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I wish i could get off my meds.

My mind beats to the same rhythm as my heart. It says: do-it, do-it, do-it. For a glimpse of a moment i saw what it feels like to become one with my art.

I'm not really good at it, but still, at some point, me and the canvas became two halves of a single being, and i knew i could be really good at it. It was incredible. I experienced it with writing many times before, but not with anything else.

I desire to create paintings that don't make any sense. I wish i could dedicate my life to it, to get better at it, i want to give myself away in colours and words because this way, i can become infinite.

I want that kind of orgasmic creativity that will make me lose control.

Now when I know what it's like to be out there, what i could achieve, i don't want to get back to my restrains. I didn't even stop using meds, and i can just imagine what it would look like if i did. What kind of art i would be able to make.

My doctor calls it destabilized, i call it awake.

It kinda makes me wonder what my creativity is made of, if it can be completely killed with some additional anipsychotics. Just a symptom? Maybe.

This is the only life i will get. Am i wasting my true potential by ignoring my call? By choosing the stable life? I have no idea, but getting off my meds is just a wishful thinking. Maybe in another world, i will decide to do it. But for the sake of me and everyone around me, it won't be this one.

I'm just not sure which one is worse. The madness? Or its loss?

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You become mature once you start choosing what you know is right for your future, instead of what you feel like you want at the moment.

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Les Inrockuptibles Magazine - Le Integrales Rock #01 Placebo 2006

Photos by Corinne Day

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Rock Sound Magazine (France) / Issue 47

Placebo photos by Richard Bellia

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dennis reynolds + Drama™ 

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love you to the moon and to saturn 🪐

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✫ CATS IN FILM ✫ Gabriel in THE CROW (1994)

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сэш

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me being men not losing feelings until they explicitly say i dont want you to be alive anymore

Men can't take a hint that you aren't interested you literally have to be like "I don't want you to be alive anymore"

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Outsider musician and psychobilly pioneer Norman Odam (1947-), better known as the Legendary Stardust Cowboy, photographed in the mid-1960′s.

From Lubbock, Texas, he explained at least one of the reasons he went into music: “Well, there was nothing else to do there!”

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Not to self diagnose but something is wrong