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[j4zzpunker]

D0 u 3ven sk1b1di bro? -_-

Unpleasant Gradient x reader

Chapter 1

Summary: You and Kasper had been friends since basically diapers, but the two of you are now in college, and though still close recently he’s been awfully distant. But what do you do when you end up at infected apartment after a texting mishap that ends in your favor and the reason he’s been distant literally comes through the window.

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Sprawled on your bed, You had been scrolling through your messages with Kasper on your phone, thinking about how your conversations never flowed like they used to. Youd tried to ask him what was wrong but he’d always brushed it off nervously. Saying something about how “college is really kicking my ass right now” or something like “I’m just really busy these days, I'm really sorry Y/N”. He was really the only person you’d had left from highschool, and now it was starting to feel like you’d had nobody left. Being a freshman in college was hard enough but barely getting any social interactions felt like it was literally killing you.

You shut your phone off and sit on the edge of your bed, you sigh and move to stand up when you receive a text from Kasper,

“wut? XP”.

Confused, you click on the notification, and stare at your phone mortified for a second. A speech bubble from you with a singular letter, “q” to be exact, sat there. You must have accidentally sent him a message while scrolling through your messages. “God damnit I am such a fucking idiot, what doI even say to that? “Sorry I was scrolling through our messages thinking about better times?” NO what the fuc-” you were cut off by another speech bubble from Kasper

“u gud? -_-”.

You take a deep breath and begin typing,

“yeah im all good must’ve texted you when i left my phone on in my pocket, my bad”

You thought it was a shitty excuse but no way in absolute hell were you going to tell him what you were doing.

“K, ttyl th3n”

Before you could think you began typing

“Wait”

“We havent seen eachother in like forever”

I was just wondering if maybe you’d want to hangout”

“You don't gotta say yes, thought maybe it’d do us both some good to get a break”

“U seem stressed”

“Idk :/ my appt is a m3ss rn”

“1 gess i cud do sum cl34ning tho”

“So can i come over?”

“Ye cum @ lik 6,if u want u can spnd n1te >:)”

To say you were overjoyed would be the understatement of the century. Look at your phone, wide grinning smile and fall back on your bed, staring at the ceiling, now smiling.

You began getting ready early, you were basically hopping up and down most of the time, singing to your favorite songs while showering. Once you were out of the shower, you stressed about what to wear for a good 20 minutes, eventually just deciding to wear something comfortable since you'd literally just be hanging out at his house, with only him.

You’d have to end up sitting on your couch for around 30 minutes since you’d gotten ready much too early. A giddy and anxious feeling sat in your stomach. You had barely talked to anybody these past weeks being swamped in school work so you were pretty damn excited.

Once the time had rolled around you sent a text to Kasper to let him know you'd be there soon

“Onw”

“K :D”

You begin driving.

Once you arrive you get to his floor and knock on his door. A couple seconds go by before you hear a muffled “COMING” and footsteps hurrying to the door before you see the grinning face of Kasper with his hands outstretched waiting for a hug. You basically tackle him into a big hug and you both go to the floor in fits of laughter.”KASPER!!!!” “Y/N!!!”. You kept laughing as you rolled over onto your back and sat up looking at Kasper who still wore a goofy grin. You stand up and offer your hand. He takes it and you help him off the ground.

-

At some point you two had made it to his one couch, laughing and talking about basically everything that's been going on in eachothers lives. But then the question of why he's been distant came up. He immediately tensed up. “Well uh, you know work stress, got alot on my plate.” You looked at him disappointed he wouldn't tell you the real reason. “..Kasper, you know you can tell me anything.. Is it you and Lampert again? You guys fight like brothers I swear to g-” You began before being cut off. “No no no, nothing to do with L dawg, I probably have been talking to you more than him recently lol”. “Oh..” Is all you could think to say. He sighed before continuing, “There's this… guy? Guy. whose.. Uh… I guess been a pain in the ass recently.. He loves to.. Hover? I don't know, he's just incredibly annoying.” he looked off a couple times to think about what to say. “Oh, well why don't you just stop talking to him if it's that big of an issue?”. You say, confused. “He's very persistent” Kasper looked at you with a straight face. You kind of just sat there awkwardly looking at his serious face before glancing down at your phone. “Holy shit it's already 2am dude don't you have class tomorrow?” you look at Kasper being glad to have a way out of that conversation. “Shiiiiitttt your right, alright, why don't you take the couch and i'll take the floor, that all cool?” You had no clue why he preferred to sleep on the floor but he always had. “Yeah that's fine” he looked at you and put his hands down. He turns the light off before laying on the floor next to you, you throw him a blanket from the couch and the moment his body hits the floor he's out. You toss and turn before you eventually start to feel exhaustion coming down on you, before you drift asleep you question who the mystery guy Kasper was referring to was.

