joeychronic

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Lol

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Zombie’s of the North Pole : Part 6

Santa avoid Krampus’s attack and he crashed into a table. Santa walked over to Krampus and started to punch him in the face and said calm the fuck down and Krampus responded by kicking out Santa’s legs and he kicked him in the stomach a couple of times and he said your telling me to be calm while your acting like I don’t have a reason to be pissed off and you fucking know why I’m pissed off. Santa got back up and said I’ll admit it I shouldn’t of ended our partnership and our friendship the way I did 50 years ago but times were changing then and I guess I got blinded by how big I became in the north american media scene and also figured a big red demon who beats naughty kids with a diamond willow brantch would be in bad taste due to the cold war that was going on during that time. Krampus replied is that the best apology you can come up with ? What do you mean by that ? said Santa and Krampus replied Cookie told me you wanted to apologize and Santa replied did he while looking at Cookie. Krampus said so are you going to apologize or not ? Santa replied okay I’m sorry for the way I treated you and I could use your help to deal with these zombies. Krampus said I have been waiting 50 years to hear that and I still don’t feel any better. Santa said okay how do we settle this ? Krampus said I still want to kick your ass and Santa replied alright if that’s how you want to settle this and he proceeded to take his jacket off revealing his arms and his right arm was covered in tattoo’s and his left had a memorial piece to his first two wives at the top of his arm near his shoulder. Krampus cracked his knuckles and he threw the first punch and Santa dogged the punch and fed Krampus a few shots to the ribs and stomach and Krampus then elbowed Santa in the upper back and kicked him into a wall. Santa got up and tackles Krampus to the ground and sits on top of his stomach and starts feeding him punches to the face and Krampus blocks a few and then grabs a hold of Santa’s forearms and throws him threw a table. Santa gets back up and runs towards Krampus with a closed fist and as he’s running Krampus kicks him in the face. Santa gets up and Krampus goes to kick him again but Santa doges the kick and kicks out Krampus’s other leg and punches him in the face again and after about 5 punches Santa gets up and lets Krampus get up and he says have you had enough yet ? Krampus replied yeah I’m good for now. Cookie said now that you 2 are done with your petty bullshit can we deal with these zombie bastards ? Santa replied alright we will go with the plan you had earlier about checking the interconnecting bunker tunnels to look for survivors. Cookie replied how do you want to go about this ? Santa replied for starters I want to find Candy-foot and Louie and Meat and anybody else willing to fight. Cookie said should we split into groups ? Santa said no we will be one group and we will check the tunnel to bunker 2 first. The group headed threw the tunnel and proceeded thew the tunnel. To be continued....  

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Zombie’s of the North Pole : Part 5

