julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

“It is a fair trade, I’d say. If anyone I’d rather go through the emotions with you. All of them.” He told her, not just wanting to share the good times, which went without saying. Feeling her warmth in their embrace, watching the rushing on the ocean and the stars lit above them, he felt peace, even if there was still the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He found himself smiling at her words, humming and nodding along in agreement. “I’ll call you wifey all day long if you’d let me. But I wouldn’t want to spoil the feeling for when we are married. So I’ll be good.” He told her, kissing her on the cheek. “We can start tomorrow. Look online for ideas, make an inspiration book or something. You’re crafty.” If anything, if this test proved what they already knew, it would be a distraction into doing something fun. “Come on. I think those tests are done.” Julian spoke, kissing her on the shoulder before he stepped back, letting his hand slide down her arm until he took her by the hand and guiding her back. “Deep breaths.” @havenbsinclair

[julianxhawthorne]

“It is a fair trade, I’d say. If anyone I’d rather go through the emotions with you. All of them.” He told her, not just wanting to share the good times, which went without saying. Feeling her warmth in their embrace, watching the rushing on the ocean and the stars lit above them, he felt peace, even if there was still the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He found himself smiling at her words, humming and nodding along in agreement. “I’ll call you wifey all day long if you’d let me. But I wouldn’t want to spoil the feeling for when we are married. So I’ll be good.” He told her, kissing her on the cheek. “We can start tomorrow. Look online for ideas, make an inspiration book or something. You’re crafty.” If anything, if this test proved what they already knew, it would be a distraction into doing something fun. “Come on. I think those tests are done.” Julian spoke, kissing her on the shoulder before he stepped back, letting his hand slide down her arm until he took her by the hand and guiding her back. “Deep breaths.” @havenbsinclair

Julian let her take the lead, following her to wherever she felt like being. So once they stopped in front of the glass wall, showing the entire coast line for as far as their sight could reach. His arms slid around her, capturing her hands in his and folding her arms in front of her chest in an embrace, standing with his chest against her back. "It's only right for you to scare me when you are." He told her, hoping that her emotions had somewhat settled, which was highly unlikely as his head was still spinning. "I love you." Julian whispered back, leaning his head against hers, slightly swaying her left to right in very small movements. "I like to remind myself you get to be my wife from time to time." He cheekily confessed, hoping to get her mind to other things. @havenbsinclair

[julianxhawthorne]

Julian let her take the lead, following her to wherever she felt like being. So once they stopped in front of the glass wall, showing the entire coast line for as far as their sight could reach. His arms slid around her, capturing her hands in his and folding her arms in front of her chest in an embrace, standing with his chest against her back. "It's only right for you to scare me when you are." He told her, hoping that her emotions had somewhat settled, which was highly unlikely as his head was still spinning. "I love you." Julian whispered back, leaning his head against hers, slightly swaying her left to right in very small movements. "I like to remind myself you get to be my wife from time to time." He cheekily confessed, hoping to get her mind to other things. @havenbsinclair

Julian's actions seemed to move quicker than Haven's mind could keep up, and before she knew it he'd placed the ones in his hand in the sample, recapped them and had taken her hand once his hands were empty again. Her mind was racing, and despite the fact she couldn't focus on anything else she was thankful to have Julian by her side guiding her out of the bathroom. He knew her well; and she'd have stood there staring for hours without him. "There's not." she shook her head, following his lead, only stopping once they were standing at the window. She turned, her back to him as she leaned into him, exhaling a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "I didn't mean to scare you." she apologized, though her voice was barely audible at this point. She didn't know what else to say, somehow her mind was racing more now and she just sighed, leaning into him for a moment. "I love you." she whispered. @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

"Really, Ray. You saved my hide." He told him, slightly tilting his head and giving Ray a disapproving look when he declined his offer, only for a laugh to escape his lips when the other man seemed to change his mind as soon as he had spoken his last words. "Open faced turkey sandwiches, huh." Not something Julian was acquainted with, but he was about to be. "Lets go then. Now you got my stomach rumbling." @rayxclairmont

END.

He was happy to give the other man some relief. He couldn't imagine going through anything like that with something he valued. "Don't mention it. I'm glad it was yours. I would've eventually asked you or your brother, but glad we got this done." He smiled at Julian. "You don't have to do that. I'm happy to help." Ray paused for a moment. "You know, they are surviving open faced turkey sandwiches today. Maybe I will take you up on it." He chuckled. @lennyxclairmont

[julianxhawthorne]

@havenbsinclair

Me: I watched A Perfect Pairing for the plot. 