You're awakened by a noise that sounded like rubber squeegeeing on glass and the sounds of the city directly after, as well as the noises of ruffling, a grunt and then a thump. You get over your drowsiness quickly, immediately concern fills you, your thoughts immediately go to some kind of robbery, then a murderer, and basically any other kind of dangerous situation. You began to freak out and slowly sit up, looking at Kasper who was still dead asleep. You slowly got up trying not to make a noise. You shuffle around to see a strange figure pulling their leg through the window. It was too dark to really see anything but they had the build of a man with long spiky hair that almost looks unnatural. You make a small noise of alarm before the silhouette looks towards you. You back up and hide yourself behind the shelf, whisper shouting to Kasper as you hear the silhouette remove his foot from the window and slowly make his way towards you. Kasper moves around a little bit, and grunts but you're not waking him up. You then feel somebody's hand softly pulling your jaw towards them. You're frozen, now face to face with the thing, you don't see any eyes but you can make out a big grinning mouth as it opens and begins to speak “Is this rizz?”. You scream loudly and pull back landing on your ass. He turned around and doubled over laughing like it was the best thing he’d ever heard. In your fear, confusion and terror you fail to notice the fact that Kasper was now up and flicked the light on. You quickly turn to Kasper taking in his exhausted and hunched frame, you hop up and cling to him crying hysterically. “Somebody b-broke in somebody-” Kasper wrapped a hand around you and looked at the thing, you hid your face in his chest too scared to look at the thing that was still laughing.

“Dude what the fuck you promised you wouldnt do this shit tonight. I told you that you're never welcome in my home but…” he trailed on, your confusion now taking over. “Did Kasper know this guy? Surely not. Gay lover? No, probably not. weird creepy ex? Nah” You decided to shakily look at the guy who was now bathed in light. It was probably the weirdest thing you’d ever seen, no it definitely was the weirdest thing you’d ever seen. It was a tall skinny but well built guy who for one was a literal fucking gradient with a human(ish) body, he was doubled over laughing still. You fully turned around with blurry tear filled eyes and looked up at Kasper for some kind of explanation. “God I'm sorry Y/N, he told me he wasn't going to bother us, god you should have never come over in the first place, I’m sorry you had to deal with this.” he looked at you and then back at the guy, the tears going back only being filled with confusion. “Who is that?? What is that??” you looked at him, stepping back slightly. The thing was now finished laughing and came over to the two of you and stood farther away from you guys but closer. Kasper pointed to him, “I don't really know exactly what he is but I've just been calling him unpleasant gradient, usually just unpleasant. He's been haunting me like an angry ghost for the past few months.” He explains, exasperated.

The thing, who you now know as Unpleasant, looks at you with a toothy grin before outstretching his arm, seemingly to give you a handshake. You slowly take his hand and before you know it hes violently shaking your hand, somehow grinning wider than he has been before. “Good to finally meet Kasper's friend! I’d just like to say you’ve got a major gyatt!” he spoke, “...what? What does that even- you know what nevermind..” You continued, more than confused. You let go of his hand confused on how it was somehow moist and wipe it on your pants, trying to get whatever that thing had secreted off onto you.

