jelly-flesh

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Coworker quotes of the day

Fruit: Big and greedy.

Nyan Cat: Did you say fricken?

Fruit: Big and feaky?

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Nyan Cat: He pulled up to the courts.

Fruit: The courts? Who got arrested?

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Fruit: You're not allowed to veto heavenly beings.

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Truck: Do you know how many truck parts I could buy with $150?!

God: ...One.

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Superman: I'm nice to almost everybody in this room.

Lamp: When were you ever nice to me?

Superman: I said almost everybody.

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Ginger: Why don't I count?

Me: You're ginger.

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God: You eat them rock hard???

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Chair to Fruit: You're pregnant?? Happy birthday!!

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Ginger: I saw it with my own two ears.

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Me: Is it destruction of private property if I take it off the property?

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Fruit: I hope we get little pumpkin sacks for Halloween.

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coworker quotes of the day

God: Are you calling 911 right now?

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(Guys can't have their hair past or at their shoulders)

Purple: Can I just identify as a women so I don't need a haircut?

Ginger: She's got a point.

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Superman: Larry is such a good boiiiiiii!! (Larry is a cat)

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Superman I'ma scour the rule book, because there's a write up somewhere.

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Fruit: You're gonna get shot on sight.

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Fruit: And the crowd goes mild.

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Truck: 'angry roblox noises'

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Fruit: I cried in 5th hour to the Transformers One soundtrack.

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Fruit: You wanna know what would be really bad if I had a credit card?

Nyan Cat: You farting?

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Fruit: No offense, but your head is really big.

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Fruit: Call me beef cause I be jerkin.

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Drakes #1: We should play battleship!

Drakes #1: *Points to Truck*

Drakes #1: You're the biggest!

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Fruit: I got an owwwieeeee...

Superman: How? You're on the computer??

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Drakes #1: he just started to rub it.

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Ginger: I would hate shoving a bunch of twinkies down my throat.

Fruit: Yeah, any straight guy would say that.

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Fruit: There's a recycling bin in the break room.

Truck: I have to walk all the way to the break room??

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Coworker Quotes pt 3

God: I'm just sloshin' around.

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Fruit to Wall-E: You don't like vegetables?

God chiming in: Yeah, I don't like you.

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Superman: Has anybody ever seen me rubber band a carrot??

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Ginger: All I heard was that it was consensual and in the face.

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Fruit: He only printed counterfeit money because he's autistic.

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Drakes #1: Do pigeons have different races?

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Drakes #1: I want a big burrito that's hard to fit.

Fruit: I'll put something in your mouth to shut up!

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Superman to Fruit: Why do you just kick back all the time?! Get your feet doWN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Drakes #1: My rizz is so immaculate it's bouncing into all of you.

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Drakes #1 & Chair: You're byaddddd.

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Coworker Quotes of the Day pt 2

Nike: At least I'm honest that I'm a liar.

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Drakes #1: They have golfing in other countries?

Fruit & Superman sighing: Oh my god....

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Superman: What gets more useful when you break it?

Ram: A person.

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Superman: What goes down but never up?

Ram: A brick.

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Drakes #1: I never turn her on.

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Drakes #1 had a very rare good idea. A construction ad but it's the three little pigs.

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Nyan Cat: Do you own a freak?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Drakes #1: I'm gonna hop on Chair and push.

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Truck: I remember one branch of government, the consecutive branch.

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Truck: Don't touch my booby!

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Superman: I am.....caucasion.

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Lamp: Well, consider me shocked.

Fruit: Isn't it color me surprised?

Superman: She's just a teenage girl!

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Drakes #1: I never realized how much I like breathing.

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Coworker Quotes of the Day pt 1

Ginger: I'm scared of California.

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Chair: Fruit come on, come on Fruit, don't be boring.

Fruit: I feel like I'm being groomed.

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Fruit: Have you covered your hole yet, Rock?

