julesshin - Tumblr blog

[julesshin]

JULY.

july wasn’t easy for jules.

everything felt heavy. the weather, the heat, everything. it just felt heavy to jules, in a way he couldn’t explain.

it started off simply — a few missed shifts at the inventory, a few missed meals he could put down to a migraine. to be fair, he wasn’t lying — the migraine that had hit him in early july couldn’t be shaken for a few days, leaving the young man unable to do much other than just survive.

the thing is, the migraine passed, like many before it. it passed, and jules couldn’t bring himself to leave his room. not even his roommate turned friend could pull him away from spiraling into the abyss. days turned into weeks where with jules locked up in his room, unable to bring himself to come out. 

this wasn’t fair. the world had changed, wasn’t jules supposed to change with it? why was every little thing affecting like it was the beginning all over again?

eventually, he took his hearing aids off so he couldn’t hear flynn worryingly knocking at his door.

jules had always hated the quiet. he wasn’t an extrovert by any means, but people meant stability — which was something he deeply craved. he wanted to feel normal, wanted to feel as if the world was normal. 

but his parents were probably dead. his sister as well. and the dead were walking. what about any of these things were normal?

before jules could even ponder these questions, the storm hit.

and, if he was being honest with himself, he’d tell you he was terrified.

terrified because there was people missing, terrified because this was the first time he left his room in 26 days. 26 days. something deep inside told him his sister would be disappointed, which only hurt an already bruised ego. weren’t people who’d survived this long supposed to be stronger than this?

yet here he was, terrified.

jules didn’t want to die.

as much as he’d fantasized about it, he didn’t want to die.

so he holed up with the others, prepared to weather out the storm that was hitting their settlement like none before it. he didn’t speak to anyone, nor did he sign. silent, he ignored every single hit the building hit, closing his eyes if anyone tried to reassure him. his hearing aids laid forgotten somewhere in his bedroom, batteries long dead. the last thing he wanted was someone to tell him things were going to be okay — because this wasn’t okay.

jules wasn’t okay, and it was time to accept it.

the storm outside rivaled the one happening inside the young man’s mind. there was nothing he could do to make either better, yet it felt like he had to. so, for the first time in 26 days, he looked at the others and, with a hoarse tone, asked what he could do. sure, he still wasn’t okay, but the least he could do was make sure others were. 

if his mind was off himself, he could help.

he could help while he still could.

before the end.

because everything — and everyone — comes to an end eventually, doesn’t it?

[julesshin]

🐺🖤!

[julesshin]

finnbrooks​:

📚

In his pocket is that portable analog clock he’d been staring down for days down in inventory. Finn wanted it, and with most of everyone down at the memorial it was an easy swipe. Nothing serious that would be noted if it went missing, he stakes claim to to it. He would never take food or medicine or anything that would be deemed essential, but a clock seemed useless - it just looked cool, and it would look cooler on his night stand. He’s whistling a tune too whimsical for what he’s about to stumble upon.

At first there was a mini jolt of panic he’d been caught in the act with something previously not his. As if the mere attempt at thieving something so small could earn him more than a slap on the wrist - he already got a scolding from Jimmy for letting a non-runner out with a motorcycle. (worth it in that he has a skee ball table he knows fuck all to do with, but the point is he has it and it was brought back just for him.) Jules isn’t Jimmy, or any council member, or someone who would make Finn nervous.

What is he still doing at work?

Is… is he crying?

Finn hisses to himself, a pained expression on his face. Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy. “Uhm… hey, Jules?” He’s wearing a button down Finn has never seen him donning in the warehouse before. Too nice for dust and dirt, that hoodie that surely is too warm for Georgia weather absent. “You alright, my man? The collective sniffling event is happening in, uh, the town? Unless, er…” Cautiously, Finn approached, arms crossed behind his back and shoulders slumping in this awkward ‘I don’t know what to do with myself’ stance.

“It’s a dumb question, but are you okay?”

