josietakesnash

[josietakesnash]

https://josietakesnash.tumblr.com/post/648496177048911873/as-spongebob-once-said-its-the-best-day-ever 

[josietakesnash]

as spongebob once said, “it’s the best day ever!”

TW: 

Wow. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I really didn’t think I’d make it to the end of this semester. In December, I was switched off of an SSRI and put on an SNRI. For a short while, I felt O.K., but by the time I arrived to campus at the beginning of January, I was suicidal. In February, I went back on my SSRI-- however, I remained actively suicidal until about the beginning of this month. 

Now that the fog in my brain is slowly clearing, I’m feeling more like myself again. So let’s talk about March 27th, when I went to The Catio Lounge in Nashville. Yes, you read that right. A cat lounge, like the ones they have in Japan.

... It was the best day I’ve had in a LONG time, y’all.

I had looked at their instagram the night before to see what adorable fluff balls would be there, and one happened to catch my eye. Her name was Autumn. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt connected to her shy, yet playful nature. More on that later.. 

I asked my two friends, Maggie and Shelby / Pizza, if they would be interested in hugging some cats over the weekend. (I don’t have a car, but also, I wanted to spend this day with some of my favorite humans). They both said yes! So, off we went to The Catio on that rainy Saturday afternoon. 

Here’s a photo of me waiting for Maggie: 

(Pizza decided to meet us there)

It filled me with such happiness and comfort to reconnect with Maggie. We met my first semester here, (last spring), in our Survey of Music Business class. Her parents both work in the entertainment industry, and it fascinated me that she plans to follow in their footsteps. 

She thought it was hilarious that I had bought a cat carrier just in case I happened to fall in love with one of the babies. 

After giving the receptionist our information, she let us into the lounge. 

It. Was. Heaven. 

This is Luna! She wasn’t even six months old. We learned that the reason for her calm demeanor was due to her recent spaying. Maggie nearly brought her home! 

And this guy, Momo. He was a ball of fire, (hence the post-play snooze). I was considering getting a male cat, but I was a tinge nervous. My Aunt had a male cat, his name was Noah, and he kind of lost his mind... attacked her leg to the point of a chunk of flesh missing. I know it’s irrational to ‘blanket statement’ male cats as nutters, but-- eh. I’m irrational. 

This guy was BEAUTIFUL. I believe he was the brother of Momo, (they were a package-deal). I poked his toe-beans. Ah! I wish I could’ve gotten a picture of him outside of his tower. 

But now for the lady of the hour, Autumn. When we arrived, Maggie and I set our belongings at a table. The second we left to go say hi to some of the cats, Autumn ran over to the table and jumped in my carrier. My mouth fell open. I knew there might of been a few treats in there, but what are the odds of that? 

Knowing she was shy, I kept my distance, admiring her from afar. Every time she noticed me, it was as if she’d be extra funny or playful. The Catio Lounge was split into two sections, (the back, quieter section and the massive, brighter front section). I was hanging out with MoMo when I noticed Autumn in the back room, sitting on top of a shelf, away from people. 

I stood up, walked to the back room’s doorway, said hello to a couple of the ladies who were visiting with the more “friendly” cats and then expressed that I might want to give Autumn a home. Considering Autumn would not come down to interact with anyone, they were flabbergasted. “Do you want a cuddly cat? She isn’t cuddly.” 

As if on cue, Autumn hopped off the shelf and brushed up against me. I followed her into the larger space, sitting next to her on the couch. She let me pet her as she slept, purring softly. 

She chose me. I couldn’t leave her. 

After filing the adoption paperwork, Maggie, Pizza, and I went across the street to eat lunch. (Well, I didn’t eat because I dropped quite a bit of $$ on Autumn and Cracker Barrel doesn’t exactly offer gluten-free options). But it was fine! No, really. It was fine. I spilled soda down my pants! I laughed! LAUGHED! 

I haven’t been that happy in what felt like years. 

I even expressed how grateful I was to share such a special day with two people who mean so much to me. The happiness was REAL, y’all. It still is. 

Anyway, we went back to The Catio to pick up my daughter... (look at how darling the setup in there is?! You need to go. It’s the best $12 you’ll ever spend). 

So, how has life with Autumn been since? 

Because she’s only 1, she thinks that excitement = time to attack mom. I’m trying to correct her, but it’s honestly hilarious. Also, her favorite place is my bathroom. She doesn’t speak English, so I’ll never know why. Autumn is very talkative. I mean, VERY talkative. She also decided that 3am is the perfect time to cause mass chaos and destruction. 

When she sleeps, she goes all Captain Straight Arms. 

And when she stretches, it is never not a biiiiiiiiig stretch. 

... Also, I made her a tiktok. She has 204 followers. Tumblr won’t let me attach one of her videos, so it will be in a new post! 