What do you mean we are fuck said Smitty and Buzzbee replied the zombies over took Santa’s house and we tried our best to fight them off. Wheres Mrs. Clause? asked Coco and Santa replied with a heavy look of sorrow on his face and said when the zombies attacked the house me and Buzzbee and Mrs. Clause and some of the elf defense force tried fighting them off but there was too many of them and they had zombie polar bears and about 6 zombies broke threw are defense and bit Mrs. Clause a few times and a polar bear clawed her as well and as she was dying she repeated the words kill me, kill me and I was not going to have her come back as a zombie so I put her out of her misery. Frosty asked what happened to the defense force ? Buzzbee replied they were killed by the zombies and 6 of them were sliced in half by the zombie polar bears and the other 6 that were still alive told us to run and they would hold the zombies off and they also gave us a container of C4′s and claymore mines and detonators. Santa asked wheres  Cookie he was supposed to meet us here  ? Smitty said he and Todd, Brain, and Tia went to the Krampus’s castle to see if he wanted to help deal with these zombies and told us to go threw the tunnels and look for other survivors. I cant believe that old crazy bastard would do that said Santa and Buzzbee said we need to think of a plan fast and find out if Candy-foot, and Louie and meat are still alive and come up with a plan. Santa where are the reindeer and your sleigh said Frosty and Santa replied right before the out break happened Dicknuts took them to the lowering pad outside beside  the stable and took them underground for safe keeping. Is there seriously an elf that works here called Dicknuts or is there a reason why you call him that ? said Frosty. Seriously his name really is Dicknuts said Santa and Buzzbee said yeah he is a very competent person and a very nice guy. Meanwhile Cookie and Todd, Brain, and Tia made it to the tunnel entrance at Krampus castle and entered the castle. Todd said this place is huge and Cookie replied can you keep it down this place echos and we cant let him know we are here yet. They made it into a larger room and in that room sitting in a big armchair sat the Krampus and just then he spoke and said who dares to disturb me ? Cookie replied my god you look as menacing as ever old friend. Todd was just awestruck with everything he was seeing especially seeing an eight foot tall red Christmas demon. Cookie nice to see you again and what are you doing here ? Well Krampus Santa is under attack by zombies at the north pole and I thought you should come help said Cookie. Why should I help that fat sack of shit do anything said Krampus and Cookie replied its only a matter of time till this out break reaches you here. I will deal with it myself if it comes here said Krampus and Cookie replied look Krampus he wants to apologize just in case this is the last time he can and he sent me to tell you. He really said that ? asked Krampus and Cookie replied yes that’s what he said. Krampus said alright I will go with you and I hope your not lying Cookie. I’am not said Cookie and after Krampus left to get his diamond studded willow branch and battle ax from another room, Brain said Santa did not say anything about an apology and Cookie replied I know but this was the only way to get him to come. When Krampus reentered the room the 5 of them headed threw the tunnel and when they reentered the bunker Krampus set his weapons on the floor and Santa said its been a long time Krampus. It sure has you bastard said Krampus  and then he lunged at Santa. To be continued.   

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Zombie’s of the North Pole : Part 4

Fuck are we glad to see you, said Todd to Frosty and Frosty replied this isn’t the time exchange pleasantries but thank you. Just then Brain shouted Tia, Coco get over here, they headed over to where the others are and frosty was summoning more snowmen as they ran for safety. Frosty said I cant keep summoning snowmen sure its distracting the zombies but we can keep doing this. Smitty noticed along the rooftops of the buildings and shops were the North Pole Defense Force of Elves and some of them had crossbows and others had rifles and they opened fire on the zombies and in the distance behind a building Todd heard someone call his name and it was old Cookie the elf and he had a great big bushy grey bread and shotgun in hand. Cookie said you whipper snappers better move your asses because the defense force has you covered. They all moved to cookies position including Frosty and Todd glanced back as they were running and saw at least 10 zombie polar bears running towards the defense force and could hear members of the defense force yelling “GET SOME, GET SOME” and other words such as “YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME BITCH. When they made it to where Cookie was Brain took a look back and saw some zombie abominable snow monsters  coming threw the forest and attack the buildings the defense force were on and saw about 6 of them fall and at least 2 of them were crushed under the snow monsters feet and the rest kept firing on the zombies. The rest still on the roof were trying to hold off the zombies on the ground and the elves that fell kept on fighting till everyone of them were killed and one was sliced to ribbons by a zombie polar bear. Cookie said come on there’s an underground bunker not that far from here and so they headed there and on the way Cookie had to shoot some zombies and they made it there all alive.

