jjongchan98

[jjongchan98]

talk to me in french, talk to me in spanish 🍒

[jjongchan98]

“So, what made you come to Paris?“, you asked, spearing a buttery potato with your fork.

“Ever seen the movie Ratatouille? Completely changed my life. I just knew I had to follow Remy‘s footsteps.“

Tendou immediately regretted his answer the moment the words leaped out of his mouth. He finally managed to ask you out, a girl so far out of his league that he had already sent bragging texts to his former teammates before he even got dressed for the first date, and now this. You looked at him, blinked for a moment, and just as he started seeing his life flashing before his eyes, you burst out into a snort of laughter. A few people at nearby tables turned to stare but he only waved them off, focusing on you trying to regain composure.

For weeks he had seen you in the afternoon waiting for the same train as him. In the mornings your route to work took you by the shop he worked at and one day, as you were ogling the pralines displayed in the window, biting your lip in torn temptation, you had made eye contact with him and soon started smiling and nodding and eventually even waving to him as you passed the chocolaterie. He figured, once he was at the train station you didn‘t recognize him without his large white hat and pristine uniform and he didn‘t know how to approach you. That was until a terribly helpful gust of wind blew your scarf right off your neck and he chased it down for you, giving him the perfect opportunity to ask for your name, your number, and your time to get together.

And now you sat across from him in a corner of a tiny restaurant, with lights dancing in your eyes, wearing a dress that was obviously designed to make him crazy with how exquisitely it wrapped around your soft body.

You cleared your throat and said, “I was always more a Beauty and the Beast girly myself. After seeing it I always yelled Bonjour! every morning - drove my friends and family nuts! People on the street were looking at me weird, too, so I decided to move to France.“

Now it was on Tendou to laugh. Wiping a tear out of the corner of his eyes he chuckled, “I love you.”

“Hm?”

“I asked if you wanted to get dessert.”

You beamed at him and nodded.

[jjongchan98]

cw: depression, medication mention

kita draws you a bath whenever you're sad. he sits at the edge and lightly chats with you as you bathe, sometimes dipping his fingers into the water.

"i've been taking a lot of baths lately." you say one day, tone flat.

"mm," he hums. "they're good for you."

you sink low, until your knees pop out from the water. "Wallowing is good for me now?"

"Resting is." He pats the water lightly, watching the ripples disperse away from him. "Getting better is."

The water's cooled, the sun is low. The radiator clunks to life and the room smells faintly of burnt-- a problem Shinsuke promised he'd fix, once the next paycheck came in. The was three paychecks ago, but he still nods, like he knows what you're thinking.

"Friday." he whispers. "I'll call the guy on friday."

He emptied the account last month when the car broke down, then again this month at the pharmacy for you. Still, you sit in lukewarm water, mood unchanged.

"And what if I never get better?" you ask. "What if we're always broke and miserable?"

He smiles, lips closed, and turns the faucet. It takes only a couple of second before it warms up, steaming from the nozzle.

"There'll always be more hot water."

[jjongchan98]

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants: to be accepted and liked by his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it almost makes sense Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

[jjongchan98]

Random Facts: Xavier

Apartment Building/Apartment Tour?

In some of the paperwork the protaganist received from Akso Hospital, we can see her address listed as follows:

And since she later discovers that Xavier lives in the same building as her, just on the floor above hers, we can easily deduce his home address.

Xavier's Home Address:

Building 9, Unit 602, 309 Garden South Street

Xavier's Apartment Building Tour:

Entrance to the building:

Interior halls:

Xavier's Apartment Tour:

Here are some shots I grabbed of what the interior of his apartment looks like:

If you enter through the front door and turn left, you enter his living room area:

Directly behind the desk/table is a very comfortable looking couch, behind which we can see a door that leads to a balcony:

When Xavier is sitting on the couch, we can see the door to an adjacent room (bedroom? bathroom?) and an unknown area directly to the left of the couch that could be the kitchen?:

Theorized Apartment Floorplan:

From all of those pieces, I drew up a theorozed estimation of his apartment floorplan:

Notes:

Imma need to see that kitchen, Xavier. Besides, we all know you probably shouldn't even be using it without adult supervision lol. And I'm impatiently patiently waiting for a bedroom reveal!!