I feel like a proud soccer mom. 

https://www.tiktok.com/@autumnthebreadmaker?lang=en

This was when we were listening to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) for the first time. (You Belong With Me) was playing in the background. We’re huge Swifties, obviously. My walls are lined with Tay lithographs and this girl is always pawing at them. 

As seen below: 

Autumn is my How of Happiness. She guides my heart and mind out of the darkness and gives me a reason to hold on. I love her with everything in me. Being her mom has given me a purpose beyond myself. (Animals are my thing. When I don’t have an animal to take care of, I lose my sanity). Rescuing Autumn didn't just temporarily boost my happiness, it has prolonged it. If I have learned anything from this assignment, it’s to do what makes you feel alive. 

I remember the chapter that mentioned rekindling / nourishing the relationships in your life that mean the most to you. Creating new memories with my friends, laughing and crying together, experiencing that quirky little cat cafe-- it was simple, but it mattered. 

I am so grateful for this little munchkin. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life by her side. 

[josietakesnash]

There is Hope

I feel that.  

Chapter 10 of The How of Happiness left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit overwhelmed. Sonja breaks down five key points of obtaining a happier life: 

1. Positive Emotion

2. Optimal Timing and Variety

3. Social Support 

4. Motivation, Commitment, and Effort

5. Habit 

In other words, if you want to be happier, you need to switch your perspective; figure out your preference and set time aside for practicing gratitude, yoga, helping others, going for a drive, etc; surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart, or if you don’t have that, attend support groups; everyday, keep your goals afloat and expect the unexpected, don’t make excuses for why you can’t do it; mold your passions, mindset, and timing into a habit. 

Love yourself, baby! Have patience with yourself. Learn to be OK with where you are right now. Feed yourself healthy foods. Be present. With these habits, you won’t have to strive to be happy-- you just will be. 

HOWEVER, 

If you’re depressed like me, we gotta realize that 40% of our happiness is still in our control. Yes, a majority of this book will be harder for us to put into action, but that doesn’t mean we’re completely hopeless! You know yourself-- when your depression is sinking in, try to re-route it with one, or several, of Sonja’s suggestions. 

No one deserves to feel like they are a waste of life. You deserve to be happy, too. You deserve to have a healthier mind, too. I know it doesn’t seem fair that others “have it easier” or that they don’t have to put in as much effort as us because they aren’t clinically depressed / anxious. But you can’t give up on yourself. 

Y’all remember when Marcus Mumford wrote THIS?!? 

Exactly. 

Your trauma is valid. Your pain is valid. Your reactions are valid. But there will come a time when you’ll understand and accept what does and doesn’t serve you. And you, my friend, will RISE. 

[josietakesnash]

Time to Live

Sit a spell. It’s time for a recap of Chapter 7 -  9 of The How of Happiness.  

Alright, to be honest, my initial go-to when someone tells me, “live in the now” is:

It’s challenging to live in the present when you have generalized anxiety, PTSD, OCD and depression. However, I 100% agree that there are MAJOR benefits to channeling “the now” instead of worrying about what comes next. If anything, I’ve found that when I just do something, (not talk about it, not schedule it, just do it), I’m lightyears less stressed. 

Also, hey! Harping on the future isn’t all bad. Sonja made it a point to say, (and I’m paraphrasing here), that when you think of the positive events in your future, you are more likely to be an optimistic person. 

In Sonja’s opinion, reminiscing isn’t a crime either. Just do your best to reimagine the happy moments and accomplishments. One of my favorite memories is when I met my favorite musician. Girl, it’s been a decade, and I’m still sorry for crying in your arms outside of a public bathroom.  

Another point, which triggered the lyric ‘Success is nothing if you have no one left to share it with’ written by the man, the myth, the legend--  Ed Sheeran. It’s true. At the end of the day, it feels good to know that the people you love are involved and excited about your goals. 

Now, onto Chapter 8: 

Goals! Woooo! 

If you aren’t planning your daily life around conquering seemingly insignificant, small goals, what are you doing? Brushing your teeth? Done. Hydrating? Eating a few fruits or veggies? Showering? Arriving to class on time? Heck yeah, man. Who said goals have to be overwhelming? 

As for life goals? We’ve all got ‘em. For me, my wildest dream is to be in A&R  or own a publishing company. When I’m down, I remember why I’m here in Nash. I remember that little girl singing Al Green in the back of her Mom’s car. I remember that teenager who saw a mixing board for the first time in her life and nearly passed out from the beauty. I remember that girl who got her acceptance letter to her top choice university. I remember, and it gives me the spark to keep going. 

It’s rad that goals can do that for us. They give us purpose, direction, hope, and control. They up our confidence, and help us to become masters of time management and structure. Goals guide us into healthy, supportive relationships. 

