jennylaufeyson

[jennylaufeyson]

I was in my car listening to my 1D and the boys playlist like I have been for the last 2 weeks. Well longer, but definitely the last 2 weeks. And Satellite came on ,this is one of my favorite songs from Harry's House like I fucking love it. And then I got the urge to listen to Saturdays from Faith in the Future and in my mind im like oh lol Saturdays and Satellite have the same 3 letters at the beginning and then I thought about each song and im like oh wow these songs are kinda similar like they start off soft and slow and then they have a beat drop and go ham for a few and then end softly again. And im like, woah, that's interesting. Then I found out Saturdays is track #10 and Satellite is track #11, almost like Satellite is answering to Saturdays.....?????? Idk if this is true, I could be pulling this out of my ass but I did find it interesting and it gave me a break from feeling the deep sadness that I've been feeling the last 2 weeks so I thought I'd share. Take care of yourselves and Li, fuck I miss you ❤️

[jennylaufeyson]

A week. A week has gone by since you've been gone. It still doesn't make sense. I keep reading all these different messages people from all over have posted in honor of you, and I just dont understand how you're gone. This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm in disbelief, I think I'll always be.

Dear Bear,

I've thought about you nonstop in light of this news. First, I want to say I'm so sorry. Your dad loved you so much, and you were what he was most proud of. Please know that us, his fandom, will always love and support him and his family, you being the most important member. You deserved to have a life full of memories with him, and im so sorry that you can't. However, I hope every picture/gif/video that we have can bring you some kind of peace and help you feel closer to him. Everything that made us fall in love with him, as I'm sure you already have. I hope ,once you're old enough, you see just how important your dad was to us. And not just because of his music and talent, but because of his heart, his smile, and everything that made him shine as a human. For this, I must also say im sorry because the world somehow took this away from him. There's nothing to say except the world will always have something negative to say, stay true to yourself, and forget everyone else. You know who your father was, people say anything without knowing the truth. Find peace within yourself and those around you. Follow your dreams, my love. Your dad did, and although there was a huge price to pay, I know that his time in the band and beyond were some of his happiest. I hope you're proud of him because he genuinely gave so many of us some of the best years of our lives and so much happiness. He will never be too far from you, and as 1D's song says, "You'll find me in the region of the summer stars."

We love you, Bear, and we send you so much love and strength. ❤️

[jennylaufeyson]

Rest in Peace, Liam Payne (1993-2024)

[jennylaufeyson]

they were all brothers. they are all brothers.

no one, and i mean no one, will ever be able to understand those years and growing into adults in the bubble they were the way those five will. for five years, they saw each other more than they saw their own families. they became family. they share something so special that people nor circumstances will ever break— they shared their youth. they shared a flash of time together that shaped them from boys into men. and as much as we’ve talked about how integral liam was to our childhoods and growth through this band, a piece of the other four boys’ childhoods and youth also died yesterday. a piece of their history died yesterday. a face to their personal memories died yesterday. and it’s devastating.

they found a home in each other when they were so far away from home, and i cannot even begin to imagine the grief they are feeling and will continue to feel.

walking in the wind has the perfect line like “if you’re lost, just look for me. you’ll find me in the region of the summer stars” and i know for a lifetime to come those four guys will be living that out as the years go on.

my entire chest aches for them. they deserve all the space and grace during this delicate time.

[jennylaufeyson]

I feel this so much. I dont understand it really but when Zayn left there was always the possibility of him coming back I guess sort of. When we saw them interact and his interviews in the last year, you could tell there was healing. But with Liam gone, it doesn't feel right. I keep thinking, it hasn't left my mind and I don't get it. I don't understand how this happened. Theres so many things connected to this that I keep thinking about and it always just comes back to this isnt how it was supposed to go. He had so much more to do and it's just so utterly heartbreaking. I dont know how im ever gonna get over it.

I keep looking at the tributes and something feels off. It feels wrong. And the only way I can describe it sounds silly but like… something’s missing.

Someone’s missing. It’s an incomplete set. And of course Liam isn’t writing his own tribute but it just keeps hitting me over and over that like. This is it. This is our new normal. An incomplete set. I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive I just. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s… incomplete.