🌙

it didn’t come as much of a surprise to see finn at the warehouse. though jules hadn’t asked if he was planning on attending the vigil, it just didn’t seem like his kind of event. still, he hadn’t expected anyone to see him in such a state, and felt a lot like a little kid who’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t be.

wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his button down, jules couldn’t help but let out a wet chuckle at the other’s words. oh, if only he knew. “yeah, i know. i know.” he nodded as he spoke, quickly growing quiet once again. even now, he couldn’t bring himself to get up and go over there, the thought alone making his chest tighten uncomfortably.

“m’fine, just...” he cleared his throat, still unable to look at finn, choosing instead to continue sorting through the box in front of him. it gave him something to do, and also helped hide the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “just, uh, cleaning up, y’know? someone’s gotta do it.”

[julesshin]

CHAN — special behind video ♡

[julesshin]

liamhart​:

& .

it’s an odd choices of sorts to come here, but, supposing that most of the town now stood mourning together, it almost made sense.

almost.

he’d put a bet on the warehouse being empty. hoped for it, actually. though, how he planned to get inside was a bridge he’d cross when he got there. or, he would’ve, if the door wasn’t already propped open. a curious thing, really, knowing how important it is to keep their supplies safe. and, maybe if his head wasn’t so entirely full of fog in the hopes of numbing the ache in his chest, he might’ve questioned it harder. been a touch more paranoid and a little more cautious as he went inside.

and maybe, just maybe, if he didn’t hear the sniffles of another hiding away here too, he might’ve allowed himself a moment to shed a few tears, too.

“jules?” he calls out softly the moment he finds the other boy.

“um… are you… hey…” 

liam steps forward, offering a hand to the other despite the way his stomach already began to curdle with something foul at the thought. “it’s okay, it’s alright.”

🌙

jules’ body immediately tensed at the sound of someone’s voice, mentally cursing himself for not having locked the door behind himself. he’d figured that no one would make their way to the warehouse today given the events going on in the town’s center, but he’d clearly been mistaken as he looked up to see liam.

he wasn’t all that close with the other but the sight of him quickly brought back a conversation he’d had with kai a few weeks earlier. he’s nice, kai had said, and jules couldn’t help but agree — because who else comforted someone they barely knew?

“i’m okay.” jules tried to soothe the worry on the other’s face with a smile, though he was sure it probably looked more like a grimace. “just, uh — a little overwhelmed is all.” a pitiful laugh made its way past his lips as he wiped his eyes, quickly attempting to downplay just how horrid he felt. “are you, y’know — you alright?” deflect, redirect — something jules had become a little too good at recently.

[julesshin]

cxllettejacxbsxn​:

🗡️

she’s not sure what makes her stop in at the warehouses while she’s out walking, dragging her feet really and trying to avoid turning up at the memorial until well after all the pomp and ceremony has concluded.

but she sees the warehouse open for business and it seems odd to her, and curiosity has always been one of her most key defining traits (well that and her ability to wax lyrical about absolutely nothing of substance for hours on end) so she ducks inside to take a look.

she’s not great with tears or grief, her own or other people’s, and even though jules looks like he’s past the brunt of his own, there’s still evidence that she’s stumbled upon what might have been a deeply personal moment of loss.

(she could turn around and leave him to his thoughts, if she were a different kind of person, he wasn’t really her friend, he was merrick’s and colette can only recall a few random conversations between them here and there since she’d been in town)

she doesn’t leave though, just waits patiently until his attention falls in her direction, small smile on her face she hopes seems comforting as she greets him “hey there cutie, you sure you should be out here alone right now?”

🌙

the warehouse had become somewhat of a safe space for jules over the last few months, something to keep him grounded and focused when the world around him fell into chaos time and time again. he constnatly told himself that, by working, he was helping his community, providing something more than if he just sat at home and let his thoughts run wild.

really, the place was nothing more than a crutch, something jules simply used to avoid the world around him. that much became clear as he stared at the tear stained notebook in front of him.

it took a moment for jules to notice collette’s presence near him and when he did, a new wave of of grief hit him just as hard as the last. though he didn’t know her well, he knew she was a kind soul — as much was obvious just from the way she was looking at him.

offering his own wobbly smile back, jules quickly looked away, unable to maintain eye contact for too long. something about it made the tears want to flow harder, which he didn’t want to burden collette with. “i’m uh — i’m okay. just, y’know — working.” he vaguely gestured to room around him. “don’t gotta worry about me.” 

