jade-likethegemstone

[jade-likethegemstone]

pet names

[jade-likethegemstone]

Dorian Gray is queer art, period.

Apparently Netflix has decided to make an adaption of The Picture of Dorian Gray with Dorian and Basil as siblings. Unless they're planning to go the gothic horror incest route, they've completely missed the point of the relationship between these characters.

If you haven't read the book, Basil is a painter who becomes infatuated with a beautiful young man, pouring his feelings into a painting. Dorian becomes jealous of the painting's beauty, realizing that he will never be as young and unspoiled as the version of himself on the canvas. He finds himself wishing that the painting could age instead of him. His wish is granted, allowing him to stay young and beautiful until the end, with his moral and spiritual decline reflected only in the painting.

I cannot overstate how queer this book is. Dorian is so beautiful that their first meeting inspires a wave of existential terror in Basil. Dorian changes Basil's entire understanding of art and beauty. This book is so queer it was used as evidence at Wilde's sodomy trial.

The existence of the portrait itself is tantamount to a confession of queer desire. Basil tells his friend, Lord Henry, that he can't exhibit the painting because "I have put too much of myself into it.”

Lord Henry (who will later lead Dorian into a life of vice) laughs, but Basil explains:

“[E]very portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. [...] It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself. The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul.”

This is how he describes meeting Dorian:

When our eyes met, I felt that I was growing pale. A curious sensation of terror came over me. I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself. [...] I have always been my own master; had at least always been so, till I met Dorian Gray. Then—but I don’t know how to explain it to you. Something seemed to tell me that I was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows. I grew afraid and turned to quit the room. It was not conscience that made me do so: it was a sort of cowardice. I take no credit to myself for trying to escape.”

Notice that turn of phrase--it was not conscience but cowardice that made him attempt to flee. Why would conscience factor into his decision? Because he felt shame at his reaction to Dorian's perfect, beautiful face.

Lord Henry is shocked to discover Basil cares for something besides his art.

“He is all my art to me now,” said the painter gravely. “I sometimes think, Harry, that there are only two eras of any importance in the world’s history. The first is the appearance of a new medium for art, and the second is the appearance of a new personality for art also. What the invention of oil-painting was to the Venetians, the face of Antinous was to late Greek sculpture, and the face of Dorian Gray will some day be to me.

Basil goes on to confess, "I see everything in him. He is never more present in my work than when no image of him is there."

Lord Henry still doesn't understand why there is too much of Basil in the painting, so Basil explains:

“Because, without intending it, I have put into it some expression of all this curious artistic idolatry, of which, of course, I have never cared to speak to him. He knows nothing about it. He shall never know anything about it. But the world might guess it, and I will not bare my soul to their shallow prying eyes. My heart shall never be put under their microscope. There is too much of myself in the thing, Harry—too much of myself!”

Lord Henry asks how Dorian feels about Basil, and his response is absolutely tragic.

The painter considered for a few moments. “He likes me,” he answered after a pause; “I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to some one who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer’s day.”

Any adaptation that ignores the way Dorian's existence and beauty utterly destroyed Basil is doomed to be shallow and insipid. This is not just a book about a magic painting. It's a monument to queer longing.

[jade-likethegemstone]

i think everyone who loves women in sports should watch this

[jade-likethegemstone]

The reffing in that USA vs Brazil game was shockingly bad. Well done to the USA? It's easy to win with the ref on your side 🤷🏽‍♀️.

[jade-likethegemstone]

WHEN IN FRANCE im screaming marta was just embracing french guillotine culture

[jade-likethegemstone]

You're Mine and Only Mine (I'm Yours and Only Yours) (Alex Morgan x Reader)

It all started with a bit of harmless flirting to get you riled up, something Alex Morgan knew would lead to a confrontation before you took her home and had your way with her, but when the man's flirting becomes a bit too forward, you step in, something that leads you to having your way with the woman somewhere a little more public than home.

Anonymous Request: Alex Morgan/G!P Reader, jealous sex in an alleyway behind a bar, and marathon sex.

Your lip curled as your grip on your tumbler tightened, your eyes burning holes in the back of the head of the man currently flirting shamelessly with your fiancé.  

Every so often, she’d glance your way, shooting you a playful wink, but making no attempts to move away from the man, whose intentions were clear.  

“She’s just doing it to get a rise out of you.” Kelley says, giving you a nudge and you grunt.  

“Well, it’s working.” You mumble sipping your drink, grimacing at the taste.  

Alex knew what would happen if she got a rise out of you, she knew that you’d either confront the person flirting with her or drag her home and absolutely have your way with her.  

Your eyes narrow as you watch the man lean towards her, whispering something in her ear that makes her giggle, your nostrils flaring.  

You turn away angrily, unable to watch the man blatantly flirt with your girlfriend any longer.  

Your fingers drummed against the bar as you tried to focus on your drink, the ice bobbing slightly within then dark liquid.  

“What do you say we get out of here...?”  

Your head snaps upwards as you turn abruptly towards your girlfriend, the woman smiling softly at the man, who now has a hand on her forearm.  

You’re up in an instant, shoving his hand off of her as you slip an arm around her middle.  

“She’s not going anywhere with you.” You growl, Alex’s hand landing on the small of your back. 

The man scoffs.  

“I think she’s the one who should make that decision.” He says, turning to Alex with a charming smile, the woman shaking her head, her lips parting.  

“My fiancé, isn’t going anywhere with you.” You say, cutting off the woman, your teeth bared.  

The man snorts.  

“Well, your fiancé was just all over me, maybe she’s having second thoughts.”  

Your blood was boiling, your hands balling into fists.  

The man’s throat noticeably bobs at the look on your face, the muscle in your jaw jumping as you take a step closer, the man visibly shrinking.  

You weren’t small by any means, you were a goalkeeper on the San Diego Wave for years, and you completely dwarfed the man now cowering in front of you.  

“Yeah, if I were you, I’d get out of here.” Kelley says from behind him, the man slipping from between you and the defender before scurrying out of the bar, your darkened Y/E/C orbs on him the entire way.  

“Hey...”  

Your attention is pulled away from the door when Alex steps into view, the woman looking noticeably regretful.  

“I-I’m sorry...” She says, cupping your cheeks and you turn away with a frown.  

You knew Alex had only started to flirt to get a rise out of you, but you couldn’t help but replay the man’s words in your head.  

What if she WAS having second thoughts...? 

You swirl the contents of your glass before downing it, slamming the tumbler down before you turn and make your way down the hall towards the restroom, your fiancé frowning.  

Alex blows a raspberry as she takes your empty seat at the bar, her best friend turning towards her a brow arched.  

“Well, THAT didn’t go as planned.” Alex sighs, tracing the rim of your empty glass.  

Kelley huffs.  

“Yeah, maybe you should go check on Y/N.” She says, nodding towards the bathroom, her eyes widening when she sees you slipping out the back door of the bar.  

“Yeah, I will.” She says, moving to her feet and following after you, the woman’s breath hitching sharply when you press her against the brick wall of the bar’s exterior.  

Alex’s blue orbs lock with your Y/E/C’s, a fire smoldering behind your eyes that makes her weak at the knees.  

You surge forwards, pressing your lips hard against hers, your tongue pushing its way past her lips.  

Alex moans as you hitch her leg up and around your waist as your kiss, your tongue dominating hers easily.  

The forward is unable to stop a moan from tumbling out of her mouth as your hand sneaks up her dress and between her legs, your fingers tracing her slit through her panties before you draw relentless circles against her clit.  

“Fuck.” She moans, wrapping her arms tightly around you as you work mercilessly between her legs.  

Unsurprisingly, you were hard, the woman you loved moaning in your arms combined with the thrill of being caught made you harden rather quickly.  

Alex’s brows furrow, the woman whining when your hand leaves the apex of her thighs, the woman now significantly wet, which is exactly what you wanted.  

“The only thing you’re coming on is my cock.” You say, Alex's eyes widening when you undo your pants, pulling your zipper down slowly.  

You tug your pants down slightly, enough for your erection to spring free, Alex eyeing it hungrily.  

She spreads her legs allowing you to push her panties to the side before running your head between her lower lips, the woman sighing.  

“Do you want to keep going?” You ask, stilling, waiting for your fiancé to give you the go ahead. 

“Yes.” She nods rapidly, whimpering when you teasingly prod against her entrance.  

“Just, let me know if you want to stop, okay?” You ask, earning a rapid nod, Alex’s arms slipping beneath your own, her hands splayed on your back.  

In one swift motion, you thrust into her, the woman gasping loudly against your neck, her walls fluttering around you.  

Alex groans as you cock your hips upwards, your member reaching places only you could reach. 

“Who does this belong to...?” You ask, thrusting harder, Alex’s mouth agape as you thrust into her rapidly.  

Alex’s mouth opens and closes, the woman unable to find her words as she bounces on your cock, the appendage slipping in and out of her rapidly.  

“Whose is it, Alex?” You ask, thrusting up into her with authority, the woman moaning loudly as you slam into her roughly.  

“It’s yours.” She moans, her nails digging into your back.  

“Say it louder, whose pussy is this?” You ask, the woman bouncing erratically on your cock.  

“It’s yours!” She yells, hooking a leg up around your waist, her breath hitching rapidly.  

The woman comes undone on your cock, moaning loudly into your chest as she shakes in your hold, her walls clamping down around your member.  

You thrust up into her, groaning when you too reach your climax, filling the woman with your seed.  

She trembles in your hold as you kiss her neck, continuing to thrust gently until you both still.  

You remain sheathed in her as you kiss her neck repeatedly, your nose running along her jawline before your lips find hers, the two of you kissing softly.  

You kiss lazily for a minute or so before you part, the woman grunting when your member slips out of her, leaving a literal mess in her panties.  

“I-I didn’t hurt you, did I?” You ask worriedly, fearful that you’d let your jealousy and anger get the best of you.  

She shakes her head rapidly.  

“No, exact opposite.” She laughs, and you exhale loudly, the breath you were holding finally releasing.  

“Honestly, this was the outcome I wanted.” She smirks and you chuckle.  

“Oh really?” You ask and she giggles.  

“I guess I didn’t expect him to come on so strongly.” She mumbles and you snort.  

