johnbutnotforgotten

[johnbutnotforgotten]

[johnbutnotforgotten]

Beautiful article about navigating life after loss....

#grief #inspiration #youngwidow #widow #loss

[johnbutnotforgotten]

Illustration by tyler feder

miss you John

[johnbutnotforgotten]

My handsome groom on our wedding day.

[johnbutnotforgotten]

Fact of Widowhood

I never liked the euphemism "passed", and I hate it now. I obnoxiously let people know that I prefer the word "died".

[johnbutnotforgotten]

“The stars are brilliant at this time of night and I wander these streets like a ritual I don’t dare to break for darling, the times are quite glorious. I left him by the water’s edge, still waving long after the ship was gone and if someone would have screamed my name I wouldn’t have heard for I’ve said goodbye so many times in my short life that farewells are a muscular task and I’ve taught them well. There’s a place by the side of the railway near the lake where I grew up and I used to go there to burry things and start anew. I used to go there to say goodbye. I was young and did not know many people but I had hidden things inside that I never dared to show and in silence I tried to kill them, one way or the other, leaving sin on my body scrubbing tears off with salt and I built my rituals in farewells. Endings I still cling to. So I go to the ocean to say goodbye. He left that morning, the last words still echoing in my head and though he said he’d come back one day I know a broken promise from a right one for I have used them myself and there is no coming back. Minds like ours are can’t be tamed and the price for freedom is the price we pay. I turned away from the ocean as not to fall for its plea for it used to seduce and consume me and there was this one night a few years back and I was not yet accustomed to farewells and just like now I stood waving long after the ship was gone. But I was younger then and easily fooled and the ocean was deep and dark and blue and I took my shoes off to let the water freeze my bones. I waded until I could no longer walk and it was too cold to swim but still I kept on walking at the bottom of the sea for I could not tell the difference between the ocean and the lack of someone I loved and I had not yet learned how the task of moving on is as necessary as survival. Then days passed by and I spent them with my work and now I’m writing letters I will never dare to send. But there is this one day every year or so when the burden gets too heavy and I collect my belongings I no longer need and make my way to the ocean to burn and drown and start anew and it is quite wonderful, setting fire to my chains and flames on written words and I stand there, starring deep into the heat until they’re all gone. Nothing left to hold me back. You kissed me that morning as if you’d never done it before and never would again and now I write another letter that I will never dare to send, collecting memories of loss like chains wrapped around my veins, and if you see a fire from the shore tonight it’s my chains going up in flames. The time of moon i quite glorious. We could have been so glorious.” ― Charlotte Eriksson

[johnbutnotforgotten]

😥😥😥😥

“I didn’t want to be a mother. I was eighteen. We weren’t in love. I had goals I wanted to accomplish. So I made the hardest decision of my life. It’s not legal here. So I researched it on the Internet. I did it myself. In my room. If things had gone wrong, I could have died. Seeing it come out of me was the worst moment of my life. And I couldn’t tell anyone. Not even my parents. So I carried the secret with me. I felt like this thing was always in my chest, but it was stuck there. All day I’d act normal. Then at night I’d go to my room and cry.” (Buenos Aires, Argentina)

[johnbutnotforgotten]

[johnbutnotforgotten]

[johnbutnotforgotten]

#currentmood what if Adam had died and left Eve all alone

[johnbutnotforgotten]

#currentmood snake oil snake oil snakes are in the garden snake oil snake oil hello to you

[johnbutnotforgotten]

Found this while tidying up... I believe John was wanting me to sign in agreement to these statements ... found these on 12/18/16

[johnbutnotforgotten]

Sachin showed me this piece in college.  We agreed it was heartbreaking then.  It is heartbreaking now.

[johnbutnotforgotten]

My husband John passed away 7 months ago today.  I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around this life altering nightmare.  My grief is scattered and I feel desperate to organize it.  To preserve John and my thoughts on losing him.  I have notebooks with frantic phrases I hope will mean something when I read them back later.  I have stacks of papers- grocery lists he wrote, ticket stubs, receipts I still find in his pockets- things he touched.  

Now I have this blog to try to collect all the things I find in the digital world…

I didn’t know where to start.  I wish I’d started blogging this right after I lost him- but for now I’ll start with his obituary.  Which I wrote. 

John Michael Borrelli 1985-2016

John Borrelli's life began on July 12, 1985 and ended far too soon on May 11, 2016. John is survived by his wife, Katherine Borrelli; his children, Isabella, Jack, and Bettie Grace Borrelli; his parents, Robert and Leslie Haugen; his father, Nick Borrelli; his siblings, Nick and wife Beth Borrelli, Christine Haugen, Kevin Haugen, and Mark Haugen; his grandparents, Nat and Grace Kieffer, and Flor Blanco de Roche; as well as many loving aunts, uncles, cousins, and nephews. John was born in Bryan, Texas and spent his early years in Bryan-College Station and Houston. From his youth, John trusted in Jesus Christ as his Savior. He lived in Montreal, Quebec from age 10 to 13 before returning to Texas; he resided in Kingwood and graduated from Kingwood High School in 2004. John received a Bachelor of Business Administration degree from the University of St. Thomas in Houston in 2009. He managed a family photography business with his wife Katherine, whom he married in 2011, and his life's greatest joy was his role as father to their three children. A celebration of John's life will be held on Tuesday, May 24, at Darst Funeral Home, 796 Russell Palmer Road, Kingwood, from 5:00 to 8:00 PM; visitation with the family and a reception will take place in the courtyard. A memorial service will be held on Wednesday, May 25, at Rice Temple Baptist Church, 6409 Greenbriar Drive, Houston, at 11:00 AM. Luncheon will follow the service.