[julesshin]

maverickmoore​:

Maverick hated funerals. He supposed everyone did. But he had been to far too many for his age. His dad’s when he was five before entering the foster care system, two friends during high school who had died in a car crash a few weeks from each other, and the one that still hurt to this day, Julian’s. It had been almost six years and it still hurt as if it had just been yesterday.

When the council announced a candlelight vigil for those who had passed, he didn’t really plan on going. He had had enough reminders of death. If anybody asked where he had been, he had planned on saying he had guard duty. He had even tried to get a guard shift but it seemed the guards who had shifts had similar ideas of avoiding the service.

Sitting at home, half drunk while his housemates were all out wasn’t helping with his depression. Conversations he had had with a lot of people the last couple days bounced around in his head, driving him absolutely up the walls. Eventually he snatched his jacket off the hook and headed out into the darkness. As he walked, he could hear the murmuring talk of those in town and see the glow of the candles as he got closer to the square.

Out of nowhere, he was hit with a wave of grief that he hadn’t been prepared for. The unexpected reminder that there were plenty of people that he had lost to the virus and the apocalypse. Before he could register anything, the tears were already racing down his cheeks and he was struggling to breathe. Quickly he ducked into the first building he could, sinking down to the floor as he tried to compose himself.

After a minute or two he was able to get himself together enough to register some sound he was hearing in…whatever building this was. Drying his face the best he could with the sleeve of his hoodie, he rose to his feet and began looking around cautiously for the source of the noise.

“Hello?” He called out, his voice still a little shaky from crying.

🌙

if he’d been paying more attention, jules would’ve heard the sound of someone entering the building but being so lost in thought, the sound didn’t register until he heard a voice call out. he didn’t immediately recognize who it belonged to, which caused a quick moment of panic before his brain caught up.

“maverick?” he called back as he rose from his seat. he quickly did his best to wipe away the tears from his face, although he knew his face was probably still blotchy and red. deciding there was no use in hiding, he took a calming breath before heading in the direction of the other’s voice.

“what are you doing here?” jules asked, concern lacing his voice. maverick didn’t look much better than himself, which worried the young man. “are you okay?”

[julesshin]

who: open ( @thecatastrophicstarters​ ) where: inventory warehouse when: day of the memorial

jules had planned on going.

he really had — he’d even traded his usual grey hoodie for a nicer black button up. most of his week had been spent finding and distributing candles for the rest of town and, come sunday, he’d just meant to go to the warehouse to pick up his own before making his way to the community center.

he really had intended on going.

as soon as he had gone to leave the warehouse, a wave of grief had rolled over him like a tsunami. funerals and wakes had never been easy for jules before but now, it seemed like the hardest thing in the world. putting down the candle, he held on to a shelf, doing his best to calm down.

he’d wanted to go.

taking a deep breath to collect himself, jules decided to do what he always did in moments like this, when everything was entirely too overwhelming — he worked. menial tasks he hadn’t completed the day before, the silence occasionally broken by the sound of sniffles as he wiped his hand against his face, jules told himself that he was better off here than anywhere else right now.

he’d tried to go.

[julesshin]

emmett-moore​:

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve been there.” He decides to stick to signing because he doesn’t know if the other can lipread like he can. Emmett is just happy that he was able to find a way of communicating besides speaking, not everyone knows asl. “I’m deaf, sometimes I forget to look at people’s faces when they’re talking to me.”

He laughs at the mistake, but being around hearing people so much he occasionally forgets that being deaf isn’t the ‘norm’. It’s caused him a little bit of trouble in stores, but overall his so-called disability doesn’t really cause him much grief. He decides to get back to the task at hand. “So, can I get something started for you?” 

🌙

“oh, i do that too. sometimes i forget i’m not wearing my hearing aids, and that causes a bunch of issues on it’s own.” though it was something he occasionally frustrated himself with, jules was glad he’d forgotten them today, if only to make a friend.

“coffee. just a coffee.” jules replied with a smile before checking the time on his watch. he still had plenty of time before he needed to be at the warehouse, which he was more than grateful for — the last thing he wanted to do was be late or have to rush over to the other side of town. 