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Fruit & Ram: Because it's OrGaNiC

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Fruit: On my birthday in the middle of Chuck-E-Cheese, my grandma bent me over and smacked my ass.

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Fruit: I wonder how much crack pipes are.

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Chair (Caresses Fruit's knee): I'll pry open your legs.

Fruit: Oh, so I am being groomed.

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Fruit: If we weren't at work right now I'd punch you in the face.

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Lamp: You're gonna be gagged when you hear this.

Superman: Why? Did you fart?

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Ram: Nobody works today...

Me & Chair: Wow, so we're nobody?

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Ram: Ummm-

Chair: Shhh, no one wants your opinion spoken.

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Me (in my car before work w/ Fruit): He's definitely a twink! (points to Ginger pulling into the parking lot) And there goes another one!

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Drakes #1: What's the point of bouncing if you can't feel it?

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Truck: Come look at my pants, I wanna show you my hole!

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Drakes #1: What if we found secret things, like a baby in a bag?

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Chair: Superman, if you were my motivational speaker I think I'd kill myself.

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Coworker Quotes

(At this point just expect me to always be behind)

Fruit: What if I was a disabled horse?

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Me: I’m going to Minnisotaaaaaa.

Nike: Where in Minnesota?

Me: The twin towers.

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Nyan Cat: How are you doing?

Lamp: You’re what?

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Nike: If my convention was run by stealy-mc-conman, I’d be suspicious.

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Nike: Optimus Prime? More like optimize profits.

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Nyan Cat: How do you forget your kids?

Fruit: I don’t know ask my mom, she’s good at that.

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Ram: 9/11 was just for the plot.

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Chair: Felt like I should be gagged right now.

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Superman: Only Chair makes me cry.

Chair: I’ll do it again, bop bop!

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Chair: He’s such a twink.

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Superman: Manotawk?

Chair: Did you say menopause?

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Superman: Bro, he pooped on my floor this morning.

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Nike: Would you eat that?

Superman: No, it’s way to healthy.

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Someone passing: Hey grandpa!

Superman: I hate myself.

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Chair: Do you think I’m a basic white girl.

Me and Superman: Yes.

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Nike: What does this mean for us?

Me: It means we’re autistic.

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Fruit: Plain and straight, just like you.

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Coworker quotes of the past two weeks pt 3

Nike: Arson taught me to shoplift.

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Nike: 8-9 months?? Thats almost a whole baby!.

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Fruit: And if they don't have pancake mix?

Superman: Then I burn the place down.

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Me: Are you mentally an adult?

Superman: Sometimes I cry.

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Ginger to Fruit: What's up ganga-rooster.

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Fruit: Did you know that skin actually sells for a lot of money-

Superman: -Annndddd we're moving on.

Fruit: Awwwww....

Fruit: Can I talk about organs?

Superman: No.

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Drakes #1: Supermannnnnnn!!

Superman: Oh my god what?

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Fruit: You wip it out at the right time? Like a concealed carry?

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Chair: Superman, you're not the one doing it...

Superman: I'm literally the boss.

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Me: I didn't know gingers could teleport.

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Fruit to Chair: You look nice.

Superman: Thank you!

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Coworker quotes of the past two weeks pt 1

Killer queen is playing

Fruit: Who wrote this song?

Superman: Beastie Boys.

Fruit: Ok thanks.....wait.

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Drakes #1: I'm in pain.

Superman: You are a pain.

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Superman: Real G's move in silence.

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Ginger to Chair: I thought you said cobalt.

Drakes #1: Blue balled?

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Chair to Fruit: What if I just sat on you.

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Drakes #1: I'm gonna impeach the 13th amendment.

Superman: That's the banning of slavery.

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Me: -instead, you're getting water boarded by the rain.

Ram: Yeah, like a plant!

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Coworker quotes of the past two weeks pt 2

Fruit: I think I'm gonna be sick and not in the cool way.

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Fruit: Keep your tongue in your mouth and I'll keep my helicopter in my pants.