The Plot:

[julianxhawthorne]

ADAM DEMOS Sex/Life 1.03 "Empire State of Mind"

[julianxhawthorne]

@havenbsinclair

[julianxhawthorne]

Adam Demos in Unreal 4x05 “No Limit“

[julianxhawthorne]

The way Haven had been in the same exact stance as when he left confirmed to him that she was in her head about all of this. So was he, which was easily indicated by how he was straight to the point, giving her the tests while unwrapping the ones he still held in his hand. They had to wait afterwards anyway, so they had time to catch their breath, focus on mentally preparing themselves for what was going to happen now. At her question, he let out a teasing 'pffft' as an answer, uncapping the tests and putting them in the sample cup where he let them sit for a while before starting to take them out individually and capping them again. "And now we wait." Again, but he decided to leave that out. "Come on. No point staring at it." He told her, reaching out towards her hand so he could walk her out of the bathroom. Either to sit on the bed, stand by the window to look outside, hoping he sea would calm them. Anything but stay there and stare at it. @havenbsinclair

Haven had been staring at the test since she'd seen the results. The tears had stopped - maybe only for a moment who really knew - but she only broke focus once Julian's lips were pressed against hers. It was something she hadn't even realized until he left the room, her hands still shaking as she looked at the test, fully trying to process what was on it. She looked up as Julian re-entered the bathroom, a handful of tests in his hand. She offered him a smile, placing the one in her hand on the counter top and taking the caps off the new ones, doing as they'd done just earlier and placing them into the fresh sample. The likely hood of a valid test would come this time, she'd say. "Definitely better safe than sorry." she spoke. "These two are good. You wanna do your two now or wait on these?" @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

The moment Julian's eyes fell on the ring, his entire body reacted in a wave of relief. He'd dreaded having to come clean about his ring and needing to get another, a family piece he most valued. "You didn't." He uttered, taking the ring from the other and sliding it around his little finger. A perfect fit. "I-- Thank you. You've no idea how important this is." Julian told the other, flexing his hand and then lifting his eyes from the ring to Ray. "Let me buy you lunch, or something. Anything to thank you." who was he kidding. He would buy the guy a Ferrari for this. @rayxclairmont

Still in his going through his locker, he finally found what he was looking for under shirt and he pulled it out to look at the ring in question. It was the exact ring Julian had described and he turned to hand the ring back to the man. "Yeah. This it?" He asked him and stood back after the other took it. "I put it in my locker for safe keeping until I saw one you here." @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

Julian's eyes narrowed for a split second at the mention that it was about him and Haven. Yet the older of the two brothers sat completely still, silently waiting for Simon to say whatever it was he had on his chest. The way he started already told him he wasn't going to like it, and when he had finally said it, Julian found himself clenching his jaws on one another. "I see." He uttered, casting his gaze on the table between them, scanning the surface as if to check if there was something on it that was of importance to him. "And are you some people?" He asked, dying to know if his brother shared the same sentiment. He wasn't going to bring up the fact the car's upgrades didn't work this year, whereas those of rivaling teams clearly did. Wasn't going to bring up the fact that he was, after all, still number one in the championship. "So what exactly is the goal of telling me? Chose one or the other?" @thesimonhawthorne

"Yeah, I'm alright," he replied with a laugh. Simon never had to stick to any specific diet, he was careful and went to the gym on a regular basis but just the idea of having to stick to specific foods and all bored him, so he couldn't imagine having to follow a diet for so long. And while as his manager, he did need to remind Julian to be careful, he was going to be enough of an asshole right after this that he didn't feel like it was necessary. He sighed heavily, trying to find the best way to breach the subject. "It's about you and Haven," he started, knowing this would be the touchy part. "Hm, some people," and that he obviously didn't mean dubious fan theories, "are saying you're too invested in that and not enough in your career and it's the reason your results are where they're at." @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

When Haven mentioned for them to perhaps take another test, just to be sure -- two out of three this -- He slowly put her down again, keeping himself from getting too excited. For all they knew, the first one was the right one. "I--uh-- Yeah. Yeah. Wait." Julian stepped aside, about to leave the bathroom when he changed his mind, moving back again to press a quick kiss on her lips and then made his way to the cupboard in the hallway, where he clearly remembered having put the tests in order to make more space in the bathroom cabinets. He was back within a flash, coming back with a handful of them -- four to be precise, handing her two while he started unwrapping the two he still had. "Better safe than sorry, right?" @havenbsinclair

