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Today, I fucked up

...by saying a keysmash out loud. i literally said "shlajalsksk" i have reached a new low point

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my mom: go outside and do something

me: but it‘s not golden hour yet

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Teller: To open an account I’ll need a first name. 

Me: Robin 

BT: and last? 

Me: Dabanc 

BT: So ur Robin Dabanc? 

Me:

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How do people wake up. At 5 am. And decide they want to drag their bodies out in the bitter cold and transport themselves with their limbs and cry out of their skin just for the sake of “health”

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Changing my name on hogwarts mystery to "biatch" was the best decision I've ever made

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OKAY

How do you feel about John Green?

He’s okay I guess.

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CHONI

that is all

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The big network executives tell me I gotta be more appealing to younger audiences, so what do you kids wanna see

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how tf do i only have 2 (two) followers with this qulity content smh

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American national anthem code

So I was wondering if the players at the superowl today were going to go down on one knee during the national anthem so out of curiosity I googled the code for it, here's what I found:

"(a)Designation.— The composition consisting of the words and music known as the Star-Spangled Banner is the national anthem. (b)Conduct During Playing.—During a rendition of the national anthem— (1) when the flag is displayed— (A) individuals in uniform should give the military salute at the first note of the anthem and maintain that position until the last note; (B) members of the Armed Forces and veterans who are present but not in uniform may render the military salute in the manner provided for individuals in uniform; and (C) all other persons present should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hand over the heart, and men not in uniform, if applicable, should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart; and (2) when the flag is not displayed, all present should face toward the music and act in the same manner they would if the flag were displayed."

As you can see, it doesn't say anywhere that you have to be standing up, so trump can calm his saggy orange tits.

Also, the flag code is being violated at tons of these sporting events, but not a word from anyone:

(b) The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such as the ground, the floor, water, or merchandise. (c) The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free. (d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free. Bunting of blue, white, and red, always arranged with the blue above, the white in the middle, and the red below, should be used for covering a speaker’s desk, draping the front of the platform, and for decoration in general.

I left a lot out because it was too much, but this is just stupid. I really dont care about flag or anthem code vialations, but everyone is demonizing the one where we stand up for innocent black people getting murdered by cops and black people in general. that's wrong.

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YAAASSS

H O L Y THROWBACK

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441. Some of the most successful slytherins were actually never members of the slug club. They were so determined to prove slughorn wrong that they ended up more successful than many of his favourites

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I just got!! a pair!! with actual!! pockets!! my hopes!! and dreams!!

My self esteem is like pockets in women jeans

Either too small or utterly nonexistent. 

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“Great book ideas but absolutely no motivation nor skills to put them in words”

-A novel by me (unfinished) 

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Going on Instagram like

*picture of a meme about werewolves stolen from Tumblr*

Caption: I have a massive headache and I’m craving for bananas -Leah

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what she says: I'm fine

What she means: Mike called Eleven for 353 days. every night. not knowing if she was alive, or if she was ok. didnt know if she had been listening. Eleven was dying because she couldnt answer him, she couldnt tell him that she was safe. was never sure if he would talk to her the next day or ever see him again. They didnt know but they still talked, listened every day. for 353 days.