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jisungpwaarkk · 4 years ago

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sex | j.jh

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Part of the playlist series!

Genre: smut, angst, fluff (it will literally switch between the three every 10 seconds, you have been warned)

Pairing: College!au, established!fwb to lovers, fuckboy!jaehyun x f.reader, jaehyun x unnamed girl

Word count: 10k

Synopsis: Friends with benefits never work out, but you were willing to put your heart on the line for Jung Jaehyun. When your emotions weigh on you enough to confess, he makes it clear that sex and love aren’t the same. They can’t be the same, he thought, but he didn’t know a thing.

Warnings: unprotected sex, multiple sex scenes, drunk sex, oral (m/f receiving), fingering, lots of unnecessary swearing, alcohol, all over the place plot

Inspired by the song "Sex” by Eden.

“No, no, no—fuck!” Xiaojun cried, hands flying to his hair in frustration. Taking a deep breath, he downed the last cup of alcohol on his half of the table with a grimace. You cheered, jumping into Jaehyun’s arms in celebration.

“How are you so bad at this, Xiaojun?” Yuta teased, slapping his beer pong partner on the back of the head.

“I’m not! She’s just too good, man.” Jaehyun was still swinging you around happily, the both of you laughing and you screamed when he nearly dropped you. “Okay, we get it. You guys won.”

“Don’t be mad, Junnie,” you said, jumping down. You flashed a dazzling smile at the pouting boy, succeeding in making him roll his eyes while fighting down a smile.

“That’s my girl,” Jaehyun murmured in your ear, approaching from behind and wrapping his arms around you. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder with a smirk. You could tell he was in the mood, his hand dangerously low on your abdomen so the very tips of his fingers slipped underneath the waistband of your shorts.

“Oh, a little spicy tonight, aren’t we?” you teased, hiding the way you were suppressing the butterflies in the pit of your stomach. It was just lust, you told yourself.

“Only for you,” he replied. He bent his head down to shamelessly pepper kisses on your neck in the midst of the crowd.

That was the confusing thing about Jung Jaehyun. In the beginning of your sexual relationship with him, he made it strictly clear that no feelings were involved. And you were perfectly okay with that. At first.

You see, Jaehyun is a natural flirt. Sometimes, he’s completely unaware that he’s wooing the girl in front of him until they’re all over him the next moment. So, he’ll say things. Things that make your heart flutter with words that screw with your head, and you’re not even sure if he knows it.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked you.

“This is your shared house, stupid.” you laughed, but grabbed his hand and led him away from the thick of the crowd, navigating your way through the wall of bodies. You had low expectations for any of the rooms to be unoccupied, but you struck luck when the two of you stumbled across an empty room that you recognized to be Johnny’s, conveniently one of the few on the ground floor.

“Classy,” Jaehyun said sarcastically, shutting and locking the door behind him. The way he was looking at you made you feel incredibly desirable. He held your hips and backed you up against the wall, wasting no time in attaching his lips to yours, dizzying you with a kiss you’ve felt countless times before.

You were both in a hurry, desperate to feel each other. The two of you undressed quickly, Jaehyun nearly falling over as he tried to kick his jeans off, interrupting your laughter with another kiss. By now his body was familiar to you, a map you’ve ventured before. He could say the same himself. You cheekily pulled at his hair, smirking into his lips as he groaned.

“Two can play at that game,” he said, refraining from kissing you again so he could watch your face as he reached his hand down to your core, running his cold fingers through your folds. Your eyes fluttered shut, rewarding Jaehyun with a small whimper. His fingers eased into you slowly, stretching you enough to take his length. Your head spun and you leaned forward onto his shoulder, Jaehyun supporting your weight as you melted into him.

“Ready?” he whispered into your hair.

“Yes. Please, Jae,” you replied. He led you to the bed, cornering you until the back of your knees hit the frame and you fell backwards with him in tow. He was so gentle with you, cradling the back of your head with his hand as you landed. You reached down and stroked his hardened length a few times, enjoying the deep moan that danced straight into your ear. You’d never gotten used to Jaehyun’s size, but you were more than wet enough for him to slip in easily. He began thrusting immediately having been worked up the entire night watching you party in that blue bralette he’d always liked. He made a mental note to tell you how good you look later.

Your moans were embarrassingly loud, escaping you in waves as Jaehyun hit every right spot in you and you felt like you were on the brink of insanity. You peered down at where the two of you were connected, his thick length stretching you open to the beat of the music blasting from outside. You thought about all the people just on the other side of the door, partying while you were fucking the man every girl came here for. You wondered if they knew. You wondered if they were jealous.

“You like when I fuck you at parties, don’t you baby? You love knowing everyone can hear how good I’m making you feel,” Jaehyun’s grip tightened around your waist, a look of steely concentration on his face as he focused on his thrusts. His hair was damp and messy on his head, the sight the definition of sin. He was so beautiful that it pained you. You remembered the girl that was all over Jaehyun before you snatched him up for beer pong, and you couldn’t ignore the burning in your chest.

It wasn’t from how hot it was in the room, or from how good Jaehyun was making you feel. No matter how much you hated it, it was the undeniable truth that seeing Jaehyun with other girls made you jealous. It got you so incredibly pissed and you hated yourself for it.

You were supposed to be the girl that everyone admires, who every guy wants to get. You’ve always kept your options open just so you could accept the offer of any candidate who happens to come along. You’ve never been tied down by feelings for any of your escapades. So why the fuck was Jaehyun any different?

“Y/n? Are you good?” Jaehyun asked, stopping his thrusts. You had been lost in your thoughts for a good minute now, and he could see something in your eyes telling him you weren’t tuned in.

