jinmeixu

[jinmeixu]

her hands move too slowly, she's not quick enough to prevent what happens next. the sight is a bit pathetic to her. as much as she'd like for him to grow up, it's wishful thinking on her part. " zhaohui, sit up, please. i can't take care of your child for you. this is a consequence of your action! " she tone transitions to a loud whisper, careful to not wake the baby. " and i told you, i can't stay for long. i'm leaving beijing indefinitely. "

in two large swings his drink is done away with — but it did little ail him, maybe he needed another. but then her words set a panic in him, one that rattles him from the inside out; the glass is dropped as he reaches for her. now on his knees as he pleads, head to her hands as he grasps onto them. “no, fuck — i know i really did it this time, but you’ve got to help me, 姐姐. i’ll resign myself to monks in lingyin just please help me.��� he’s near hysterics, feeling the shudders rack him. then he pauses, head raised — “wait, why don’t you take her. no one else could do it, you’d be the best mother, 姐姐.” if not him, it should be her — he knew no one better to take care of someone as innocent as a newborn babe.

[jinmeixu]

she has no desire to know the identity of the mother. one of zhaohui's meaningless one night stands that shares the same level of immaturity and lack of grasp on reality as him birthed his child? how frightening. it made her feel bad for the child to be born under such cruel conditions. the situation made her head ache. she sits down, glancing at the child once before looking to her brother. " we can't put her up for adoption. " he should already know this. it's silly of him to even think of it as a suggestion. " zhaohui, only you can. i can't help you out of this. it's time — " she takes a breath. " it's time for you to grow up. " she smiles, although it's out of defeat, she still smiles.

“she’s fucked off to god knows where by now. even threw a paternity test in my face before she did so.” he nods to the set of papers left on the coffee table. a shaky hand settles as he takes a big gulp of his drink, groaning when the burn in his throat does not put him at ease. “responsible? me — 姐姐, i’m just going to fuck her up.” he sighs, “i don’t deserve her — i can’t, i won’t. you’ve got to help me, you must know someone who can take her — set up an adoption, something. anything.” all that would be better than settling for the likes of him.

[jinmeixu]

" and the mother of the child, what did she say? " she slowly bends forward, careful to not wake the child. she agrees. he's not ready to be a child. he's still a child himself. fatherhood is something unsuitable for someone like her brother. " you'll have to be ready. zhaohui, you are responsible for this child now. " her voice is remains gentle. she has no energy left to be stern.

he shakes his head, “no, no one knows.” slowly, he follows her, keeping his distance as if the mere proximity to the child would cause him to burst into flames. “fuck, what am i going to do, 姐姐?” he walks towards the far side to the bar cart, immediately pouring himself and his sister a drink. “i’m not — i’m not ready — i can’t … i can’t be her father.”

[jinmeixu]

she takes his hand, gently holding it in an attempt to comfort him. " i'm not understanding — " she looks around the room. what could he be referring to. did he drunkenly bring a batch of puppies and now he's distraught by the amount of pets he has? as she spots the small bassinet tucked away near the entrance of the living room to the hall, she lets go of her brothers hand, cautiously walking up to it. " have you told anyone else? "

"i fucked up, 姐姐. i fucked up big time." he feels the shift as she enters the room. her concern is comforting but it doesn't fix the problem that's been plaguing him for days now. he takes a breath, scrubbing his face hard with his hand before sitting up and facing her, feeling like some disappointing child all over again. "she's over there.” off to the side, in a bassinet all her own, lay the problem of all problems.

[jinmeixu]

the house is clean. there doesn't seem to be anything noticeably wrong. " is there something wrong with your eyes? " she shrugs off her coat, placing it on the edge of the couch before sitting down. " zhaohui? "

"in here." he croaks from the living room, though the lighting stays just as dim as the rest of the house.

[jinmeixu]

2026

" i tried to get here as fast as possible, i can't stay long! " she pauses, is anyone even home? " why are all the lights off? " ( @jinzhaohui )

[jinmeixu]

" that's wonderful! " she clasps her hands together with a bright smile once he agrees. " i'm sorry for burdening you with this! i'm not too familiar with the others from the region— and i recognize we only know one another on a surface level, but i feel the drunken nights we've shared is enough to establish a friendship! " she smiles and laughs lightly with a nod. " if you're willing to fly to shanghai or invite me to slovakia, then yes! i'm leaving the program in a few days and approaching you was a now or never moment. "

          convoluted expectations inevitably lead to disappointment, caught in the way the smile slips from the corners of his mouth presented to be a matter of professionalism, of course. nothing to do with a simple desire to talk. “ i'd be able to help with that. ” but how quickly uncertainty fades at a newfound opportunity. “ it'll probably take a few coffee dates . . . you know, just to make sure it's perfect, for eastern europe. ”

[jinmeixu]

she seats herself across him. " i'm very relieved i caught you here! i've been keeping an eye on a few of eastern europe's environmental concerns. and i think i have a worthwhile proposal! if i'm being honest, i'm not confident i packaged it nicely enough for others to view yet. would you be able to look through it for me? "

          an espresso cup at his lips, eyes draw up to the familiar voice nearly chocking back the black coffee at her presence he discards on the table. “ meixu, ” he manages to utter, rising ( somewhat unnecessarily ) to usher her to the obvious seat. “ of course, please. ” she wasn't drunk, or so sasha assessed from a once over, so why was she acknowledging him?