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Drakes #1: Why are you wet?

Ram: I took a shower!

Fruit: I know why I'm wet.

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Fruit: Have you been in my bladder?!

Me: Yes.

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Fruit: My pancreas, the only organ that doesn't work.

Me: None of your organs work.

Fruit: ...

Me: ...

Fruit: My kidneys.

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Drakes #1: I'm gonna chain you up.

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Drakes #1: Only cats like it in their butt, so I'd have to walk around with no pants on.

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Drakes #1: Oh wow, you stripped him and you smoked him.

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Drakes #1: I'm opening the crack.

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Nyan Cat: How hungry are the twin towers?

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Coworker quotes of the past two weeks pt 1

Fruit: She's geeking in thought.

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Tales with Drake's #1: "commencing butt-ripping... 3, 2, 1" and then he farts.

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Superman: trespassers get violated on sight.

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Drakes #1: I have an accent!

Fruit: You mean a speech impediment..

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Drakes #1: Can I bag you?

Fruit: You sound like the self-checkout.

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Drakes #1: Stop violating me bro.

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Drakes #1: I wish we could send requests like |I request to touch Nike"

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Drakes #1: When Nyan Cat comes in I'm gonna kiss her.

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Chair and Drakes #1 talking

Superman appearing out of nowhere: I heard tea.

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Drakes #1 speaks

Fruit: We should invest in some ear plugs.

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Coworker quotes last one I promise

Ram: Can you keep your legs closed? It’s starting to smell.

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Nike: Deep breath in.

Me: Keep it in.

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Chair to Drakes #1: Stop clapping yourself.

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Fruit: This is a safe place.

Me: Not for Drakes #1.

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Nyan Cat: I’ll paperclip your house.

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Chair: I’ll shove an egg in your mouth.

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Drakes #1: Her dog makes meth.

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Fishie: They’re the dogs that are plumper than huskys?

Superman: Like me.

Fruit: That’s the second joke you’ve made about your weight today.

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Chair: I’m a trendsetter.

Fruit: I’m a transgender.

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Me: You’re not normal? Conform to the norm.

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Fruit: All the small things (singing something idk)

God: Like your wiener.

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Coworker quotes again

Drakes #1: I don’t think it’s weird, 13 and 18.

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Nike: That’s generous, you’re saying she has a soul.

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Nike: He’s trying to rename the civil rights movement. He says it needs a more flamboyant name.

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Drakes #1: Story time! (Grabs Chairs foot)

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Superman: It’s you and Ram-

Drakes #1: Noooo!!!

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Drakes #1: There’s a bunch in my pants that I ate.

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Chair: You wanna be original but you can’t. you just basic.

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Superman: I don’t think being hungry is an excuse to be grabbing people’s feet.

Drakes #1: They’re my sandwich.

Drakes #1: Mini corn dogs.

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Chair: You’re on my list. ;)

Chair: No you’re not.

Me and Chair: Hitlist.

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Superman: My daughter is starting her swim class right now.

Chair: Is she drowning?

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Superman: You want me to make a medical decision? Pull the plug.

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Me: Every religion is a cult.

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Nike: Chair, run her over, please.

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Chair: You’ve got some pretty kids.

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Superman: It’s giving… desperate.

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Played the quiet game twice more because of Drakes #1

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Fruit: I’m like a crumbling cookie.

Drakes #1: I’m the Cookie Monster.

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Coworker quotes once more

Nike: Bro thinks she’s the winkler.

Me: The winkler?

Nike: Yeah, disturbing.

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Me: If they can stretch, they can fit my feet.

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Me: Don’t attack a pro-hater or an older sibling. Especially one with an 8 year gap.

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Hello Kitty: That’s against dress code, get out.

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Me: 10/10 no.

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Drakes #1: You want to take my pants off?!

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Drakes #1: Touch my tongue.

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Drakes #1: If you’re not gonna breath, I’ll breath for you.