“Fuck, sorry. It’s nothing.” you lied. Jaehyun sighed, pulling out of you and collapsing onto the bed, propping his head up on his hand to look down at you. He rested the other on your bare stomach, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. You were a liar if you said it didn’t push you deeper into your unchartered feelings. You swore you couldn’t help it. Jaehyun’s just a charmer.

“What’s wrong? Nuh-uh, don’t shake your head at me. What’s going on?” he asked, watching as you stared at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact. He swore it must’ve come alive with the way you’re looking at it.

“Hey,” he whispered, softer this time. You were pulled back out of the cage in your mind when you felt his hand cup your cheek, turning your head to force you to look at him.

Every voice in your head was telling you to stay quiet, to get over it and move the fuck on before you made anything complicated. You knew your reputation, but you knew his too. The last thing either of you ever wanted was for things to become messy. And that’s what would happen if you told him exactly what had been on your mind for a while now. But then you met his eyes, a look of genuine concern in them as he stared right back, and every thought you had was torn to shreds by your heart telling you otherwise.

“I think I might be falling for you, Jae,”

Fuck, oh shit. Why did you just say that? You’re pretty sure the alcohol is starting to seriously fuck with your head.

You swear you’ve ever felt more vulnerable in your life, as his eyes pierced through you and he said absolutely nothing. Despite his silence, a million thoughts were running through Jaehyun’s head, because that was definitely not supposed to happen. The main reason he even proposed being fuck buddies with you was because you were so much like him. Meet, fuck, leave. No strings attached. No feelings. And now you were laying there, looking so pretty in the dim light of his best friends’ room, telling him the last 9 words he’d ever want to hear.

The two of you were sinking. Whatever lifeboat you’d been sailing on filling with water, and all either of you could do was watch helplessly as the surface rose higher and higher, threatening to drown you both.

You didn’t know what you expected from him as a response, but it was definitely not what you actually received. Or rather, didn’t receive. Jaehyun stood, picking his clothes up and beginning to dress himself without a word. There was no way this was happening.

“Hey, asshole. Are you just not going to say anything?” you were reeling. This man in front of you, who you’ve known for so long, couldn’t even stick around to give you a damn participation trophy. He was just blatantly walking out on you and everything you thought the two of you may have had. “What the hell, Jaehyun?”

“What do you want me to say?” he demanded, swiping his shirt from off the floor. Truthfully, a small part of Jaehyun was hoping for a legitimate answer to that. It was like he needed time to process, yet he had already made up his mind. He couldn’t find it in himself to want to lie to keep this—this thing from going down.

You scrambled to find all your things as Jaehyun briskly walked out of the room, attempting to change in lightning speed. You were still trying to get your second heel on as you stumbled out of the bedroom, immersing yourself back into the party.

“Hey, were you in my room?” Johnny asked as you fumed past him, but you completely dismissed him, following the familiar head of brown hair already slipping through the front door.

“Jaehyun, where are you even going? You live here,” you called after him, your legs wobbly while walking through the grass lawn in your annoying shoes. You’d already laid your cards on the table, and his lack of response angered you enough to fight for one.

“Jung Jaehyun, if you don’t fucking stop and talk to me I’m going to lose my shit,”

“Why?” he asked, stopping in his tracks but refusing to face you. “Why did you have to go and fuck it up?”

Oh, there’s no way.

“Really, Jae? Last time I checked, you’re the one who always speaks that bullshit, claiming I’m your girl and that it’s only me. Don’t you think there was anything there? You’re telling me you don’t feel whatever this is I’m feeling?”

“No. I don’t. And I don’t know if that bursts your bubble, but those words meant nothing. This meant nothing,” You wished he hadn’t turned to speak to you, because it sure did make you feel small. Jaehyun knew if he wanted to sever this, he’d have to go about it harshly. Whether he liked it or not, it had to be done. He knew his words stung. He could see it in your eyes.

“You fucking asshole,” you whispered, pushing the tears down. You didn’t want him to see you cry. This was all happening so fast.

“I’ve always been this heartless, Y/n.”

Although he meant his venomous words, Jaehyun couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you look even when you cry. It made him wish even more that he could still savor you just a little bit longer. But to no avail.

“We were just having sex. This isn’t love.”

And then he walked away, edging further away from you, and closer to the darkness of the night. You watched him as he was swallowed by black, until all you could see was where he had been before. Your world fell apart faster than you could blink, and now you realized that you couldn’t take it back. The party behind you faded to silence, every moment leading up to this playing back in your mind as if taunting you now that it was all over.

“Let’s just have a sex-only relationship,” Jaehyun offered, making you almost spit the alcohol out of your mouth.

“A what?”

“Come on, Y/n. You can’t stand there and tell me there isn’t some serious sexual tension between us. Think about it. We fuck, there’s no feelings, and we can go out the next day and do whatever we want with whoever we want. It’s a great concept, if you ask me.”

It was actually a horrible one. You knew this. Friends with benefits never work out.

“There’s no way I’ll be your booty call, Jae.” You turned to walk away from him, ready to ditch this conversation and go find literally anyone else to talk to at that party. It was silly of you to think you could escape his stubbornness as Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and spun you back around. His face was inches from yours, his breath fanning your lips and fogging your brain.

“I’ll tell you what. We’ll have sex once. Just once. Then you can make your decision,”

Jung Jaehyun was the devil reincarnated. He knew exactly what he was doing with such a request, and he knew you would never be able to turn it down. Especially coming from him. It was embarrassing how quickly you’d given in, but maybe you’d subconsciously agreed the moment he had asked.

“Fine. But don’t think the benefits are one sided. I’m about to show you just what you’ve been missing out on.”

You were a goner. It was the third time he’d made you come, his fingers thrusting slowly inside of you, helping you down from your high.

