jargongggg

[jargongggg]

Here me out,

Nice warm day inside on a rainy day, your wife walks in but she has a block of cheese and some mouse ears in her hand.

“Put these on” you oblige.

She proceeds to throw the cheese on the table. You smell it, it’s Parmesan.

“Eat it” you obliged. Afterwards she gives you the best slop of all time. You asked her why she did it and she says “speak nothing of this” and never does it again for the rest of your 50 year marriage.

[jargongggg]

[jargongggg]

The most painful lesson I’ve been having to learn in my life has been dealing with my own self control. I fail everyday, and still I don’t know why I keep failing. Putting a reason to my own self sabotage has been my biggest struggle and I don’t get it.

[jargongggg]

I really stopped caring for all of these holidays man.

[jargongggg]

POV : you're about to get served the most bomb food to ever exist possibly

[jargongggg]

[jargongggg]

April 8th, the rain isn’t letting up, everyone is trapped in.

As I let this soothing song play in my ears it brings memories back to when I first heard it, my first playthrough in P5, it also brought back specific memories I had to the original thoughts to when I first made my channel, or any online presence for that matter. I simply wanted a community for people who were just as chronically online as I was. However looking back I searched the wrong areas.

As glad as I am now, I do wonder what would it be like if I Decided to just dive into the deep web of places like 4 Chan, or niche communities of tumblr.

Community is all I wanted, as of now I can say I have mine now. But the methods of getting here. Were they worth it? Was it worth going through the hell that was shokus, witnessing the hell of troupe, just for internet lore?

That’s all it is at the end of the day technically, if you turn your devices off and act like none of it happened you wouldn’t be technically wrong.

Shit Let’s take the one who shall not be named for example, they left and acted like we didn’t exist (at least I assume) then Beni followed shortly after.

That makes you think of what you could really do with your online persona. Which in itself is a weird concept. How does one make a persona strictly for the online space? How does one separate it from their IRL counterpart without any tension or trouble? Wouldn’t time be a significant factor here?

Then that makes me think of what could happen when I get my own crib, I’ll get the prolonged alone time I oh so yearn. But what’s to say I won’t fall back into the old habits that I did when I was chronically online?

Would I be wrong for being chronically online again? Would I be wrong to be less online? Does it really matter, does anything matter for that matter? Even when you think of everything going on at this exact moment would it even fucking matter?

What would everyone do if the earth explodes in 24 hours? Probably mayhem. But say that didn’t happen, how would everyone feel about their life?

If you 🫵🏾 were to be told your life ends in 24 hours would you be happy?

And if you say no, why? Is it something you can fix? If not why dwell on it? If you can fix it? What’s stopping you? Nothing.

Nothing stopped Beni and them from leaving, Nothing is stopping me from moving out,

Nothing is stopping you from transitioning in any stage of life, why are we as humans so afraid of change when we so desperately need it sometimes?

Of course this applies to me too. But then again who wouldn’t it apply to? Every second I’m awake I’m dedicated my life to change. I don’t care in what form or what way, weather I am changing my ideals, my clothes, my body, my life, my bank, it doesn’t matter what it is, I can no longer stay stagnant, nothing changes if nothing changes. So personally my mask needs to be taken off itself. I can no longer sit here and expect another life changing event to walk in my life like it’s been doing all my life ESPECIALLY since I am an adult now. I have to make change if I want change for the better or worse. I’m embracing the Bad now. I love it, confusing time in identity, that’s great that means something is changing. Financial struggles? That means something changing, friends leaving me? People I was close with not fucking with me? My favorite foods not hitting no more? My gaming hours go down? It all boils down to change and I need to stop resisting it. The only way to do so is to go about life and shut up. Whenever God, the universe, whatever you wanna call it is speaking I should listen. And that’s what I’ve been doing. My outlook on life has been changing recently. Way more than I originally expected, I’m way less strict about everything now. I don’t care what I’m doing in 10 years. What am I doing now ? I woke up, what am I doing with my life currently? I go to school, work, and I come home to game. Rinse and repeat, I’m not living IM just existing.

AND I REFUSE to simply exist when I can experience life and all it has out for me. What would be the point if I couldn’t go out and live my life the way I wanted to. Because at the end of the day we are shapeshifters too. It’s just not physical. We change so much as living beings that there’s no way we can be the same people for our entire lifetime, we probably live 7 lifetimes over, do you know how much can happen in 10 years, 5years, 1 year, 6 months? 2 weeks? Shit nigga A FUCKING DAY????! We have to be more aware of this ! They try to make us Goal driven, which don’t get me wrong is great! But we’re thinking of it all wrong! People think of goals as accomplishments when we should plan our goals based off experiences! My goal is to be a father and a wonderful teacher to three beautiful children so they can also experience life and spread knowledge.

That’s what it’s all about, experiencing life so you have a story to tell.

We are always caught up on what other people’s story is, what they are gonna do, what’s your story?

In story writing they have a term for when the character goes through a journey that teaches them a lesson, they call it an Arc,

What’s your Arc?