Chapter 9: 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FOOL. 

Though I was raised Catholic, and thus taught to suffer-- 

I’m kidding. 

.. Sort of. 

I vibe with my homeboy Jesus, just not in a go to church every Sunday kind of way. When I was a teenager, I hated myself. It was ugly and dramatic-- I’m a Leo.. Because I was so low, I didn’t have it in myself to love God. I didn’t feel worthy of it. 

We cool now, though. 

He’s probably sick of me, tbh. 

Spirituality, faith, whatever you want to call it, does help hundreds of thousands of people cope with their daily lives and past or current traumas. Want to hear  a cuckoo story? The reason I believe? When I had cancer, I was given a drug that caused me to have a stroke. My parents were told that if I woke up from the coma my stroke put me into, I would never walk or talk again. 

Below is an accurate representation of how one of my oncologists reacted when I walked out of my hospital room only a couple months later: 

Anyways... God has our back, y’all. 

Meditation was also mentioned. I used to do that at bedtime, but then I started having sleep paralysis. Who wants a demon tap dancing on their chest? 

I digress. 

Now, I choose to set ten minutes aside in the morning to just zone out and breathe. From the effects its had on me, (reduced chronic pain and anxiety, mainly), I trust that others receive positive effects as well. 

One point I disagree on is the topic of SSRIs. To say that exercise is just as affective is, in my opinion, too bold of a statement. Some people really need to be medicated. Myself being one of them. Prior to Zoloft, I barely spoke. I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t speak up in class. I didn’t have friends and was locked in abuse. I felt everything, all the time; I couldn’t have a rational thought. To be afraid of yourself 24/7 is not something I would wish on anybody. Zoloft saved me. 

Don’t get it twisted, exercise does help. My favorite part of the day is going for walks around campus. But, for me personally, if I stopped my SSRI and put exercise in its place, I would lose my sanity. I would have to exercise CONSTANTLY.  

Last but not least, the whole “fake it ‘til you make it”

I don’t know, dudes. I’m not flat out saying this doesn’t work. I’m sure it does for some. But for me? Not exactly. I don’t like lying to myself. I don’t like lying to others. If I’m sad, I’m sad. I’m allowed to be sad. If I’m happy, sick! I’m allowed to be happy. But hey, if it helps you, that’s lovely. 

I don’t have a ton of complaints about these chapters. They were insightful, uplifting, and comforting. 

.. Okay, byeeeeeeee.

[josietakesnash]

A Grateful Heart

 Alright. If I’m being honest, Ms. Lyubomirsky and I have a bit of beef. 

I wasn’t a huge fan of Chapter 4, “Practicing Gratitude and Positive Thinking”. Look, I know her claims are backed up by research. I know she and her colleagues mean well, that a positive mindset and a grateful heart can go a long way... but, yuck. 

There’s a chance I overanalyzed, but in my opinion, this chapter was screaming

Yes, of course expressing gratitude, committing to your goals, practicing acts of kindness, nurturing relationships, worshiping God, taking care of your mind and body, learning to forgive, and savoring the good you have is well, great. It is. I mean, who doesn’t love focusing their energy on something that boosts your self esteem and self worth? Something that is incompatible with negative emotions and prevents hedonistic adaptability?

But let’s look at it this way: being continuously grateful isn’t easy for a lot of people. Depression exists. It’s a real thing. And those who are struggling should be encouraged, (without judgment), to share what pain they’re going through without having to cover it up with, “thanks, God, you the real MVP.” 

There was mention of the “Best Possible Selves” experiment, where participants were instructed to write for twenty minutes a day, (span of four days), describing what their ‘best future selves’ would be like. Cool, right? Maybe. Were these people suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD-- anything-- that would deter these results? I just don’t understand how we can take their results as gospel truth. 

I did find, “little optimism” and “big optimism” to be interesting, though. Little optimism causes people to behave in a constructive, healthy way in specific situations. Big optimism, on the other hand, produces an overall feeling of vigor; You feel strong like bull. 

Chapter Five: “Investing in Social Connection” 

Now this? This I can vibe with. Helping others makes you happy for an extended period of time. It also changes your perspective of others so you view them in a better light. You’re more likely to want to pitch in in your community, and see yourself as a compassionate being. It brings new faces to you.  

All good stuff. 

I have to say though, my face did plenty of contortions when Sonja mentioned that a happy person probably has a stable marriage, big, supportive circle of pals, a booming social life, decent work-mates, and satisfaction with their family. 

... You didn’t have to attack me like that, girl.  

However, she redeemed herself by clarifying that women who are single forever  tend to collect up to a dozen devoted friends along the way. Sick! 

A study that I wasn’t too shocked about, (Japan + Italy are collectivist societies), revolved around three communities in Japan, Italy, and California. (Side note: Loma Linda, CA is rooted in caring for people). 

