jennylaufeyson

[jennylaufeyson]

As the year comes to a close, I think back on everything's that happened. This year has been one of the toughest personally. My family went through so much hard shit. Losing Liam was absolutely heartbreaking. To this day, it doesn't make sense to me. Soon, Liam will be a distant memory, and that makes everything so much worse. Liam gave everything he could to the world, sometimes it was taken from him without him giving permission, but he gave and continues to give everything even after he's been gone and one day he will be distant and it makes me think, for what? What was it all for? I'd like to think his purpose in the world was to make all those thousands of girls happy, to give us all a safe place where we could just be. To be the comfort zone for all of us. And to be that safe place for the boys. I can't understand why he was taken from us so soon, but the impact he left was gigantic, and I hope that, as a collective, his fans never let his memory fade. I think it's the one way we can pay him back for everything he did for us. I take you with me everywhere I go, and I always will Li. Keep resting, Payno 🙏🏽❤️

To my boys, after this tragedy, it's almost like one day you guys will fade too. The truth of you being gone seems to have slapped all of us in the face. It makes me want to make sure I see you, to support you while you're here, while you're alive and well. I mean, I always did, but now it's like an absolute need. I love you guys, the comfort you bring me. It's hard to describe. Another year passes, and you're still everything to me. It has been that way for 12 years, and I don't think it'll ever stop. I can't wait to see what you do next, and I'll be here, cheering you on ,always ❤️

[jennylaufeyson]

So I need some help. I made the psycho decision to go to DC in January to see Z in concert because I just need to see my boys right now. Howeveveerrrr, how tf does this Zayn Vip fan key thing work because i seriously don't get it. Also I got general admission how early do I have to be there to get like a decent spot? I'm going by myself and have never done the whole queue line experience so I'm kind of lost. Anyway any tips would help, thankkk youu

[jennylaufeyson]

does it ever drive you crazy

just how fast the night changes

[jennylaufeyson]

I keep seeing Harry as the main one to be mentioned in all the articles about the funeral, and honestly, it bothers me a lot. Harry is the so-called 'most famous ' of the group, not even on purpose. i think he just has something about him that people want to know everything that has to do with him. But Harry is also the youngest, I feel like at some point all 4 of them had to protect him because he's always been the one that got hit with 'womanizer' and about his sexuality since forever. The amount of pressure my poor boy has to be put through, I mean the shade he got for Liams post. Come on. This is a human, just like you and me, and to have every single one of your movements or words, judged, is crazy and intense. I think the only way for him to stay grounded is for him to be away from everything and only on his own terms, allowing what gets out about him. I don't pretend to know him, but Harry's always been sensitive, sweet, and kind, I refuse to believe that's been a persona, and I know Harry loves all of his bandmates. I know this is hard for him too, they must all be like fuck what if I had called what if I had been there? I'm word vomiting but I guess the point is. They all have had it hard , of course they have, but the scrutiny that Harry gets because he's so mega famous must be so damn hard and I wish he got some grace for that as well. I hope they're all grieving their brother in private together, not everything needs to be shared with us ❤️‍🩹

[jennylaufeyson]

Today is Liams funeral. Pictures are already coming out ,and we knew that was going to happen. Sadly, whether we like it or not, Liam was famous, and 1D was the most famous band in the world, with its members still being extremely relevant .The media was obviously going to be around. I'm not okay seeing those pictures of the boys. Like fuck seeing them all together again since 2015 and missing Liam who tf let this happen? I'm in so much pain. What's crazy to me is that the only 2 being pictured in the same frame is Lou and Z. Somehow that brings me peace because everyone knows they were super close in the band and we know they had a fallout but hopefully this means that they spoke, and that they're being each other's support because they really need that now. I stated before I hope this helped them heal parts of them that may have broken 9ys ago. And I hope I'm right. Fuck Liam I can't believe youre gone. It still doesn't make sense to me. You were always the leader, the daddy of the group, if anytbing good comes from your passing I hope it's bringing the boys together again,not for us but for them. I'm sorry this world failed you, I'll love you and remember you forever my sweet Liam ❤️ rest in eternal peace

[jennylaufeyson]