“You’re amazing,” Jaehyun panted, watching you intently as you looked up at him with hooded, glossy eyes. His cock twitched in his other hand as he lined back up with your dripping entrance, pausing to let you catch your breath as he teased you, his tip only spreading your folds before retracting again.

“You’re relentless,” you responded, heart beating rapidly.

“The deal was we��d have sex once. I didn’t say how many times I was allowed to make you come.” you couldn’t argue with that, still riding on the excitement of your last orgasm as he pushed into you.

“You’re so big, Jae. Shit,” You groaned loudly at the stretch, still not used to his size even after he’d stuffed it into you the first time. Of course he had a perfectly long, thick cock. You expected nothing less from heaven’s favorite.

“No, you’re just—ah, so fucking tight,”

“That’s what guys with big dicks say,” you countered, basking in his light hearted laugh. He stopped the conversation there, the familiar feeling of euphoria beginning to creep up on him. He reached down, rubbing your clit in fast circles. Your eyes rolled back and he was glad you were so sensitive, because that sight itself launched him into his own release.

Jung Jaehyun has a lot more experience under his belt than he’d like to admit, but that’s what made you so fascinating. Because compared to all those other faceless girls in his memories, you stuck out prominently in his mind as the girl who he couldn’t restrain himself from. When it came to you and your body, he was insatiable.

Jaehyun began pulling out satisfied after having came, but you whined and wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Don’t stop. More,” you were barely making coherent sentences, yet your point had come across perfectly. You could tell from the darkening look in Jaehyun’s eyes.

“Oh baby, are you sure?” He leaned forward to loom over you, cradling your cheek. You’d gotten him hard again just from your words, prompting him to thrust back into you slowly, forcing his cum to spill out and onto his sheets. “I’ll use you if that’s what you want. I’d fuck your little pussy all night if you asked,”

“A what?”

“That’s what I said!” you exclaimed, a weight lifted off your shoulders after finally confessing to your friend what had happened at the party nearly a week ago. You, Y/n, had sex with Jaehyun. And it was really, really good.

“Well, did you make a decision?” Jiwoo asked, eyes as large as two saucers.

And that was the real question, wasn’t it? It didn’t matter if the sex was good in your opinion, of course it was. But the verdict on everyone’s mind was, were you going to accept his offer and make that night, that mind (and back) blowing fucking night, a frequent occurrence?

“I don’t see why not, honestly. I mean first, just look at the guy. Second, you’re used to this type of thing. So why not just see how it goes with a perfect guy who’s practically on his knees asking you to fuck him?” Jiwoo was talking as if it were solving simple math with a calculator. Easy.

“It’s not that simple,” you muttered. Jiwoo quirked an eyebrow at you skeptically.

“And why is that?”

“Because, Jiwoo. It’s like you said. He’s perfect. And I’m not saying all the other guys weren’t, but what am I supposed to do if he charms me enough to want something more? We both know that won’t end well with a guy like him.”

“But that’s the fun of it, right?” Jiwoo offered, beginning to think she should just drop it. She made her points, and if you still weren’t convinced, she’ll support you. But she was right. You’ve always done things you shouldn’t. And you always ended up loving it in the moment no matter the outcome. Hopefully you won’t be breaking your good streak.

If only you’d listened to your gut.

“I accept,”

Jaehyun looked up from his phone, to you who was standing in front of the couch he was seated on. He didn’t know who let you in, but here you were, in his home declaring your willingness in such an unanticipated way. It was pretty hot if you asked him.

“Good,” he said, turning back to his screen. You stood there, playing with your fingers awkwardly. It was weird seeing him after that night, when you looked at him and all you could think of was how his hands were on you with his lips on yours. He made an impression, that’s for sure.

“Uh, is that it then?” you asked, cringing internally at his nonchalant manner. You had worked up so much courage just to stand there, and now you feel like it was all for nothing. This wasn’t a big deal at all to him. But you knew this coming into it, you told yourself. This was good. There was nothing to get attached to.

“Yeah, unless you want to stay,” he said, his eyes looking you up and down. He was clearly implying that the only reason for you to even be there was if you wanted to fuck, but now wasn’t the best time for you or the growing annoyance in your chest.

“I don’t, actually. Carry on,” you gave him a sarcastic curtsy, ignoring the seductiveness he exuded as he bit his lip at your attitude, his dimples peaking out.

That entire interaction reminded you why you didn’t want to go through with this in the first place. Too bad you were stubborn, or maybe reckless was the right word. You were willing to put your heart on the line for Jung Jaehyun.

—————————

2 months. That’s how long it’s been since the dreadful confession and Jaehyun just couldn’t stop replaying it endlessly in his head.

“I think I might be falling for you, Jae,”

No matter how much time passed since that night, he could still remember everything that happened as if it were yesterday. Every expression you made, every word that had been said, and the confusion that continued to haunt him.

More than that haunted you, though, leaving you to drag around the humiliation and regret that followed. Every day, you wished you hadn’t done something along the way. You wished you hadn’t agreed to his stupid offer, or let him crawl into your heart, or even confessed at all.

According to Jiwoo, everyone in the group knew that something was going on between the two of you. It was known that the both of you were extremely flirty with each other, or used to be. And now you couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him. Infuriatingly, he always seemed unbothered in comparison. It really solidified his lack of any romantic interest in you. It was almost better, though. He made it easier to get over him, you just haven’t gotten that far yet.

It was like nothing could ever touch him, so much so that you almost felt bad for him. How could one be so unphased by anything? What kind of life is that to live?

Your appearance at the weekly parties across the small college town used to be frequent, hell, you would show up to every single one of them. Parties were a time for you to let loose, to drink and dance and fuck all while being the person you had always wanted to be. It was all an act, but that’s what made you likeable. And now you were absent from the center of it all, and everyone could feel it. Even Jaehyun. Things weren’t the same anymore, and you weren’t either.