[julesshin]

jo-davis​:

— 🩺 —

There is no doubt in her mind that Jules is uncomfortable - not only because they had to drag themselves to the clinic, but because Fletcher wasn’t here to patch him up. She could understand that. If he didn’t like the clinic in the first place, discovering he’d also have to deal with a stranger? It wasn’t her first rodeo with patients who didn’t want to be seen.

But she’d also learned not to just take someone’s word for something like the severity of an injury. ‘Just a cut’ could mean so many things, ranging from a paper cut to practical limb loss. She doubted it was that big of a deal, but most of the time ‘just a cut’ wasn’t that simple. 

“Well, that was probably a good idea,” Jo acknowledged as he said he’d wrapped it up to try and stop some of the bleeding. What he’d wrapped it with - well, she didn’t really want to question it. She’d just have to make sure she cleaned it up real good to stave off any potential infection. “You mind if I take a look?” She asked again, holding out her hand for him to offer the injury. She didn’t want to pressure him - but she also wasn’t about to let him go. It was just better if he agreed to it first.

🌙

deep down, jules knew he was being cagey for no reason. the woman in front of him was being kind and showing him more patient than he probably deserved, all things considered, but the thought did nothing to calm his nerves. his chronic lack of sleep was leaving him more anxious than normal, and the injury to his hand did nothing to appease the feeling.

the more rational part of his brain knew that he didn’t have much a choice, given the situation he was in. the rag he’d used to wrap up his hand hadn’t been the cleanest to begin with, and the cut was too deep to just throw a band aid over. reluctantly, he moved forward and placed his injured hand in hers, still not quite able to meet her eyes.

“i’ve never been that good with a knife.” he said as an explanation for the injury, a small chuckle passing his lips as he spoke. “i’m jules, by the way. work in inventory — that’s where this happened, actually.”

[julesshin]

finnbrooks​:

📚

Finn appears offended when Jules pushes him back, one of the very few people permitted to touch him without repercussion. And then his eyes squint and head tilts to Jules’s claim. A lifetime of can knowledge? He laughs because it’s amusing and a lopsided grin is growing on his lips. “We have to test your claim now. If you’re so sure I’m wrong, how sure are you that you’re right? Over confidence may just be your Achilles heel in our games.” Does it matter if he’s wrong? Not really.

“Oh, Jules. You disappoint me… you don’t have any nefarious thoughts in that head of yours, do you? You sweet angel…” Finn taps a finger to his chin. It’s hard without technology, and the simple ending is either one of them earns tokens from the other. But with all games there must be risk. “Make up a new conspiracy theory and find the most unlikely person and try to convince them it’s real. Might make a fool of ourselves and have them questioning our sanity. Might think we’ve fallen off the deep end or something.”

“Could be funny. But alright, open it up. I want to see if I’m giving you two tokens or having to brush up on my conspiracy theory knowledge - which is scant. Not fond of any, but I’ll figure it out.”

🌙

“hey! i could totally be nefarious if i wanted to. i just prefer to be nice.” jules all but pouted as he spoke. finn wasn’t necessarily wrong, but that didn’t mean jules wanted to be seen as this soft thing, especially not now. the world as it was now was never kind to the soft ones, something jules knew too well from his time before fairvale. brushing the thought aside, he couldn’t help but laugh at the other’s idea of a punishment. “you’re gonna get us in trouble with that, y’know.” 

without a second thought, jules pulled out a small pocket knife and got to work on the can, careful to move it away so that finn couldn’t see the inside. once it was partially opened, he checked inside and pulled the can to his chest, refusing to let the other see. “listen, listen.” he instantly bargained, which he knew was a dead giveaway that he hadn’t gotten it right. “you were more wrong than me. and technically, i was partially right.” stupid fruit cocktail in a can.

[julesshin]

chahid-narayanan​:

Chahid smiled. “They could try, but not prove it,” they signed, nodding afterwards when Jules signed that he missed the internet. “Me too,” they signed back. “I didn’t use it much, though. Didn’t have f-a-c-e-b-o-k or t-w-i-t-e-r,” they signed in return, struggling on both words, even if finger signing was far easier for them than full sentences. They paused for a moment at the question. “Uhm, I was studying, before all this, at a community college in California,” they signed and spoke at the same time, because the words weren’t ones they used often. “You?”