[jennylaufeyson]

One Direction songs that Liam wrote on:

AM

Back for you

Better than words

Change your ticket

Clouds

Diana

Does he know

End of the day

Everything about you

Fireproof

Fool's Gold

History

Home

Illusion

Irresistible

Last first kiss

Little black dress

Little White lies

Long way down

Midnight memories

Night changes

No control

Ready to run

Right now

Same mistakes

Spaces

Steal My girl

Still the One

Story of My Life

Summer Love

Taken

Through The dark

What a feeling

Wolves

forever apart of the story of my life, rest in peace liam

[jennylaufeyson]

This video will forever be my favourite video of one direction. There is just so much going on, Niall’s wee happy face with those hand movements trying to hit whatever note he was trying to 😭 Harry’s very enthusiastic shoulder movements and facial expressions and the hair, there’s sooo much hair 😭😂 like we genuinely watched these 5 boys on a Saturday night, dressed head to toe in river island and thought yes those boys are for us and we were right, they were our boys 💔

[jennylaufeyson]

all the older boybands & their members (mcfly, busted, nsync, backstreet boys, take that & robbie) posting tributes is also really doing me in. like there is no precedent for this, so many of these bands had a member or two who struggled hard with addiction but they are still here and the shock in their statements is palpable. this was just never supposed to happen, these boys were supposed to get to grow old together

[jennylaufeyson]

Last group hug of the OTRA tour in Sheffield, 10/31/15.

[jennylaufeyson]

It just… it wasn’t supposed to go this way. He was supposed to get the help he deserved and recover. They were supposed to eventually get back together and rob us all (happily, of course) blind of our life savings for their reunion tour tickets. I was supposed to be able to see him in person, bounding around stage, singing his harmonies and verses, doing mic flips, saying “sing it” and reading silly fan signs. He had so much more life left! He had so much more to do!

This isn’t fair! It isn’t right! This shouldn’t have happened! It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

[jennylaufeyson]

My other immediate thought goes to Louis. As we all know, Lou and Li were extremely close in the recent years of the band. And anytime we got any kind of 1D reunion, it was mostly between them. And of course, we know Lou has suffered from so much lost, and I can't even imagine the pain he's going through right now. Everyone has talked about the posts they made and all I wanna say about it is that Louis' post was so fucking personal. And he posted to his stories pics of them and listening to Teardrops , just like we do. Like I've been doing. And I think that says so much. For Lou to grieve one of his best friends WITH us, the group that has stood by him and them since the start, that says so much about the relationship we have with him. The artist/fan relationship is amazing with all of them, but Lou, man, he really gets in the trenches with us, and I respect that so much. This may be selfish, but I kind of hope that when the time is right, they will be able to grieve with us. Whether that be in a virtual vigil or a public eulogy thing or idk however they see fit but I think our relationship with the band is so special and it would be nice to share it with them, again in a way that they would be comfortable and it would genuinely be to celebrate Liam and everything he meant to us. I think that would be nice. Of course, I hope right now he is leaning on the rest of his 1D brothers and family. The boys all grieve in their own way, and we can't judge or call them out on it. Respect them, please, we will never know their pain.

[jennylaufeyson]

I have so many things to say, so bare with me as I post them.

I keep thinking about how this affects the boys. Zayn just announced he's postponing his US tour to January and honestly, as he should. I keep thinking of them 4 meeting up again and hugging forever because they're the only ones who understand. If we want to be surrounded by our fandom, they would want to be surrounded by each other. Of course, Liams family is in shambles, and I have another post about that, but what the boys lived together, only them 5 understood. My biggest hope from this devastating loss is that they heal. That they fix whatever broke between them all those years ago and come together as brothers, as they always were and always will be. What One Direction created is so fucking special. Between them and between us. And shit happened, but now, I hope they're able to come together again and just be in each others presence. Soak it in, reminisce, and heal. Not for us , but for them. I also hope they see the love that the world but especially this fandom, has for them. I dont think they've ever forgotten or taken it for granted, but I hope they sit in it and really see and understand it. We would do anything in our power to protect our boys, and I hope they see and feel that.