[jjongchan98]

"you know other men?"

i haven't post it here yet, and yes i love this stupid jelly bunny 🐰

[jjongchan98]

ADVENTURE ABOVE CLOUDS | Stellablobbu Xavier

[jjongchan98]

my deduction of L&DS men love languages 🥸☝️ i'm supposed to be doing my assignments

Zayne is predominantly acts of service because he doctor like help also nerfed with a curse so this is the most subtle way to show affection lmao

Rafayel is predominantly quality time because like it's obvious bro waited 800 years and acts like a fish out of water if he's separated from mc for 2 seconds

Sylus is predominantly physical touch because omg who the hell interlaces fingers so casually like that AND also words of affirmation because i'm telling you this man has such a way with his words he is so comforting istg

Xavier is equally proficient in all the love languages idk what to tell you he's just a perfect boy like that minus the cooking skills 🫢 love you xavierr 🫶🫶

[jjongchan98]

ADVENTURE ABOVE CLOUDS | Stellablobbu Xavier

[jjongchan98]

[jjongchan98]

When MC finds them bleeding..

MC: Xavier, you’re bleeding! Quick! What’s your type?

Xavier: Oh, uh-dark haired…strong..always has my back..mischievous..beautiful..an angel… *basically describing MC*

MC *blushing*: I meant your blood type!

Xavier: Oh… *pauses in thought*

Xavier: Red???

———

MC: Rafayel, you’re bleeding! Quick, what’s your blood type?

Rafayel: How the hell would I know!?

MC *panicking*: How would you not!?

Rafayel : Who the fuck am I? Karl Landsteiner? Discoverer of blood groups!?

MC: …

MC: You don’t know your own blood type but you know who discovered them!??

———

MC: Zayne, you’re bleeding! Quick, what’s your type?

Zayne *groaning in pain*: ..b..positive..

MC *panicking*: I’M TRYING!!!

[jjongchan98]

Zayne, holding the door open: After you.

MC: No, no, it's okay! You first.

Zayne: I insis—

Caleb, shoving Zayne away: AFTER ME

[jjongchan98]

Hot take:

I wouldn't mind too much if Caleb wasn't a dateable character. I know the game description says he's a 'childhood friend' and him and the MC being 'taken in' by grandma was probably like, in an orphanage way not an adoption way.

But hear me out. The sibling dynamic between these two. They're the siblings who are

"You are 100% my ride or die, I would walk through hellfire for you." but also "no officer I've never seen this person in my life."

Also I want to see protective nii-san Caleb just staring down Xavier and Rafayel because,

"what makes you think you're good enough to date my sister—"

To Xavier: "—you can't cook, you sleep like a koala, and you have a tendency to disappear under mysterious circumstances."

To Rafayel: "—you're literally a fish."

and giving Zayne SO much shit for taking so long to admit his feelings for MC.

[jjongchan98]

The LADS Lads™ if they suddenly turned into animals:

Zayne turns into a tuxedo cat while he's typing away at his computer. He notices because suddenly he's sitting at his desk and pawing at the keyboard.

He goes "Mrawh!?" and tries to call you to come help, but he can't unlock his phone without his fingerprint. Luckily, you had an appointment a bit later in the day, so when you arrive, he starts bapping his Identification Card and meowing at you.

At first you don't know what's going on, obviously, why there's a cat in Zayne's office and not him, but you move closer and pick it up in your arms, and you recognize his eye color.

"Zayne?" You ask. He meows in response. He seems comfy in your arms though, purring away. You take him home for the day and make excuses to his coworkers.

He cozies up to you on the couch, loafing on your lap and closing his eyes in relaxation. Maybe he should turn into a cat more often, he thinks.

