jazzyjoya

[jazzyjoya]

Uncomfortable Situations require massive change

[jazzyjoya]

I will do better with paying my bills i hate to say it but i hate it spending every last coin on yours stupid ass society expectations. Yes im upset because even buying food is getting impossible.

BUT

I'm grateful it could be worst and can get worst.

[jazzyjoya]

I was taught this same thing ❤️

“My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.”

— Laurell K. Hamilton

[jazzyjoya]

.....

[jazzyjoya]

Unfortunately. I don't like people sometimes mostly men .. I hate the fairy tail they poisoned us with growing up. The happy ever after bulllllshiit. I'm in era of my life to just love myself which is extremely hard. Why didn't they teach that self love first then a man you pray for. Give me a good man or fuck it I'm going to be too myself.

[jazzyjoya]

Remembering to love myself extra hard when disappointed by men. I feel so much from people and i hate they let me down. Definitely when i be genuine from the start it irritates my soul. Overall i just got to do what my father has told me have tougher skin.

[jazzyjoya]

Meaningless connection and non genuine people shit becomes extremely exhausting connecting with these people and the energy be off all the time i can feel when a mf is fake actions don't align with words and inconsistency everyday I'm over it

[jazzyjoya]

Crazy because all the love i have to give i receive none that back It'll make a mf cold but naw i know my intentions will always be pure and God knows some people needed that love at that time..

[jazzyjoya]

I received so much confusion but I crave so much love ❤️

[jazzyjoya]

While the world sleeps there just me my ceiling with a medium size hole in it and thoughts... I wish i could shove my thoughts in that hole and feel nothing. I'm learning with loving myself i have to accept and embrace everything about me. Even the things i suffer with mentally.

[jazzyjoya]

Ugh today sucks I hate being emotional and a overthinking......

[jazzyjoya]

6am and I'm at work looking lost 😂 i hate being a emotional thug. Even now i feel like I'm lacking my motivation knowing I'm that girl. I got to really really really focus on myself. I hate how i have to marinate in my pain. I just don't understand why i can't just let go. I guess the delusional shit gets you thinking future and it's not that. I tried my best to examine each moment we had. Overall I'm done I refuse to drive myself crazy. I'm enough I'm love I'm romantic I'm someone's wife I'm just me. I'm not changing myself and this two shall pass 😌 until then i need to refocus heal redo and restart again

[jazzyjoya]

[jazzyjoya]

Just love her thank you 😊❤️❤️❤️❤️

found some things i wrote in my notes app that i thought might be comforting to other people <3

[jazzyjoya]

Healing never stops really I feel like I'm going through the motions and I hate it. Constantly questioning myself and wondering am I really over things. Then I'm retriggered again and again by stuff. Which sucks because I'm over it I really convinced myself but it's not true. It's just a strong face to put on but deep down once the thrill and the physical stop's shinning I'm feeling all that pain again. Thinking dang why didn't you just leave me the fuck alone. I know your going to go through pain. I want love sometimes and a hug so tight to know I am loved and cared about. I literally get hugs from my kids sometimes. I want to ball my eyes out but deep down I'm dried up. I play hard and don't get in touch enough with the reality of my feelings. My ex always wanted me to express that I loved him. I never understood why until now where done. I don't even dislike him no hate just numb. I am sad and lonely I feel and maybe it's just me being dramatic because I have two beautiful children that love me but they want understand mama is deep sad and nobody can reach it. I feel like a big whole of darkness sometimes facing and fighting through each day.....

[jazzyjoya]

Most definitely feel this way 2021-2022 horrible experience

spent all of 2022 being down bad over a boy so that in 2023 i literally do not give a fuck at whomever decides to walk out of my life. bye <3

[jazzyjoya]

Realization of it all I'm worth it ❤️❤️❤️