Cookie said hell I survived a Nazi attempted invasion in 1943 and I’ll be damned if I’m going to become zombie chow.  Brain said is this place safe ? Cookie replied of course it is safe, Santa built these during world war 2 and during the cold war Santa thought these would come in handy if there was a nuclear war. You fought Nazis in world war 2 said Todd and Cookie replied didn’t I just tell you that and if you don’t believe me there is a picture taken right before we fought them off from here. The group headed over there and saw a black and white photograph of Cookie standing beside Santa and Buzzbee and a few other elves standing in front of some ammunition boxes and in the picture Smitty noticed a big red demon with cloven hooves and big long horns that stretched past his head like a goats and he was holding a diamond studded willow tree branch and a battle ax and said who is this ? Cookie replied you said who is this ? WHO IS THIS ? well you whipper snapper that’s the Krampus. What is he? said Smitty and then Cookies face turned beat red and just then Brain took over and said Cookie I’ll take it from here and explain to him who Krampus is. Smitty he is a Christmas demon who punishes bad children well use to said Brain. What do you mean use to ? replied  Smitty. Him and Santa had kind of a falling out during the late fifty's to early sixties said Brain. Tia said who are the other 6 elves in this picture ? Cookie replied the one beside Krampus is Candy-foot and he’s was one mean bastard back then and he still is to this day and the one beside him is Nemo Mint and he was a great sniper. Coco replied what happened to him ? he was killed when a tank fired on a building he was on the roof of and the blast knocked him off the roof and he died when he hit the ground said Cookie. The one beside him was bill and he was our radio operator and he was gunned down in the radio tower and the one beside him are the twins Louie and Meat said Cookie. Smitty said what happened to Candy-foot, Louie and Meat ? Cookie said Candy-foot is in charge of the defense force and Louie and Meat are in charge of toy shops 5 and 6 and I fucking hope those 3 are still alive. Coco asked were their more survivors ? Cookie said if there were more than I would assume their in the other underground bunkers which are also conected to each other or fighting for their lives. Frosty asked where’s Santa ? Cookie replied he and Buzzbee are preoccupied at the moment. Smitty asked If you were in WW2 and so was Buzzbee than why aren't you to old as fuck ? You must be really young or stupid to not know elves can live for centuries and can be and look in their prime for a long time and yes I would be considered old as fuck because I was here when Santa started said Cookie. I have a plan and it involves and group of us using one of the tunnels here and going to Krampus’s castle and bringing him to fight said Cookie. Todd said I thought him and Santa have issues and Cookie replied I know that but I think that I can convince him to fight so I’m going to need you todd and Brain as well as Tia to come on this journey and we can use a secrete tunnel that is directly under his castle and the rest of you are going to go threw the other tunnels and find survivors and I have guns over in cupboard  for protection. They all agreed and Cookie, Brain, Todd, and Tia headed threw the tunnel after they grabbed guns.Smitty and Coco each grabbed a M16 except for Frosty since he has snow powers and just then Santa and Buzzbee came threw the tunnel door covered in blood and Buzzbee said we are so fucked. To be continued 

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Zombie's of the North Pole: Part 3

Todd and Brain thought of a idea fast and then Todd said I got it. Brain said what do you got ? Todd then used his elf magic and two candy canes appeared with sharpened ends and sent them thew the window straight into the heads of to zombies. He also built a wall of gingerbread between them and the zombies and said that should old them off while we escape and then Brain said in my lab there is a few gadgets we can use and there is also a entrance to the tunnels under the compound we can use. The two headed back up the stairs and to the lab and Brain said there is a candy cane gun over on my work bench and two invisibility watch's  beside it. Todd said alright these should come in handy. So Todd and Brain headed threw the entrance to the tunnels and as they where going threw Brain said lets stop and activate the watch’s and go threw the entrance to toy lab 4. Todd said I don’t think this is a good idea and Brain said we got to and see if there might be survivors. They activated the watch’s and head into the lab only to find blood covered toys and walls and devoured elf corpses on the floor and dismembered limbs on the floor. Brain heard a sound coming from a closet and said to Todd, I think we should check it out and Todd said are you crazy ? there might be a zombie in there ? Brain said only one way to find out and they headed over to the closet and opened it.They opened the closet and found Smitty the elf in there alive and they deactivated the watch’s and Smitty said I’m so glad its you guys. Todd said to Smitty, what happened here ? Smitty told them how zombie elves and polar bears came in and killed everyone and after that the three herd a noise outside and when the three went out there and saw Coco and Zia  about to be attacked by a group of zombies. Smitty used his magic and summoned three snowmen and ordered them to save Coco and Zia and as they went to save them the zombies where attacked by Frosty the snowman. Frosty said you guys need to chill.