Pregnant. The word felt foreign to her ears and Haven blinked, holding her breath unknowingly to herself. She looked up at Julian, opening her mouth to speak but instead she let out a giggle, her arms wrapping around him as he lifted her into a feet-lifting hug. She didn't know what to say, how to feel. She felt completely intoxicated, speechless, overwhelmed and shocked all at once. This was the moment they'd been waiting for. "Pregnant." she repeated, turning her head to look at the test, pausing as she took a breath, feeling the tears form in her eyes again when she saw the word again for herself. Yet she couldn't help but wonder the same. Why had it been negative before? "Should we test again?" she questioned, not wanting to ruin the moment but wanting to be sure. "Do you still have those other tests that you used to have here? Should we just go with it?" she felt uncertain but suddenly optimistic. @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

He hadn't realised that the moment he had been staring, his expression voice, lips lightly pressed together. Not slimming down or curling up to indicate anything other than what the results were telling him as he stood close, his hand taking the test from her. He seemed to snap from his inner turmoil when he noticed her shift in front of him, blinking and redirecting his eyes to her. "Pregnant." He let out in a breath, clutching the test into his hand as he moved his arms around her into a feet-lifting hug. It felt like they had been trying for so long that it was still so surreal now that it was finally there. He was still so confused, why had it been negative before and positive now? Was he allowed to get happy? @havenbsinclair

Her eyes hadn't left the test in her hand, yet now with shaking hands her hand grasped her mouth as she was fighting back tears. Might as well let it all out. The tears that rolled down her cheeks didn't stop when Julian's voice sounded in her ears - though it was barely audible over the sound of her own heartbeat - and in the moment she was thankful to have the counter that she could lean on as she was certain it was the only thing holding her up at this point. She was focused, yet when Julian opened the bathroom door, her eyes looked up as a shaky hand extended, the test in it now facing Julian. No words escaped her lips, just a simple glance between him and the test in her shaky hand; she didn't even bother to answer his question. He'd get that answer soon enough. "We left a test on the counter.." she muttered, looking back at him. "I-" she paused, removing the hand from her mouth and placing it on the counter. "Does that say what I think it says?" @julianxhawthorne

[julianxhawthorne]

I love you. Three words he instinctively uttered back to you, as if it was always right there, hiding in a breath. As always, when they came from her, they filled his chest with a warm embrace, making it easy for him to believe when they were being said, but now it wasn’t enough to sway him from the worry and nerves that were keeping his mind in sharp, his body on full alert. Not even the reflection from the moon was able to soothe his nerves. He was about to reach out to his phone when he heard her call out, the tone of which one he hadn’t heard as of yet and got him to throw the sheets off instantly. “What’s wrong?” He called out, yet in a manner it wouldn’t wake Lake on the other side of the floor. Bare feet touched the ground, carrying him to the bathroom within a few steps where he opened the door further, eyes glued to her face. “You okay?” @havenbsinclair

"Still, you might even get a laugh out of it." He mused, daring to let a little smile show in the hopes it'd cheer her up even for just the slightest. Yet he had to make it worse by jumping to conclusions, bringing up the possibility that all of her symptoms might explain an illness instead. The moment he realised, and she then told him she had just wanted to suggest taking another test. He reached out towards her face when she stood up at that very same moment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He began to talk, moving up as if he was about to grab her to come back, but instead watched her as she made her way towards the bathroom. In total defeat, Julian closed his eyes, dropping his head on the pillow as he let out a deep breath. In a matter of twenty-four hours, he felt like he had made things worse. Terrible even. He couldn't help but think that perhaps Simon was right, and not just on that front. Lifting his eyelids, he found himself staring at the ceiling, watching the faint reflection from the moon, and the ripples of the sea it was bouncing off of. @havenbsinclair

[julianxhawthorne]

"Still, you might even get a laugh out of it." He mused, daring to let a little smile show in the hopes it'd cheer her up even for just the slightest. Yet he had to make it worse by jumping to conclusions, bringing up the possibility that all of her symptoms might explain an illness instead. The moment he realised, and she then told him she had just wanted to suggest taking another test. He reached out towards her face when she stood up at that very same moment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He began to talk, moving up as if he was about to grab her to come back, but instead watched her as she made her way towards the bathroom. In total defeat, Julian closed his eyes, dropping his head on the pillow as he let out a deep breath. In a matter of twenty-four hours, he felt like he had made things worse. Terrible even. He couldn't help but think that perhaps Simon was right, and not just on that front. Lifting his eyelids, he found himself staring at the ceiling, watching the faint reflection from the moon, and the ripples of the sea it was bouncing off of. @havenbsinclair