“He ran away pretty quickly.” You chuckle, Alex ducking down to press sloppy kisses to your neck.  

“What do you say we take this home?” She asks, nibbling on your pulse point.  

She lets out a squeak when your hands run from the small of her back to her ass, giving it a squeeze.  

“I like the sound of that.” You say, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips.  

“We should PROBABLY tell Kelley we’re leaving.” She giggles against your lips, and you nod, the two of you making yourselves presentable before slipping back into the bar.  

Kelley spots you from across the room, the woman rolling her eyes, her brows arched.  

“Calling it a night?” She asks and you shrug apologetically.  

“Something came up.” Alex says and Kelley snorts.  

“Oh, I bet it did.” She laughs and your cheeks flush.  

“You forgot your zipper.” She says, motioning to your pants, your flush deepening as you tug your zipper up.  

Alex gives her a nudge as she takes your hand, dragging you towards the bar’s entrance.  

Kelley rolls her eyes, the woman making her way out of the bar a few moments later, scoffing when she sees the two of you zipping out of the parking lot and down the road.  

She shakes her head, mumbling to herself as she heads to her car.  

“An alleyway, seriously?”

************************************************************************

The second the front door slammed shut behind you, the two of you are kissing, your clothes strewn along the floor as you fumble your way through the house and towards the bedroom.  

You eventually reach the bed, depositing Alex, who you’d been carrying on its surface.  

She crawls to the end of the bed, pushing herself up to her knees before shedding your boxers, taking your semi-hard cock in her hands.  

“Fuck.” You grunt, tilting your head back as she lavishes your member with attention, stroking it until you’re fully erect.  

Alex’s smirks devilishly as she leans in, her tongue running along your length.  

“Shit.” You moan, the woman taking your head into her mouth.  

You do your best to keep yourself from thrusting further into her mouth, the woman laying special attention to your head before taking the rest of your length into her mouth, her head bobbing up and down.  

“Feels so good.” You groan, the woman taking nearly your entire member into her mouth, which was no small feat.  

It isn’t long before she’s releasing your cock with a pop, the woman taking in some air before she’s back at it again.  

Your thighs start to shake, your hips trusting slightly upward, pushing your cock further into her mouth.  

“I-I’m gonna come.” You moan, groaning when Alex’s hands grab your ass, the woman pulling your hips forward, encouraging you to thrust into her mouth.  

You stiffen moments later, groaning loudly as you come undone, Alex unwilling to let a drop of your release go anywhere besides down her throat.  

She licks you clean, releasing your head with a slurp, the sound making your hips stutter.  

“That was--” You pause, whimpering as you’re hit by what can only be described as an aftershock. 

You whimper when she again takes you into your mouth, sure to catch the tiny bit of your release that had crept out.  

Alex gasps when you push her backwards onto the bed, the woman shuffling upwards until her head hits the pillows at the head of the bed.  

Thankfully, in your fumbling towards the bedroom, Alex had been completely stripped bare, no barrier between your hands and her skin.  

Her hips arch off the bed as you trail down her body, your lips wrapping around one of her nipples as you give it a suckle, earning a whimper in response.  

You work your way down her body, your tongue swiping at your lips when you reach your destination.  

“Oh, Oh shit!” Alex cries out when you dive between her legs with no sense of hesitation, your tongue running along her slit before pushing your way between her lips, purposely avoiding her clit as you revel in her taste.  

“You did a LOT of teasing tonight, Morgan.” You say, your eyes meeting hers, the woman visibly pouting.  

“I think it’s time for payback.” You wink, again burying your face between her legs, the forward knowing she was in for a long night.  

************************************************************************

A bead of sweat ran down Alex’s face as you licked the apex of her thighs, the woman soaked and on the precipice of a powerful orgasm.  

You’d indeed gotten your payback, continuing to work her up before pulling away from the apex of her thighs, the woman whining loudly each and every time.  

It’s when you climb entirely on top of her that she groans.  

“I-I’m so close, pl-please.” She stutters, her eyes glassy and you smirk, glancing between your bodies.  

“Can you take me?” You ask as you run your head between her soaked lips, the woman moaning.  

“Please.” She moans, wrapping her legs around you, her feet against your ass as she pulls you in, your head slipping into her tight heat.  

“Fuck.” Alex sighs as you continue sliding into her until you bottom out, the woman’s walls fluttering rapidly around you.  

“You’re gonna come so hard.” You comment as you give your hips a thrust, the woman’s mouth agape as you thrust into her. 

Alex started to tremble, her eyes almost immediately rolling into the back of her head as she screams loudly, her orgasm ripping through her.  

You continue your thrusts, the woman shuddering violently, her toes curling almost painfully as her walls clamp down around you.  

Watching the woman, you wanted to marry have such a powerful orgasm throws your headlong into your own, your member buried deep inside her as your seed spurts from your tip making its home within her. 

The two of you tremble, your muscles contracting as you hover over Alex, the woman blinking rapidly, in a complete state of bliss.  

“God, that was so fucking good.” She says, her chest rising and falling rapidly.  

You duck down, pressing a kiss to her lips, a kiss that immediately grows heated, your tongues tangling.  

It’s only when Alex moans that you realize you were thrusting into her again, her walls warm and welcoming.  

In one swift motion, your positions are switched, your eyes widening when you see Alex hovering over you, the woman sinking down onto your hard cock.  

“Jesus.” You sigh, the woman’s tongue swiping at her lips, her brows furrowed as she lifts her hips before dropping them back down, your member sliding in and out of her tight heat.  

She tilts her head back, gripping her breasts as she rides you, wanting to tumble over the edge at least one more time before the two of you collapse out of exhaustion.  

You give her thighs a slap, the woman whimpering as you thrust your hips upwards, establishing a rhythm.  

“S-So good.” Alex whispers, her movements quickly becoming irregular.  

You thrust upwards as rapidly as you can, Alex eventually stiffening, a raspy moan crawling up her throat as she comes for a third time that night, her muscles contracting as she spasms.  

You thrust roughly upwards, burying yourself in her as you too orgasm, Alex’s walls milking you for all you’re worth.  

Alex collapses on top of you, your member slipping out of her, leaving a mess in its wake.  

She presses a few tender kisses to your lips before burying her face in your neck, still attempting to catch her breath.  

“That was...” She pauses, a grin stretching across your face.  

“Incredible.” You pant and she giggles.  

“Yeah.” She whispers against your neck, her hot breath dampening your already sweat covered skin.  

“I guess I need to make you jealous more often.” She teases and you growl.  

“You better not.” You mumble and she hums.  

“I mean, if this is the outcome every time, I’ll have to flirt even harder.” She jests, yelping when you roll over on top of her.  

“Don’t even think about it.” You say, giving her neck a playful nip.  

Her hands make their way to your back, her fingers drawing small circles on the muscular expanse of your back.  

“I’m thinking about it.” She giggles and you growl, giving her a bit of a harder bite.  

“If you do, I’ll make sure you can’t walk next time.” You growl, pulling back to look in her blue orbs, the woman biting back a smile.  

“Is that a promise?” She asks and you snort.  

“Absolutely.”  

It’s only a few weeks later that you make do on that promise, having your way with the woman in such a way that she has a noticeable shift in her normal walk, something that makes you smirk. 

“I mean, I DID promise.” You say as you jog passed her at practice and she scoffs, swatting at you playfully.  

“Shut up.”  

[jade-likethegemstone]

This Opening Ceremony feels a bit like a fever dream.

[jade-likethegemstone]

I Want To Ruin Our Friendship (We Should Be Lovers Instead) (Sophia Smith x Reader)

You weren't big on social media, you never got in on the TikTok craze, but when your best friend, and long time crush Sophia Smith asked you to make a TikTok, you couldn't say no.

You were never big on social media, in all honesty, you didn’t see the appeal, especially when it came to TikTok.  

Anytime you saw your teammates recording a TikTok, you’d roll your eyes, but go along with whatever they were doing when the camera was turned your way, half-heartedly of course. 

They were big on TikTok trends, and often recorded them at camp or at friendlies. 

Somehow, you weren’t entirely sure how, you’d been roped into one of these said trend, but here you were sitting side by side with your best friend, Sophia Smith, the woman noticeably fidgeting. 

“Hey.” You say softly, the girl’s breath hitching when you place your hand on top of hers.  

“You alright?” You ask, your brows furrowed. 

Her throat bobs, her brown orbs darting to your lips before again meeting your eyes. 

“Y-Yeah.” She stutters and you hum, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go, missing the light twitch at the corner of her mouth. 

You were well aware that something was bothering her, you knew her too well to NOT know something was wrong.  

She was your best friend and had been since you’d become roommates in college. 

You knew Sophia Smith better than anyone, and she knew you better than anyone. 

She was the first person you’d come out to in college, and unsurprisingly, she was incredibly supportive. 

However, there was one thing she didn’t know, and that was that you were deeply in love with her and had been since college. 

You inhale deeply, pulling yourself out of your thoughts before clearing your throat. 

“So, what exactly are we doing here?” You ask, wondering what TikTok trend you were actually doing.  

Sophia clears her throat. 

“J-Just listen to this song.” She says softly before, pressing play on your phone, music filling the air 

Your brows arch when Sophia starts humming, her cheeks dusted pink. 

You wouldn’t admit it but you liked hearing her sing, something she did almost every morning in college when she was making coffee before class. 

You’d act like her early morning peppiness was annoying, but in reality, you loved waking up to the sound of her voice. 

“I think I’ve heard this song.” You say, vaguely remembering hearing it come from your best friend's phone one night. 

“Y-Yeah?” She stammers tugging at the hem of her t-shirt and you nod. 

It’s then that the lyrics start, the woman beside you singing quietly.  

“Y/N, darling, you’re my best friend.” She sings and your cheeks flush. 

“But there’s a few things, that you don’t know of.” 

You quirk your eyebrows, noting that Sophia glanced away, her cheeks flushed.  

“Why I borrow your lipstick so often.”  

You stop yourself from playfully teasing the woman that you in fact didn’t wear makeup, but you didn’t want to interrupt her. 

“I’m using your shirt as a pillowcase.” She puts her hands together and leans against them, feigning sleep. 