To be continued.

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Zombies of the North Pole : Part 2

Todd ran as fast as he could to Brain’s lab and when he got there he pounded on the metal door and he heard in the distance the sounds of candy canes breaking and a loud roar. He hit the door even harder and said Brain open up its me Todd . Brain opened the door and said whats all the commotion that’s making you pound on my door like a retarded abominable snowman ? Todd responded there’s zombies out in the woods and we got to tell Santa. Why didn’t you kill them ? said Brain. I was terrified of what I saw and the only thing i could think of doing was running. said Todd. Brain then said well come on in and we will try to figure out what caused this and warn Santa.So Todd and Brain headed into the lab and brain went on his computer to check for anything out of the ordinary and then came across the radiation storm that hit previously and Brain said I think its time we warn Santa. Brain and Todd called Santa and he said what up and Todd told him about the zombies and Santa said are you serious or are you just fucking with me ? No Santa Brain can back me up on this said Todd. Brain took the phone and said yeah there was a huge radiation storm that passed threw and that could of possibly caused the zombies and its also possible that some wildlife could be also affected to. Santa said I think their was a second group of elves in the area ice fishing and there was about ten of them. Brain said did they come back to the shop ? No they haven’t reported back yet said Santa. Well I guess we better kill them before this spreads said Brain and when Santa hung up he said to the elf in the room with him, “Buzzbe I need you to go to the weapons storage and tell me whats in there”.Buzzbe said alright i will let you know what we got and back at the lab the alarm starts going off and Todd said whats that? Brain said its the intruder alarm and that means someones trying to break into the lab. Brain reaches under his desk and pulls out a revolver and said Todd we can probably use some of my tools as weapons and after that he sent a warning to the entire north pole and they headed down the stairs and saw zombies trying to get threw the window. Brain shot one the zombies in the head and just then they heard over the intercom “toy lab four is under attack and there’s FUCKING zombie polar bears”. The two looked at each other and said “OH SHIT. To be continued

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Zombies of the North Pole

On December 19th 2014 there was a christmas elf out in the woods around santa's  workshop collecting firewood just as an radiated electrical storm was passing threw the north pole. The storm hit in the same location where the elf was and when it hit him he was killed on impact and it wasn’t until about an hour later a group of elves went to look for him.The elves came to the exact location where the storm it,  only to find nothing and just then one of the elves spoke and said well Sprinkles, Mint-berry and Puddin  it looks like we can’t find Charlie anywhere. Sprinkles said I think we should keep looking Todd and  after he said that there was a rustling over in the trees and the four headed over there to see what it was. When they got there Charlie came out from the trees and attacked Mint-berry and he bit her on the shoulder and Todd said holy shit what the fuck Charlie, after he said that charlie came after the rest and bit and scratched Sprinkles to death. Todd and Puddin ran threw the forest back to the shop with charlie in pursuit and as they where running puddin stopped in front of a boulder and Todd asked her why they stopped ? she responded whats wrong with charlie and why would he attack us? Todd said isn’t obvious he became a zombie. Puddin said how is that even possible ? we should head to Brain’s lab after here and then tell Santa what’s going on said Todd. After he said that a zombie Mint-berry and Sprinkles appeared behind them with Charlie and they grabbed Puddin and devoured her. Todd used some of his elf magic and blocked off the three for now with a wall of candy canes and ran for brains lab. To be continued 

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A great pic of Venom 

Venom by Eddie Newell

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Jose Gonzalez - Stay Alive

I heard this song at the end of the movie The Secret Life of Walter MItty and I must say its a great movie and it also has a great soundtrack and this songs  a good tune.

