jmritz

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

My garden about a week ago. It now has even more flowers out.

[jmritz]

6/4/2024

I’m doing ok at the moment. I’ve just been rereading my last post and realising how much has changed since then. Life is still a rocky and unpredictable road, but I’ve been managing better and seem to have increased by activity baseline slightly.

My garden is looking beautiful, with all the bulbs in flower - I plan to plant some more, so next year is even better!

I’m going on a cruise next month to Norway. Only 5 nights, and I don’t plan to go ashore, but the views from this ship will be enough for me. I go between being excited and terrified that it will all be to much and cause a major setback.

I’ve been spending some short carefully managed time with my nephews and niece. Mostly crafty things, that I can do with them. And what’s really nice is, they’re asking when I’ll next be there so we can do more.

All in all things are going well at the moment. I just hope and pray that it continues

[jmritz]

29/8/23

Life continues to be a constant of ups and downs, physically and mentally, and some more predictable than others!

I was in a pretty bad place at the end of July, my world seemed to come crashing down around me. So many reminders of what I've lost because of ME/CFS. I thought I'd got through the 'acceptance' stage, that I was in a place where I could accept my limitations.... but having seen fellow sufferer's posts, I know that I am not alone. However much on a day to day basis we feel we have accepted our lot, life throws events at us, that bring all that we've lost back into sharp focus - and it hurts! And the only way through it, it to let those feelings out and work our way back to acceptance. At these times we need understanding and acceptance from our friends and family more than anything. And to be allowed to feel those feelings without judgement.

It's hard to hear everyone talking about their holidays, where they've been, where they're going, when I'm staying at home, and the best I can manage is 3 nights in an accessible caravan an hours drive away (because a longer journey would just cause a setback). And I am grateful to be able to have that break, but it's still hard to hear about all the things people are doing that are way beyond my reach....

Most of all at the moment, I'm missing my best friend - work is keeping him busy... hopefully not for much longer.

August has seen work on my garden completed. It now has a large raised flower bed, with paving everywhere else. It's completely wheelchair accessible and hopefully manageable by me - I did my first lot of weeding yesterday! I've so far planted a variety of Fuchsias and intend to add a white hydrangea, and plant some bulbs to give colour in the spring. I just wish it wouldn't keep raining, so I can sit out and enjoy it a bit more!!!

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

25/2/2023

I’m not sure where I am at the minute.... physically I’m doing great (for me!) but mentally I’m struggling. Part of the issue is that I’m worried when the next “crash” is going to happen - it’s so frustrating not being able to just enjoy feeling a bit more able to do things, because there’s a constant niggle in my brain saying “be careful you don’t over do it” all the time. 

The other part of the problem, is my sister’s pregnancy. It’s brought up a lot of issues I thought I’d put behind me. And it’s not just the not being able to have children of my own, it’s the feeling of life passing me by, whilst everyone else moves forward with their hopes and dreams (whatever they may be)

My achievements are so trivial by other peoples standards. Yesterday someone told me they were proud of me for something I’d done, and I realised just how long it was since someone had said anything like that to me....

To end on a positive note, on Thursday I actually managed to have a little bit of time with some of my extended family, the first time in a very long time. It felt so good to be part of something “normal”. I survived it pretty well, although I was completely exhausted afterwards and suspect I’m still paying for it a bit today. But those little bits of “normal” are worth the consequences sometimes

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

4/7/22

My life is pretty chaotic at the moment…. Just when my house was sorted, my housing association decided they were going to rewire the whole house, and renew my kitchen. Good that it’s being done, I’m just so glad I could move back to my parents house while the work is being done.

Last week I had to pack the whole house up - it was sad to take my house to pieces…. But another week and I can start putting it back together again if all goes to plan.

Before that, I have to survive this weeks challenges - a dentist appointment (1st in 2 years because of covid) and an ultrasound scan, then next Monday a hospital procedure, followed by joining a funeral online of a very special friend.

That’s quite a lot for anyone in such a short space of time, but with my ME/CFS it will be a miracle if I don’t have a major setback….

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

Any person, at any age, at any moment, could become disabled as quick as a snap of the finger.

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

I feel like I’ve been struggling with accepting my ME/CFS again - I thought I had that nailed…. Then something sets it all off again

[jmritz]

You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.

Osho (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[jmritz]

[jmritz]

Life is not about who you once were. It’s about who you are right now, and who you have the potential to become.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)