The look on her face changes as she cups your cheeks, your breath catching in your throat. 

“Soph?” You say, her throat bobbing as she sings the next set of lyrics. 

“I want to ruin our friendship.” She whispers as she leans in, your heart pounding wildly. 

“We should be lovers instead.” She sings before closing the distance between you. 

You kiss back with no sense of hesitation, wrapping your arms around her middle as you pull her close, your lips never disconnecting. 

Her arms wrap around your neck as you kiss softly.  

Your lips disconnect momentarily as she crawls into your lap, her legs wrapping around your middle before your lips meet again and again, each kiss sweeter than the last. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.” Sophia whispers against your lips and you smile.  

“Me too.” 

The TikTok you were making is entirely forgotten as your lips reconnect, the two of you smiling against one another's lips. 

You pull back, chuckling when the woman in your lap whines loudly. 

“How long have you been wanting to kiss me?” You ask, playfully bumping your nose against hers and she blushes as she turns away.  

“A while...” She mumbles and you smile, taking her chin between your thumb and index finger and turning her back towards you, your Y/E/C orbs meeting her dark browns.  

Her cheeks darken and you smile softly, your eyes holding a softness that makes her eyes go glassy and her heart skip a beat.

“When you walked into our dorm room, tripped on the carpet and fell on the floor.” She giggles and you throw your head back with an annoyed groan.  

“I was so embarrassed.” You mumble and she smiles, ducking down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.  

"It was adorable.” She teases and you snort.  

“Sureeeee it was.” You stick your tongue out and she hums.  

“What about you?” She asks, your brows furrowing in question your head cocking to the side.  

Sophia giggles, cupping your cheek.  

“How long have you been wanting to kiss me?” She asks and you ponder thoughtfully, already knowing the answer as you cover her hand with your own.  

“When I got up off the floor and you did everything you could not to laugh when you introduced yourself.” You grin and she giggles, stroking your jawline.  

“I was trying SO hard.” She says, giggling even harder and you roll your eyes.  

“Oh, I know. I heard you laughing when I left to get my stuff.” You say and she snorts, burying her face in your neck as she giggles.  

“Oh my god, I’m sorry.” She laughs and you scoff.  

“Yeah, you SOUND really sorry.” You say as you squeeze her sides, the woman squeaking loudly.  

You grin maliciously, the woman attempting to scramble out of your lap, but she’s too late considering you’d rolled the two of you over and now had her pinned beneath you, your fingers digging into her sides.  

She bats at your hands as you playfully tickle her sides, only stopping when the woman’s chest is heaving as she tries to catch her breath.  

You hover over her, your eyes darting around her face as she fills her lungs with air.  

“You’re gonna pay for that.” She pants and you hum, burying your face in her neck and kissing her jawline.  

“Oh, am I?” You ask, Sophia’s breath shuddering as you kiss her pulse point.  

“Y-Yeah.” She sighs, giving you a playful glare when you pull away from her, her shining brown orbs locking with your sparkling Y/E/C’s.  

“You know...” You start, Sophia’s brow arched.  

“I guess TikTok isn’t THAT bad.” You shrug and she giggles.  

“Does that mean you’ll make more with me?” She asks and you smirk.  

“If they end this way every time, then hell yeah.”  

Needless to say, you made A LOT of TikToks after that, and they all, in fact, end the same way every time.  

[jade-likethegemstone]

Weight of the Sky (Alessia X Leah X Reader)

Summary: No one knew why you left the United States and stopped accepting call-ups to the senior team. Only the important people were informed that it had to do with your treatment by the coaching staff. But some reporter got ahold of the story, and a report that was never supposed to see the light of day. How do you deal with everyone suddenly knowing your deepest, most shameful secrets?

Warning: This fic deals with how people process trauma. There’s implied abuse, but nothing explicitly described or explained. Again, systemic abuse (physical, mental, and verbal) is what is dealt with in this fic, specifically how someone might deal with it (in healthy and unhealthy ways).

It wasn’t something you talked about. 

It wasn’t something you liked to think about. 

The people who were important to you knew something had happened. They knew why you stopped accepting call-ups to the senior USWNT a year ago, why you had fled the NWSL, and why you were so adamant about never stepping foot on American soil again. 

You didn’t feel the need to explain it to anyone else. To open the dark box you had buried so deeply so long ago. To rip apart the fragile stitches you so carefully constructed over your wounds. 

But as you stared down at the headline, it looked like you wouldn’t have a choice. 

Scandal set to dismantle US soccer: reports of rampant emotional, physical and sexual abuse at both the youth and senior level 

You didn’t want to read it. 

You wanted to shove your phone back in your bag and join your team out on the pitch like nothing had ever happened. 

It had worked for you so far. 

But the way your phone was buzzing told you that it wouldn’t work for you this time. 

That arriving late to practice so you had the locker room to yourself wouldn’t be the out you prayed it would. 

It was one of the best and worst qualities of the team you had left behind. Their stubbornness, especially when someone’s well-being was on the line. 

They wouldn’t give up when you had been the baby of the USWNT for so long with your first call-up coming at 16. 

It didn’t matter that you barely answered them most of the time now. 

With both you and Foxy playing for Arsenal, you knew that Alex, or Kelley, or Alyssa, or Becky were not above calling Kim or Jen to sort you out. 

To force you to face the thing you had run to Europe to escape 3 years ago. 

The things you had never told them about. 

“Have you read it yet?” You blinked up at the voice of your fellow American, as Emily sat down beside you.

“Just the headline,” You sighed, tossing your phone into your cubby and grabbing your cleats. “I’m pretty sure I already know what it’s going to say,”

You could feel her eyes on the side of your face, trying to peel back the impenetrable mask you always used to cover your emotions. You had known Emily long enough for her to be able to see past it. To decipher the barely visible tells littered across your features. 

You could feel the pity in her gaze, and it made you want to puke. You didn’t want it. You didn’t need it. 

“I didn’t know the details,” Emily said, her voice a pained whisper. 

It wasn’t that Emily hadn’t known about the abuse. She was your longest friend, one of the people who you had shared nearly all of your soccer experience with. She knew that things had happened, but you always breezed over it. You didn’t give out specifics. You didn't need to be viewed as one broken toy. 

You made a low noise of agreement. “That was by design,” 

She caught your arm, and you finally looked at her. 

“Y/n,”

Concern accented her blue eyes, and desperation lingered behind her irises. It was an unspoken question. 

A why that rang clearly. 

“It was better for everyone,” You muttered, finishing the knot on your boot and pulling the 2nd one up, answering the question she hadn’t asked with words. 

You knew she would have fought for you. She would have stood up to the people you had been too afraid to. It was safer if she didn’t know the full extent of what you had endured. If the complaint you had lodged was the only record of it. 

You wouldn’t put anyone in the firing line. Especially not her. 

“Did Leah and Alessia know?” She asked, so quietly you barely heard it. 

Or maybe it was just the blood pounding in your ears. 

You blinked at the question, looking away from the defender. 

Of course, your girlfriends knew, but they didn’t know. You had never gone into depth about your experiences in the youth system. You never detailed how it had followed you like ghosts until you couldn’t take it anymore. 

Until you broke under the pressure. 

It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to tell them. To let the words out during a million late-night chats over tea with Leah, or when you were so comfortable laid out in Alessia’s chest, her nails dragging up and down your back. 

They made you feel truly safe for the first time in your life. 

You didn’t want to give them a reason to not want you. To realize you were too… damaged to love. 

You cleared your throat, your cleats clicking in the concrete as it hit the floor. “You better get your boots on. We’re going to be late,” 

You didn’t wait for her response before you pushed yourself to a standing position, and headed out onto the field. 

You hadn’t spoken to your girlfriends since the article came out. You had spent a very rare night in your own apartment, ignoring their texts, and the calls that had followed. 

You were surprised they hadn’t staked out your apartment this morning, or been waiting for you when you arrived (admittedly late) to practice. 

You understood that you couldn’t ignore them forever. You didn’t want to. 

You just wanted enough time to gather your thoughts. Time to figure out how you were going to explain it all to them. You just wanted 3 hours of peace, before you would have to face reality.

Before you would have to finally deal with Pandora’s box. 

You snorted to yourself as you reached the locker room door. 

At least Pandora’s box had held hope with all of the bad things. Your box held nothing but pain and agony. Memories that had burned and sizzled the happiness you had finally regained. 

Experiences that were like bubbling acid, destroying everything they touched. 

You didn’t want them to destroy the word that you had rebuilt for yourself. 

You wanted to pretend for just a bit longer that you weren’t a poison that could only hurt the things you loved. 

Pretend like you weren’t about to lose everything. Like they hadn’t realized how… unworthy you were of them yet. 

*****

You felt eyes on you the second you stepped onto the pitch. Like tiny lasers, following your every step. Your every breath. Like they were waiting for you to break down. 

And for the most part, you ignored them. 

You painted your signature easy smirk across your lips and joined the midfield warmup line behind Kyra. It was also coincidentally the line furthest from your girlfriends. 

You focused on the drill, watching as Lia expertly weaved through the cones, the coaches passing her a ball every 3 cones to send into a mini-net. It was easy to let your mind sink into the familiarity of soccer. 

The field had always been your happy place, even when coaches were running you into the ground. It was a place where all that mattered was your skill. Your ability to ignore physical discomfort and pain to run circles around your teammates. 

It was why you lasted so long under Rory Dames, Paul Riley, and the rest of the USWNT coaches. They couldn’t break you on the pitch. Pain only fueled you. 

It’s what had driven them to… other methods. 

You pushed yourself through the line drills, forcing your legs to move faster, and your feet to take shorter touches, driving the pace of the midfield line higher and higher. 

“You know this is just warm up right?” Kyra panted as she made it through the final drill, both hands behind her head. “We still have an entire practice to go,” 

You shrugged, grabbing a water bottle and squirting a bit in your mouth as you waited for the other lines to finish. “Just feeling it today,” 

“Don’t feel it too hard though,” She said, side-eyeing you, trying to sound casual. “Pushing yourself won’t make it better,” 

You blinked at her, and the uncharacteristic seriousness in her voice. The young Australian was the last person you expected to read the article and then try to confront you about how you dealt with it all. 