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Frank Movie Review

I just recently watched the movie Frank and its plot is about a aspiring songwriter named john who witnesses a man trying to drown him self while walking along a beach in his town. He goes over to where a group of people watching this guy and he talks to a man in the groups who’s named Don and finds out it was the keyboard player for the experimental band he manages called Soronprfbs and John mentions he can play the keyboard so the man hires him for the night. At the gig John meets the rest of the band and lead singer is a man named Frank who wears a giant papier-mache head and a musical genius and  theres Clara who plays the thereman and a korg MS-10 who is Franks  usually aggressive sidekick and there french bass player Baraque and Nana the drummer. About a week later John joins the band and accompanies them to Ireland to record an album in a cabin in the forest. Along the way they have there disagreements and John learns what its like to be in a band and how to find creativity  and the band learns a whole new way to record an albums thanks to frank. I would definitely recommend watching this movie and it is solid. I would rate this movie 4 stars out of five stars.

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I’m back

I would like to let everyone know I will be on tumblr more often and I’m starting to feel creative again and I’m getting ideas for comedy sketches again. I will be finishing Zombies of the North Pole this winter and I will possibly write some short stories before then and some more movie reviews.   

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Vacation movie Review

On the weekend i watched the movie Vacation which is a sequel to the National Lampoons Vacation series of movies. Vacation stars Ed Helms as Rusty Grizwald the son of Chevy Chases character Clark Grizwald from the original movies and Chase is also in the film reprising his role of Clark Grizwald. Christina Applegate plays Helms wife in the movie and it also features Leslie Mann as Rusty's sister Audrey and Chris Hemsworth as her husband stone Crandall who is a local texas weatherman in the film. The plot of the film involves Rusty taking his family on a vacation to walley world just like how his dad took him there as a kid. Rusty takes his wife and two sons on a trip across america and on the way they meet some interesting characters. I myself didn’t find it as good as the original series but it had its funny moments and it featured appearances by Charlie Day, Norman Reedus, and Nick Kroll, Keegan-Michael Key. I would rate this movie 2.5 stars out of 5 stars. 

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3 hitters.

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Faded 24/7.

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I got this shirt just in time for 420.

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Zombie's of the North Pole: Part 3

Todd and Brain thought of a idea fast and then Todd said I got it. Brain said what do you got ? Todd then used his elf magic and two candy canes appeared with sharpened ends and sent them thew the window straight into the heads of to zombies. He also built a wall of gingerbread between them and the zombies and said that should old them off while we escape and then Brain said in my lab there is a few gadgets we can use and there is also a entrance to the tunnels under the compound we can use. The two headed back up the stairs and to the lab and Brain said there is a candy cane gun over on my work bench and two invisibility watch's  beside it. Todd said alright these should come in handy. So Todd and Brain headed threw the entrance to the tunnels and as they where going threw Brain said lets stop and activate the watch's and go threw the entrance to toy lab 4. Todd said I don't think this is a good idea and Brain said we got to and see if there might be survivors. They activated the watch's and head into the lab only to find blood covered toys and walls and devoured elf corpses on the floor and dismembered limbs on the floor. Brain heard a sound coming from a closet and said to Todd, I think we should check it out and Todd said are you crazy ? there might be a zombie in there ? Brain said only one way to find out and they headed over to the closet and opened it.They opened the closet and found Smitty the elf in there alive and they deactivated the watch's and Smitty said I'm so glad its you guys. Todd said to Smitty, what happened here ? Smitty told them how zombie elves and polar bears came in and killed everyone and after that the three herd a noise outside and when the three went out there and saw Coco and Zia  about to be attacked by a group of zombies. Smitty used his magic and summoned three snowmen and ordered them to save Coco and Zia and as they went to save them the zombies where attacked by Frosty the snowman. Frosty said you guys need to chill.

To be continued.