Basically, researchers discovered that they shared five common traits, but two were shot to the top of the list: Put family first and keep socially engaged. 

Oh, and HUG YOUR FRIENDS, Y’ALL. 

Let’s move on to Chapter 6, “Managing stress, hardship, and trauma”: 

Here’s some realness for ya: About half of adult US citizens will live through at least one traumatic event. For example, a groundbreaking study showed that two-thirds of female breast cancer survivors said that their life changed for the better after developing the disease. 

As a cancer survivor myself, this doesn’t shock me. I feel the same way. 

Sonja also added that female cancer patients who attended support groups have been found to live an average of eighteen months longer.  That makes my heart happy as heck. 

Lastly, Sonja touched on forgiveness. I always believed that you forgive those who have wronged you so you can heal yourself. It’s comforting to know that that simple outlook can make me happier, healthier, empathetic, and less hateful or envious. 

Oh, and men hold grudges longer than women. 

[josietakesnash]

The How of HAPPINESS

 Going into my Positive Psychology course, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would it be hella hippie-dippy? Or perhaps too general? Would it stereotype and stigmatize mental health? Drill in the notion that, “if only you were happier, your brain wouldn’t have too much of the wrong chemicals and not enough of the good.” 

  Well, y’all. Let me tell you about my best friend, The How of Happiness, a book written by Sonja Lyubomirsky. (Don’t ask me to pronounce her name). Sonja, like me, is Russian. I guess that’s why her background initially surprised me. Positive psych? A Russian? We’re strong like bull. 

And by strong like bull, I mean crying in the club, (the club being your apartment), with a bottle of wine and tear stained cheeks, blasting Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift. 

  I digress. 

 Sonja is strong because she knows herself. With the help of fellow colleagues, Sonja did years worth of research on the precise amount of happiness within  our control. 40%! Okay, at first-- I admit, I was a little underwhelmed. 40-freakin’ percent? That’s it?! But in time, I realized the significance of that number. It isn’t too big, it isn’t too small, it’s realistic. 

   I hate to bring genetics into this, as I’m not a huge fan of mine myself. However, 50% of our genetics account for whether you’re destined to be a sad boi or a happy boi... or girl, or they/them. And I know that sounds scary. It is. But it’s kind of comforting as well. Look at it this way, 50% leaves an ocean of room to improve. And though we can’t change our baseline mood, we can be aware of it and actively want to work on boosting our levels for longer periods of time. 

  The How of Happiness focuses on the power of resilient people vs. well, grumpy basket-cases. I think we can all agree that there are days where we’re one or the other. Sonja highlights the notion that happiness is an everyday seed that needs daily nurturing, like a baby, or a tamagotchi. 

  Speaking of nurturing, let’s talk about twins for a second. They freak me the hell out, 

but I’m grateful for their bizarre genes. Why? Well. Identical twins, in particular, share similar happiness levels which gives scientists that little sprinkle to figure the rest of us out. Take James and... James... for instance. 

   James and James, identical twins separated at birth, hadn’t seen each other until they were thirty-nine years old. I’m sure their introduction went something like, “Hey man, I’m James.” *Insert confused stare*, “No, I’m James.” Anyways, both guys weighed the same, were the same height, had each smoked the same type of cigarettes, drank the same type of beer,  shared the same fingernail biting habit, and-- hold onto your hats for this one, both married women named Linda, divorced, and REMARRIED WOMEN NAMED BETTY. Excuse me, what. WHAT. 

    Let’s get sad and science-y for a second. 5-HTTLPR, a gene associated with depression, comes in two forms. The short and the long. It shocked me to learn that the short allele is actually worse, (you can’t stop your depressive symptoms because of a chemical imbalance)... ME. Sigh. People who don’t have this are more likely to handle abrupt changes, trauma, etc. easier. What’s fascinating to me about 5-HTTLPR is that it only expresses itself in the right environments. 

  Now, let’s discuss a few ways to be “happier.” Yes, counting your blessings and being overly grateful is helpful to some. To others, it’s kind of a slap in the face. But here’s the facts: happier people are more likable, they’re successful, they’re resilient, they’re healthier, they live longer. What’s crazier? If you want to be thinner, or be a better friend, daughter, etc., you won’t be contented. Start from the ground up. Recognize what’s hurting you and why, make small steps to fix it. Find your strengths, focus on them. Be at peace with where you are now. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Set goals daily. Take action! Love fiercely, without apology. 

 And overall, remember that you’re not alone in this. Just because you were born with a depression gene doesn’t mean you can’t be genuinely happy. What hurt you doesn’t have to define you. It can shape you, sure. But don’t give it vacancy in your soul if it doesn’t want to pay rent, you know what I mean?