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, squirting more water in your mouth. 

“Never said you weren’t,” Kyra said quickly, stealing the bottle from your hands, briefly glancing over your shoulder. “But you don’t have to be if you don’t want to be,”

You nodded stiffly. 

You knew that if you wanted to fall apart the team, and your girlfriends would be there for you. 

But you didn’t want to. 

It would make it real instead of just the bad dream you had convinced yourself it was. 

“I just want to play football,” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I’m over everything else,” 

Kyra hummed, her serious look shifting into an impish grin as she flipped the bottle towards you and squirted you with water. “Heads up,” 

“Must you always be such a pest?”  Leah’s voice appeared behind you before you could think about what Kyra meant, her arms wrapping around your middle and her chin resting on your shoulder. “Hello darling,”

Shivers ran down your spine when her lips pressed into the sensitive spot just below your ear, and your body tensed unsure if it wanted to sink back into her or flinch away. Your skin crawled in a way that it never had in her embrace before. 

You shoved the feeling down. 

It was ridiculous. 

Uncalled for. 

Not real. 

“Hey,” You said, painting a smile on your face and forcing yourself to relax back into her familiar hold.“The forwards aren’t finished yet?” 

“They were on their last drill when we finished,” She said, loosening her grip so you could turn to face her. “Less will be happy to see you. She missed you last night,” 

You noted the worry lines on her forehead and the crinkle between her eyes. 

You forced your lips to quirk upward into a teasing smirk despite how heavy it felt. “Just her?” 

“You know better my love,” Leah hummed, her blue eyes searching your face and her thumbs running over the skin under your training top just above your waistband. “We were worried about you,”

You could hear the honesty, the concern in her voice. The unspoken questions lingering in the air between you. 

“I’m ok,” You said, meeting her eyes. 

It was the truth. Right now, with the pitch under your feet, you felt alright. 

You felt almost normal. 

She nodded once. “Ok,” 

You appreciated that she didn’t press you. Didn’t point out the obvious cracks in your perfect mask. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to escape their probing later, but at least now she let you be. 

“You’re still coming home with us tonight?” She asked, her voice still soft, and you swallowed hard. 

Jonas blew the whistle just as the forwards finished their last line drill, calling the group to circle up before you could answer. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, gently extracting yourself from your girlfriend. 

“We should go,” You said, ignoring her question and the deep frown etched across her features. 

It should have bothered you how the knot in your chest loosened as you stepped out of her grasp. How your skin didn’t feel like it was on fire. 

Her and Alessia had always made you feel safe and it should have bothered you that Leah’s hands had reminded you of his. 

But you didn’t have time to be bothered. 

You pushed the feelings down again, forcing the lid on them shut. 

You hoped Jonas’ remarks would be short. That you could have the ball at your feet soon. That you could sink into the familiar peace soccer always brought you before any more emotions tried to force their way to the surface. 

A stupid article would not derail your practice. 

*****

You stayed at the edge of the group as Jonas explained the 3 on 3 drill he wanted you to do, watching his little whiteboard as he drew out the formations. 

It was easy to ignore the poorly concealed glances from your teammates (and Leah’s blatant staring). It was easy to force yourself to focus on the coach. 

It was easy to pretend your other girlfriend hadn’t edged her way over to you, her perfume surrounding you with the sense of peace you had been missing since the stupid article came out. Surrounding you like it had done since the two of you were at UNC together, and she was your anchor to reality, even when she didn’t know it. 

Alessia didn’t try to touch you, even as she leaned closer. 

“Be my partner?” She asked in a whisper, the words tickling your ear. 

You made a low noise of agreement, your fingers fidgeting at your sides. 

It felt like when you were in college again. 

Like every time you would come back from a national team camp, and have to reintegrate back into the team. How she would always inch over to you while Coach Dorrance explained drills. 

The two of you had been dancing around your feelings back then, and you had been convinced your heart and soul were too damaged to deserve someone like her. 

You thought her and Leah had finally unconvinced you. That they had finally washed away the feelings of hands you didn’t want and cracks that you feared could never be healed. 

You were wrong. 

When the news broke, you stared at the headline for hours. You were thankful that you had decided to spend the night alone for once. That your girlfriends were having a date night (something the three of you tried to do every once in a while) because the rush of uncleanliness that rushed over you and settled deep beneath your skin, leaching into your bones was unstoppable. It didn’t matter how raw you scrubbed your skin in the shower.

“Ready?” 

The nudge pulled you out of your thoughts, and you blinked at the blonde forward. 

You hadn’t realized that Jonas was finished, or that most of your teammates had already dispersed. 

“Oh, yeah,” You muttered, unsure of where you were supposed to go, or what you were supposed to do. 

Maybe you hadn’t been paying as much attention as you thought. 

Alessia’s lips tilted upwards, and she sent you a knowing smile. The one you hadn’t seen often since you were both in America. The one that used to greet you after bad camps and hard nights. 

“Come on then,” She nudged your arm with her shoulder again.“Steph’s our third,” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. 

Why hadn’t she picked Leah as your third?

She always picked Leah. 

You were the one who liked to play against your defender girlfriend. She was always physical, and it never failed to get you worked up. 

Alessia liked to play with Leah. Their banter always wound her up. 

You turned, glancing at the Australian defender already collecting a ball. Frankly, you were just thankful it wasn’t Emily. 

That would remind you too much of your time at UNC. 

“Alright,” You nodded, swallowing hard. 

You had no reason to feel this… off balance. 

No reason to be thinking about the things you had escaped. 

Alessia’s head tilted to the side, watching you. “We need to make sure we kick Leah’s ass. She’s got Viv and Lea. It’s unfair,”

You hummed again. 

This you could do. 

You let your brain slip into the safe place where all that mattered were tactics and the ball. The safe place where all that existed was the pitch, and none of the other noise mattered. 

“We’re faster, and we can outmaneuver them,” You mumbled, letting her guide you towards Steph. “It’s the team of Beth, Kyra, and Katie I’m more worried about honestly,”

While Leah, Lia, and Viv were tactically savvy, you knew you could outpace them. They were defensive-minded, and you were far more used to being an attacking midfielder than Lia was. You would use their defensiveness against them. 

Beth’s team was much more balanced. Though Katie liked to attack, she was a damn good defender. Kyra could absolutely play as a box-to-box midfielder and Beth was a lethal striker. 

Alessia made a noise of agreement, her hand gently resting on the small of your back. 

The comfort didn’t send pinpricks up your spine like you thought it would, but maybe that was because you were talking about soccer. 

Whatever the reason, you leaned into it, accepting the familiar comfort. 

Yeah, you could do this.

****

“It’s scary to see her like this,” Leah breathed out, glancing towards the door to the showers. 

You had waited until the rest of the team finished before you disappeared through the doors, with a promise from Leah and Alessia that they would keep everyone out. 

Emily and Lotte both joined in their vigil, forming a little circle of sorts with their chairs just outside the washroom.

Alessia sighed, running her hand through your hair. “Reminds me of our junior year,” 

That year had been brutal. 

The two of you were growing closer, edging past the line of friendship into something more. At least you had been until you attended the USWNT World Cup Qualifying tournament. 

After that, everything changed. 

You pulled away completely and looked like a ghost. 

Your eyes dulled from clear to a murky y/e/c like your soul had been ripped out. You were basically nonverbal by the end of the spring semester. It was all Emily, Lotte, and her could do to make sure you ate and got to practice on time. 

She didn’t want to go back to that. Ever. And she didn’t like how similar this felt. 

How easily you had retreated back into yourself and put all of your shields back into place. 

“The year Paul was an assistant for the senior team,” Emily nodded, sharing a meaningful look with Lotte and Alessia. 

Leah frowned.

She was clearly missing something.

“She would come back from National team duty and look like a shell,” Alessia explained gently. “We knew something was going on, but not what it was,” 

“Or how deep it went,” Lotte added, her eyebrows pinched together as she looked back at the door. 

Emily put a gentle hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles. 

“He was her coach for the U17 team too,” Leah said, phrasing it as a statement instead of a question. 

She had read the article, and the full report, unable to stop herself even as the words sliced into her heart like razor blades. It was line after line branding the horrors you had faced from age 13 into her mind, as the reporter described the abuse you and your teammates had endured in excruciating detail. 

The worst was the photo that he had included in the report. 

Three words were handwritten in font that was left on colorful sticky notes around your apartments, telling her and Alessia how much you loved them. Font that was on every card, every poem you wrote for them. 

Font that spelled out Help me, please. 

A plea that hadn’t been heard for years, until an anonymous source had sold the story to the New York Times. 

“Yes,” Emily agreed. “He used to push her so hard during practice and the things that would come out of his mouth were vulgar, but I didn’t know about the other stuff. She only told me they were extra film sessions to help with her game,” 

Leah snorted. “She told us they were tactics meetings, and that he would make her play games she couldn’t win. She never told us what the punishments were,”

“It was by design,” Emily said, using the same careful tone you had used earlier, shaking her head. “I don’t think she’s ever actually processed what happened. She was too busy trying to protect everyone else,”

“She was a child,” Alessia hissed. 

The article said you were 13. Just a kid. You shouldn’t have to protect anyone. They should have protected you. 

The system shouldn’t have failed. They shouldn’t have to deal with the catastrophic fallout. 

“So was I. So was Mal.” Emily bit back. “She didn’t want what was happening to her to happen to us, so she didn’t fucking tell us. We could have stopped it,”

Lotte held up her hands, telling both of them to calm down. “She buried her feelings so she didn’t have to face them,”

They weren’t angry at each other, she knew. They were both fixers and they couldn’t fix this. Just like they hadn’t been able to fix this while the four of you were in college. 

She was just surprised Leah hadn’t snapped yet either. She was the most protective over you, probably because it had taken you longer to fall for her than it had taken for you to fall for Less. 

“And now she doesn’t have a choice,” Leah said with an eerie sense of finality. Like the matter of fact bang of a gavel after a judge made a ruling. 

The stupid Times writer made it impossible for you to continue to ignore it. He made it impossible for you to outrun it. 

“She’s going to try to pretend it’s fine,” Emily sighed, meeting Leah’s eyes. There was something… haunted hiding in their depths that sent a shiver down Leah’s spine. 

