juliastory - Tumblr blog

[juliastory]

*Credit to my boyfriend who picked flowers for me*

Most selfish way

In the most selfish way possible, I want to be the only one who has your heart. I want to be the one who understands it completely, the one who holds it close.

I don't want anyone else to feel your touch or the warmth of you just being close. I don't want anyone else to kiss your lips, to taste the sweetness that I love.

I want to be the one who kisses you good night and wakes up to you each morning. I want to be the reason you smile, to catch the light in your eyes from the smallest things that make you happy. I want to be the one who brings you happiness, who makes you laugh until you cry. I want us to be in the same book and to end in the same chapter.

I want to be your last everything.

In the most selfish way possible

I want all of you forever

[juliastory]

Maybe I'm not the person everyone think I am ..

Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. Maybe I'm more fragile than they realize, more uncertain, and more directionless.

Sometimes I wonder if the version of myself that everyone sees is the real me. From the outside, it may look like I have it all - a confident smile, achievements to be proud of, and an admirable social circle. But deep down, there's a part of me that feels unseen, misunderstood, and so sometimes even lost.

Growing up, I was always the responsible child. The child who never got into trouble and who excelled in school. My Mama praised my achievements, my teachers looked up to me, and my friends looked to me for help. I embrace this role, believing that it was who I was supposed be - reliable, resilient, and always in control.

But as I got older, I started to question whether this personality really reflected who I was on the inside. Was I really as trusted as I looked? Do I really enjoy being the person that everyone depends on? Or was I just fulfilling the expectations placed on me, afraid of dissapointing those around me?

In my pursuit of perfection, I buried the parts of myself that weren't where they were supposed to be, I ignored moments of hesitation, brushed aside the feelings of discomfort, and pushed forward even when I felt overwhelming. It became easier for me to wear a mask than to face the complexity of my emotions. After all, admitting vulnerability felt like admitting a failure.

Relationship set me apart where I struggled to put on a straight face with personal doubt, friends count on me for unwavering support, assuming I have all the answers. But who do I turn to when I need some guidance? Who could I trust when the weight expectation became too much to carry alone? It't not that I don't appreciate the trust and admiration of those around me. I appreciate the friendship, opportunities, and sense of purpose that come with being relied upon. But there are times when I want to reveal the part of me that's hidden behind the responsibilities and expectations.

There are days when I wonder if I'm living the way want to or if I'm just performing the role that's created by other people's expectations. And in that moment, I realized the truth about myself, I am not immune to fear, I'm not impenetrable to criticism and of course, I am not perfect. And yet, admitting this vulberability felt like betrayal of the perspective I had worked to build. Maybe the person everyone sees is only one side. But I am more than my achievements, more than expectations placed to me. I am a person in process, on a journey, between who I am and who I am striving to be.

Maybe I am not the person everyone thinks I am, and maybe that's okay. Accepting my true self would mean embracing the uncertainties and flaws that exist. Maybe that true strength lies in honesty - with yourself and with others. Maybe I am not the person everyone thinks I am, and maybe, that's the most freeing realization of all.

[juliastory]

What if tomorrow God called my number, wait at the counter for my time to go, and in the morning if I don't wake up I'm gonna miss you the most of all.

I love you my 7 minutes

[juliastory]

"Why are you crying?"

Sometimes I wonder how life would've been if I had the chance to really live instead of healing, from so many things that weren't my fault.

[juliastory]

Love is someone seeing the absolute worst side of you and still loving you the same. It's someone making thingshappen for you when you can't. Someone holding you and calming you down while you pouring your eyes out. It's someone voicing all the good things about you when all you see is the bad. It's someone making sure you're okay. Someone praying for you every day and night. It's someone who makes you laugh and smile when you feel down.

Marry someone who lets you have a bite of their food, even when you said you weren't hungry. Marry someone who laughts at the same things you do. Kisses your nose on a cold day and love to watch cartoon with you. Marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn $5 or $5,000 a week. Marry someone who isn't afraid or embrassed to hold your hand in public. Marry someone who puts three sugars in your tea, despite telling them just two. Marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes. Someone who accepts you all day, everyday, even when you don't look or feel your best.

Marry someone who you love,

your soulmate,

your love,

your bestfriend

[juliastory]

"Are you scared to lose her?"

Yes

"Why?"

Because when we're together it's no longer gravity holding me to earth.. it's her. Its because when she looks at me, she makes me feel like the most important person in the world. She brings out my inner child, she makes me hopeful, and she makes me feel so understood. And inside and out she's the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

And without her?

