work in retail, supermarkets, social service, and telemarketing... thank you so much for all you do and for putting up with the rest of the human race... we’re assholes but we desperately need you and we appreciate you not beating the shit out of us when we give you a hard time unnecessarily. Thank you all!

[justanotherhumanmess]

Greetings and Salutations

Dear Strangers,

I started this blog after spending the day with my best friend. She doesn’t think like most people and it’s one of the many things I love about her. Unfortunately, it makes it hard for her to feel comfortable talking to people (well, that and her anxiety disorder). She and I got to talking about how hard it is to talk to other people about certain topics without knowing whether it will make other people uncomfortable or send the wrong message to them or just mess things up in general. She’s right, of course, there are a lot of things in the world that people just don’t talk to one another about because they’re afraid to be judged or criticized, to be stared at or thought of as weird or perverted. So, I’ve decided that this will be my love letter to the other messed up, imperfect, misunderstood human beings that I share the world with. I doubt anyone but me will ever read it but, I’ve always loved writing so at worst, this will be my little venting area in the vastness of the internet and, at best, it might help someone else not feel so alone.

Some things you should probably know about me:

1) I’m 33 years old

2) I identify as female

3) I identify as pansexual

4) I live in the northeastern United States

5) I have an unbelievable love of books and the fictional characters that reside therein and you will see just about every book I read from here on out posted here.

6) I don’t understand people and so a lot of my posts will probably be me trying to puzzle out why I don’t seem to understand things that are blatantly obvious to others around me... sorry about that... but if someone out there can ever translate humanity for me... I’d greatly appreciate it if you’d invent a Rosetta Stone for human interaction and hook me up. Thanks!

7) I will always happily talk to anyone who wants to talk to me so feel free to message me any time about anything... I may not have all the answers (in fact, I’m not likely to have any answers) but I know its sometimes easier to be honest with a stranger in cyberspace than those we’re closest to in the real world so, if you need someone, I’m here... always.

I think that’s enough for my first post... ideally I’ll try to post something every day (provided my life doesn’t devolve into chaos). Some posts might be silly and pointless and others (I hope) will be deep and introspective. I look forward to sharing my random thoughts with all of you.

Sincerely,

Just Another Human Mess