“Where’s Y/n been at lately? We miss her,” Hendery groaned, collapsing onto Sungchan beside him in despair. Jiwoo shrugged, loyally keeping your whereabouts and emotional status on lock. No one else had to know that you were merely at home, wallowing in self pity.

Jaehyun eyed your friend from his own chair, masking his interest. He wasn’t concerned about where you were, it wasn’t his business. For all he cared, you could be out on a date right now. That would be good, yeah. He wants you to move on. Totally.

He needs a drink.

Jaehyun always enjoyed the parties at the ‘00 house a little extra, remembering the time they made him help with setting up the LED lights across every inch of the house. He had to literally catch Jaemin after he fell off the ladder. It was worth it, though, because now every room was encased with it’s own hue of color. When he walked in, the kitchen was green.

He squeezed past a group of juniors he faintly recognized, giving a head tilt in greeting and slipping towards the drinks. As he was pouring himself another cup that wouldn’t be the last, he felt a presence beside him.

“Hey handsome,”

If he had a dollar for every time he heard that line, he’d be rolling around in piles of money enough to pay his rent for the month. You would’ve never used it, he thought.

Jaehyun thought he might know the girl next to him, but he wasn’t completely sure. He’s seen her around at parties, sure, but he couldn’t even say what letter her name started with.

The LED color had changed. Now it was red.

Everything happened at lightning speed. One minute her hand was on his arm, the next he was being dragged up the stairs. In no time at all Jaehyun found himself in an empty room accompanied by this stranger. He didn’t push her away when she kissed him, his arms moving on their own accord as they pulled her body into his. He kissed her back with lips completely distant from his heart. He felt nothing for her. Or anything, really.

Soon his clothes were on the floor and he was moving mechanically through the motions of what should be intimate, something you save for someone you care about. You didn’t have to love them, you just had to feel.

What had he felt for you to have made it okay?

Jaehyun flipped the girl over, pressing her front into the sheets. He couldn’t even look at her face. Frustration fueled him to continue, determined to get out of whatever slump he was caught in. This wasn’t like him. This never bothered him before. He was always completely open to having sex with another nameless girl.

The more he got lost in his thoughts, the angrier he got. Soon he was pounding into the girl so hard she became a moaning mess. Jaehyun noticed how it didn’t sound like you, and he tried to ignore how much that bothered him.

“Shut up,” he grunted, clenching his jaw.

“What do you--fuck. Right there, baby,” Jaehyun’s tolerance reached its maximum. He pulled out, leaving a very rightfully confused girl on the bed. He wasn’t hers to call baby, but he tuned out the voice that those words really belonged to.

“What the fuck, man?” the girl’s words were ignored as she watched him grab his clothes off the floor. This seemed to be a frequent occurrence now. “You know, your face won’t be enough to mask how much of an asshole you are.”

“I know,” he replied. He knew that firsthand. Her scoff sounded in the hallway when he closed the door behind him. Jaehyun found himself back in the kitchen.

Drink after drink Jaehyun poured and consumed, drowning out all the noise both around him, and inside himself. For just a little bit, he would allow his mind to stop screaming. Countless drinks later, Jaehyun was slumped against the cabinets, thoughtlessly staring straight through the wall in front of him. He was ready to pass out.

“Okay, that’s enough for you,” Doyoung said, taking the empty cup out of his friend’s hand and throwing it into the trash. He knelt down in front of Jaehyun, waving his hand in front of his face. “Let’s go home,”

“No,” Jaehyun murmured quietly. He paused for the briefest of moments, realization settling onto his face and he put some sort of imaginary puzzle together in his head. “No! We can’t,”

“Yes we can, come on now,” Doyoung tried to hoist his body up, but Jaehyun shot up on his own with staggering movements.

“I can’t. I have to wait for her,” Jaehyun slurred, clamping both hands down on Doyoung’s shoulders for support.

“Wait for who? Everyone’s leaving. Guys! Get your ass over here and help me!”

“I have to show her I care. I’m feeling, Doyoung! This is me feeling, see?” Johnny and Taeyong arrived in the doorway, watching their friend with pitiful looks. Jaehyun kept holding onto Doyoung, turning to look at the two desperately. He wanted them to help his case, to tell Doyoung that he was wrong. “Yeah guys? I won’t leave this time, right?”

“Jae, we have to go buddy. Whoever you’re waiting for isn’t coming,” Johnny reasoned, freezing when Jaehyun disregarded Doyoung and turned to him instead. His face was dejected.

“It’s because I’m an asshole,” Jaehyun said, as if explaining something to them. “I pushed her away, that’s why she’s not coming. I’m an asshole,”

Jaehyun’s hands flew up to his hair, pulling at the strands in frustration. His brain was foggy, but consumed with the same word. Asshole, asshole, asshole. You had called him that, the girl from earlier did, and now he was too. Because it was true. This fact hit Jaehyun so hard that he collapsed back onto the tile in disbelief. Drunk or not, it was the first night his college roommates had ever seen him cry. They couldn’t miss the tear that slipped down Jaehyun’s cheek under the blue hue of the lights above them.

—————————

A part of you missed the thrill of the party life, but you found yourself enjoying some alone time a bit more than you had expected. It was nice to relax for a bit, stripping away from socializing and maintaining your public facade. Sometimes you found yourself wondering what was going on at the gatherings without you. To an extent, you knew from the texts you got from your friends that your presence was missed.

Sunday was a day that was usually reserved for recovering from the night before in time for classes on Monday. That morning, however, you had no hangover to nurse. You were going to be productive. The plan was laid out, you were going to go to the breakfast place down the street, where you were going to make some progress on your thesis. The bustling atmosphere always sparked your writing flow.

