jinglepie

[jinglepie]

🔪🩸

(Watercolor/sh○p)

[jinglepie]

what are your biggest konks?

bindage

[jinglepie]

“oh I’m too old for stuffed animals” skill issue. sorry you can’t appreciate little creatures made to hang out with you, I on the other hand am full of joyous whimsy and therefore vastly superior.

[jinglepie]

SON MISTAKE: In teaching my cat son boy the command "out"- intended to mean, "emerge from the enclosed space"- I have unwittingly trained him to understand that if I open a box, cupboard, cabinet, or fridge in his presence, he need only rush inside and stay there, firmly planted with his wide wet baby eyes, and he will surely be granted the opportunity to earn a delightful little treat

[jinglepie]

love it when my friends say "you would do numbers on Tumblr" buddy I am on Tumblr. and the number is 3

[jinglepie]

[jinglepie]

take everything i say with a hint of lime

[jinglepie]

when your pet comes to you from another room, the preceding moments meant that they were alone somewhere and thought about YOU, an animal brain literally thought about you and came to you to see what you were doing. that’s love, unconditional.

[jinglepie]

my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called “daylight savings time” youll be zonked out of your gourd

Me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

1 hour and 5 minutes later: dude I swear it’s only been 5 minutes

my friend the oven, pacing: the smart devices are lying to us

[jinglepie]

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

[jinglepie]

just got fired from my job reading erotic fiction for audiobooks because i kept pronouncing “penetrates” like it was a greek philosopher

[jinglepie]

You are a human being in America, not a lion on the savannah during a drought. It is not normal for you to refer to someone else’s kid as your “genetic rival” and wish them ill. Our species does not work like that. You do not sound cool, you sound like a weirdo.

[jinglepie]

appreciating Mocha's many shapes

[jinglepie]

sure cas fell in love with a bug but you don’t know that you wouldn’t. if you could speak the language of bugs and be bugsized and walk among the bugs and you met a bug that was so full of love and other complicated bug emotions you don’t know. you don’t know that you wouldn’t fall in love with a bug

[jinglepie]

Ain't that just the way...

(Watercolor/available here)

[jinglepie]

it's good that we're saying "i don't feel guilty about pleasure im not Catholic" but we also need to start saying "i don't feel self-righteous about being overworked I'm not Puritan"