“And then completely implode when she can't,” Lotte added, mirroring the haunted look behind Emily’s orbs. 

They had both seen you at your worst, and they feared they were about to get the sequel. 

Leah dragged her eyes from Emily to meet Alessia’s. 

They knew the struggle you had with your emotions, even the happy ones. The cycles you spent oscillating between locking everything inside and shaking in the shower because you couldn’t stop them from pouring out of you and you were afraid of what you would do. 

They all knew about it. 

They had all dealt with it at some point. 

“We’ll keep an eye on her,” Leah promised quietly, again meeting Alessia’s eyes. “She’s coming home with us, or we’re going home with her,”

“She will not be alone tonight,” Alessia agreed. “Or ever again,”

The three other women hummed, before a comfortable silence enveloped them, broken only by the sound of the shower. 

They didn’t have to wait long before the water stopped, and then it was only a few minutes before you came shuffling into the changing room, dressed in one of Alessia’s oversized hoodies and a pair of Leah’s sweatpants despite the warm temperatures outside. 

You looked small. Fragile.

Leah pushed herself to her feet the moment she saw you, only refraining from pulling you into her chest when Alessia placed a gentle hand on her arm. 

She learned in college that physical contact wasn’t always something you enjoyed when you felt this vulnerable. 

“Ready to go Darling?”

Your head bobbed, and you held your hand out for Alessia. 

Leah tried not to let it bother her that you had bypassed her. She knew it was just because you were familiar with how Alessia handled you when you were like this. You knew what to expect from her, while Leah’s reactions were more of a mystery. 

You didn’t want any surprises.

Not now. 

Not when you were feeling so vulnerable. 

Alessia took your hand and pulled herself to her feet, while Leah grabbed all 3 of your bags. 

“Lead the way then,” Leah sent you a very soft smile, gesturing with her free hand. 

Your head bobbed again, and you headed for the door, not even acknowledging Lotte or Emily. 

You didn’t have the mental capacity to address them anymore. Practice had taken all that you had, and you just hoped you could make it through the night with your girlfriends. 

You honestly just wanted to curl up in your bed and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. 

Maybe they would let you for one more night. 

*****

Dinner had been… quiet. 

Frankly, most of their night had been quiet. 

An eerie silence seemed to settle over any space you were in, suffocating and heavy, unable to be broken even by a soft soccer game playing in the background. 

You seemed to be… sleepwalking in a way. 

Your eyes were open, but you were light years away, lost in exactly what thoughts they weren’t sure. 

This was much worse than when you were at UNC. 

But Alessia and Leah both resolved not to push you. 

They let you pull away from them both while you watched a random men’s game, cuddled into the far end of the couch. They didn’t press as you stared blankly at the screen, only chiming in when they directly asked you a question. 

With the way the night had gone, they weren’t entirely sure you would join them in bed, afraid you would choose to sleep in the guest room instead. Alessia knew if you did, they would be keeping watch outside the door in shifts. 

But you didn’t. 

You had crawled in between them, still dressed in sweats despite the high temperatures in the house. 

Things were again quiet while Alessia scrolled through her phone and Leah read her nightly chapter. You steered clear of touching either of them at first, glaring at the ceiling like it had personally offended you. 

Then you shifted. 

You rolled over slowly, pressing your face into Leah’s stomach. 

She lifted her book to give you space, carefully winding her fingers through your hair with her free hand. Her nails dragged along your scalp, and you were relieved at the familiar warmth and comfort that spread through your chest. 

You never wanted to associate her or Alessia with the feeling of him on your skin. 

It was easier with Alessia. 

She had been there to pick up the pieces after each camp. She had been on ground zero for the fallout. 

Leah hadn’t. 

You only knew Leah from the time you played against her. 

This was also different. 

It was like an army of souls you thought you defeated marching their way back through your mind, reigning old wounds, and ones you had so long pretended didn’t exist. They ripped apart the careful stitches you had used to pull yourself back together and pried open the covers you had placed on the things you could not face. 

This wasn’t a new wound. 

It was stupid that an article. Words. Had reopened the festering relics you thought you escaped. 

Leah turned the page above you, seemingly oblivious to the anguish pulsing through you with every heartbeat. 

But you knew she wasn’t oblivious. 

Her and Alessia had been watching you all day, trying to support you in their own ways. You knew they wanted to help. All you would have to do is ask. 

You made the decision before you could overthink it, rolling away from Leah and staring pointedly at the ceiling. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you both about what happened,” You said, your voice far more shaky than you thought it would be, and you felt the women on either side of you pause. “I just didn’t know how. I’ve never really known how,”

You didn’t look at them. 

You knew that if you did, you wouldn’t be able to talk about it. The words would get caught in your throat, and just like all of the other times you tried, you would be rendered speechless. 

“We know,” Leah said, her book closing with a low thump. “We’re not upset with you,” 

“We just want to understand,” Alessia added, setting her phone down on the side table. “The things in that article. It went on for so long,” 

Her voice cracked, and part of you longed to turn over and pull her into your arms. To tell her that it wasn’t that bad. To pretend, just like you always had. 

You swallowed hard. You couldn’t do that. 

They knew the truth now, and there was no escaping it. 

“I didn’t know what to do. There’s not exactly a recourse for stuff like this in America,” You explained. You needed them to understand that it wasn’t that you hadn’t tried to stop it. 

It wasn’t that you liked it. 

You were just powerless. One of many cogs in an outdated machine. 

Leah shifted, sitting up and turning to face you, sitting crisscross on the bed, a deep frown etched across her features. “Even on the youth teams?”

You shook your head. 

There hadn’t been anything you could do until you got to the senior team. Until a certain forward recognized the signs and had been so… stubborn and unrelenting in her support. 

“Alex helped,” You sighed., picking at the edge of your sweatshirt sleeve. “She got me to do the report and had Coach Riley removed. Apparently, I wasn’t the first, nor the last,”

You owed a lot to Alex Morgan. More than you would ever be able to repay. She had been the only one to know the true extent of the damage the coach had done, and she fought for you when you couldn’t fight for yourself. 

It’s why you felt so guilty when you left the team. When you left her. 

“It’s why she visited so much in North Carolina,” She said, rather than asking as realization brushed across her features. “Not because she wanted you to play for Orlando,” 

“She was worried, and my Captain at the time,” You mumbled, unable to help the way your lips turned upwards slightly at the mention of the old fight between you and Alessia. The fights about Alex taking a 2-hour flight to visit every weekend. The fight you knew now was centered around jealousy and fear that Alex was trying to get you to leave her.

Leah’s eyebrows pulled more tightly together. “If Riley was gone, why did you stop accepting call-ups?” 

“Vlatko was a lot like Paul. And Roary,” Your nose scrunched at the mention of their names. They left a terrible taste in your mouth. “He doesn’t understand player health and wellbeing. He told me to play on torn tendons in my ankle or risk my spot,”

Leah’s frown deepened as she tried to understand the full extent of what you had endured. “So you gave your spot up,” 

You nodded once. 

Your greatest regret in this whole thing was that you had given up playing for your country. Given up the thing you dreamed about for your entire childhood. 

“I was too tired to fight him too. Especially when I found places and people where I didn't have to fight at all. People who treated me like an actual human, instead of a playing card to be toyed with,”

You finally met your girlfriend's eyes, the weight of your words. The weight of the choice you had made was not lost on either of them. 

“And you carried the weight of it all on your own,” Alessia said, shifting and laying a gentle hand on top of yours, effectively stopping you from unraveling the hem of your sweatshirt sleeve. 

You shrugged. Sometimes you felt like Atlas, forced to hold up the sky, but it was better than being forced to watch the people you loved hold it. 

“You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here to help, but we can’t if you hide things from us,” Leah said, joining Alessia's hand on top of yours. “So no more secrets, alright?”

You bit your lip, finally nodding. 

Old habits would die hard, but you had to try. 

For them. 

Alessia squeezed your hand, and you turned, rolling over so your face rested in its favorite hiding place against her chest, and Leah shifted to spoon you from behind. 

The smothering sadness around you disappeared, driven out by comfortable silence your girlfriend's breathing, and the feeling of them pressed against you. 

There was something else nagging at the back of your mind. 

Something else you hadn’t been ready to face yet. 

No more secrets, you reminded yourself. 

“Emma called me last night,” You admitted softly against Alessia's chest. “she wants to talk at the game against Chelsea,”

The coach had been very polite in her voicemail, leaving an apology you knew she didn’t owe you, and suggesting that the two of you have a chat. 

Leah hummed behind you, lips brushing your ear. “Do you want to talk to her?” 

“She’s probably going to try to convince me to play for the US again,” You said, ignoring the question she asked you. 

“And do you want that?” Alessia prompted again. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell helplessly.“If anyone could convince me, it would be her,” 

“That didn’t answer the question sweet one,” Leah said again, pinching your side. 

You made a low noise, finally pulling your face out of its favorite hiding place. 

You knew what your answer was, and you knew that Alessia and Leah would support you. 

They would help you hold up the weight of the sky, and it would all be ok because you would do it together. 

Article and all. 

[jade-likethegemstone]

Holy fuck a former Wave employee has released a statement about her treatment at the club.

Ellis should’ve never been allowed near this league after the Yates report. This just underscores it even more.

From Brittany Alvarado

[jade-likethegemstone]

It's almost like firing Casey Stoney so abruptly negatively affected the team. Who would've thought that getting rid of a coach the players trust would have this outcome 🤦🏽‍♀️

[jade-likethegemstone]

CHAOTIC FUCKBOI ALEX MORGAN MASTERPOST

Ok so I was inspired by @whatthekellex‘s ​ask about Alex’s chaotic fuckboi energy and I felt that she missed a few pics. So here we are…

Let’s start off with the top tier of fuckboi-ness (and gayness) AM has achieved

Moving on to fuckboi in a suit

Fuckboi in sweatpants

Fuckboi in a snapback

Fuckboi in a hat (cont.)