It was a nice morning, fortunate for you as you walked a few blocks to get to the small, inviting cafe. It was a frequent spot for the college students in the area, so you weren’t surprised when you were met with a long line. Right when you filed into the caboose, your phone began to ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Y/n. I really hate to ask you this, but you’re probably the only one of us who isn’t either sleeping or nauseous right now. Anyway, we just ran out of painkillers, and I’m pretty sure Renjun’s head is about to implode, so could you do us a huge favor and drop off some medication?” Yangyang rambled into the phone, sounding very groggy and apologetic, but you were already exiting the line and heading towards the nearest pharmacy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there as soon as I can,”

“Wake up, Jaehyun. Hey man, get up,”

Getting shaken awake while you were having a massive hangover was not fun. Jaehyun barely opened his eyes, squinting at the person in front of him. Jeno was kneeling over him, at the very least trying to get Jaehyun to move to the couch. He had originally come down from his room to get some water, and was surprised to find his older friend passed out below the fridge.

“Fuck, did I really just sleep on your kitchen floor?” Jaehyun asked, closing his eyes in embarrassment. His days just kept getting better and better. He could barely remember what had happened after he ditched the girl and came downstairs, but that had been his intention. To drink everything away.

“Yeah. The guys had been trying to take you home but you refused. You kept saying you were waiting around for someone. But I thought they had managed to drag you along,”

Jeno decided not to mention the complete mental breakdown Jaehyun had drunkenly experienced, figuring he was in more pain being sober to begin with. A lot of people’s perspectives on Jaehyun changed that night, no longer holding him up to the standard he had tried so hard to set for himself. He finally showed that he could be human too. That should be a given, but Jaehyun was really good at making people believe that he was an exception.

“Damn, I thought you left,” a voice said from the hallway, Jaemin stumbling in with his eyes only half open. He made it to one of the cabinets and swung it open aggressively, groaning in disappointment and throwing himself onto the counter. “Where the fuck are all our pain meds?”

“On their way here, actually,” Yangyang said, collapsing into a stool placed at the kitchen island. “They should probably be here soon,”

Jaehyun was beginning to feel self conscious laying there on the ground as more and more people had arrived, and he was sure he looked like an idiot and could only imagine how messy his hair was. He was about to get up when the doorbell rang and the high pitched noise of it pained him back into his lying position.

“I didn’t know which one to get so I got a few, it should be enough to last all of you guys a couple months,”

Jaehyun knew that voice. It was the one that had been consuming his thoughts and memories for a long time. He discarded his immobilization and scrambled on the ground to the left exit of the kitchen just as you walked in through the right. Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other confusedly, a silent discussion happening between the two in understanding.

You opened the plastic shopping bag and laid out all the bottles you had bought onto the counter, watching the boys scramble to get a hold of one each. They praised you over and over again, worshipping your kindness. Yangyang walked around to the fridge, stopping in his tracks and glancing around in confusion.

“Where did--”

“Anyways! Here, everyone eat one of the bananas so we don’t take the pills on an empty stomach,” Jaemin interrupted, giving Yangyang a look. The boy shut up, putting the pieces together.

“Right, right. Sorry for holding up your schedule, Y/n. You should probably leave now, I heard Jungwoo complain about that term thesis you guys have to write,” Jeno said, lightly guiding you by your shoulders out of the kitchen and back to the front door. You were a bit confused by the rush, but they were already weird enough that nothing should be a surprise with them involved.

“Love you!” they chorused, the typical send off you received.

“Love you guys,” you replied, the door slamming shut behind you immediately after. Jeno let out a sigh, peeping through the blinds to check that you were walking away.

“She’s gone,”

Jaehyun shot back up from behind the counter, the fear and panic reenergizing him as if he wasn’t an inanimate zombie just a few moments before.

“I’m not going to lie, I was stressed for you,” Jaemin commented, peering at his friend over the top of his water glass scrutinizingly. “So, Y/n is the girl, isn’t she?”

Jaehyun nodded. He couldn’t even pretend to hide it anymore, not now. Everything was out in the open, and he couldn’t deny it to anyone, including himself. There was something there inside of him when it came to you, he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Lost in confusion, Jaehyun went to the best person he could think of for emotional support.

“Taeyong, I need your help with something,” his friend looked away from the TV, only just realizing that Jaehyun had finally returned home. He looked disheveled, his mental battles clearly taking a big toll on him.

“What’s up?” Jaehyun sat onto the couch next to him, sighing. It was a long story to tell, but Jaehyun spilled everything that had happened between you and him over the past half a year or so. He started from the very first party all the way to that very morning when you showed up unexpectedly, and he had scrambled out of sight like a coward. The whole time Taeyong listened intently, drawing his own conclusions as more and more events began to unfold, and the more he understood the situation.

“And you’re sure you don’t care about her?” Taeyong asked his friend with the full intention of expressing his doubts. Of course he knew the answer, he just wanted Jaehyun to finally admit it to himself.

Jaehyun sat silent for a few moments, pondering. Is this just empathy he feels? His heart broke as you cried and he wished it was because he felt bad. He wanted to say he was just a friend who’d never want to hurt your feelings, and that’s why he had wanted to run up to you and wipe your tears away. The answer to Taeyong’s question was obvious. Jaehyun always cared about you. But to what extent?

“I think I’m catching feelings,”

“No, I don’t think you are,” Taeyong said, letting Jaehyun jerk his head around at him before continuing. “You caught feelings a long time ago. Either way, whether you try and get her back or not, only one gives you the slightest chance of success to getting her back,”

“But what if that’s what terrifies me?” Jaehyun mumbled.

“If you don’t get over that fear now, I don’t think you ever will. You have to allow her to break you so you don’t break yourself.”

