jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

polyamory would not always fix the love triangle. sometimes it would make it much, much worse. but they should do it anyway

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

something i think is really interesting is that house uses his cane wrong. not even just wrong, but the wrong kind of cane, too. i'm a cane user for chronic pain too, and when the cane is a permanent fixture, you are supposed to use a specific kind that supports your elbow and shoulder over time. you're also supposed to use it in the opposite hand to the worst off leg. house does neither of these things. and yet . he is a doctor. not even that, but a specialist literally tells him this in an early season

there is no way he doesn't know these things. it's almost like a kind of . salt in the wound, a self flagellation. some kind of punishment for his disability, like he doesn't deserve the comfort of proper equipment used in the right way, because he did this to himself, or because he's a bad person, or he's depressed, or any of the other 1000 sad things about his character

i also think it gets even more interesting when none of the other main characters say this, especially wilson, who is always concerned about his pain levels. surely that's a real easy fix, right ? but it doesn't even come up in conversation, in passing, whatever. i like to think it's another deeply twisted understanding that they share. "i know you hurt yourself on purpose. i'm sorry. i don't like myself either. i love you anyway" gah

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

wilson seems like the type of guy who would wear a hand puppet that looks like house to try and cheer up the real house, who beats puppet house with his cane as wilson yelps in pain of having his hand hit

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

beautiful thing about House MD is you can screenshot quite literally any scene between house and wilson, caption it „gay sex” and get ten thousand notes on tumblr dot edu dot org of gay people reciting poetry or yelling uncontrollably

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

house in 2024 bc i see ppl post this

- chase makes "lol americans experience gun violence" jokes

- cameron engages in online discourse and starts a lot of arguments with "as a doctor..."

- foreman uses 4chan but just to sit in shock at the things he sees on there

- house is a mod and frequent poster on r/newjersey of all things. only wilson knows, not because house keeps it a secret, but because its so weirdly out of character that nobody would ever bring it up

- wilson sends reels of edgy standup comedians to house on instagram

- cuddy frequents gentle parenting forums, occasionally uses tactics on house

- taub used to run a food review channel on youtube but stopped when people called his videos "mukbangs"

- thirteen introduces herself with her name and pronouns, everyone makes a joke about this at least once

- kutner is a hamilton fan

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

any hate on lisa cuddy is purely sexism, she wasn't annoying she just didn't want her doctors committing medical war crimes

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

I need them to do a reboot of House but I want them to just go fucking wild with it. Everyone's gay, everyone's fucking. House, Wilson, and Cuddy are in a toxic polycule, one that definitely violates work ethics, that ends when Cuddy cheats on them with Cameron. I want it to be just as homophobic, just as ableist, just as fucked up, as the original and yet have the characters all be so fucking woke. Same episodes with the same plots but modern. I want Chase to have an onlyfans.

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

Wilson buys House one of those reversible squid plushies as a joke and House dismissively tosses it on his desk and it sits there on the angry side for days

but then Wilson comes in after House solves his case and he notices that while the squid hasn't moved, it's been flipped to the happy side

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

finally watching house md in order instead of whatever random episodes my friends force me to watch and. wow. the mouse bites meme is. so accurate? why is wilson just Always There. "I too am in this episode!" YES DIVA WE KNOW WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING UP DONT YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO????

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

house: lmao nobody will ever love me because I'm fucked up, anyways time to go home to the condo that my deer eyed boy best friend bought me,play the piano he bought me that says something about him, and have our weird homosexual eye contact while some sappy song plays in the background, I'll be alone forever

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

Cuddy and Wilson: House you aren’t Autistic you’re just an asshole

House: what fucking ever just give me my damn bloodstained carpet. Why did you get rid of my fucking carpet??? I need my carpet or else I can’t work in there. Hate what you’ve done with the place.

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

house in 2024

House installs 24/7 tracking apps on Wilson's phone. In return, Wilson books Ubers to take his phone and drive to various nefarious locations, sit there for half an hour, then come back home

Similarly, Wilson gets a smartwatch that monitors his heart rate. House gets updates sent to his phone and calls Wilson whenever his heart rate increases by more than 20 bpm to try and interrupt him jerking off

Kutner writes fanfic and replies to almost every comment he gets. His author's notes are full of things like "sorry this chapter is late, I accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to save a patient's life"

House posts on the Am I The Asshole subreddit but gets annoyed at everything thinking he's the asshole so he immediately deletes his account and pretends it never existed

Cuddy spends an hour of her day responding to the hospital's negative google reviews about "that rude doctor with the cane"

A young patient of Wilson's convinces him to be in a TikTok they're making, and he doesn't really know what that is but he agrees and ends up going semi-viral

Chase is secretly seething with jealousy over Wilson's accidental TikTok success, because Chase has been making thirst-trap videos in his scrubs for months with barely any views (it's because he's trying way too hard)

Thirteen gets really into Drag Race/the local drag scene and accidentally introduces House to gay slang, which he instantly adopts

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

The hilarious thing about House MD being a loose Sherlock Holmes adaptation is that in the books and pretty much every adaptation Watson follows Holmes around whilst he solves cases and helps him solve the cases and in universe writes about them for an audience, so even though there are varying levels of homosexual vibes and they are friends there is at least a plot reason for Watson to be there all the time. In House though the ‘helping him solve the case’ role is given to his team so apart from House bouncing ideas off of him and the times it may or may not be cancer Wilson following house around to the extent that he does is just kind of Because. If you accept that Wilson is supposed to be the Watson figure in the show then it’s pretty funny that they got rid of all the motives Watson has for following Holmes around all the time and are just left with ‘he’s my bro’. Like he’s not there to solve the puzzles or to get Content out of House solving the puzzles but he is still always there; it ruins his marriage how much he is always there.

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

House really is everything. He’s autistic, he’s sub textually but also very textually bisexual, he’s a cunt, he’s a genius medical professional, he’s a drug addict, he has a homoerotic situationship with his best friend, he faked his death for said friend so they could live out the rest of his life together, he’s been to prison, he has a motorcycle, he loves monster trucks, he’s disabled.

He is The Character Ever.

[jasslight-jatekeep-jirlboss]

House MD was crazy for having their mc be an autistic bisexual depressed disabled drug addict who canonically self harms and experienced abuse AND was in a doomed codependent toxic yaoiship with his repressed homosexual bestie