I was in my car listening to my 1D and the boys playlist like I have been for the last 2 weeks. Well longer, but definitely the last 2 weeks. And Satellite came on ,this is one of my favorite songs from Harry's House like I fucking love it. And then I got the urge to listen to Saturdays from Faith in the Future and in my mind im like oh lol Saturdays and Satellite have the same 3 letters at the beginning and then I thought about each song and im like oh wow these songs are kinda similar like they start off soft and slow and then they have a beat drop and go ham for a few and then end softly again. And im like, woah, that's interesting. Then I found out Saturdays is track #10 and Satellite is track #11, almost like Satellite is answering to Saturdays.....?????? Idk if this is true, I could be pulling this out of my ass but I did find it interesting and it gave me a break from feeling the deep sadness that I've been feeling the last 2 weeks so I thought I'd share. Take care of yourselves and Li, fuck I miss you ❤️

[jennylaufeyson]

A week. A week has gone by since you've been gone. It still doesn't make sense. I keep reading all these different messages people from all over have posted in honor of you, and I just dont understand how you're gone. This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm in disbelief, I think I'll always be.

Dear Bear,

I've thought about you nonstop in light of this news. First, I want to say I'm so sorry. Your dad loved you so much, and you were what he was most proud of. Please know that us, his fandom, will always love and support him and his family, you being the most important member. You deserved to have a life full of memories with him, and im so sorry that you can't. However, I hope every picture/gif/video that we have can bring you some kind of peace and help you feel closer to him. Everything that made us fall in love with him, as I'm sure you already have. I hope ,once you're old enough, you see just how important your dad was to us. And not just because of his music and talent, but because of his heart, his smile, and everything that made him shine as a human. For this, I must also say im sorry because the world somehow took this away from him. There's nothing to say except the world will always have something negative to say, stay true to yourself, and forget everyone else. You know who your father was, people say anything without knowing the truth. Find peace within yourself and those around you. Follow your dreams, my love. Your dad did, and although there was a huge price to pay, I know that his time in the band and beyond were some of his happiest. I hope you're proud of him because he genuinely gave so many of us some of the best years of our lives and so much happiness. He will never be too far from you, and as 1D's song says, "You'll find me in the region of the summer stars."

We love you, Bear, and we send you so much love and strength. ❤️

[jennylaufeyson]

Rest in Peace, Liam Payne (1993-2024)

[jennylaufeyson]

they were all brothers. they are all brothers.

no one, and i mean no one, will ever be able to understand those years and growing into adults in the bubble they were the way those five will. for five years, they saw each other more than they saw their own families. they became family. they share something so special that people nor circumstances will ever break— they shared their youth. they shared a flash of time together that shaped them from boys into men. and as much as we’ve talked about how integral liam was to our childhoods and growth through this band, a piece of the other four boys’ childhoods and youth also died yesterday. a piece of their history died yesterday. a face to their personal memories died yesterday. and it’s devastating.

they found a home in each other when they were so far away from home, and i cannot even begin to imagine the grief they are feeling and will continue to feel.

walking in the wind has the perfect line like “if you’re lost, just look for me. you’ll find me in the region of the summer stars” and i know for a lifetime to come those four guys will be living that out as the years go on.

my entire chest aches for them. they deserve all the space and grace during this delicate time.

[jennylaufeyson]

I feel this so much. I dont understand it really but when Zayn left there was always the possibility of him coming back I guess sort of. When we saw them interact and his interviews in the last year, you could tell there was healing. But with Liam gone, it doesn't feel right. I keep thinking, it hasn't left my mind and I don't get it. I don't understand how this happened. Theres so many things connected to this that I keep thinking about and it always just comes back to this isnt how it was supposed to go. He had so much more to do and it's just so utterly heartbreaking. I dont know how im ever gonna get over it.

I keep looking at the tributes and something feels off. It feels wrong. And the only way I can describe it sounds silly but like… something’s missing.

Someone’s missing. It’s an incomplete set. And of course Liam isn’t writing his own tribute but it just keeps hitting me over and over that like. This is it. This is our new normal. An incomplete set. I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive I just. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s… incomplete.