Jaehyun knew Taeyong was right. If his heart could be shattered by anyone, Jaehyun could only hope it would be at the hands of you. He needed to let you pry him open. Then he wouldn’t have to be afraid of anything.

—————————

Jaehyun spent that entire week trying to hunt you down on campus. He was there day after day, at times when he didn’t even have a class, trying to get you to hear him out. He asked around for you so much that word eventually got around, but you were different now. You wouldn’t give him the opportunity to hurt you anymore. While Jaehyun was trying his absolute best to find you, you put in just as much effort into avoiding him at all costs.

“You have to make your big comeback at his house party tonight,” Jiwoo said, ironing her hair into perfect, loose curls. She had been trying to convince you for days to go to this Saturday’s party, conveniently at Jaehyun’s place. “You have to show him that you’ve moved on, and let everyone know that you can bounce back from anything. Even Jung Jaehyun,”

“I don’t know, Jiwoo. If it were at anyone else’s house it would make it a hell of a lot easier to agree,” stepping in there would feel like reentering the routine you had grown so used to. His house carried too many memories.

“Come on, Y/n. This opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. Tonight you’re going to make him regret ever letting you go,” Jiwoo abandoned her hair, rushing over to your closet and pulling out your favorite dress, the one you had been saving to wear until just the perfect time. That was all you needed to start getting ready.

“No way, is that Y/n?” Mark yelled, giving you not even a second after walking through the door until nearly all eyes in the room were on you. You were back, and you were looking pretty damn good, too.

“You couldn’t be any less discreet?” you asked sarcastically, accepting the boy’s bear hug. A few of the others approached, joining in on the group hug and voicing how excited they were to see you back in your natural habitat. There was a big turnout, more than usual. You noticed plenty more girls had come, and you wondered if it had to do with your absence both from the center of attention, and from Jaehyun’s side. You repeated your mantra in your head, telling yourself that tonight was about you, not about him.

You followed the guys into the living room, ecstatic to see that your usual seat was still unoccupied after being MIA for a few months. It comforted you to know that nothing had changed, and that you were still just as much included as you were before. You almost felt sorry for leaving everyone else behind just because you were so consumed by one idiot.

You subconsciously scanned the room, not even realizing that it was a habit for you to look around for him. Jaehyun was nowhere in sight.

Meanwhile, Taeyong excused himself and left to go upstairs, bursting through Jaehyun’s door.

“Guess who showed up,”

Jaehyun’s head sprung up from his pillow, discarding his laptop and throwing his comforter frantically off of his body. He had been planning to check out for the night, uncharacteristically taking a rain check from the party. That plan was thrown out the window the second he found out you had arrived.

He was left alone to change into something more presentable than his sweatpants, combing his hands through his hair in the mirror trying to tame it down. Knowing he would never be fully satisfied, he gave up on his appearance and figured he should get out of his room as soon as possible before he convinced himself not to leave.

Jaehyun knew where you would be, trying not to be too obvious that he was rushing down the stairs. He rounded the pillar and was in sight of you and his friends, when he was caught mid step by someone stepping in front of him.

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting around for you all night,”

Just his luck, Jaehyun was halted by yet another girl brave enough to approach him, whether he wanted her to or not. He realized maybe he shouldn’t have been so active in the casual hookup scene, and now it was finally coming back to bite him in the ass.

“Sorry, but I really have to meet up with someone,” he tried to step around her, but she stopped him and grabbed his hand, leaning up to whisper in his ear.

The timing was comical. Everything had happened so perfectly. Just as the girl leaned in, Jaehyun glanced at you and watched in horror as you chose that exact moment to look away from your conversation, catching him at the worst possible second. If he had just a millisecond more, he would have had the time to jerk away. It was all just one big shitty circumstance, but from your perspective, even Jaehyun knew how it looked. So he could only curse to himself when he watched the light dim in your eyes, recognition settling in and it was your turn to stand up and storm out the same door he had all those nights ago.

“Y/n! Wait!” Jaehyun pushed past the girl, fighting through the hoards of people in his way. Panic set in with the anxiousness of not being able to explain himself. “Y/n!”

You heard his voice calling for you, and you couldn’t help but stop. No matter how much you needed to let him go, you’d always have that string attached to your heart that’d reel you back in. You had made it to that same damn yard you two had been in before, the roles now reversed as his hand latched on to your wrist. You thought that would mean you’d have the upper hand, but soon realized that both the chaser and the runner were losers in the end. This game left no victors.

“Let go of me, Jaehyun,”

“No, Y/n. Not this time,” he pleaded. You looked at him incredulously.

“But that’s not your decision to make, is it? You had your shot. I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter and we both remember what you did with it. Don’t you want to get back to your newest girl? I’m pretty fucking replacable, aren’t I?”

“That’s not it, Y/n. She threw herself on me and--”

“Are you going to tell her that she doesn’t mean shit to you too, then?” Jaehyun fell silent. He had no excuse for that. You’ve always seen right through him.

“I am, but I’m also going to tell her why. I’ll have to explain to her how I let go of the only person I’ve ever needed in my life and how much it haunts me every second of every day. You, Y/n. You’re everything to me,” Jaehyun could sense your disapproval, the walls you built against his cannonfire standing proudly in your eyes. Until now he’s never, ever been vulnerable with anyone. He never had to fight for someone to stay. It was either now or never. If he failed, if you left, Jaehyun’s heart may never see the light of day ever again.

“Do you remember the night I asked you?” he whispered, looking down at his hand holding your arm. Reluctantly, his fingers loosened softly until he let go, letting you know that it was all up to you now. You had the power to leave and never hear what he had to say. His question opened up the Pandora’s box you’d been keeping all of your memories with him in, because they were always too painful to rehash. You stayed, because you realized how much you missed his touch. Jaehyun continued when you made no move to go back inside.