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Chair: Your circling the hole.

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Nyan Cat: Lap dance?

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Drakes #1: I don’t lean anymore.

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Drakes #1: PD.

Ram: BD?!

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Chair: Oi Baka!

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Dishonorable mention: Drakes #1

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Coworker quotes but I’m behind again because why not

Fruit: The entire time he was talking about his poetry, and she thought he was talking about his special helicopter.

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Drakes #1: I could say something but I’m not gonna say it.

Fruit: Is it a slur?

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Chair: You’re full of meat?

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Me: Free me from this hell.

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Drakes #1: Chair wetted my pants.

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Chair: Mine is bigger.

Nike: You free tonight?

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Me: Just turn around and give it to me.

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Chair: I like grabbing stuff like that sometimes.

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Chair: Drakes #1’s comments make my day. I’ll never tell her that though.

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Ginger walked up

Chair: Ew.

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Me: What are you slurpin?

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Nike: My friend has a ferret and it tried to crawl down my pants once.

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Coworker quotes but I’m behind again part four

Chair: Throw it back.

Fruit: Throw what back?

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Drakes #1: Do you guys smell my aura from last week?

Fruit: Yeah it’s stinky.

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Drakes #1: It comes out of me.

Fruit: I’m sure something else does too.

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Drakes #1: I’d pre-order my teens.

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Superman: Her taste in crayons is the same as her taste in men.

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Drakes #1 sighs

Chair: Shut up.

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Drakes #1: Scarface is my dead dogs name.

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Fruit: I’m deficient in everything.

Superman: That checks out.

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Fruit: Critical thinking skills. Use them.

Drakes #1: How bout no.

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Fruit: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Drakes #1: Prison!

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Superman yawns

Drakes #1: Childbirth is exhausting.

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Drakes #1: The life flashed between my eyes.

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Drakes #1: Put an ice pack in your pants and you’re good!

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Drakes #1: Let’s get real close and personal.

Chair: No.

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Superman: I know for a fact you went to Hardy’s.

Ginger: No, actually, I had Cheez Its in the parking lot.

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Coworker quotes but I’m behind again part three

Me: Hold on let me get my story straight.

Fruit: Nothing about you is straight.

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Fruit: Pirate.

Me: Arg

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Fruit: You’re blowing low.

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Fruit: I have sensitive skin.

Me: You have sensitive everything.

Fruit: Be quiet.

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Things Fruits niece cried over that day

-Fruit picked up his cat

-Was told she couldn’t ride her bike in his room

-Was asked what shirts she wanted

-Was asked if she wanted to go in his room

-Was told she couldn’t use the rest of the soap when washing her hands

[jelly-flesh]

Coworker quotes of the day but I’m behind again part two

Superman: He’s in pain?

Drakes #1: Yeah.

Superman: It’s because he has to deal with you.

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Drakes #1: What do I have to lose?

Me: The respect this office has for you.

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Superman: It’s giving stalker.

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Drakes #1: I’m not weird!

Everyone: Yes you are.

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Drakes #1: I got skibidi rizz.

Chair?: You got skibidi stalked.

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Drakes #1: I’m gonna think about what I’m going to say.

Superman: There’s a first for everything.

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Drakes #1: I’m such a person.

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Fruit to Drakes #1: So you lack critical thinking skills?

Me: I think we already know this.

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Drakes #1 tries to read the quotes I wrote down

Me (covers them up): No previews.

Drakes #1 huffs and stomps like a toddler

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Fruit: Just call em T-Swag.

Fruit: The t stands for trans.

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Drakes #1: I thought you said gay men at play.

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Drakes #1 makes a wet fart noise

Drakes #1: Uh oh, something’s in my pants.

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Superman: Just to let you know-

Drakes #1: Noooooo!!!

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Drakes #1 is a likes to talk and got our speaking privileges revoked. We had quiet time for 5-10 minutes.

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Drakes #1 and Nyan Cat went back and forth just saying fart.