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im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

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so basically men aren't allowed to have problems and men's problems can't be talked about because women exist. got it.

TRRUE!

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I think I'm going to remember this phrase every time I cook for the next five years

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(Crawling across desert) i need... (sucking parched lips, bleeding from cuts on my hands and chest and belly) please, I need... (scorched by the sun, with a tummy ache) monuments... to my ego ... (passes away)

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wags my tail and wiggles at you

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otzi the iceman is evidence to us that even the most handsome charming caveman can get turned into a horror skeleton

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You know what's best? It's having a Good Morning!!!

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if i was santa i would sue that kid for defamation,

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Wrapped the twink chained to my radiator in fairy lights to give the room some Christmas cheer

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Why is it Christmas tomorrow

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