“In the beginning, I asked you just because you’d always caught my eye. You’re so beautiful,” Jaehyun looked back up to your face, studying it as if he’d never be able to again. “I never told you this, but the first time I ever had you, like truly had you, I felt something I never had before. And I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. I’ve lived my entire life without feeling anything like it, and it confused me. Everything was so foreign and changes terrified me. The only thing I knew was lust, so I stuck with that until this fear of feeling stopped hoping I’d finally be done. With you, with love, with everything good in my life.”

Jaehyun hesitated, an internal battle gearing through his head and his pause brought confusion to your face. He looked like he wanted to say something, more than anything in the world, but something inside of him was still holding himself back. Melting away at your heart all this time, his helpless expression pulled the same imaginary string you knew all too well, guiding your unwilling hand to his.

“Love,” he choked out, forcing his words out like he was spitting poison out of his throat. Everything fell into place for him, a lifetime of burden and emptiness lifting off his chest and filling him with what he’d been deprived of for so long. “I was scared because I love you,”

Your walls weren’t built to endure the world. They were made to protect you from the bad and crumble at the good.

“Do you mean it?” you asked, his hand being crushed by the grip you had on it. He squeezed back, and it allowed your mind to accept that this was real. This was really happening, and it wasn’t a product of your hopeful imagination.

“I mean it. I’ve known for so long but I could never admit it, until I realized I don’t know how to forget you,”

You leaned forward and pressed your lips into his, letting Jaehyun know that it was okay now. He didn’t have to fight for you anymore, because he already had you. He’d had you all this time, sitting in the palm of his hand even as he tried to push you away. You never left.

You were the girl who took his heart, weedling your way inside and stealing it because it had only ever belonged to you. It had your name written right on it and he didn’t want it back, it was yours to keep.

You led him up the stairs you’ve climbed countless times before, heart racing. Your heart was full and all you needed to heal was for him to give himself up to you, and that’s what he did.

Entering Jaehyun’s empty room, you enjoyed the familiarity of the space. You grazed your fingertips over the photo he had of him and his roommates, a photo they had asked you to take for them on a cheap disposable camera. You had laughed from behind the viewfinder seeing their silly poses, eyes focused on Jaehyun’s when you snapped the photo. He approached and hugged you from behind, nestling his face into your neck.

“I love you,” he murmured, as a reminder to you, but to himself as well. He could go downstairs and announce it to the entire party, or drive to the nearest building and shout it from the rooftop, but it wouldn’t matter. It meant the most when it was just you and him, and he could whisper it to you in the world the two of you lived in together, where no one else could go.

Twisting around in his hold, you wrapped your arms around him and hugged back. His breathing was heavy on your skin, pouring the stress out of his system. Jaehyun felt safe with you while finding security in the way he could let go of the part of himself that always closed itself off. You accepted him for everything he was, and forgave him for everything he couldn’t be.

He swept you up, his heart warming at the giggle you let out as he flopped the both of you onto his bed, planting your body on top of his. You leaned up on your elbows, staring fondly into his eyes just centimeters away from yours. Slowly, you placed your lips on his, a feathery kiss that was far too short for his liking. You were about to pull away, but Jaehyun moved with you and deepened it. It was euphoric to finally be able to kiss him again, something you both missed far too much. After a while, you pulled away to catch your breath, resting your forehead on top of his.

“We don’t have to do anything,” he whispered, his eyes still closed shut. “Just stay with me,” You stroked his hair, soothing his worries. You weren’t going anywhere.

“I want you, Jaehyun.” he opened his eyes, nodding, but not moving an inch.

“And you can have me,” he replied, reaching up and brushing the hair falling over your face, moving his hands to cradle your face. “I just wanted to look at you a little longer,”

He pulled you back in, this time not holding back. Every second you two spent apart was being made up within the passion of the kiss. His apologeticness was translated through his lips in desperate movements. You reached to pull his shirt off, running your hands over the expanse of his skin. He breathed heavily into you, enjoying the soft touches, and you could feel his abdomen rise and fall in time.

Jaehyun led you to sit up, helping you undress and admiring your body under the faint light of his lamp. Shadows cast over you from the side, accentuating every ridge and curve of your body. You unhooked your bra last, and right when you tossed it to the side Jaehyun swooped in and kissed your neck, pushing you to lay back and moved down to your breasts. He licked one of the buds, sucking on it briefly before switching to the other. You arched into his touch, working yourself up. He traveled further down, and your breath hitched in nervousness. He didn’t fail to notice you tense up, freezing and looking up at you.

“What’s wrong? I can stop if you want me to, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to pressure you if it’s too soon, I can--”

“Jaehyun, hey, shh. It’s okay, I’m sorry. I just--the last time, well, and the first time someone ate me out was a long time ago, and it was not my favorite experience. That’s why I always told you not to,” you admitted, shuddering at the memory.

“I promise I’ll make you feel good, just let me take care of you. Do you trust me?” he asked, still refusing to move unless you wanted him to. You nodded, keeping eye contact with him as he continued lower, settling himself in front or your closed legs. He gently pushed your knees apart, and you finally willed yourself to expose yourself to him, knowing he would never say the things others had. He wasn’t going to hurt you again. He promised.

While you were laying there, insecure from the hurtful lies you carried with you, Jaehyun contradictingly wondered how anyone could be so perfect. You had nothing to be ashamed of, and he wanted to show you that. He pulled your legs onto his shoulders and lightly sucked your clit experimentally.

Nothing felt like Jaehyun tasting you for the first time. He swore under his breath, leaning in for more and slowly circling his tongue on your bud this time. Blood ran down to his straining erection from the act of pleasing you, going slow at first to savor you and ease you into it. He cautiously pushed his tongue on your entrance, watching as you whined and pushed your hips forward. He took that as a sign to pick up the pace. Your eyes were closed, his head between your legs a sight too overwhelming to watch.

