josieisabels

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HAVANA ROSE LIU SXSW (March 11th, 2023)

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RACHEL SENNOTT photographed by Jack Bridgland for GEN V Magazine

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they should invent a stomach that doesn’t hurt

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Alina being Done™️ with Nikolai part 28373839

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Nikolai Lantsov for a friend of mine 🌠🌊

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i saw someone say there should be one of these and i agreed so here it is. enjoy!

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not to get too deep on main but did anyone else have such deeply rooted issues with their self worth for so long that they thought as a kid/teen that their only redeeming feature was being “low maintenance” and now as an adult you give yourself guilt pangs asking for any more than the barest minimum in virtually any relationship because asking for things might negate your only good quality which is just “doesn’t ask for things”

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nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. when a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love i can imagine. dying for someone is easy – you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. but living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. we deserve more credit for it.

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RSD check

Your friends don't secretly hate you

You're not a bad person for things you did and said months or years ago that you now recognize as bad

You aren't cringe for being excited about things

You don't talk too much

If you feel sick from intrusive thoughts/rsd please sip on some water, get a blanket or plush to cuddle, put on some music or a video that makes you feel happy

You are loved <3

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sometimes it can feel like your only value in life is being there for people. making people laugh, making them happy, supporting them through hard times or fixing their problems. generally existing for others.

lovely I'm here to tell you you're more than just bringing a smile to people's faces. you're more than only existing when someone needs you. you're more than being a free therapist, a shoulder to cry on, or a person for other people.

you're allowed to exist for yourself. you're allowed to put yourself first.

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Reasons an FP/anyone may not have replied to you yet

I know that a lot of us with BPD- and other disorders such as anxiety, DPD, paranoia etc- can get really worried when those we care about don’t reply- or anyone! We worry they hate us, are angry, are leaving us, are hurt. So, here’s a list of possible reasons why they may not be replying that aren’t those! 

They’re asleep. This is kinda subjective to the time they’re in, but this included naps! Sometimes people fall asleep suddenly, or fall asleep before your reply

They’re busy. They made need to focus on something, or not be allowed on their phone. Or, they want to save their reply to you for when they can put their full attention on you and give a proper reply

They’re unsure how to reply yet. sometimes people need time to think of how to reply, and want to give a proper one

They don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. It’s not that they don’t wanna talk to you specifically- they may just be socially drained or want to focus on themselves! 

They’re not in a mental place where they can reply to you. This includes perhaps they’re dissociating, or can’t think straight to reply 

Their phone is dead. Plain and simple

Their wifi dropped. Same again 

They’re taking pleasure time. Video games, reading anything. Sometimes people need time to relax- it doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy talking to you, they just wanna fully immerse themselves in their activity.

They’re interacting with someone/in a situation where it’s not appropriate to use their phone. Maybe at dinner, church, a lesson, anything

They suddenly have to deal with something urgent.

They forgot. I know this one is scary/hurts- but it doesn’t mean you’re not important to them! Maybe they saw your message whilst busy, thought they need to reply later, then forgot. Some people also have memory issues that mean they forget to reply to things.

They’re not logged into what you talk in. This goes esp for facebook/tumblr

They havn’t got your message. This can be for lots of reasons! Bad connection, app is broken, phone is slow, anything like that

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me? rapidly fluctuating between a state of extreme anger and sadness and fooling myself into thinking i’m over it all so i can pretend to function? it’s more likely than you think.

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i know that when nts say 'oh i get jealous sometimes too that sucks' they're just trying to empathize with me, but sometimes it can feel patronizing. bpd isn't jealousy, it's viewing everyone and everything as a threat. everything feels like it could be taken away at any moment for even the slightest infraction. it's the inability to trust anyone even though you desperately want to. at its core, bpd is desperation to be loved, not jealousy.

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one of the worst things about bpd is that it feels like you are not allowed to be upset at things anymore.

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me: *worries that I’m Evil and Manipulative and tries very hard every day to be a good person*

me: oh my god

me: I’m manipulating people into thinking I’m good