“Soooo Kaspy kasp kasp, I’m just gonna be on your computer watching some videos, hope that’s cool.” he says and begins towards Kaspers computer. “Hey! Dude please dont do this tonight, if I have to hear that fucking toilet thing again or 3am challenges I’m going to go mad! And we have company, plus its fucking-” Kasper checked his watch, “3 in the morning.. can’t you actually just leave me the fuck alone for one night, one fucking night thats all im asking.” He’s practically begging Unpleasant. “Okay what about this, I’m gonna look at videos real quiet, and I mean real quiet, on your computer, and I swear I won't mess with your files again.” he says still grinning. “..god whatever fine as long as you're quiet and Y/N’s okay with it, if she isn't then you gotta leave man.” he says definitely extremely tired, looking towards you. “Uh, I guess it's fine?”, you said, unsure of what you'd be agreeing to. “Well, I wasn't going to leave anyways, but thanks you guys are goated.” He says before going to Kasper’s computer and immediately going to youtube shorts. Kasper looks almost depressive at you, as you hear Unpleasant making giggling noises “Im sorry Y/N he said he wouldn't come here, god if you wanna go home you can i'm not gonna make you deal with this weird creepo” he says “I HEARD THAT!” you heard Unpleasant shout from across the room Kasper ignored him, “No, I guess it's okay, I don't feel safe leaving you alone with this guy, Kasper. I’ll just go home in the morning.” you said kind of in a hushed soft tone. Kasper smiled at you, “okay, just try to get some sleep. I swear he's not dangerous, he's just a fucking weirdo.” He says before flicking the light off. “Goodnight,Y/N.” he says before you both go to your respective sleeping area, you on the couch, him on the floor.

You toss and turn for a while, being kept up from Unpleasants deep chuckles and strange comments that he’d make to himself. Stuff like “this is so ohio” and “BRO HE'S MOGGING CHAT HES MOGGING”, you didn't really understand. You’d also sometimes hear a song that went something like “sikbidi dah dah dah yes yesss” you had no idea what he was watching but it really did make sense that he acted like this if that's all he watches.

You were finally about to pass out when you felt a tap on your shoulder, you opened your eyes expecting it to be Kapser but it's Unpleasant, and he's looking down at you and grinning. “Y/N come look at this, I swear you’ll like it.” He looks at you, stifling giggles with one hand over his mouth. He grabs your hand and basically drags you to Kasper’s PC. You guessed he’d migrated to instagram reels and had a video of a still image depicting “red m&m”, “Mr.raisin” and somebody called “ freaky mix” all messaging one person. The m&m was saying “let’s knock boots” , Mr. raisin was saying “wanna collab”, and freaky mix was saying “you freaky vro?”. As well as the whole image being horribly over exposed and slighlty low quality. You stared at it for a good couple of seconds while reading it, before you started slowly laughing that turned into louder laughing and you had to grab only Unpleasant’s weirdly moist shoulder to keep yourself up, nearly doubled over laughing holding your stomach with the other hand. The pure just strangeness of the entire situation had caught up to you and you couldn’t stop laughing. Unpleasant brightened up immediately and looked almost proud of himself. “See, I told you you would like it!!” Your laughter eventually died down and you looked at him. “Yeah it’s pretty fucking funny, I’ll give you that.” you looked at him smiling.

[j4zzpunker]

Spoiler its not practical

[j4zzpunker]

Polyblank x reader

!!!MDNI!!!

cw: smut, vaginal fingering, incorrect use of spy dowels, mildly dubious consent, break in, feeling of fear and confusion. (If I’ve missed anything tell me)

Note: this is going to be my first ever work on this account, it’s definitely on the stranger side but regardless enjoy.

Disclaimer: Not beta read, so expect some amount of grammatical errors.

Summery: Polyblank fingers you with his fake hands, thats it.

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You’re in room 404 of the Kai Tak resort, you had come here originally to relax and take it easy. But regardless of this, you lie in your bed, completely restless. Sleep had never come easy to you, you’ve always lived with tossing and turning in bed until, eventually, you’d return to the black void which is sleep.

The only way you’ve been able to skip the grueling process that has become your sleep routine is by getting somehow exhausted. Usually you’d just end up touching yourself until an orgasm finds its way to you, that usually makes you pretty tuckered out. But tonight, your hand wasn't enough. You just couldn't seem to find that sweet bliss that comes with an orgasm, near the exhaustion that follows. You lay there, hair disheveled around your pillow and body strewn about amongst your bed. You breathe in deep and let out a long sigh. You get up, only dressed in a shirt and underwear, and make your way to the phone, admittedly embarrassed. You dial the phone number for what you're assuming is room service, since it's the number on a little piece of paper on the table next to the phone. Somebody picks up but they don't say anything. “Hey uh, is there any way you could send somebody up here with some tea or something? I'm having trouble slee-“ the line suddenly goes blank. Out of embarrassment you don't call again. You groan as you walk back over to your bed, you sit on the edge and rub your eyes with your arms.