“It feels so different. So much better,” you sighed. He responded by gripping your hips harder and pushing his face further into you, collecting your juices and swallowing everything greedily. He was fascinated by every responding movement and noise you made, learning just what drove you a little extra mad and hyperfocusing on it to push you further and further towards your release.

He had explored every part of your pussy with his tongue, licking and sucking endlessly and he couldn’t get enough. Something about making you feel so good with just his mouth made him impossibly harder. He ground his hips into the mattress groaning needily into your core.

You were moaning loudly now, your body worked up and dangerously teetering over the edge. Jaehyun sensed this, moving back up to your clit and wrapping his mouth back around it, the final blow being his tongue as it moved past his lips and pushed straight onto the sensitive bud. You were overcome with pleasure, silencing your moans as your voice was stolen from you. Your body shook in his grip and he helped you ride it out until you twitched sporadically and had to push his head away.

“What the fuck, Jae?” you joked, collecting yourself. You reached one tired arm to the bulge in his pants, trying to get him to take them off. He complied, sliding them down and releasing his length from the confines of his boxers. Your mouth watered at the sight, a magnet instantly drawing you towards him. You were determined to return the favor.

“You don’t have to. Tonight is about you,” Jaehyun said, sitting back on his heels and watching you worriedly. He was so concerned about making another mistake, thinking he was walking on thin ice.

“But I want to. Wanna suck you off, wanna take you down my throat,” you begged lazily, staring up at him with a look that made him freeze and breathe heavily through his nose. You were going to make him cum without even touching him if you kept that up. You took it as an opportunity to get started, closing the distance between you and him so you could take his tip into your mouth.

Jaehyun used every muscle in his body to hold himself back from jerking into your mouth. You worked your tongue around the head, engulfing his length and working your way down his shaft.

“Fucking hell,” he sighed, pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail. You were a woman on a mission, trying to take as much of him as you could. He entered dangerous territory when you forced him far enough that he pushed against the opening of your throat, his stomach doing flips. He was so sensitive and you were well equipped to bring him to the edge quickly. Your eyes began watering, but you thrived in the discomfort, knowing Jaehyun was at the mercy of your mouth. It was all cut short when he pulled you off of him.

“There’s no way I’m cumming in less than five minutes. Come here,” you let Jaehyun pull your body over his, your breasts brushing against his chest and his painfully hard length pushed against your ass. Jaehyun guided his cock to your entrance, and you boldly sunk down until he was about halfway inside of you.

It had been so long since you had fucked someone, your walls incredibly tight around a dick as big as Jaehyun’s. He shuddered as you squeezed him ruthlessly, but he ignored the pleasure and focused only on you.

“Does it hurt?” you nodded, closing your eyes and pausing to bear the pain. His heart clenched. “I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry. Just breathe,” he peppered soothing kisses across your face, whispering into your skin and working you through the discomfort. The worst of it subsided, and you slowly moved your hips up and down as you got used to the feeling once again.

As you kept working yourself on his length, until eventually you managed to bottom him out inside of you and the fullness spread throughout your body. Your walls pulsed around his cock and the feeling drove him insane. He couldn’t help but pull back and slowly push into you, again and again at a slow place. Neither of you were rushing, now that you had all the time in the world.

The sounds you made always succeeded in working him up, something he always fell subject to. There was just something about the way your moans would sync to his movements, in a cycle of pleasure for both him and you. You never held back either, tonight not being an exception, your voice bouncing off the walls.

Jaehyun was encouraged to move faster, getting a better foot holding on the mattress and using his legs as leverage to pick up his pace. From below, the curve of his cock hit a spot inside of you that only he could reach and you swore you could see stars.

“So good, taking me so well. I missed this fucking pussy,” he praised, his voice breathy and low.

“Wanted your dick inside of me so badly, wanted you to fuck me,” your inner thoughts began spilling out as you were drunk on pleasure. You were glad he missed it just as much as you did, or else you’d feel a bit like a sex-crazed lunatic.

His pace was brutal now, Jaehyun never one to disappoint. He always went his hardest, always determined to make sure he was living up to his standard. Your whiny moans were choppy, catching in your throat every time his hips slammed into yours. You were holding yourself up on shaky arms, almost collapsing onto him when he snuck his hand to rub circles into your clit.

“Fuck, oh god. I’m cum--cumming,” you warned, mouth hanging open as you reached your peak, your pussy clamping down on his cock from the pleasure. Jaehyun was lurched even closer to his own release, thrusting furiously into your gushing heat. You were thrown into overstimulation, tears falling from your eyes and your body shook above him, but you took it well. You stuck it out until your vision blurred and you finally felt him release inside of you with heavy swears and groans of your name.

You kept him inside of you, laying your sweaty body on top of his and letting him engulf you in his arms. The movement of your chests breathing heavily clashed with one another, but your hearts beating at the same fast tempo. He pressed a long kiss to your forehead trying to calm you down from your high.

“Jaehyun,” One hand reached out to grab onto his, intertwining your fingers tightly. He looked down at you expectedly.

“I love you, too,”

He smiled, his dimples appearing and his heart nearly exploded in his chest. He laid his head back, staring at the ceiling above him knowing that the fear in him had left, the final straggling pieces of worry melting away at your words. You cured him of the disease that infected his heart.

hey guys! hope you enjoyed jaehyun’s part in the playlist series. please read taeyong’s part if you have not already (though it has no influence on the plot of this fic), and look out for the next part, featuring lucas! please don’t be a stranger, let me know what you thought :)

Sincerely,

@bebetae

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