Fuckboi in a beanie

Fuckboi at the gym

Fuckboi in the middle of a game

Fuckboi post-game feat. The Fuckboi Gaze™

Fuckboi in Nike shoots

Fuckboi with the lip bite

Fuckboi doing that stupid tongue thing™

And last, but certainly not least, Fetus Fuckboi

I hope you enjoyed Fuckboi Alex as much as I did. If I missed any moments, feel free to add more :)

[jade-likethegemstone]

Pent Up Energy

Alex Morgan x fem!reader

a/n: 100% based off the game last night

SMUT 18+

Beads of sweat roll down the side of your head from the exhaustion. Colombia has decided not to play cleanly, instead wanting to be as physical as possible and you were bearing the brunt of it. Only 20 minutes into the game you have gotten tackled at least 3 times, each moment being more brutal than the last.

Luckily, there hasn’t been too much conflict between anybody, but that’s until your thoughts are interrupted by a bunch of shouting. Looking over to the left, you see your girlfriend stepping in the face of a Colombian player as the rest of the visiting team tries to meddle in. You quickly rush over to stop Alex, noticing she’s getting more heated every moment.

Slipping your way through the multiple bodies, you place your hand on the forward’s chest, gently pushing her back. You try your best to defuse the situation, but she just ignores you and continues to yell at the player, earning her a yellow card from the ref.

When she notices your hand on her chest, she wipes it off while scoffing before walking away. Trinity notices and quirks an eyebrow towards you, but in response, all you do is take a deep breath and shrug.

After the halftime whistle blew, Alex stayed clear of you. Usually, you both pep each other up for the next half but instead, she stayed quiet and to herself until everyone was sent back onto the pitch. Horan pats you on the back, giving you a sympathetic smile before running over to her position.

The game never dims down with players all showing their fiery side, specifically Alex and Trinity. That ends up playing a part when they both end up getting subbed out at the seventy-second minute.

“You played well.” You whisper, brushing your hand against Alex’s passing body. She spares you a quick look before walking off and onto the bench. Sighing, you lean down to fix your socks and peek your head over to your girlfriend only to see her staring into space with a stoic look.

The rest of the game is grueling but rewarding as you have beaten Colombia and are advancing to the semifinals. After an hour or so you’re boarding onto the bus, taking an open seat and hoping for your girlfriend to join you. Sadly, when she gets on, she doesn’t even glance toward you and decides to sit several seats behind you.

Slightly frustrated with the brunette, you huff and drop your head back against the cushion of the headrest before being interrupted by a giddy smile. You can’t help but smile back at the sweet girl.

“Hi, Naomi.”

“Hey, what are you doing once we get back to the hotel?” She asks while readjusting herself and setting her bag down by her feet.

“Well, I was planning to see if I could room with Alex, but it doesn’t seem like she wants anything to do with me at the moment.” You send Naomi a weak smile which she returns with a sympathetic one.

“Nonsense, we all know Alex gets moody at times but never directly at you. I’m assigned to be her roommate so why don’t we switch? I heard you got Soph anyway.” The defender digs in her bag, pulling out a keycard and holding it out to you.

You wearily accept the card with a small thank you and give her yours in exchange. For the remainder of the ride, Naomi helps you cheer up with a few stories and jokes about her little hangouts with some of the team.

“Time to cheer up the monster.” You groan in which Naomi just laughs and offers you a hand to stand up.

“I believe in you. Go save your knight in shining armor.”

“More like my beast.” You grumble, receiving chuckles from some of the girls who have overheard, none of them being Alex, thankfully, as she is still getting off the bus.

Walking into the hotel, you make your way to your room and are met with your girlfriend soon after. You shyly glance at her and see her confused gaze.

“I thought I was roomed with Girma?” Alex frowns while you give her a look of slight discomfort.

“Umm, Naomi wanted to trade so she could room with Soph and I thought rooming with you would be nice. I could go switch it back if you want.” You whisper, slightly scared she doesn’t want you near her and your voice might betray you.

“No, just stay with me.” The girl mumbles, opening the door with her key and rushing in with her baggage.

Your eyes follow her movements like a lost puppy while you stand by the door. Alex takes in the silence and looks up at you, stopping her scavenging in her back.

“What?” She asks, looking at you with an annoyed expression. You swallow back your nerves before making your way over to the bed and getting everything that you need out of your bag and ready for the night.

The thick silence lasts for around twenty minutes before you begin to feel irritated. Alex is in the little kitchen, leaning against the counter and looking at her phone.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You finally ask gently, trying your best to keep your growing frustration with the striker at bay.

“Nothing.” Her tone remains empty, clearly not wanting to open up.

“It has to be something. You’ve been avoiding me all day, along with being quiet.” You explain, walking over to her but still keeping a little bit of space between the two of you.

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Alex, you did amazing out there today, we won 3-0 and we’re advancing. If it’s about the card-“

“It’s not about the fucking card!” Alex finally snaps, dropping her phone on the counter and looking at you with a fiery gaze, but it doesn’t tear you down.

“Then tell me what it’s about, please. I can’t have you concealing all this anger. It’s not fair to you or me.” You try, voice becoming more and more desperate.

“Just shut up,” Alex warns, clenching her jaw as her hands tighten on the counter while shifting her eyes away from you.

“I’m just trying to help-”

Your sentence is cut off when your girlfriend storms over to you and she reaches out, gripping your jaw while pinning you against the wall. You look up at her with wide eyes, taking in her appearance. Wet hair, red cheeks, a zip-up training kit covering her body, and blown pupils.

“I said to shut up.” She grits, her hand never leaving your face. Her eyes look down at your lips for a split second and you luckily notice.

Without warning, she smashes her lips onto yours in a harsh kiss. Nothing about it is sweet or romantic. Both your tongues and teeth clash together like you’re trying to see who can last longer to this roughness. The hand on your jaw leaves and finds a new place around your neck, controlling every movement of your head.

“God you’re so hot. You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to have you all to myself again.” The taller girl rasps against your lips before moving down to nip at your neck.

While she attacks your neck, you finally put two and two together. You realize Alex may have been aggravated by this game but all of her pent-up anger mainly resulted from a little sexual frustration. With the NWSL preseason starting and the Gold Cup, you both have been busy at training camp and too exhausted to even think about starting anything.

But with Alex, she needs an outlet after she’s played, which is mainly sex. She can finally have total control of something and that something being you. You’re at her total submission, allowing her to do whatever she wants to you and making you do whatever she wants to her.

Her lips disconnecting from your neck pulls you out of your thoughts. You look up at her with your doe eyes and watch as her tongue licks her lips while she eyes you up and down.

Soon her hands grip your waist and tug you over to the bed. She sits at the end of the mattress and leans back with her hands holding her up while you remain standing in front of her.

“Strip,” Alex demands, watching as you slowly grip the bottom of your shirt and cautiously pull it over your head. When she takes sight of what seems to be a new bra, she sits back up and grips your naked hips.

“If you need to use me, use me, Alex.” You say boldly, returning her lustful gaze. Her jaw almost drops before she quickly starts unbuttoning your jeans and yanking them down so you’re only in your bra and panties.

“Get on the bed.” When you don’t immediately do as she says, she pulls you down herself making you squeal in the process. “When I say to do something, you listen, got it?” You nod your head, earning you a satisfied grin.

Alex’s body hovers over you with her wet hair curtaining any view other than her face. You blindly reach down and tug on the zipper of her hoodie, asking if you can take it off. She swiftly sits up and removes all of her clothes, leaving her bare.

“I guess I should take these off you now, shouldn’t I?” She taunts, hooking her finger on the waistband of your panties and letting go of them with a sharp snap against your skin.

“Please, Alex. I need you.” You whine, bucking your hips closer to her hand. She chuckles before leaning down and kissing on your chest. Her hand reaches around your back and unclips your bra, letting it slide down a little before taking it off altogether.

Instead of moving down, her lips move up your neck and to your ear. “So beautiful, I can’t wait to have you trembling underneath my touch and screaming for me to let you cum.” Her breath fans against your ear while her breasts are smushed against yours. She tugs on your earlobe with her teeth before sitting back up, admiring your body.

“I bet you’re already wet for me even though I have barely touched you. You probably like me roughhousing you around to my pleasure. So obedient for me.” You moan as she carelessly speaks of you while trailing her finger down the center of your stomach.

“Alex, baby, I need you. I need you to touch me, please.” Your body squirms while she continues to trace her finger down to your core.

She finally dips her hand in and spreads your arousal around, completely lost in her head on how wet you are. Her finger teasingly dips into you but only for a split second, causing you to whine out.

“God, I’ve missed this pretty pussy so much.” Your girlfriend groans before angling her arm in an awkward manner and plunging two fingers into you.

Her body leans down so her lips can latch onto your breasts, leaving hickeys anywhere she pleases. Moans spew their way out of your mouth at the long-needed pleasure, but her thrusts are nowhere near fast enough to get you off, mainly because of the way her arm is angled, so you reach down with a huff and kick off your panties, leaving no restraint for Alex.

“Faster.” You pant, rolling your hips with each thrust of the forward’s hand. She chuckles and moves her arm lower so she can pump in and out of you at an ungodly pace.

“Is this what you want? Want to get fucked so hard you won’t be able to think properly, huh?” She questions without her fingers even stuttering. The loud wet noises of her thrusts echo throughout the hotel room along with your whimpers and moans.

Her finger reaches a point inside of you that has your head spinning. The build-up in your lower stomach becomes more apparent as your core tightens around your girlfriend’s digits.

“I’m gonna cum, baby.” You moan, digging your nails into her bicep, leaving dark crescent indents in her skin which she loves.

Suddenly, the pressure in your stomach subsides due to Alex pulling her fingers out, making you whine at the sudden emptiness.

“You’re not gonna cum that easily, sweets. I still have so much I want to do to you.” She says in an uncharacteristically sweet tone while placing a kiss on your cheek.

Both of her hands rub up and down your sides as she kisses from your sternum down to your thigh. She bites at the inside of your skin before soothing the sting with her tongue. Alex looks over and sees your hands clenching and unclenching the sheets below you while your breathing picks up in impatience.

“So beautiful.” She whispers against your thigh before pushing it open with her large hand and latching her mouth onto your core. She lets out a low groan at the taste of you while dipping her tongue into you.

