justalittlebitofpositivity

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

I had a good day today. I usually don’t like my birthday, but I turned seventeen and it was lovelier than I ever remembered them being. My mother and father had a cake bought and sent out to me in a restaurant; I didn’t get embarrassed, I found it sweet. I’ve never been so mellow about something so brashly public. It was nice.

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

I still can’t believe I’m loved 🥹 my throat feels all funny, you know when you might cry but you’re trying not too.

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

Does anyone else look at their family, like really look at them, and notice that they’ve grown even more? Sometimes I look at my mum and I notice a few extra lines marking her face where age has began to creep up on her, and she’s beautiful (so much so that I spent years wishing I looked just like her) but then I come to the realisation that it means death lingers that much closer to her. It’s fingers feel like like they’re only a brush away from snatching her from me and I cry even now thinking about it.

My mum wasn’t perfect as I grew, because no person is ever, but if there’s one thing in every life I would never change it’s her. As much as she has watched me grow older and begin to become my own person, I have watched her do that too. We talk now, about all the things that bother us and worry us, and I don’t think we ever stop being a child at heart because all those worries from when you were a child are still there just buried deep under the pressures of life. She had a rough childhood and did everything in her power to make sure we didn’t and that’s the kind of love that I’m sure makes the stars burn. That’s the kind of love I have grown to carry myself. And that’s the kind of love I have for her and all the rest of my family.

My little sister, she’s almost eight but I swear just yesterday she was born. And time really did fly because one second I could cradle her, the next I could walk alongside her and now she runs on ahead. She becoming fluent in boy talk, ‘this boy is cute and this boy held my hand and today this one kissed my cheek’ and she plays with toys instead of breaking them. She’s considered ‘bossy’ and ‘rude’ but I’m so proud of her because I know that means she’ll grow up to know what she wants and speak up when she feels like it. She’s kind too, always sharing her sweets and giving any money she can to the homeless, god forbid she sees me on a bad day because that’s not acceptable unless she can give me a hug so long I begin to squirm.

My little brother, he’s just began his teen years but the memories I swear are the freshest are when my barbies fostered his soldiers. He used to make me sing the most annoying song to him at night, he wouldn’t sleep otherwise (and for the record I can’t sing for the life of me). Now, he’s more interested in his friends and video games and I’ll listen to him rant about what this boy did to that boy on this game if it means new memories. He’s tough, or at least always acts like it, but I know he’s soft-hearted and kind too because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen the way he angers if someone picks on the baby of the family and I’ve seen the way he glares at men on the street when walking with our mum and I’ve seen the way he patches up a scraped knee when the younger ones fall (even if it is with a laugh underlying his tone).

I used to have to fight fights for him, when he’d run his mouth a little too much, he’s big enough to do that for himself now (for himself and our little sister) but I hope he knows I would fight to the ends of time if it meant he’d be alright.

I have older sisters too, two of them. They’ve moved out now and every couple months, when they come to visit, something has always changed. Their hair, their style, their friends or their attitude. I won’t lie and say I remember much of them (they were always closer to each other then they were to me) and they’ve always been too busy caught up in life and now what is your early twenties to really think too much about what the rest of us are doing but what really matters is that they’re safe. I know they are, and I’ve long grown to be content with not knowing more as long as that’s the case.

They’re all ever changing and it’s scary, like all things time consumes we’re all beginning to wash away, let my love for them not be one of them.

However long you think you have with them, halve it and then halve it again.

No time is ever going to be long enough. Not truly.

Maybe you don’t realise it because you see them so often but age *is* creeping up and if something else doesn’t take them age *will*. It isn’t fair but it is life. Spend more time with them, notice them, listen to them. That’s something worth much more than a bit of money left behind.

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

Does anyone else ever just come to a sudden realisation like people care about me! ME! Like people actually look at me and see all my flaws and all the mistakes I make all the time and still they’re like ‘yeah, I care, I care about you and all the silly little things you do! I love you! I love you and I listen to you and I HEAR you!’ And feel like oh, *that’s* why I should keep going!

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

(x)

[justalittlebitofpositivity]

Why are all marauders fans so beautiful? I swear I see y’all’s faces an I’m just like, damn, I should be reading 500,000 thousand gay words of me and you babes 🫠🤓