Rafayel turns into a mermaid betta while he's on a videocall with you. Just- Poof, fish. He flops out of view and into the cup of water he had near him.

You rush to his house, and in the time you take to arrive, he blows a few bubbles and shakes his fins, clearly upset by this whole situation. He attempts to jump over to Reddie's tank, but he ends up on the floor.

Thankfully you arrive just then, and toss him into the tank with a relieved sigh. He bumps against the glass as if saying "What took you so long?" and turns his back on you. You reach into the tank and caress his tail, "I came as fast as I could, I swear!".

Eventually he warms up to your touch and swims between your fingers, in acceptance of your words. Still, you better get ready to spend the rest of the day with him since he "might get turned into a fish again, and you wouldn't want to leave me by myself, riiight?"

Xavier turns into a mini lop rabbit in the middle of a mission. He's forced to flee combat, hopping away to the location your mission takes place in.

By the time he arrives, he might have taken a little nap under a bush since the run was so exhausting, but that's irrelevant, he has to find a way to let you know he's him.

You crouch to pet the cute bunny but stop short of it when he jumps to hit your Hunter’s Watch, somehow knowing how to call Xavier. The call doesn't go through, and the rabbit thumps the ground, then cleans his face. As strange as it seems, the situation dawns upon you.

He stands on his hind legs, waiting for you to pick him up. You do. On the way back home, he falls asleep again on your arms, ears tucked in. Why weren't you both born rabbits, he wonders.

Sylus turns into a vampire bat while showing off his 'singing skills' to Luke and Kieran. "Wait, boss, you sound better now." They say before they realize what has happened.

He flaps his wings in annoyance and perches himself next to Mephisto, who is very confused and keeps tilting his head to study the new flying friend.

The twins, slightly panicked, call you and tell you to come over. Obviously you don't know how to fix it, but it's a funny situation and you weren't going to miss it.

When you arrive, the bat flies over to you and starts making chittering sounds. It seems like Sylus isn't going to miss this opportunity to show you his singing skills too now that he supposedly sounds ‘even better’.

He doesn't usually act this cute, so you shut up and happily pet his fuzzy head. Good luck when he turns back.

Caleb turns into a bernese mountain dog as he’s cooking dinner. You're waiting in the living room, scrolling through Tumblr, when there's a crash at the kitchen.

He greets you with a joyful bark, wagging his tail at maximum speed. It seems like he was carrying the sauce from one place to another, and he got turned in the middle of the action, covering him in sauce. He starts licking himself but you stop him.

“Let's give you a bath.” You laugh, cleaning the floor. He doesn't seem to mind, he’s just happy to be there with you. You pet a clean part of his fur and he gives you what looks like a smile.

After the bath he shakes himself dry, splashing water all over you. He barks as if laughing. You consider feeding him actual dog food when he turns back in retaliation.

A/N: You might ask yourself, Irene, why did you transform Sylus into a bat instead of a crow? Well, I felt like it was too easy and too repetitive since Mephi is already a crow, and I feel like a bat represents him well too! Also, I really said “immersion” with that ‘scrolling through Tumblr’ bit, huh. LMAO. Why do I love changing LaDS characters into different versions of themselves is something that no one knows. Btw that Xavier part was completely inspired by Roxie (unbeknownst to her) so you can thank her.

- dividers by @/jiyascepter , @/kaitsawamura , @/saradika , @/drifting-moon , and last one made by me <3

[jjongchan98]

I've never seen these dialogues before, so cute!

[jjongchan98]

Xavier: I thought we were going to watch a horror film.

MC: Yeah, we're watching one.

Xavier: ...

Xavier: MC, that's a true crime documentary.

MC: I know. It's genuinely unsettling.

Xavier: ...

Xavier: Is this a payback for leaving you in the haunted house alone?

MC: No, no. But you can consider this as a warning.

Xavier: ...

Xavier: *chuckles*

[jjongchan98]

Deku's first day on the job is going great