🌙

“really?” jules asked somewhat surprised — then again, he’d been a very typical college student, practically glued to his phone or computer whenever he wasn’t in class. it had also been his main way to communicate with his family a few states over, which was something he missed a lot these days. “i was at UGA, up in athens. social work major — only about three months from graduating, too.” he laughed, although there was a twinge of sadness laced into the words as he spoke and signed parts of his sentence. “at least student debt isn’t a thing anymore.”

[julesshin]

thesloanezone​:

🤟

“Good, good.” She sought out some chalk and took to the board. Pausing, she looked back at Jules. “How’s your art? I didn’t spend a lot of time in school working on drawing.” She wrote the words out in careful, neat print. Leaving space for potential art - if Jules was up to the task.

A pause in her work, and Sloane looked back. “Genius! Five easy signs, yes!” She bounced that little piece of chalk in her hand, thinking. “Everyone knows Quiet, what about…Help?” Yes and no could be indicated otherwise… “Danger?” She didn’t want to entirely focus on survival terms to use outside the walls, but it was simply where her mind went for initial terms.

🌙

it had been quite some time since jules had sat down and done anything more than a little doodle on his own arm out of boredom at work, but he was willing to attempt drawing something on the board to help with the class. picking up a piece of chalk, he stared at the board as he thought about what to add.

“help and danger are good.” he agreed with a smile, knowing that those would be especially useful for those who had to go outside the walls. “what about... please and thank you? and for the last one...” he trailed off, brow furrowing as he tried to think of another word. “what about speak? maybe runners could use that one to tell each other when it’s safe to actually speak?”

[julesshin]

serenitythatcher​:

“Is there other groups out there that are the same size as us?” Serenity asked the boy. She truly had no idea but there was always that chance that there head to be. Part of her wondered if she would ever run into someone else from other community while out on a run. Did any groups near them have better resources? If they did, she felt like it would be useful if they worked together to trade items, considering how low on things Fairvale was getting to. “Well, one can hope right? I mean….people weren’t able to take everything when this stuff happened, you know?”

🌙

as much as the thought of the old leader of fairvale brought a shiver to his spine, jules knew that the newer residents of town probably had no idea who he was, or what he’d done. with a tight smile, jules paused his writing to look at serenity with a shrug. “no clue if their the same size as us, but there’s definitely another group out there. definitely... definitely not the friendliest, though. some of them used to live here, but not anymore. it’s for the best.” jules concluded, twirling his pen between his fingers. “but even with more than us around, i’m sure not everywhere’s been picked clean yet.”

[julesshin]

kaz-raval​:

-

“Are you saying I need to update my résumé and look for something else? Because… you’re not wrong.” He had to laugh. Not at Jules. Only a small huff over the situation in general. Fairvale’s walls weren’t only on the perimeter. Coming in alone was harder than maybe a lot of people there, with family and friends, might have realized.

He paused in sorting to look at Jules. “When I came here, I was told they needed an extra person in inventory. I wanted to be helpful. Pay my way, so to speak. So I took the job.” Kaz did his share of goofing off but no more than the rest of them. He wasn’t so naive to think Fairvale was a free ride. Or even a safe haven. Kaz did the work. And yeah, maybe he did it his way. But no one could claim it didn’t get done. 

“I have–” Family was not the word for Bishan. “A relative here. Who I’m not close to. They can be a little aggressive.” Or be a total fucking prick– that would be more accurate. Bishan had everyone fooled in Fairvale. Weirdly. In such a bizarre way– but perhaps it was Kaz’s ability to see through him, to catch the bending of the light in Bishan’s illusion, that made him knowledgeable when others couldn’t quite tease the trick out. 

So Kaz was at a disadvantage. He wouldn’t say much. Not until he could beat Bishan at his very simple game. “Thought the warehouse would be a good place to avoid them.”