Your hips twitch into her as her tongue laps around your clit, sucking and licking the swollen surface. Your girlfriend’s hands lay flat on your stomach as she pushes her head further into your wet heat. Subconsciously, your legs begin to close in on Alex’s head as the familiar knot in your stomach returns.

Just as your hips begin to rise to your release, the brunette once again detaches herself from you, making your orgasm fade away. Tears start to build up in your eyes in frustration from the denial, but Alex wipes them away with her thumb.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re doing so good for me.” She coos, placing a few pecks on your lips in reassurance. “Do you think you’ve been a good girl?” She asks, pulling you to sit up so you’re both facing each other.

“Yes, yes, I’ve been a good girl.” You nod, nuzzling your face into her neck for some sort of comfort.

“I think so too.” Alex brushes your hair behind your ear once you pull back to look at her. She grabs the back of your neck and brings you into an intoxicating kiss, roaming her tongue inside the roof of your mouth

Alex pulls you onto her lap without breaking the kiss, placing you onto her slanted thighs due to her sitting on her legs. You grind slowly against her, attempting to get some kind of friction as your chest presses up against hers. Your girlfriend smirks into the kiss, feeling your arousal smear across her skin.

She slips two digits back inside of you, curling them into your g-spot. A loud moan escapes your lips as your legs tighten around her waist, causing the heels of your feet to push into her back. Your hands also find their way to her shoulder blades, leaving dark red scratches as she pumps her fingers into you.

“Right there.” You gasp as Alex thrusts her fingers into the perfect spot. The bed frame pounds against the wall from your girlfriend’s digits bouncing in and out of you.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” She whispers into your ear, pressing a sweet kiss under it to your jaw. You quickly nod your head as your eyes squeeze shut with a loud moan, enticing the girl below you to thrust faster.

“I’m gonna, oh god, ‘m gonna cum, baby.”

“Cum for me.”

Your walls clamp around Alex’s fingers as a flow of juices runs down her hand while you moan in ecstasy, grinding down to push you through your orgasm.

Once your hips stop, she pulls her fingers out of you and places them in front of your mouth. You obediently open and suck, licking off all your arousal while swirling your tongue around them. She watches you with blown-out pupils and a slacked jaw.

“If you think we’re done after you just did that, you’re sorely mistaken.” Her arms wrap around her waist and slam you back onto the bed, making you giggle at her riled-up nature.

The next morning you make your way into the breakfast lobby with Alex’s arm around your waist. Right as everyone catches eye on the both of you, a bunch of whistling and whooping sounds through the room.

“Get it, Morgan. Didn’t know you could do all that.” Trinity cheers while smacking on her gum with a smirk.

Everyone gets their little comments in while your girlfriend just smiles smugly and continues to kiss your temple with her arm remaining on your shoulders. In your flustered state, all you do is hide your face into her neck and try to avoid all of the attention.

[jade-likethegemstone]

Dip me in honey and throw me to river song

[jade-likethegemstone]

despite being a 2010s tumblr teen i never got into doctor who, so naturally i'm here in 2023 (entirely david tennant's fault)

[jade-likethegemstone]

No Matter How Far You Run (I'll Always Be Right Behind You) (Alex Morgan x Reader)

You were always told that your wedding day was supposed to be a momentous, and joyful occassion, if that were true, why were you feeling the way you were feeling? Why did you feel like you would never be good enough for Alex Morgan?

You’d gotten into the room over an hour ago, and for nearly the entirety of that hour, you’d been pacing, your palms sweaty and your heart racing, the bow tie around your neck growing tighter and tighter.  

“What about the flower Em, did we get the right flowers???” You ask, your heart nearly beating out of your chest.  

“We got the right flowers Y/N, I promise.”  

“And the cake?” You ask, screeching to a halt, your hands running down your face. “What about the cake Em?” 

“We got the right cake, Y/N, you gotta calm down, okay?” Emily says, her own hands beginning to shake, your anxiety transferring to her in some form of mass hysteria.  

“What if I screw up my vows?” You ask, giving Emily no time to answer before you’re asking another question.  

“What if Alex decides I’m not worth it?” You gulp, your pacing increasing in speed.  

You continue to mutter unintelligibly under your breath words that Emily can’t quite make out, your anxiety only increasing her own.  

The door slowly creaks open, Kelley O’Hara poking her head through the crack.  

“Has she calmed down yet?” She asks, her brown orbs widening when she realizes Emily is nearly shaking just as much as you are.  

“I’ll take that as a no.” She says, slipping through the crack, the door clicking shut behind her.  

“Y/N, tell me what you’re thinking...” Kelley whispers gently, giving your shoulder a comforting squeeze. 

You sigh deeply, running your fingers through your hair, your mouth opening and closing as you search for words to describe the emotions you’re feeling.  

“She’s too good for me Kel.” You whisper, the shorter woman shaking her head as you turn to her, tears in your eyes.  

“You’re perfect for one another.” She whispers, tucking a loose strand of hair dangling in your face behind your ear.  

You shake your head, sniffling.  

“What if she regrets marrying me?” You mumble, your words so soft Kelley has to lean in to hear them.  

“She would never regret marrying you.” She smiles softly, her hands settling on your shoulders before she gives them a squeeze.  

You swallow hard, your Y/E/C orbs darting around Kelley’s face considering you’re unable to look her in the eye.  

You shake your head, your mouth opening and closing as you try to find your words the sound of Emily’s chair scooting across the floor making you stiffen.  

“She loves you Y/N.” Emily whispers as she places a comforting hand on your tuxedo covered back.  

“It’ll all be okay, alright?” Kelley whispers, cupping your cheek with one hand, running her thumb along your cheek in comfort.  

You nod, taking a deep breath as you try to calm yourself down, but it’s to no avail your inner turmoil again rearing its ugly head.  

Kelley and Emily’s shoulders sag, the pair feeling ease, despite the fact that you were beginning to tremble again.  

The room, though large enough to comfortably house a group of people feels claustrophobic, the room closing in on you as your heart again begins to race.  

“I can’t do this.” You mutter, causing both Emily and Kelley to jump as you turn on your heels and sprint out of the room, dashing in a random direction, putting as much distance between the pair as you possibly can.  

************************************************************************

You weren’t at all sure where you ended up in the venue, your sense of location completely off as you sprinted in random directions until you found a random room to camp out in.  

You cover your face with your trembling hands; your entire body beginning to shake. 

You knew you shouldn’t feel this way, you knew that this was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, but still, you couldn’t escape your own head, one thought followed by another, then another, each thought worse than the last.  

A part of you wanted to remain hidden, to curl up on the other side of the door until the wedding was over, but you knew you couldn’t do that, not to her. 

No matter how much you thought she deserved better, you couldn't break her heart like that. Despite that thought, you remain still, unable to force yourself to your feet.  

You go ridged at the sound of approaching heels, your chest tightening as you hold your breath, hoping that whoever it was would pass by, unaware of your presence.  

Unfortunately for you, the clicking heels stop just behind the door you’re currently leaning against.  

“Y/N?” You hear Alex’s soft whisper, and your eyes widen, the door slowly creaking open.  

“W-Wait, we’re not supposed to see each other.” You stammer, the woman on the other side of the door chuckling.  

“You’re more important than a silly tradition right now.”  

You shake your head, grabbing the edge of the door, holding it closed.  

“I know how important it is to you Alex.” You mutter, your throat bobbing.  

Alex falls silent before the door creaks open a bit wider, her hand slipping between the crack, her palm facing upwards, her fingers wiggling in a silent invitation.  

You take her hand with no sense of hesitation, the tightness in your chest ebbing away slightly.  

The two of you sit in silence, Alex’ fingers delicately playing with your own, the rapid racing of your heart decreasing with each passing second.  

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? Emily and Kelley said you might be having second thoughts...?” She asks and you take a breath, your throat bobbing as your hands grow clammy.  

You remain silent for a beat, the woman on the opposite side of the door squeezing your hand.  

“Do you...” You stiffen at the sound of the crack in Alex’s voice as she speaks words you know she wished she never would have to speak.  

“Do you not want to get married?” She asks, her voice quivering, your heart sinking in your chest at the soft utterance.  

You remain silent, your mouth opening and closing as you try to put your feelings into words.  

“Alex, there’s nothing I want more than to marry you, but...” You close your eyes, your breath catching in your throat. 

“What if you regret it?” You whisper, the woman on the other side of the door remaining silent as you put your thoughts into words.  

“I’m just going to screw it up, I’ve already screwed it up by running away and hiding like a coward.” You say, knocking your head against the wooden door behind you.  

“I’m not good enough for you, you deserve so much better, you deserve someone who isn’t going to run and hide on what’s supposed to be the best day of your life, and that’s not me.”  

Your heart clenches in your chest when Alex’s hand leaves your own, a lump forming in your throat.  

“Close your eyes.” She whispers, your brows furrowing as your eyes flutter shut.  

The door creaks open softly, your breath hitching as Alex’s hands settle on your chest before finding your shoulders, leading you to believe that she too has her eyes shut, following the tradition she holds dear.  

“You’re more than good enough for me.” She whispers, her fingers tangling in the fine hairs at the base of your neck.  

Her forehead rests gently against yours, her lips ghosting your own as she whispers.  

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I couldn’t and never would regret marrying you.” She says, bumping the tip of her nose against yours.  

“You didn’t screw anything up, and no matter how many times you run away, I’ll always be right behind you, because I love you, Y/N, and you’re worth chasing after.” She whispers, a tear streaming down your cheek, one that Alex quickly swipes away with the tip of her thumb.  

You sniffle, covering her hands with your own as you kiss her lips softly, her pedicured nails scrapping the nape of your neck gently.  

Reluctantly you part, neither going far as your noses brush, a small smile stretching across your face.  

“So, should we go get married now?” You whisper a grin stretching across your face as the woman giggles, pecking your lips.  

“I think we should... As long as you still want to...?” She whispers and you smile, leaning your head back to kiss the tip of her nose.  

“There’s nothing I’d want more.”  

[jade-likethegemstone]

I want you (bless my soul)

Pairing: River Song x Reader,

Word Count: 2,141

Warnings: PG+13, super fun and no angst for once!

Summary: River Song is bored, and decides to finally act on her crush on you. Her plan involves a fair amount of flirting and a show stopping dress.