[jennylaufeyson]

One Direction songs that Liam wrote on:

AM

Back for you

Better than words

Change your ticket

Clouds

Diana

Does he know

End of the day

Everything about you

Fireproof

Fool's Gold

History

Home

Illusion

Irresistible

Last first kiss

Little black dress

Little White lies

Long way down

Midnight memories

Night changes

No control

Ready to run

Right now

Same mistakes

Spaces

Steal My girl

Still the One

Story of My Life

Summer Love

Taken

Through The dark

What a feeling

Wolves

forever apart of the story of my life, rest in peace liam

[jennylaufeyson]

This video will forever be my favourite video of one direction. There is just so much going on, Niall’s wee happy face with those hand movements trying to hit whatever note he was trying to 😭 Harry’s very enthusiastic shoulder movements and facial expressions and the hair, there’s sooo much hair 😭😂 like we genuinely watched these 5 boys on a Saturday night, dressed head to toe in river island and thought yes those boys are for us and we were right, they were our boys 💔

[jennylaufeyson]

all the older boybands & their members (mcfly, busted, nsync, backstreet boys, take that & robbie) posting tributes is also really doing me in. like there is no precedent for this, so many of these bands had a member or two who struggled hard with addiction but they are still here and the shock in their statements is palpable. this was just never supposed to happen, these boys were supposed to get to grow old together

[jennylaufeyson]

Last group hug of the OTRA tour in Sheffield, 10/31/15.

[jennylaufeyson]

It just… it wasn’t supposed to go this way. He was supposed to get the help he deserved and recover. They were supposed to eventually get back together and rob us all (happily, of course) blind of our life savings for their reunion tour tickets. I was supposed to be able to see him in person, bounding around stage, singing his harmonies and verses, doing mic flips, saying “sing it” and reading silly fan signs. He had so much more life left! He had so much more to do!

This isn’t fair! It isn’t right! This shouldn’t have happened! It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

[jennylaufeyson]

My other immediate thought goes to Louis. As we all know, Lou and Li were extremely close in the recent years of the band. And anytime we got any kind of 1D reunion, it was mostly between them. And of course, we know Lou has suffered from so much lost, and I can't even imagine the pain he's going through right now. Everyone has talked about the posts they made and all I wanna say about it is that Louis' post was so fucking personal. And he posted to his stories pics of them and listening to Teardrops , just like we do. Like I've been doing. And I think that says so much. For Lou to grieve one of his best friends WITH us, the group that has stood by him and them since the start, that says so much about the relationship we have with him. The artist/fan relationship is amazing with all of them, but Lou, man, he really gets in the trenches with us, and I respect that so much. This may be selfish, but I kind of hope that when the time is right, they will be able to grieve with us. Whether that be in a virtual vigil or a public eulogy thing or idk however they see fit but I think our relationship with the band is so special and it would be nice to share it with them, again in a way that they would be comfortable and it would genuinely be to celebrate Liam and everything he meant to us. I think that would be nice. Of course, I hope right now he is leaning on the rest of his 1D brothers and family. The boys all grieve in their own way, and we can't judge or call them out on it. Respect them, please, we will never know their pain.

[jennylaufeyson]

I have so many things to say, so bare with me as I post them.

I keep thinking about how this affects the boys. Zayn just announced he's postponing his US tour to January and honestly, as he should. I keep thinking of them 4 meeting up again and hugging forever because they're the only ones who understand. If we want to be surrounded by our fandom, they would want to be surrounded by each other. Of course, Liams family is in shambles, and I have another post about that, but what the boys lived together, only them 5 understood. My biggest hope from this devastating loss is that they heal. That they fix whatever broke between them all those years ago and come together as brothers, as they always were and always will be. What One Direction created is so fucking special. Between them and between us. And shit happened, but now, I hope they're able to come together again and just be in each others presence. Soak it in, reminisce, and heal. Not for us , but for them. I also hope they see the love that the world but especially this fandom, has for them. I dont think they've ever forgotten or taken it for granted, but I hope they sit in it and really see and understand it. We would do anything in our power to protect our boys, and I hope they see and feel that.

You'll never read this, but Louis, Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Harry, you are absolutely everything. You always have been, we love you, and we'll always love you. We support you and send you the biggest hug, send you light, love, and everything good to help you get through this heartbreaking time. When you are ready, we will be here.