🌙

almost instantly, jules wanted to retract his question. at first, he thought he’d  started another argument with kaz, having accidentally insulted him with his question. when it was clear that that wasn’t the case, jules relaxed a little, watching the other intently as he spoke.

although he had no clue who his coworker’s relative was in town, jules couldn’t help but wonder why the two weren’t close, and why kaz stuck around if that was the case. the other’s answer had brought on about ten new questions, but he managed to swallow all of them down instead of bombarding him with all of them. instead, he just nodded, going back to the task in front of him.

“inventory’s not a bad place to avoid people.” he had to agree, seeing as that was what he himself did on most days. “the maintenance crew keeps to themselves too, though. probably more than we do.” he thought out loud, once again pausing his work to look at kaz. “i’m not — i’m not saying that to get rid of you. not that that would even be my call to make but like, for the record, i don’t mind working with you, y’know?” 

[julesshin]

merrickwccd​:

closed starter for a thread we’ll actually finish @julesshin​ merrick & jules running into each other during the day ???? a concept

it was a fools errand, really, but someone had to do it. 

supplies were dwindling - lower and lower the longer people refused to head out. part of that was merrick’s doing - though she’d gone when people were sick, had snuck out to her own home in riverside in the wake that followed, she’d been afraid to leave home for too long. there were too many cogs in place - it was no longer her and holly, colette and yale. the arrival of two of her ex-boyfriends complicated things, especially when one was near catatonic. 

she was just hoping there was something - anything that she could find to help pull him out of his daze. she’d ransacked the library for comic books, had played him music through her discman, but her battery supply was dwindling, and there were only a few more days max that she could play her cd’s. 

she refused to lose out on that. 

the inventory crew tended to be quiet, but merrick knew jules would be there - she had checked, specifically, hoping her night time talks with him would give her any sort of leverage. 

“hey,” she greeted, hoping her nerves - frayed and frazzled, the anxiety of life getting to her more and more every day. “what are the chances you have like, an extra stock of double A batteries i can snag from you?” 

🌙

as the inventory stock continued to dwindle, jules could feel his anxiety rising. with everything that had happened recently, he couldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to leave the relative safety of fairvale, but that also meant that most things couldn’t be distributed as lightly as they once had been. jules especially hated turning people away but, as he stared at the barren shelves, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

seeing merrick was a surprise, but not an unwelcomed one — the two seemed to only really run into each other in the early hours of the morning most of the time, so to see her in the middle of the day was a change. he smiled at the sight of her, though it quickly dissipated when he noticed the anxiety seemingly buzzing from her whole body.

“uh — depends what they’re for.” jules responded, twirling his pen in his hand. usually, he wouldn’t even ask but the supply was low, so he had to prioritize those who needed them most. 

[julesshin]

flynnambrose​:

Flynn leaned against the doorframe, watching as Jules finished cleaning his mess. As much as he wanted to help, it was clear the other didn’t want it. If it had been anything more than a water cup, he would have insisted on helping.

Seeing Jules yawn made him worry. Since moving in together, all he could do was wonder when the man slept. Over the few months of housing together, there had been plenty of mornings where Flynn would wake up to Jules still wide awake somewhere in the house. As much as he wanted to believe that he slept while Flynn was at work, it didn’t seem likely. Jules had a job too, no way was he getting as much sleep as he needed.

“It’s not that much earlier.” He insisted with a shake of his head. “As long as you’re staying awake, I am. Do you want me to make you some tea, see if that will help you sleep?” He was already pulling the stove top kettle out from the cupboard.

🌙

it was obvious that flynn wanted to help clean up the mess, but jules was glad he’d let him do it on his own. he’d done it, so it was only fair to clean it up himself, especially since he’d woken up his roommate in the process. still, the guilt didn’t quite go away as the other insisted on staying up, even though he could easily leave jules on his own at this late hour.

rather than protest once again, jules kept quiet as he sat himself down on the counter. the effects of lack of sleep were slowly creeping on him but he knew he couldn’t rest even if he tried — his mind seemed to race every time he shut his eyes, more often than not leaving him more exhausted than before.

“thank you.” he spoke softly once he realized he’d never actually responded to flynn, hand going up to scratch at the back of his neck. “you should make yourself some too, you should rest before going to work.”