jmnmlst

[jmnmlst]

Hey. Recently I got registered to work in United Kingdom. Few months after, I passed an interview and got an employer. I struggled to submit the requirements they've been asking. Everything happens so fast and it's so overwhelming. In a couple of days, i'll be taking my IELTS test. I never thought studying to pass an english exam would be much harder than just expressing random thoughts in english. If everything falls favourably in me, I have to resign in my current job next month and then I will be leaving the country January next year.

This year is crazy, and the anxiety is unwavering. I have been experiencing nausea and headaches these past few weeks. I am just so glad that after a year of living independently in a dorm, I decided to go home and let my parents take care of me again. Life seems a lot bearable now at least. Thank God.

[jmnmlst]

“You are so brave for getting this far. I’m so proud of you for not giving up.”

— Unknown

[jmnmlst]

Why can't people see how hard things are for me. I pay monthly for this car I got for my family. I pay monthly for my rent. I pay for my own insurance. I pay for my own groceries, my food and my bills. I send money monthly to my Grandma. And sometimes to my Aunt and Uncle. And everyday, God... i'm just trying to fit in whatever life's left with me. Do they think they're the only ones struggling? Do they not care how I feel? And when i seem to enjoy my life a little, people come at me. Even the ones I barely talk to with asks money from me. God, ang bigat. 🥺

[jmnmlst]

May nakalaang blessings pra sa lahat. May nakalaang blessings si Lord para sa 'kin. Darating din yung time ko. Ako naman. Para sa 'kin naman. Sa ngayon, magiging masaya muna ko para sa iba. Darating din yung para sa 'kin. I believe in His promises e. I put my trust in Him. I believe in His will for me. 🙂

[jmnmlst]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It (via perfectquote)

[jmnmlst]

You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when needed.

[jmnmlst]

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

[jmnmlst]

There are people who likes to think how lucky i am. They were like because i have a car, and a boyfriend. And because i am young and i am nicely keeping my shit together. Well sadly, those are the people who don't know me. Those people who don't know my story. Those people who weren't there when i've been fallin' apart. Those people weren't "my people".. They are just the ones I threw stupid smiles on and talks to so I can get through my day. I miss "my people"...

[jmnmlst]

i wish i can just cry my heart out to someone without thinking if i’m being a burden to them or if i’m triggering emotions. i know people are there, i’m just scared to open up again.

[jmnmlst]

I can’t remember the last time it feels right and blessed being with someone. ‘Til I get to know you and keep learning everything about you. We get to learned and keep learning each other. It’s not easy, because I’m always the person who freaks out, that I may not always being chosen when things get bad. And then gives you a little speech, shut things off, and leave. But I can’t be and I’m trying not to run back to being that kind of person that cracked my soul. Thank you for holding me. For all the reassurance and consistency. I know there are times you really hate me because I can’t keep a conversation, you say things and almost give up haha but look we’re still together and you keep loving me more after the fight. Smiley emojis inserted lols. Heeeey i’m in love!!! en finally capable of keeping a relationship hihi

[jmnmlst]

I am about to take this drug prescribed by my doctor that is very well contraindicated with patients having an anxiety. Me, of all people lied of having one. Despite having the episodes of depressions and anxiety more often than I used to these past few months, I still chose to lie.

Today is my 24th birthday, and I hope it won't be the very last i'm going to celebrate it.

[jmnmlst]

Anxieties and fears can feel like chains binding you to the suffering, but it doesn't have to go on like this. Use the power that you've always carried --your ability to adapt and change, and move forward. You're always pushing forward, & I am proud of you. Let go of insecurities sweetie. // 7thSept.2020

[jmnmlst]

"If unfriending/cutting me off in your life means protecting your inner peace. Go, don't hesitate to do it. I know I'm toxic to others and blessing to some. I'm still healing and growing and I don't wanna ruin someone's peace."

[jmnmlst]

and when the time's right, you'll wake up in the morning as the sun kisses your skin. the flowers will start growing through your scars, and you'll just realize it, you're finally healed.

[jmnmlst]

you know that feeling when you’re so fucking sad it physically hurts and you just can’t explain how horrible it is and nobody understands because you can’t figure out how to tell them it feels like your chest is caving in and your hands don’t feel like yours anymore so you just kinda sit there and try to remember how to be okay?

yeah.

[jmnmlst]

“Give yourself some credit. If someone gives you a compliment, accept it. If something makes you feel a little more confident, give space for it. It’s better to be a human being who’s proud and knows what they’re worth than it is to be someone who keeps searching for love and acceptance everywhere except from themselves and ends up with a heart filled with hurt.”

— Juansen Dizon, Self-appreciation

[jmnmlst]

"...i long so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things require effort --and disappointments and perseverance."

--Vincent van Gogh "Letter to Theo van Gogh," 9 Sept. 1882