Haven hadn't stopped thinking about the tests they'd taken since they'd gotten the result, and while that should've been enough for her to move on, try again like they'd done so many times now she'd been unable to shake any sort of feeling of satisfaction since. There was an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach and it had been undoubtedly what had woken her from her sleep; she just wasn't sure how to explain it. Her mind was still too exhausted to form words. She listened as Julian spoke, letting him explain that he'd been so certain and she nodded, knowing that him agreeing to let her read his journals was something serious; not that they had anything to hide from each other, but, that was private after all. "I don't need to read them, honey, I know you didn't do it to be hurtful. You had a hunch and I'd much rather you tell me that than to sit on it. Even if it did make me sad that it wasn't right." she shrugged, letting herself look at him, feeling the way his fingers rested against her side and she exhaled. She was about to explain that she wanted to take another test, she wanted to be sure because something in her gut felt like he'd been right, yet when he mentioned it being something else she looked at him, shaking her head as her eyes widened. "I mean, no, I hadn't thought about that but it could be.." she shrugged, feeling as if the walls were closing in on her as he spoke, and when he suggested getting a sample and seeing a doctor tomorrow, she nodded. "I - okay." she paused. "I was just going to suggest taking another test this morning, really prove if that hunch had been right but now you've got me worried.." she paused, looking at him as she stood, feeling her legs shake as she tried to make her way towards the bathroom. "I'll collect a sample, save it and we'll call the doctor first thing." she added, trying not to let the panicked feeling she was feeling overcome her.

[julianxhawthorne]

Julian nodded when she said she was fine, allowing himself to calm down, his muscles relaxing. It was still obvious that she was mulling over something, just from the way her eyes had a certain gleam in them he knew had nothing to do with her being tired. He knew that look, it wasn’t this. So he stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. His fingers brushing up and down her side, yet keeping his hand in place. Her words rang clear, having shared the same just earlier that evening. “I know. I was so sure, I even read back in my journal to see if it made sense what I wrote then.” He sighed, a clenching hold in his chest returning at the realisation he put her through this again. “You can read it, you’ll see why.” It wasn’t like his journal held secrets for her. She already knew his thoughts anyway, it was why his journals were easily accessible. “You think it’s something else?” He hadn’t even considered that. She couldn’t be sick, could she? Had he, in their attempt to grow their family, overlooked something that crucial because he wanted this so badly? “Okay, maybe get a container, collect a sample and we’ll see a doctor tomorrow. Just in case. I’d rather be safe than sorry it’s not.. you know.” Something bad. @havenbsinclair

By now Julian knew that when Haven was asleep, she would usually stay that way until morning. So when she asked him if he was okay, he knew that when he said 'I am now', she would most likely not even hear it. So when there was no answer, he smiled to himself and crawled up against her, as he always did as part of his bedtime routine. That night though, he was restless. Plagued by the same thoughts he'd hoped to have processed by putting them down on paper. A physical place to be rather than swarming in his head. It felt like an eternity before he finally succumbed to his sleep.

He hadn't even been asleep for more than an hour when Haven had woken up. As always, he was still facing her direction, not one to move in bed much. There was a light snore vibrating in his throat, one that was interrupted by the velvety touches on his arm and then his cheek. The muscles in his face clenched slightly, stirring until his eyes opened, founding his fiancee to be looking right at him. It caused him to blink once, then move his head up, hand reaching to place on her side. "You okay?" @havenbsinclair

[julianxhawthorne]

“You try sticking to a food regime for that long, see how fast you cave.” Julian replied, having decided a few years ago that sometimes he was allowed to ignore his limitations from his diet and go all out. He knew how to get back in shape with the remainder of that week. It usually worked out for him. When Simon began about having to tell him something, he looked at him again. His brows furrowed at the mention he wouldn’t like it, already giving Julian scenarios in his head of what it could be. Did he slip to his parents that he got engaged? Did he lose an important sponsor? Did something happen with their shared business? While the thoughts roamed in his mind, his expression stayed calm. Much like they were taught to from a young age. “ ‘lright, out with it.” @thesimonhawthorne

Simon side-eyed his brother at his words and sighed, deciding not to comment on them. If he was to bring up an uncomfortable subject, might as well try to avoid to add other ones to the pile. Eager to tell him wasn't exactly how Simon would describe, as he'd push that decision as far as possible. Now seemed okay, with spirits being high and the next race in quite a bit of time. "I'm sure you will. At least it's break so you can fully enjoy it," he replied with an amused laugh that fell through pretty quickly as he became a little more serious. God, he hated being nervous. Thankfully, it didn't happen a lot. This would be so much easier if Julian wasn't his brother in this instance. "Speaking of which, there's something I thought you should know and you're not going to like it." @julianxhawthorne