[jinmeixu]

july 2024

" mind if i take a seat? " ( @alexcnder )

[jinmeixu]

" no, i! — just a bit overwhelmed and... claustrophobic in there. " the warmness in her body caused by the alcohol was enough for a few minutes, she was starting to feel the chill now. " i'm not sure why — i'm not feeling overly festive! " she says with a smile and a laugh. " oddly, i always have dreams where i'm smoking. i've always wondered what it means, or if it has a meaning at all. "

"Oh? So you're freezing here for no good reason?" It was cold enough for their breathing to fog! "Oh no, no, you don't need to. Someone is bound to show up soon. Even if smoking has become unfashionable, surprisingly many still carry a pack. Especially now that we're this far east." Her mistake had been asking from a non-local, she now realized.

[jinmeixu]

" oh! i don't have one, sorry. " she's a bit shocked fanni asked her out of all people, perhaps she didn't notice it was meixu. " did you want me to go find one for you? " she only offered because her glass was empty and having an empty glass seems against the unspoken rules of new years eve. a cigarette for fanni, and a drink for her!

"Could I please bum a cigarette? Last one of the year and everything." She paused before giving a light laugh. "Or perhaps of my life if I pick my resolutions well tonight." ( @hshqstarters )

[jinmeixu]

" oh! it's you! " she smiles at the sight of alexander. " as long as it's not a green tea shot i'm okay with anything! have you ever had a green tea shot? i don't recommend, they're quite lethal you know! " she motions the bartender for a round of shots. " each person should share a secret or do a dare after a shot. i dunno! make it more fun! " ( @mariisolss or anyone else )

          the words relayed on the tip of his tongue falter at the familiar cadence and his stance soon follows, moving to the other side of marisol, positioning himself between her and meixu. “ now it'll be fun. ” an elbow nudges the newcomer, the one who only ever seems to acknowledge sasha's existence when intoxicated to some capacity. “ we've got two of the best right here. ”　...　　( @mariisolss or anyone )

[jinmeixu]

" a pub crawl? " she interjects. she's only ever seen it in american media. how exciting! if she hadn't already had two drinks, she would have rejected the idea, but the buzz made it feel totally worth it to join. " how fun! " ( @alexcnder or anyone else )

          “ at least half a dozen people, if not more. ” and with a glance to the person nearest, likely unaware, his reach extends to their arm, fingers coiling around. “ starting with you. ” a gentle tug pulls them into the growing inner circle of what only promises to be alcohol fueled bad decisions if they are lucky.　...　　( begging for hijacking )

[jinmeixu]

[jinmeixu]

“ she’s...  she’s unwilling to come.  for now at least.  i don’t think lixun has any plans of coming back to the program,  at least he’s back home. ”  she left out the part where gahye had asked for meixu to go back to beijing if possible.  as much as meixu would like to,  she’s unsure if she’ll be able to fly alone or at all.  even leaving the house felt like an impossible task.  ( @jinzhaohui​, @jinxiuying​ ) 

“We need to have Gahye come here. At the moment it’s not safe for her and Wenli to be in Beijing — and it’s… it’s confusing if she is there and none of us are.” Lixue had already decided on splitting her time between Morocco and China, she just hadn’t dared to plan the journey. Appearing odd or weak was out of the question and the slightest mistake might turn into something that decided the end score. “Out of us four, who most likely will be heard by her?” Her eyes moved over to Meixu. ( @jinmeixu​, @jinxiuying​, @jinzhaohui )​

[jinmeixu]

jinlixue​:

“He's–” Lixue closed her eyes, reminding herself to keep her head clear and her words coherent. She knew how to speak, so she should have been able to do it correctly. “Jianguo…” One word at a time. “—is dead.” Her fingers curled around Meixu’s sleeve in a faint attempt to find comfort. “They killed him. He’s… He’s dead.” She nodded repeatedly as if to affirm to herself that she had used the correct term while describing their brother’s condition.

her eyes continue to roam the crowd for a medic.  her hand is about to raise to call someones attention,  but it freezes once she mishears lixue say something extreme.  her hand slowly lowers as lixue grips around her wrist and the words ‘they killed him’ spill from her lips and echo in meixu’s head repetitively.  “ he’s—”  she feels her knees cave in,  the ability to stand suddenly became difficult.  the tightness in her chest that had been relieved once seeing her sisters came back in tenfold.  “ he’s— ”  she can’t say it.  her throat won’t allow her to say the word.  that’s not possible.  not her brother.  she blinks away the tears.  “ he’s...”  she finally looks to her sister.  her expression is evidence enough to know she’s not lying.  he’s dead.  their brother is dead. 

[jinmeixu]

jinlixue​:

A weak frown rippled on her face. She had not expected to see Meixu before anyone else. Meixu was the one who was the most difficult to face. Lixue’s steps were slow, trance like, but she knew to stop in front of her sister. Informing Meixu required just two things from her: a coherent thought and the ability to speak. Both of those things felt like they were out of reach for the time being. Lixue’s hand gently touched the other’s shoulder and shook her head. She tried to get her eyes to focus on Meixu’s features — was she injured? What kind of bruises did she carry underneath her clothing? What had she seen? “He is not.”

“ 姐姐? ”  to see lixue so unsteady made her feel panicked.  what happened in that room?  what did they do to her?  “ he’s not okay?  is he hurt?  are you hurt?  i can find a medic for you— ”  she scans the crowd to find someone.  “ i saw xiuying earlier,  she’s okay. ”