You'll never read this, but Louis, Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Harry, you are absolutely everything. You always have been, we love you, and we'll always love you. We support you and send you the biggest hug, send you light, love, and everything good to help you get through this heartbreaking time. When you are ready, we will be here.

[jennylaufeyson]

[jennylaufeyson]

Fuck. One Directions official account posted and signed off with Zayn included. Lou , Z and H posted. Nialls missing and honestly im not ready cause he was the last one to see him and I know he's going fucking through it. Their posts were so beautiful. Lou and Z's were heartbreaking. Lou talking to Bear and him just fucking ended me. And you can feel Zs regret and thats so sad. H of course being simple but effective showing love to their brother. I can't imagine what Ni's gonna say.

Guys I feel this pain and I can't understand it. My family and even friends doesn't understand it. My fandom online does and yet I can't find solace in them. I can't believe it. I can't believe Liams gone. Like what? They were supposed to get back together and be old and tour like the rolling stones. We were supposed to have more time. To see him grow, to see how he finally grew into the music he wanted to make. To see him happy with his son, with himself ,with the boys. 'Daddy Direction' his nickname and I cant imagine the pressure he was under. I keep thinking of the young boy who only wanted to sing. To follow his dreams. I can't believe it ended this way. I'm so sad that they weren't able to really reconcile with Z. I hope this brings them together and they're able to fix whatever broke between them , I think Li would've like that. 😔😭💔 I mourn him so strongly. I read he may not have known me but I knew him. And I loved him. Those boys shaped so much of who I am and what I love. I can't fathom losing any of them. I can't believe we lost him. I dont know how they're ever gonna get on stage again and sing his songs. I dont know if they ever will. Fuck man , this sucks so much. I needed to rant about it. Rest in Peace Liam, I'll love you forever.

[jennylaufeyson]

liam. oh liam. god. he was the one i worried so much about ever since the band. like, it used to be zayn but when zayn left and grew i thought "ok, he's going to be ok" because you could see after a while that the band was not good for zayn. you could see it. but liam, god. he carried so much weight, all the time. from the band all the way to the present, he was the guy who was supposed to be put together. he was "daddy direction" he was. yeah. he was that guy. and i know it weighed on him. i KNOW it did. the drinking and the fucking spiraling he went through after the band, it was all connected. and i'm not. defending his choices, i'm not. but i'm grieving him and i'm aching for him, and. i just wanted him to be okay. i really really thought that he would be okay. and he's not. and i'm. fucking heartbroken about it.

[jennylaufeyson]

I'm heartbroken. Liam James Payne. Fuck. I can't believe youre gone. I never thought I would have to live through the death of one of my boys in the near vicinity. I'm so sad. For Liam because I know he was in pain. I know it may not excuse what he's done but fuck ,this industry fucked him over. And that's real. I'm sorry for the boys because they've lost their brother and the truth is this probably means we won't ever get them back together except for maybe the funeral. And that's so devastating. Im sad for me, for the fans. Liam was so important in 1D and although I didn't love his first EP I was so excited for his new music, teardrops was so fucking good. Liam I'm so sorry. Im sorry following your dream ended up being your demise. I'm sad for your son who won't remember you or have you in his life the way he should. For his family who lost a son, a brother. Fuck. This goddamn industry. It keeps happening and nothing changes. I wish following your dream didn't necessarily mean you could also lose your life. I hope the boys find solace within each other. They don't owe us anything but I hope they know, we're here for them and we love them. We won't let Liam be forgotten. Ill love you forever Li, thank you. Thank you for everything. I'll miss you and I wish I could've met you and told you exactly what you meant to me. I'm so heartbroken I can't even understand it. Rest in Peace Liam 💔🙏🏽

[jennylaufeyson]

Zayns tour announcement . What is the protocol if any of the boys go see him??? Personally I don't think anyone's prepared for this.. like imagine Lou goes to one of his shows? What then? How do we survive?????? Either way im so excited to see Z back on stage and hopefully he comes to Miami so I can see him 10 yrs after I last saw him live with 1D. In which case I'll only be missing to see Liam live however he does live here now so maybe I'll run into him??? Manifesting thattttt 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