The TARDIS was near quiet, save for the soft humming of the main console. You were curled into the step by the railing, a book perched against your knees. Your fingers wrapped against the pages, poised, careful, the spine cracking down the middle.

River Song was no stranger to this place, and she took languid steps inside. The TARDIS – bless her – softened the click of the door behind her. If there was one area River was never uncomfortable in, it was this.

She let her fingers glide against the railing, her gaze fixed on you. You, whose hair fell into your face, eyes glued to the page. You, whose eyes brightened as you trailed through a particular phrase, a particular moment in the story. You, whose breath caught as your eyes flickered up, locking onto her.

Now, River Song was no stranger to flirting, it was something she had grown quite good at. It was something that she lived – something that she breathed. For her, flirting was as innate to her as the curl of her hair, or the movement of her steps.

River weaved her voice into velvet, shaped it so the tones and decibels snaked around your frame. You shivered.

It was something she was good at.

“Hello darling.”

Flirting with you was fascinating. River’s skin itched when she saw you, the hairs on the back of her neck rising, her stomach curling. Your presence here was simple, wasn’t it. As natural as the steps you sat on, as inherent as the glow of the console, of the buttons and levers that lined its operation desk.

You belonged here.

So, River itched.

“Hey,” you smiled at her. “The Doctor’s out, getting some sort of…” your face screwed up slightly. “I’m not sure really, some sort of space supplies.”

River let herself smile – soft, coy – her cheeks barely stretching upwards. Flirting was easy when the person you were flirting with was attractive. There was more to complement, more she was willing to let her eyes linger on.

River mapped the way your nose wrinkled as you screwed up your face, sketched the structure of your smile into her mind. You were attractive, that much had always been easy for her to see.

But there was an ease about you. An action like that, the confusion, the “space supplies,” she knew it was the sort of thing the Doctor would find endearing. For a moment – only one, she wondered if you had said the same to him, if he had brightened, rambled through the opportunity to explain some new scientific thing.

That confusion, that naivety, was something River – more often than not – found boring. Sometimes sweet, perhaps, if she liked the person enough to give them that grace. For you, she found it neither sweet nor boring. River found you… peculiar.

It wasn’t unheard of – for River to be vexed. The Doctor did it to her all the time, as did that one Roman girl in Ancient Egypt. People where shapes, but they often fit, River could clearly sculpt the how’s and the why’s in the way people influenced her. But your little puzzle pieces didn’t slot into place, they weren’t neat, they chipped in the edges.

Fascinating.

“Well then,” River replied, letting the words roll like waves. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t looking for him then.”

And River watched. Your eyebrows folded together, a line creasing between them. Your hands ghosted over the book in your lap, bringing it to a close. Your eyes though – your eyes sparkled. Curious.

And that too, was interesting.

Because it was easy to flirt with someone when they were attractive. Easier still when River found them attractive. However, it was enjoyable – delicious – when they were curious. Lighting cracked through River’s frame, drawing her closer. Her smile grew, coy rising into smug, baring teeth. Your eyes widened a fraction, tracking the movement.

The lightning burned embers at Rivers feet.

“No, I’m perfectly happy spending time with you then, it’s…” her gaze moved to your lips, purposeful, before rising to your eyes. “…Interesting.”

You gave her a perplexed smile, the lines of it crooked, but the structure of it bright.

“Well,” you said, moving to stand. “It’s a nice surprise to see you, River.”

River had always liked your voice. She liked how it sounded when it said her name. How your tongue wrapped around the vowels, how your teeth scraped against your bottom lip. There was such a personal way in which you held her name, not like it was grand, not like it was all important – or more important than you – which was something River could handle, something she knew. It wasn’t too intimate, accompanied by knowing eyes and an assessing hand.

It simply… adoring. Like River was bright.  Like if she did, she would be allowed to break.

The way you said her name was dangerous.

River flickered her gaze away from you, running her tongue over her upper lip. Her eyes found the walls behind you, marked with strange round things and soft orange lighting.

She itched.

Your voice coiled around River’s frame, pulling you back into focus.

“What’s the occasion?”

She hummed, turning back to you. River regarded you carefully the way your hair fell onto your shoulders, the way your eyes shone in the soft lights of the TARDIS’ interior. Your gaze was open, kind. It was curious.

Always bloody curious.

She lifted an eyebrow, schooling her features into a polished, charming smile. “Occasion?”

And you laughed. It was summer rain, dizzying and warm, showering over Rivers features. It was bright, sunlight peeling through the curtains and lining her skin. River’s smile cracked, went crooked in her delight.

River had always liked your voice – and she had always loved your laughter.

“Well normally,” you said, moving towards her when you spoke. “You’re not really the sort to appear for any old reason, and,” you gestured up and down her figure. “You’re in a very nice dress.”

Ah. The dress.

It would be a lie to say it wasn’t intentional.

River was proud of this find. She watched your eyes track the deep blue silk, the way it was wrapped tight around her frame. Your eyes moved over the skirt, which was long enough that it fell like water against River’s skin, making her look like she floated as she moved.

River wanted you to look, and revelled in the way your eyes widened as they fell onto the Moissanite crystals, each beaded against the sheer underlay on her torso, climbing against her arms and scattered across her chest.

River knew she looked good – elegant, even.

More importantly, she knew you liked what you saw.

Rivers eyes met yours, and she gave you a small smirk. A deep flush grew on your face, snaking down your neck.

You were caught.

“I had some event,” River waved a hand lazily, purposely skipping over the details. “I thought I’d have more fun here.”

And she was right. It was fun watching you like this. Your eyes were unfocused, flittering over everywhere except River – or at least, you attempted to. Your gaze kept falling back, lining over her figure, the folds of the dress, the curve of her skin.

You drummed an incomprehensible rhythm against your thigh, your other hand gripped tight on your book, knuckles white.

She liked holding your focus.

River wished you were easier to read, which was a testament, considering how open you were now. But it wasn’t true openness.

You were like the book you held deftly in your hand. Your surface – or cover, rather – was obvious. River could read the print on your skin, the thoughts you let bubble upwards, that you let mark you, that you let others see.

But the contents? The pages that laid out your thoughts, defined your personhood, lay trapped, twisted in your grasp. They weren’t for River to uncover, not yet.

Which was infuriating, in a way. Because there you were, so clearly flustered, mind short circuiting as you took in the fact that you found River attractive.

But then there were your eyes, the way they pierced into River’s skin, mixed into her blood and shattered her bones.

It was dangerous.

She opened her mouth to speak, toying with the way your eyes fell to her lips – ever so briefly. It was a terrible line. If she were anyone else, River would have groaned over the sheer arrogance of the question, cringed in the cliché.

But here, now, it felt apt.

“Like what you see?”

Your eyebrows flew to your hairline, face paling; your skin painted in the warm glow of your embarrassment. River wanted to see how deep she could get it to run. Wouldn’t it be fun to see your flushed collarbones.

You blinked, once. Twice. Processing the words.

And then, completely unexpectedly – you smiled. It twisted into a small, half-smirk, the kind of smile River would paint into her own features when she wanted to seem coy, when she wanted to seem falsely demure.

And there you were, smiling as you said, “Was I that obvious?”

Oh.

You were fascinating.

River brightened, truly, because wasn’t that delightful.

“Careful,” she warned, closing the space between you both. “You’re going to enable me.”

The orange lighting made you golden. River let herself memorise you, let herself really look at you – as if she hadn’t already.

It fractured out the why, the why she liked to look at you, the why she liked to tease you. The why she loved it when you pushed back.

The why was something River had never questioned. In her mind, it was obvious.  

You belonged.

Here, in the TARDIS, you belonged.

So casual, the sort that if you were anyone else, the small naïve, ignorant side of River, the side that was foolish enough to believe the Doctor actually loved her, would bubble on out in silent jealousy.

You, a pretty companion strolling on in, adored by both TARDIS and Doctor alike.

But River wasn’t jealous. She never really had been. Because this was the kicker.

Your kind eyes had mapped her, carved out a meaning that was nearly almost true.

Your smile caused lighting, and dazzled River as she itched to get closer.

You ran into adventure, and saw her, River song, with an earnest need to explore.

It was within River, that you also belonged.

It was you, your reciprocation of a bad joke with a witty, half-smug grin. It was you, your eyes curious, alight in interest under the soft light. It was you, defiant, dancing into a new adventure.

It was you, now standing less than a foot from River, eyes sparkling.

“Enable you?” You said, although it sounded like a challenge. “And what does enabling you cause?”

River itched.

Her hand ghosted toward you, and in silent response, you moved closer. In the orange glow, youe face was so close to River’s that she could smell the mint of your gum, connect the faint freckles dusted on your nose.

River let her fingers graze against your face, she ran them against your jaw, settling for your chin. Your breathing hitched.

Touching you was magic. It was the whispers of old planets, of forgotten anthems of want and care and attraction.

Her thumb brushed your lower lip, a silent question.

You nodded.

If touching you was magic, kissing you restructured the Earth. A quiet gave way to a loud rush; wind on waves crashing into the cliffside. The ground trembled, the swaying skyscrapers crying as metal creaked and concrete cracked.

It was ringing, loud, vibrant. It forced the questioning, the danger, to fall away. And fall it did.

Your lips invited waves, crashing into Rivers own. It formed mountains. Rivers teeth pulled into your bottom lip and the earth climbed high with your sigh.

The wind wound into the currents, carving damns and mapping streams in hard earth. The waterways folded between you, your arm tracking it as it curled around River’s back, pulling her against you. The lakes pulled you undercurrent, taking your hand and weaving it into River’s hair.

Kissing you was passion. River’s head spun with the wind, floating into the atmosphere as the euphoria that was the soft whisper of her name fell from your parted lips. It was desperate, her fingers winding themselves to the base of your neck, her hand tight on your waist.

And so River kissed you again, then again, until her chest heaved and you were breathless.

Then, it was quiet. The sound of hers and your breath twirling between you both.

River eyed you carefully, at your mussed up hair, swollen lips, and bright – gleeful eyes. You grinned.

Your voice was light when you spoke. “Better than your event?”

River laughed, and in response, she kissed you again.

A/N^2: Let me know if you'd like to see more of River - this was fun!