You’re now laying down, knees down dangling off the bed, one hand on your forehead while the other hand is lying to the side. You still find yourself unable to sleep. Suddenly you hear the familiar sound of your hotel door being opened. You panic, your upper body shoots up and you turn towards the door. It appears somebody is quietly sneaking in your room. You can't exactly make out the person, but they appear to have a male build. You begin to hyperventilate, tears welling up your eyes. He makes his way to you, you can now see he's wearing a suit but cannot make out his face. You back up on your bed “GET AWAY FROM ME” you shouted. He quickly covers your mouth with a gloved hand, and appears to make a shushing motion with his finger, though you can't make out his face. He slowly removes his hand from your mouth and takes a step back. You're paralyzed in fear. He hands you an envelope. You're frozen in fear as you just look at the letter in fear and confusion. He makes a motion for you to open it. You take the envelope in your shaky hands, taking quick glances at the man to make sure he isn't doing anything, but he just remains standing there, and doesn't appear like he's going to make any sort of move.

You open the letter, there's a folded up piece of paper. You take it in your still shaky hands and begin to unfold it. You immediately notice it's not in handwriting, it's in newspaper cutouts. The paper reads “I received your call. I'm here to help you. Only if you would be interested.” You're even more confused now. Is this room service? Why would he enter without knocking? What does he mean by “help”? He remains still. You look at him “what do you mean help?” You say in a quiet, shaky voice. He looks at you, and makes a circle with his right hand and a pointer finger with his left hand, and then he inserts his finger in the ho- oh.. you understand now. Slightly embarrassed and still slightly shaken up. You just sit there, contemplating your next move.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep catching up to you, or just being purely delusional, but you very slowly nod. He waits a moment before he reaches out and carefully pushes your shoulders down so that you're now in a lying position, he slowly brushes the hair out of your face. Your breath hitches, you still can't make out this man's face. You're already partially soaked from your failed attempts at an orgasm earlier. You lift your head so you can see what the man is doing. He removes your underwear slowly and tenderly. Once they’re removed, he folds them and sets them to the side. He pushes your legs apart and takes a second to appreciate you. He moves back and pulls out something from behind his back, you can't exactly make out what it is but you're too tired to care. You lay your head back down, trying your best to relax. You feel something weirdly paper feeling against your vagina. You then feel it entering you, you let out a gasp and he moved it farther and farther into you. Until you feel what you assume is the end of it. He moves it slowly inside of you and you gasp and moan. You feel another papery feeling against your clit. It rubs against it. Slowly. To be honest, The feeling of the thing inside of you is strange. It feels two dimensional and feels almost like cardboard.

…that IS cardboard. You look down at him, confusion written all over your face. You see him holding onto two hand shaped cardboard cutouts. You slam your head down onto your pillow. “What the fuck..” you mumble. He puts another inside of you and you gasp. Moaning. It's weird but you admit it feels really good. Your walls are tightening around it. He speeds up and you're moaning and grunting. You look up at him again. “W-what can i- ughh cal-al you?” You say in broken english from the moaning. He lets go of the false hand stimulating your clit. Your disappointment from the lack of contact but you pay attention to his hand. You're suddenly glad you took ASL throughout highschool. He signs while still pumping in and out of you with the other two false hands, “P-O-L-Y-B-L-A-N-K”. “Poly-olyblank?” You say, you watch him nod his head as he picks up the other hand and gets back to your clit.

“Fuck polyblank” you moaned his name like it was a prayer. You couldn't even think of how strange all of this was when he was making you feel so goddamn good. He speeds up and you feel your walls clenching and unclenching around the cardboard. “Polyblank… i’m- i’m about to fuck cum..” you say struggling to speak. He speeds up “FUCK polyblank” you moaned as you came. You felt your walls clenching and white flashed across your eyes and your orgasm hit. “P-polyblank..” he quickly slows down and uses the false hands to finger you through your orgasm. When your finished, he pulls them out and drops them next to your bed.

You see him walk away towards the bathroom as you groan. He comes back with a washcloth and cleans you up. He comes around to the end of the bed that you're on and looks at you for a moment. You struggle to keep your eyes open. He leans down and gives you a gentle kiss as he moves the hair from your face.

Soon after that, you see him walk out of the door. Your eyelids close as you fall into a dreamless sleep.

You wake up in the morning to the sunlight from your windows. You sit up, hair disheveled, you look around. The memories of last night coming back. You assume it was just a really weird fucking dream. But then you see the folded underwear, you then immediately crawl to the end of the bed were you remember him putting the cardboard hands. You then see them.

“What the fuck.”.