Life loses all its color

[juliastory]

Cancer is the sign of The Mother Archetype.

Ruled by the Moon, planet of the Night, of dreams & nightmares, this sign is secretive, intuitive, deeply connected to its emotions and roots.

Cancerians are the natural caregivers of the zodiac and, once they have accepted you in their « nest », that which could take time because Cancers are extremely self-protective, they’re all about nurturing, protecting, providing emotional comfort and depth of intimacy...in one word, they’re mothering.

As a Cardinal sign, Cancer is action oriented, self-motivated, creative, innovative and a bit domineering...but since it’s a Water sign, Cancer is the most subtle of the Cardinal signs in doing so.

So, here is a caveat : Cancerians risk blurring the line between attentive nurturing and controlling behaviour, and they might end up not treating the people around them like human adults, but as vulnerable childs under their sinister Mother-Crab claws...

[juliastory]

You can't and wont find me twice

[juliastory]

Having sex isn't everything, Have y'all tried just laying down, playing with someone's hands while they talk about life.Those are the moments to live for. Deep talk and understanding someone's background, Opening up to someone and actually falling for them more and more

[juliastory]

I love how calm my relationship with my boyfriend. My inner child feels so safe. Valid, and well taken care of. My adult life is lighter than it was before. I have good night, good morning and everything good in between. No, it's not perfect, but it is exactly what I need. So this is love, it's not draining, it doesn't send me sleep crying, it doesn't stir my peace, it's not selfish, it's not direspecting, it doesn't make me look like a fool.

I feel love and secured..

[juliastory]

Wise man say: "no matter how busy you are, if you really care, you will always find the time for someone. The biggest pill to swallow is that no one is too busy. It is just about priorities, if they are not choosing you, you are not their priority, so stop making them yours"

[juliastory]

Sometimes I get scared of myself when it comes to love, because I know when I love, I love hard. I make sure it's genuine, real and true. No matter how scared I was in the past from the people that took advantage of the relationships and friendships offered, those experiences didn't change me. I want to be remembered as someone that offered genuineness in the world of people showing fake love.

[juliastory]

I never realized how much my trauma affected me until I got into a healthy relationship and struggling not overthink and scared she's going to leave just like everyone else in my life has

[juliastory]

Adulthood often feels like a solitary daily quest, navigating a unique, custom-made journey. As I sit in the taxi, on my way home, I feel a wave of melancholy. Part of me wishes for something to freeze time or at least this feeling, especially on a night that seems like a placeholder for a bigger tomorrow. How minuscule everything must seem in the vast universe, yet the intensity of my emotions throbs through my veins. I know there will never be another night like this, just as a river is never the same with each dip. Although there have been larger events in our lives that moved or changed us, and while I won’t remember every detail of this night, moments like these are the building blocks of adulthood, whether we like it or not.

Right now, I am questioning myself: Is this dejection, or is it the heart deepening its core? Do the free-flowing feelings rushing through my veins stem from a perpetual effort to deny inevitable changes, only to wash over me now in the stillness of the night? We are constantly told that we live in distractions; everything and everyone demands our attention, a limited resource often undermined. I do not want to be distracted. I want to hold still, for I know that I have all the people I love, and all the good, bad, and beautiful within my reach.

I thought constantly being on the move would eventually catch up with me — the dauntless Julia, who would cannonball her life into the unknown. It’s a signature move I make because I believe in the inherent goodness of life. What’s the point of not believing in goodness? Even if I were the last to believe, what is unveiled behind the curtains of uncertainty is nothing but goodness for those who believe in it. I do it anyway, even while being scared. Never dauntless, ever scared, yet persistent. For that is all I know.

Moreover, I hold no grudge or resentment for how things have turned out or for the fact that my old dream is no longer mine. Over time, I have come to understand myself differently. I am grateful for experiencing a life that was so gentle, allowing my fantasies to roam free. I’ve learned that even when we take a completely different path from what we initially envisioned, we can still find joy in the journey.

I know I am closer to who I ought to become. She is extremely familiar yet strange because I have never been there before. But if we think about it, that uncanniness, the unknown, is never fully foreign, is it? Neither for you nor me, this is not the first time.

[juliastory]

Maybe it's true that people get bored of you when you show them too much love

[juliastory]

if you ain't all mine, i don't want you at all.

[juliastory]

My trauma did not make me stronger, it made me fragile, sensitive, dysfunctional. I struggle to trust good people, I feel exhausted doing basic tasks, I always feel behind, running on empty. I became explosive, emotional, envious.. Trauma does not strengthen people, it shatters them completely.